Ageing gracefully

0:02 A listener production Welcome to Crappy to Happy with Tiff and Cass. Last episode we were talking about kill us self confidence and how to be more assertive. Today we're going to tackle aging gracefully, which is a big one, and aging well because we all change. Yeah, we all face different challenges at different stages of life. I guess, And you know we were talking about this and you're in your thirties and noticing changes on in my forties and definitely noticing changes. And then there are challenges that face people, but actually at both ends of the spectrum. So if we're living longer, then how do we make sure we're living well? I guess. And I suppose for me, when I think about aging, I think about first and foremost. I suppose I think about the physical changes that I experience, And I know that's a big thing for a lot of women, particularly in my age group. Yes, and you know this boat society that we live in and this pressure to maintain your youth and beauty.

1:05 We haven't gone near botox yet, have we? No? No, we have not. Everybody we had talks about it, but we haven't. Every birthday my friend and I say, she's now's the time, she's the same age as me, and she says, are we're still resisting? Yep, we're still resisting. I know, I know, but it's hard casts and I'm resisting because a lot of people in my industry are working television and media, and lots of trainers and influencers on Instagram. It's just it's you do and it's not even counted as. Do you know what I've knowned it's not it's not abnormal. It's not normal at all. And I've had makeup artists working on me for work, you know, how to shoot or something, saying, oh, what are you going to get the bowie? And I'm like, well, I'm well, I'm having babies. I'm pregnant, I want to have more children. I'm lactating at the moment. I don't think now is really the right time to be putting poison.

1:57 In my body. But you know, each into their own and I'm not saying there never will be a time, but I think. That's a really good point, because I mean, you work in the media, and so I think in the past, I've always considered things like surgery and botox and whatever things people do to brighten up their appearance to be kind of four though for people in the media or people in the movies, whereas it's not now. No, it's for everybody everyone. It's very every day my friends. You know, she's in her thirties as well, and she's told me the other day because she and I have the conversation as well, and she said, no, I went and did it. I finally went and did it. And she said, honestly, in her hairdressing salon, she said, they're all twenty five, and they've all got they're doing preventative.

2:43 It's preventative. And it's so young. I see nineteen year old girls and you can tell, you can tell, and it's just too much. And I have a little brother and some of his friends who are reals. Yeah, they're just straight out of school. And I just think, I don't know, when you're really young. I think good nutrition, training, looking after inside out, it shines through, it does, it does. And so yeah, this is a conversation that comes up a lot in our I suppose in our age group, but not clearly, not just my age group. In the over forties. I was at the my pilates class last week and because I have some a back spasm. I'm trying to fix that and my pilarates teacher said, oh, are you not understanding me? Are you frowning? And I've had that question my whole life. Are you Are you concerned?

3:30 Are you because I have this frown lines? And I said, oh, no, that's just my like, that's just my levens, Like I just have these really strong frown lines. And she said, Okay, it's just botox that shit, like, just go get rid of that. But why do I hope to you, why is that necessary? I like the expression, and I love I love the wisdom that we wear on our faces. We do, but you know, it is a lot of pressure, and I think how long am I going to hold out working in the media and you know, not having a fresh face when I every season or you know, it's. Always something that I do battle with. But I do. I do believe that if you look after your nutrition, your training, your hair, you look after those things, then that shine.

4:14 Yeah, it does shine through. And energy is contagious and people will always remember what you say and how you make them. Feel when you walk into a room. I don't think they will necessarily remember if you've got one or two wrinkles. I don't think so either, hopefully not. I don't think so either. And you know, the other thing I've noticed when we're talking about kind of in the esthetics department of getting older is the changes in your body. The thing that you're noticing it now. And you're a lot younger than me, but certainly for me and people that I know over forty, when you start stacking on weight, your metabolism changes them and hor monal issues and suddenly you're not in the body that you've always been in and you don't feel, yeah, like yourself anymore. Well, your metabolism for an average person will slow down roughly two percent a decade, So.

4:58 Don't I know what? That is huge? And is that all? And you know, you're in your twenties, you're eating what you want, you might be parting a bit, and then you're usually at your metabolic peak, and then you hit twenty five and the building of bone process, which burns a lot of calories, that sort of stops, and then you're already you're all of a sudden noticing that you can't have a big weekend and bounce back the next week with just a few clean days of eating you can't bookend a big weekend with clean days of eating. It just still it does you still? Yeah, And then when you get into your thirties, this fattening cycle starts where you start to lose muscle, and your muscle is metabolics, so muscle burns calories, and for every kilo of muscle, you burn up to four hundred calories, which is like having a free muffin every day.

5:49 Yeah, So that starts to slow down. To add insult to injury, during your thirties, you stop producing as much human growth hormone, which helps to burn fat. Your metaism metabolism keeps slowing. And then in your thirties you start to think about kids. A lot of us have kids. Yeah. So you have pregnancy, which can go either way. You can maybe you have a sick pregnancy and you don't have cravings. You're fine. Maybe you maintain good weight, or maybe you're like me and I put on thirty kilos and then it's really hard to lose that weight to get back on track. And then you may have one kid, then you may have your second, and then you may have an injury to pelvic floor or something like that. It's harder to exercise, it's harder to find time. It's exactly the time issue thirties, and also in our thirties, just when the metabolism is slowing down, we're also moving into the workforce.

6:37 We're more sedentary. In our twenties, we might be out uni, we might be you know, a bit more active. But you settle into a job, stress piles on, you get tired, and then you hit your forties and your hormones tank, so your estrogen goes down, your progesterone, your human growth hormone decreases, and your metabolism just follows suits. So you know, you basically need about one hundred and fifty calories less in your forties, which is pretty much just one snack, which is fine, or doing something that will burn one hundred and fifty calories, like fifteen minutes of skipping or something to sort of bring that metabolism back to equal. But it is hard, and there's a lot of things that you can do, which I'll give you some tips to fight that.

7:19 Metabolism response, please, But it definitely. Does slow down as we age, as we lose muscle and we stop building bone, and it gets harder. Two hands in the air. I fully relate to all of that. So I'm all for. The tips, yeap. And I'm seeing it in myself at thirty four. And whereas I used to, you know, really enjoy myself and pretty much just I'd eat clean and really healthily. But if you know, we had a pizza and eye or something, I wouldn't bloat even I could just But now, yeah, I'm trying to lose this baby. Wait, it's really taking his time. First, Okay, I think you've done pretty well. Yeah, it's taken it time. So your metabolism is one thing. But let's have a little. Bit of a chat about beauty, of the notion of beauty and what.

8:03 We consider to be like the pressure of youth and beauty in our society, and this idea that getting older means getting less pleasing. We sort of have this notion that as you get older, you lose your beauty. I'm asked to write a lot of articles, as you know, and about topical you know, yeah, topic, magazine subjects, magazines, program and one thing that comes up is this notion of becoming invisible as you age. Women are concerned about and suddenly they feel like nobody notices them. Anymore. So that's an interesting one and I actually, to be honest, I hadn't even considered that. But women as they get older notice that, you know, if they, for example, used to turn heads or you feel that sense of confidence from how they look, that suddenly that society doesn't recognize that anymore. They're sort of on the shelf, which can be knock to people's self esteem. But on the other hand, I think, well, actually I don't mind being a bit invisible.

9:07 I think that there is sometimes some pressure if you peg all of your you know, your self confidence and self worth on how you look, and that's clearly a trap. Yeah, and that's what it's all about. Cats, Like, how much do you invest in how much you look versus you know, how. Interesting you are as a person, your intelligence. Your life experiences and the wisdom you gain. There is so much and in fact, there's a lot of upsides to aging, and I think we need to probably talk about that, yeah as well, because you know, how we look is definitely a big issue, particularly for women. We know from the society and from the media that the society values youth and considers youth to be the hallmark of beauty, you know, clear, perfect unlined skin, no gray hairs, you know, thin little usually blonde with you see them on the TV all the time, and so you know, we're very much conditioned to believe that to be true and to hold that as our ideal. And I think that, you know, that's that's been thankfully, that's being challenged, I think.

10:10 In recently, Yeah, I think so too. And you know, just the whole the place of women in society and what women contribute to the world is all changing. So that's great. But I think that it's important to consider the benefits of getting older as well. You know, when we're focusing on the downsides and I'm feeling a bit frumpy and I'm feeling a bit like I'm visible, and you know, there's a lot of upside. Yeah. So we know, for example, that the rates of depression reduce over the age of forty five. I think we just tend to reach a point in life where we become more comfortable with who we are, We become less hooked on other people's opinions. I think that's a good thing. You know, you start to care less, which frees you up to take more risks. I think that our focus changes and as we get older, we start to focus.

10:59 In fact, there are psychological theory, There are theories of psychological development, I guess, and this is quite an old theory. It goes back a long time. But you know that in our twenties and thirties, we're sort of looking at partnering up and settling down, and then we're into establishing a career, and we hit a point where we start becoming really much less self interested and much more interested in contribution and the legacy that we want to leave and investing in our children and investing in projects that will carry on after us. So and there's there's so much value in that and so much satisfaction to be gained from that. So I think sometimes we need to shift our focus away from, you know, the physical issues.

11:39 And you know, there are plenty of physical issues that we haven't even touched on. I'm thinking about my sore shoulder and my bad here hips, and you know, you can't do the things that you used to. You've confronted with you know, probably going to need glasses soon. All of these things, these signs that your body's deteriorating, which can be confronting, but in many other ways we're really just coming into our own psychologically and you know, psycho socially, you know, personality wise, we're really hitting our stride at this age. And the service and concentrating on helping others and adding value to others is such a great focus. I find that really helps me, especially going through body issues after having Arnold and putting on a lot of weight and being postpartum and looking so different in my role as a fitness trainer and you know, previously using my body as a billboard for my business, and then now I'm like, what's this billboard saying?

12:36 It really did help me to train your human? It says I'm human, it says I've had a child, It says that it doesn't diminish my expertise as a trainer, And so I focus more on, you know, how I help women and how I can you know, really move my expertise into postpartum training and modifications and helping people who are dealing with injuries. And you know that's helped. That focus was really something very positive and it did help me. Yeah, and we accumulate that wealth of life experience that we can then use in lots of really positive ways and there's so much satisfaction to be gained from that. I have to be honest, like, I think, now, well, I know where I'm at, and I know where i'm you know, here in my mid forties. But I also know that there are people confronting challenges as they get older.

13:23 And I suppose as our parents get older, I start to think about, oh, suddenly you start thinking about, well, aging parents is one thing, and that's it. You know, in our age group, there's a lot of people confronting with looking after aging parents. But it confronts you with your own mortality and how you want to spend your own later years. And I know friends who've got kids leaving, you know, leaving home and making their own way in the world, and that sort of empty nest syndrome. I'm not there yet, but I know that that's coming, and so it raises all of these questions of well, how do you we're living longer, and we're living for the most part healthier, yes, but how are we living well? We need to make sure that we're living well into our older. Years, So let's talk about longevity.

14:05 Then. I was thinking about this last night with my grandfather who's ninety five, and I'm thinking. Gosh, how long is he going to go? Go? Can go? And he could make it to a hundred, and we all want to make it to one hundred. So you said to me once we were laughing at botox and we were thinking, because I said to you, should we do it? Should we do it? And we both said no, we're not doing it. And you said something to me. You said, meditation is better than botox. Tip. Yes, that's my standard line. Meditation's better than botox well in many ways. And we did a whole you know, we did a whole episode on this because I think it's so important. But we know now that meditation, mindfulness, meditation, and loving kindness. Meditation actually can change your body physiologically.

14:50 It can actually slow the signs of illness and aging in your body, and I think there are lots of things. It also changes your brain structure and function. It keeps you you mentally sharp and focused, and there's lots of things we can do to maintain our physical and mental health. Meditations one looking after our physical health. You know all about that. And as we also said in a previous episode, we know that the thing that keeps people living longer and happier is the value of their social relationships. Yes, so this is where we need to be putting our energy and our focus, you know, not on the you know, I don't think, not on the wrinkles and the. Celluli.

15:32 And look, you know, part of looking after physical health will result in you know, a better shaped body from you know, you won't be you won't have excess body fat. You will have a better shape if you have lean muscle mass, which is very conducive to the anti agting process, you know, but being focused on some things like my hips are never going to be as narrow as what they were. That's cool, you know, we just have to live with some of those Yeah you're a mother now. Yeah. And I think something else that we haven't mentioned is I think the whole reason that we are fearful of aging and we don't like those physical signs that we're getting older is that we're really confronting our mortality. I mean, every every physical indicator that we receive. You know, every time I look in the mirror and I see more lines or there's a gray hair or something, it's actually reminded that I'm getting older and closer to dying and that's a frightening concept for a lot of us. I think also as we get older, you know, people do start to die, you know, people suddenly, you know my age group, people start dropping dead with no warning. Actually, you know, people just out for a jog, heart attack or cancer.

16:46 Cancer. We see it. And it's not that it's limited to people as they get older. Some of my friends have got children who are very sick. But certainly there's more of it, and certainly you start to realize that we're not all invincible like we thought we was. I have to think, and there's the reality of the. ED and Io in the process of doing our will, Yes, like we had Arnold, and all of a sudden, I thought, if something happens to me or to Ed, what happens to Arnie? And it was the most confronting thing. People avoid it because it is so contracted. We were avoiding it for ages, and I thought, we've just got to put something in writing, ED, We've got to you know, work this out. But it hurts.

17:28 I think. You know, we know that for some people it's an uncomfortable topic and it might be uncomfortable to listen to. But we have to all at some point confront the reality of death. We are so terrified of death and dying, and I think that we avoid it, we avoid thinking about it. I really love the Buddhist approach to death. It's something I aspire to like they are not. They are not concerned about death and dying at all. I don't know if that's because they believe they're going on to and afterlife or or being reincarnated, but they they remind them selves daily that this could be their last day. And if you think about that, if you want to live well, considering that every day could be your last is a great way to do that.

18:13 Yeah, And that's where you the mindfulness comes in, and being so present and in the now, and you know, really loving hard, yeah. And focusing on what's important every day because you know, at the end of we're all here for a limited number of days. That is the truth of it. And it's a sum of everything we've been talking about from you know, where do you invest your time, how well do you love, the quality of your relationships and the wellness of your mental, physical, and emotional. What are you giving back, what are you leaving behind legacy? It is confronting to think about we're going to take a quick break and come back and talk about tools and tips to help us all A twelve.

18:59 You're listening to Crap Happy with Tiff and Cass. We're talking about aging gracefully, and for some of us that's really hard. We all have friends who have a birthday and they say, I'm still thirty two. Yeah, like you think thirty two for five years? And you know what, I have friends like that too, And people really especially as you get older. And I noticed it more, not so much the fortieth birthday, but people coming up to the fiftieth birthday, they really want to avoid it. And I think you know that saying that growing older is a privilege denied to many is so relevant. We have to we should really be grateful for every birthday, the fact that we're still here. When people are you know, sick and dying and having their lives cut short or being struck down by illness, injury, you know, all of the terrible things that can happen.

19:43 We really should be grateful and celebrating everything, every birthday, every milestone, I. Think absolutely absolutely. But there are a few things that we can do to help us with the aging process physically and mentally. So one of the tips I can give you as a trainer about how to keep your body young is to really work on not losing that lean muscle mass. So you have to keep that lean muscle mass to keep the metabolism going and to keep the body young and those hormones plentiful. And one way to do that. Is to invest in some strength training, which is why I have a lot of tone and strength training sessions onto IFESO. And it's really important because it does build that lean muscle and it keeps you young. And a lot of people think, oh, as I'm aging, it's not as comfortable to do running or high intensity exercise and you can injure more easily. So going turning two, strength training, it's really great. It keeps your weight down, it keeps you full of energy, and it's going to build that lean muscle which is going to protect your bone density as well.

20:50 I was going to say that I've heard that too. Strength training is great for bone density, isn't it, And protecting against things like osteoporosis, yeap, things. Like that, and it keeps your blood pressure down and it's just going to give you overall health. Now, a lot of people come to me and they say, okay, so I want to start training and I want to lose weight or I want to look different, and I say no, no, no, no, that is not our goal. The goal is longevity. You want to prevent injury and you want to live longer. And when I was a trainer on the Biggest Loser and I had some contestants who were battling morbid obese. They were morbidly obese, and they, you know, my biggest contestant nearly two hundred kilos, They said, I want to lose weight because it would mean I would look better, and you know, it was mostly focused on looks, and I'd say, no, this is not it.

21:38 We want to make sure that you stay as young and stay as fit and live as long as you can. That's important thing. So we would we will do a biotest. So you have your birthage. I'm thirty three turning thirty four in July, but my bioage is a lot younger, so to test a bioage and you can go to the bioage website and do it. There are bio age clinics around the world. There are a lot in Melbourne, Sydney, around Australia as well, or some pts specialize in it too, so you can go and get your bioage done. And what it is is it tests how young your body is. So you've got a metabolic test like your blood pressure and your barm in your body composition. You've got VO two max, which is the ability for how your body uses oxygen during exercise, and you can do that through a bit of a beat test or a shuttle run. You've got mobility flexibility tests, lung function tests just blowing into a device a peak flow meter, and you've got strength assessments such as doing push ups and a core assessment which is just a plank hold.

22:36 Then you have ber exhausted. Yeah, so it's a lot. Then you have behavioral tests which are really interesting. So for example, do you smoke? Smoking takes ten years off your bioage straight away. Wow, Nutrition, stress, alcohol, and all of this is put to a summary of how old you are. So my tech contestants on The. Biggest Loser, they'd start on the show sometimes twenty to twenty five years older than their chronic logical age. So if they were in their twenties, they were sometimes older than their parents and my job in my head. I know it was a competitive weight loss show, but my job was to get them walking out of Biggest Loser off the show younger than their biological age. And I often did that, so they were like three four years younger than their chronological birth age. And I think that's a really positive goal. To have your biotest tested, see where you're at, see how old your body is, and to work with you know, mate, you don't even need a pete, but to work on your physical fitness, your strength, mobility, all the pillars of fitness, and to look at your lifestyle choices and things like nutrition do play a huge part.

23:40 So we know that sugar ages you. We've talked about that in episode six of Crappy to Happy in season one. Little things like being active as much as you can, eating fresh produce, whole foods, drinking lots of water it's important, and limiting alcohol and caffeine. These are all things we know. That's yeah, and that's a really good because I've had people friends of mine have popped up on Facebook, for example, and said, oh gosh, I'm really noticing the lines of my face. What can I do? Who's condreation who's got the miracle cream that's going to take these lines off my face? And even I'm not a trainer, I'm not a nutritionist, but I even I know that that how your skin looks on the outside comes from how you treat your body on the inside, of.

24:21 Your kidneys, all of that your gut health, So concentrating on good gut health with a quality probiotic, you know, and limiting stresses on your guts such as alcohol and caffeine, and looking after your adrenal glands, all these things. It's all hormonal. At the end of the day. Aging is hormonal. So if you exercise, that affects your hormones. Your body composition affects your hormones, more fat, leslie muscle, and then just making sure that you're getting those nutrients in. And I think the point is that if you're going to be here, you want to be if you're going to be alive on this planet, you want to be enjoying. So you don't want to be injured, you don't want to be sick. You want to look after immune system.

25:02 That's depressing. I know myself, even if I have a I've had you know, disc degeneration, bulging discs in my back. That sort of pain, that debilitating pain where you can't get out and do the things that you normally do. It becomes really depressing and I can and the weight thing and the health thing, well, that's obviously something that really impacts mobility and therefore limits how well you can interact with the world. But if you are experiencing limitations physically, for example, you know, an injury, there are things that you can do. Go see an expert. You don't have to pay for a PT every week, but find a good PT, get them to write your program, make suggestions. You know, there's always something that you can do to keep moving and keep that oxygen pumping and to look after your body.

25:46 Yeah, exercise is actually something that we know keeps your keeps you happy as well so and also keeps you young. It affects your brain just as much as your body. I was reading, I was thinking of my father in law. So he's a great example of somebody who's aging very well. He's in his eighties now. He has continued to work as a consultant in aircraft safety, aviation safety, goes all over the world, and he's played golf twice a week and golf is apparently you walk six or seven kilometers on the golf course. So you know, things like that, finding something you enjoy that keep you active. It's social and yeah, keeps you young, keeps you physically young. And that I think about my grandfather, Blessed Ken ninety five and he has.

26:28 A few non negotiable rules. Lemon water, first thing up, first thing in the mornings is lemon water with Manuka honey. Very healthy. He doesn't eat better limits sugar really yeah, never eats better. He thinks it's evil and it is bad for your health. He never has nope. And he really believes in moderation and portions, really good control there and he does what he can. So still to this day, he goes to a shopping center because he enjoys seeing people. And he'll for a coffee, but his exercise is walking around the shopping center for as long as he can to a little shop, say hard to some people. Sometimes we'll go with him and that's his exercise and he really enjoys that. And when it's social and he's out and about and he's up with it, he'll go into the Apple store and go wow, like what is all this stuff, but you know, he's recently got on an iPad and he's got an iPhone, and you know, he's loving life. So you know, I think it's so important to find what you can do and not to get depressed over injuries or being held back by them at all. So there's some of the physical things you can do to make sure your body age as well, but Cas, what are some of the psychological things you can do to really deal with aging gracefully?

27:43 I think, you know, based on all the things that we've talked about, it's important to try to avoid that compulsion to stay young hard. It is hard, but we you know, to recognize when we're buying into that that myth that beauty that the only standard of beauty acceptable is to be, you know, perfectly smooth skinned. You know that you've got to be twenty five and tight and taut and fit, that there are other I don't know, just I suppose to just see if we can resist, like you and I have for the botos, to resist that compulsion to run away from getting older, to fear getting older, and to embrace it.

28:26 Actually and to be very critical of what you see and the images that you're presented with because we all know, and I can tell you working in the media, that no image ever goes out without being touched or smoothed. It can't. A raw image can't be in promotional materials. So it is interesting to know that and to be aware of it. But what you see is not real. I love that there was. I saw something recently a particular pharmacy pharmaceutical company I don't remember now, but they have made a policy decision that they will not touch any of their advertising photos anymore. And I think we'll see more and more of that because needs to be this bit of a pushback against those airbrushed and photoshopped images in the media. The thing is, though, tiff like, we know that the images, I mean, we still buy into it. We know the images are touched and airbrush, but the people that we see in real life are touched, you know, when we talk about botox and laser treatments and all these various things that I mean, I don't know, facelifts and things that people do. You know, we see people up close and they're not really their natural selves.

29:37 So it is hard to avoid that. But I think we just have to focus our attention on all of the positive aspects of getting older, and you know, all of those really great benefits like I said before about being more comfortable in your skin, you know, being we often get to a point where we are less concerned about what people think about us, less about what you know, what other people say about us. We're very comfortable and happier, and then thinking about, well, as we get older, how do we make the best of that? And so oftentimes you know, that is about investing your time and energy and the things that are important as you get older, losing you know, as I said before, like stepping away from all of that self interest and the status and the success and the achievement and the money, which is very much a focus when we're younger, Yes, and moving more into that. We call it generativity. You know, what are we leaving behind and what's most important? And we know that what keeps us happy and healthy into our older years is the quality of our relationships. So investing in relationships, investing in interests. And you know, people think that they can't wait to retire, I can't wait to finish work and retire, and I hate my job and I never want to work again. And then they retire and they're completely bored and don't know what to do with themselves, and they get depressed because they actually have spent so much time working that they haven't cultivated any interests outside of that. So what would you like to do?

31:02 You know, maybe do you want to take up photography? If you've got visions of you know, tending to your garden and having a perfect rose garden in your older years. I know that's very cliche. We'll start gardening now, you know, start doing those things now, and learning skills and finding the things that you love to do and that you enjoyed doing and invest in those things. Yes, it keeps you engaged, and it keeps you Its create social connections, yep, keeps you mentally, physically healthy and young and inspired. So and if you don't know where to start, there are plenty of short courses, tape courses. There are so many opportunities out there. And be online now, I know a lot of people are. They're online, They're able to learn at home. You don't have to be out of the house. It's very easy.

31:48 I think that whole concept of you know, giving back, finding opportunities to give back to the community. We often become more interested in how it can be of service as we get older. I go and volunteer for the Orange Sky, the homeless laundry service. There's plenty of really worthy causes. I do something really that I love doing. I go into schools and teach self defense course right for free, and also a bit of anti bullings or self confidence or stuff. And also for schools. That cannot afford to have a sports program, I'll go in and I'll teach some sport, you know, and. Do a little class. Martial arts is so much fun. Yeah, there's lots and lots of things you can do. You can hop online and you can google up, you know, volunteer opportunities if that's something that you're interested in. I know a lot of my friends at the moment doing similar things. Another friend of mine, she was working for a charity, as in she was volunteering for a meal service for homeless, and she found that she was constantly collecting things. That person needed new shoes and that person needed a new jacket, and so she'd put a call out on Facebook and ask if anybody had anything they could don out. And she's now started her own whole separate charity wow, to provide clothing and and items that these people need. So there's you know, people are really inspired by that kind of giving service and contribution to a community. And we know, I mean the research shows that that actually is fundamental to happiness, that sense of service and contribution and having a sense of purpose. I think, just touching back on the relationship thing, I think oftentimes

33:21 when we have kids, especially the quality of our marriage sometimes takes second place to focusing on parenting and kids. So if we want to live along, we know that the quality of our relationships is also really important to getting older, So making sure that we're spending time nurturing our closest relationship because it gets neglected a lot of the time. So I think as we get older, the more that we are focusing our energy on these things, the more that we're likely to age well and age you know, with a sense of deep satisfaction and purpose and lucky that we've lived a good life. And I think at the end of the day, that's what we're all about. Everybody wants to have a life well lived. Yes, So it's about really giving some thought to well, what are what are the things that will make me feel at the end of the day, at the end of my days, that I've lived a really good life.

34:10 Something we were talking about in the first half was accepting our own mortality. It's not comfy to talk about it. It's not a comfortable topic at all, and you know, I think that it's really important to confront that and to become more comfortable with that. We avoid discomfort. We know that and if there's any there's nothing really more uncomfortable than the idea that we're going to die for many people, and I think that often translates to even avoiding people, you know, who have who are sick, or not really wanting to have those difficult conversations with people. And oftentimes it actually it takes a scare. I know in my own life if somebody will people have diagnosis of cancer, for example, and oftentimes they come out of that and they survive, but it's such a huge shock, and that's that's the point where they realize, you know, I'm really I'm actually going to die. And it shouldn't I don't think it should have to come to that.

35:08 As I said, you know, the Buddhists have really got that whole They're very comfortable with death. And dying. You know, I'm just thinking now that a couple of years ago I used to go to the Happiness and Its Causes Conference, which is in Sydney, Philly. Actually I don't think it's always in Sydney, but anyway, it's every year. It's a big conference where people come together and talk about happiness and its causes. And Ben Lee, who many people know as a singer, famous musician, he came along and he talked about his experience of becoming a death midwife Wow, where he sat with people who were dying, and he talks about it as being the most rewarding experience of his life to actually sit with people as they transitioned to the other side. And similarly, Bronnie Ware is the nurse who worked in palliative care and she sat down and wrote a book about the Nine Regrets of the Dying and that book went on to be a huge, huge bestseller because it, you know, again, it just really brings home how are we living our lives and the fact is that we're all going to die. And she again she described that as the most rewarding work that she had ever done, sitting with people during their last days and talking to them about how they live their life and how they were feeling and what they were thinking as they were preparing to die. So, I don't know.

36:23 I just think that it's important to think to keep that in mind, and to not be afraid to have those conversations and to not avoid the topic, not avoid the fact that we're all here for a short time. Yeah, and to live to the utmost, live to the fullest, to live to the fullest, and to love hard and forget the botox saviianth present and Yeah, Well, there's a lot to think about their casts and we hope that helps you in talking about beauty and aging gracefully. In the next episode, we're going to talk about hmm, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. It's very hard to find that passion, and some of us have more than one passion. So thanks for tuning in and we'll speak to you next time.

37:08 Rappy to Happy is presented by Cast dun produced by Davis Vilenski, Audio production by Darcy Thompson. Listener