Transcript
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This is Crappya Happy and I am your host, Cas Done.
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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist. I'm mindfulness meditation teacher
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and of course author of the Crappita Happy books. In
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this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent
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people who are experts in their field and who have
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something of value to share that will help you feel
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less crappy and more happy. Hello, welcome back to Crappya Happy.
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Before I jump in, I am doing some market research,
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so listen up if you think that this could be you,
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because I might want to talk to you get your insights.
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I'm currently doing some research into how imposter syndrome, which
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obviously is my favorite topic. How imposter syndrome shows up
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for entrepreneurs. But even if you don't relate to that word,
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which some people don't, if you're a service provider or
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a solo practitioner, if you are self employed, basically you're
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in your own business and your business is you to
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relyant on your skills. So you could be a coach,
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or you could be a therapist or health coach or
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nutritionist or something like that. You could be a graphic designer,
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you could be just somebody who uses your own skills
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and expertise to run your business, physiotherapist, ot, etc. If
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you are that and you really struggle with self doubt
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and imposter syndrome, and you know that this affects how
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successful you are in your business. Now, how that often
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shows up? How that looks I want to hear from you,
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But in my experience, how that often shows up is
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procrastination and perfectionism and that whole loop. Feeling overwhelmed all
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the time because you're doing too many things because you
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feel like that's what you need to do to be successful.
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Struggling to make decision because you don't trust yourself. You
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don't trust your own instincts, so you are reacting all
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the time to opportunities that come in instead of directing
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from you and using your agency and your own priorities
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and preferences to determine how you run your business. Struggling
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to raise your fees, discounting over delivering, so doing way
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more than what you charged for offering extras, having very
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fluid boundaries, inability to set boundaries in terms of the
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scope of your work, and so you're constantly taking on
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extra things, and therefore you feel stressed and resentful and
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burnt out. You're in your head all the time thinking
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about what you should be doing differently, or criticizing for yourself,
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or what you haven't done. You haven't done particularly well.
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You might feel a sense of shame around your business,
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around what you're earning and how much you're working because
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it looks successful on the outside. But if people really
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knew the hours that you're working or what you were
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actually earning after all the expenses, etc. Then maybe it
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doesn't look so great. So I think that this is
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the group of people who really really needs some help
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to grow that inner confidence, which is what I specialize in.
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But like I said, I'm not here to sell you anything.
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I'm just looking to talk to people who resonate with
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that to find out what your experience is so that
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I can use it to help me create content or
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develop my own program so that it more effectively meets
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your needs. If that is you like what you would be,
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what you experience, how it affects you, and what would
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be your ideal solution. If you can help me out
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with that, If you've got a lot to say on
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that topic, then I'm going to put a link in
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the show notes to a page where you can book
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a call with me, and we're going to get on
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a zoom call and we're going to have a jit
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chat and you can tell me all about it, and
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I'm going to take a lot of notes and I'm
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going to use that because I don't want to just
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go on my own assumption. I want to hear directly
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from people who experience this. So that's that. So sorry
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to bang on about that for five minutes. But if
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you know somebody who might relate to that, then send
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them this, them the link, get them to have on
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a call with me. So we're coming to the end
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of October, would you believe? And in the Beyond Happy
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subscription podcast last week, I was talking about the idea
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that it is the last quarter. And I'm not a
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person who typically thinks in quarters, but coming to this
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time of year, we tend to start thinking about reviewing
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the year that's been, what we've done well, what progress
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we've made, what we haven't done well, et cetera, and
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considering what we might like to look differently next year.
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Now that's a whole episode in the subscription podcast. I'm
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not going to repeat myself here, but what I want
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to talk about is that in my reviewing of the
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year that is gone, the big change that happened for
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me in January was I started well. In December, I
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was diagnosed with ADHD and combined so inattentive and hyperactive.
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And in January I started on medication, and I spoke
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about that on the podcast at the time, and I
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spoke about wanting to do things differently this year with
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that diagnosis and with the medication, and having a sense
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of optimism about how that might look differently. And so
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now as we come to the end of October, ten
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months into the year, I wanted to give a little update.
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The reason I wanted to talk about this is because
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I've talked to a lot of people and even my
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private coaching clients over the course of this year. Several
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of them have either realized that they have ADHD and
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have gone and got a diagnosis, or they strongly suspect
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that they have ADHD, and they have talked to me
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about pros and cons of getting a diagnosis, pros and
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cons of medication, etc. I can only speak for my
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own experience with having a diagnosis and being medicated. I
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don't claim to be an expert as a psychologist in
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this area, but I can speak from my personal experience.
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The other thing I want to say about that is
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that I know that some people, some women in particular,
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can be really reluctant to go down that path, reticent
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to even consider that you might have ADHD. There's a
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lot of dismissal and denial. And I can't possibly because
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I do X Y Z, and because I managed to
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do these many degrees and hold these jobs. And you know,
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I wrote three, well four books, if you count my
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audible original I wrote four books. I've got four qualifications
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from Munich, two master's degrees. Like I've achieved a lot
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of things too, but not without a lot of really
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overwhelming stress, a lot of leaving things to the last minute,
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a lot of very hap hazard ad hoc approach to
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any of those projects, and just a lot of unnecessary stress,
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which in hindsight I didn't probably need to endure. So
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if you are a person who feels like everybody's just
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getting on the bandwagon, you feel a little embarrassed that
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people might think that about you, if you were to
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get a diagnosis, if any of those sorts are in
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your head, if you're feeling reluctant, Can I just gently
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suggest that you are within your rights. You're entitled to
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get good health care and to give yourself the best
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chance of being the best version of you, the most healthy, happy,
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productive and efficient version of you, the most relaxed and
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calm version of you. And if you feel like the
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symptoms of ADHD that you might be experiencing, which probably
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got a whole lot worse if you happen to be
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in the age group where you're going through perimenopause, that
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you don't have to you don't have to put up
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with that, Like you are allowed to see if there
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is a better way to see if potentially this might
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be something that is impacting you, that is having a
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negative effect, no matter how well you've tolerated, and how
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many systems you've put in place, Like you are allowed
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to find out for yourself. And it's a personal thing.
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It's a private thing, it's not for anybody else's judgment,
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and life can be a whole lot easier potentially if
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you have that knowledge. If the thing that is stopping
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you from getting a diagnosis, getting a referral, or seeing
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your GP is that you're thinking, well, what would be
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the point because I'm not really sure I want to
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take medication anyway, So I'll just use the tools or
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the strategies that I've been using so far. Then that
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is completely fine too. But let me tell you from
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my experience that having the diagnosis really does make a
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difference to your whole perspective. You will see things. You
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will look back on your whole life and see things
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through a different lens, through the lens of, oh, I
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see why I did all of those things. I see
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why that was so hard for me. I see why
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I behaved in those ways. Oh I thought that I
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was really doing well, but actually I really wasn't. You
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just see things through a different perspective. You will look
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back and you will have these insights and these realizations
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about certain periods of your life for certain experiences or
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you know, when you're at UNI, or when you're at school,
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or when you're in the workplace, like, you'll look back
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and you'll see and it will suddenly become very clear
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that this was ADHD the whole time, And just having
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that insight can be just really helpful for your relationship
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with yourself, particularly if you've ever had a lot of
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negative labels attached to yourself and a lot of self
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critical thoughts about your own lack of discipline, your lack
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of organization, you're an ability to follow through with things.
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You're making big plans and then just abandoning them, and
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everybody thinking that you're flaky and you're unfocused or not
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fulfilling your potential in certain areas. You know, all of
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that lazy, disorganized, that kind of narrative. You've been carrying
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that around for a long time. It can be really
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helpful to realize for yourself that, oh, actually, I'm not
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any of those things. I'm actually just my brain is
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wired really differently, and I need a different way of operating,
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and I need different systems, and the world is not
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set up for the way you operate and the way
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that your brain works. So that can be really liberating,
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and it can be really a bit of a relief
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maybe and a bit of a healing maybe for some
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of those old past wounds that you might be carrying.
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But let's talk about medication, because that's what I came
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here to talk about. So I want to tell you
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my experience about being on ADHD medication so that you
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can have some sense of what it's all about and again,
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every person has a different experience. It's very much a
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trial and error see what works for you. And I'm
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ten months in and still working out what really works
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for me. And different people have different diagnoses and different
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combinations of diagnoses, Like some people have ADHD and they
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have autism, and some people have ADHD and they have
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a like other issues going on, and so there's not
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a one size. That's just my disclaimer. I can only
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tell you about my experience. So the first thing that
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I noticed when I first started taking the medication was
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that I I was super focused, super clear, super alert.
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So it is a stimulant medication, and I would sit
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at my desk in the morning and I would start
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doing my work and I would still be at my desk,
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happily working to the evening. Now that hadn't happened for
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a really long time. The reason that I went to
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get the diagnosis in the first place was because I
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was really struggling to stay sitting at my desk, to
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the point that it felt painful to sit at my desk.
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I would try to force myself to sit at my
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desk and just make a start on a project or
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something that I needed to do, and it would be like, honestly,
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I can remember how it just felt like I almost
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had to chain myself to my chair to force myself
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to sit there. I just wanted to get up and
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do anything else. I could not start on projects. I
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knew all about what I had to do. I had
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all of the plans in my head. I knew exactly
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what was necessary, but actually executing was impossible. And the
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other thing that was happening was and I don't know
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if this was to do with perimenopause or what was
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going on, but I would really crash in the afternoon.
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So I'd have these alert kind of morning hours, which
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would be the time that I would see clients or
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I would do podcast interviews, and then in the afternoon
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after lunch, like two in the afternoon, two or three
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in the afternoon, I would just have this energy crash
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where I could barely some days could barely even keep
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my eyes open. And so that created all of this
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anxiety for me because it was like I woke up
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in the morning and I knew that I had until
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like two o'clock, and then the day was over for me,
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and it was almost like going back you know, when
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you have kids in school and you're trying to run
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a business and you're trying to do work and projects
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and all these things you've got to do, and you've
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got like that little window of school hours, like you've
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got to do the drop off and the pickup, and
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you've got that tiny bit of time in between nine
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and three. And I'm long past that time off my life.
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But that's how it felt, like, I've got until two
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and then it's all over. So it just became unbearable.
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It became unsustainable, beyond frustrating. And so the very first
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thing that I noticed was this ability to just sit
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at my desk, know what I had to do, and
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do it all day. So when I say all day,
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I literally mean all day. Because the other thing that