July 1, 2025

How to Build Self-Trust: Stop Second Guessing & Start Truly Living

How to Build Self-Trust: Stop Second Guessing & Start Truly Living
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How to Build Self-Trust: Stop Second Guessing & Start Truly Living
How to Build Self-Trust: Stop Second Guessing & Start Truly Living
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Season 15 Mindset Psychology & Neuroscience Self-Confidence

This week, we are kicking off a new 8-part series in the Beyond Happy subscriber-only podcast, focused on how to build self-trust so you can stop second guessing and start living freely and authentically, knowing you've got your own back.

This first episode is available for all Crappy to Happy listeners and focuses on what it means to cultivate self-trust and why so many of us struggle with it. Self-trust is the belief in your own abilities, judgments, and decisions, as well as the inner assurance that you can handle whatever challenges life throws your way.

In this episode, I'm sharing how a lack of self-trust can manifest in your daily life, from second guessing your decisions, doubting your own value, watering down your personality or opinions, deferring to others to make decisions, and overthinking just about everything.

Self trust is not just about making the right choices or never making a mistake; it's about knowing that you don't have to be perfect and you've got your own back.I highlight the consequences of lacking self-trust, such as decision fatigue, anxiety, burnout, inauthentic relationships, and feeling disconnected from your power and purpose.

My aim with this series is to empower you to recognise your own worth and begin the journey of rebuilding self-trust, setting the stage for the upcoming series of episodes that will provide tools and strategies for this essential work.Takeaways:

  • Building self-trust involves believing in your abilities, judgments, and decisions, even when mistakes happen.
  • Self-trust is crucial for decision-making; it allows us to move forward without excessive second-guessing ourselves.
  • Recognising past experiences that eroded self-trust helps us understand current patterns of self-doubt.
  • Overcoming the fear of judgment is essential to express ourselves authentically and regain self-trust.




Connect with Cass:

www.cassdunn.com
www.instagram.com/cassdunn_xo

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Email: hello@crappytohappypod.com
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Are you a coach, therapist, service provider or solopreneur struggling with self-doubt and imposter syndrome? I'd love to talk to you! (for market research purposes only!)

Book a call with me to share your experience.

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Chapters

00:00 - Untitled

00:16 - Building Self Trust: The Introduction

00:44 - Understanding Self Trust

14:35 - Understanding Self-Trust and Its Erosion

22:28 - Rebuilding Self-Trust: A Journey Towards Authenticity

26:53 - Rebuilding Self Trust: A Journey Within

Transcript
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Welcome back to Crappy to Happy and welcome back to

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Beyond Happy. Doing a little bit of a double up today.

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This episode is the first.

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In our brand new series for the Beyond Happy paid subscribers,

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which is all about how to build self trust. And

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as I have said, we're going to be doing eight

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episodes over this month, two episodes a week on this

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topic about how to cultivate more self trust and stop

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doubting yourself. But I know that this is such a

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big topic for a lot of people, so I really

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wanted to devote this first episode to really unpacking what

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do I mean when I say self trust, Why do

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you struggle with self trust, how does it show up

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in your life, what the consequences are, and some of

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the things that you might need to look at in

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order to start to rebuild that sense of trust and

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connection with yourself. And I really wanted to make this

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episode available to everybody, which is why you were hearing

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it on Crapy or Happy as well. Obviously, if you

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choose to, you can upgrade and get the rest of

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the series over the next month. It's not expensive, it's

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less than ten dollars a month. It is entirely optional,

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But let's start with unpacking what do we mean by

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how to build self trust. I always love to start

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with the definition you know this about me, so we

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need to be on the same page when we talk

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about self trust. And you might be surprised at how

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challenging this was for me to actually come up with

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a definition, because I think this can be interpreted in

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a lot of different ways, which is why it's really

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important that we get clear about what we're talking about here.

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So self trust is the belief.

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In your own abilities and your judgments, your opinions, your decisions.

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It's also the inner assurance that you can handle challenges,

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that you can make sound choices, and that you can

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learn from your experiences even if you do make mistakes

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or get things wrong. Sometimes it's about being tuned into

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your own inner guidance system and having that sense of

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connection to your own inner authority that you feel you

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can rely on. As you know, I have a group

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coaching program called Beyond Confident, and it's really all about

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overcoming imposter syndrome and self doubt and cultivating a sense

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of self confidence that is grounded and enduring and not

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contingent on your achievements. Or on anyone else's positive feedback

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or approval. And it was in trying to explain that,

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like trying to explain my meaning of confidence in that context,

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that that's where I really landed on this idea of

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self trust. And I feel like it really is that

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sense of inner assurance that you are enough, that you

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know your value, whether anyone else sees it or not,

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that you know your own mind and you can make

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your own decisions, and especially that you've got your own back,

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that it actually doesn't matter if you don't get it right,

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because you're still worthy, you still deserve to be in

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any space, in any room, you have a level of

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trust in what you bring, what you offer. If it's

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in a work situation, if you're going for a promotion,

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or if you're even just contributing in a meeting or

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speaking up about something, it's trusting that you do have

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something to contribute, it's something to offer. You don't have

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to know everything, you don't have to be the expert,

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but you can trust that your opinions are valid and

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that your knowledge and your experience and your expertise it

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all counts for something. It's trusting that even if you

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don't know something that you can figure it out. And

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I think above all, it's about trusting that you are

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not going to get it right every time, and that

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even if you get it wrong, you'll survive that. And

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that is not a reflection on your intelligence, your capability,

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your expertise, your decision making ability, that sometimes you will

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get it wrong and you don't have to make that

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mean anything about you. I think when we talk about

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self trust, you know, you'll hear people all the time say, oh,

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just trust yourself, trust your gut, trust your instincts, And

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that's really hard for a lot of people. Just the

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idea of trusting your gut is challenging because they will say,

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if my gut is telling me not to do this,

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is that my instinct is that my internal wisdom.

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Is that really knowing.

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That that's not the right thing for me, or actually

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is that just anxiety? Is that fear taking over? And

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that is a distinction that many people struggle to make.

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And so if that's you, you know that it can

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be really difficult. Some people have a really hard time

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trusting themselves and even discerning your own internal experience. What

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is valid, what you should be paying attention to, or

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what do you actually need to just manage or put

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aside and not let it determine your actions and your

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decisions if it is, for example, coming from a place

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of fear. One other thing I would add to this

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very long winded definition of self trust is that it's

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the ability to rely on your internal guidance system, which

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in many ways looks like connecting with your intuition. In fact,

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I have got to say I would love to do

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a whole series on how to connect with your intuition,

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and it probably overlaps a little bit with this, but

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just for now, just know that a big part of

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building self trust sometimes means not necessarily having a logical,

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thought out rational for something. It's actually nothing to do

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with logic. It's a deep inner knowing and the willingness

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to rely on that knowing even if it doesn't make

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any sense, and even if other people don't necessarily understand it.

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Maybe that's like level two when it comes to self trust.

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But when you have access to that kind of very stable, grounded,

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enduring knowing that you have got your own back, that

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you are enough, that you know enough, you do enough

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that you can listen to yourself, and that you can

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act in a way that feels right for you and

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is in alignment for you, and not be rattled or

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thrown off course if somebody else has got a different

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opinion to you or a different view. And also when

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you've got the trust that if you do go off

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course that you can course correct, you don't have to

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go into a shame spiral, You're not going to go

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down that path of self criticism, then there is a

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great sense of peace and freedom and calm that comes

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with that. I mean, it really is that kind of

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very grounded, calm, self assured confidence. So I guess that's

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a bit of an overview of self trust, so that

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you know what I'm talking about. And if it's not there,

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if you are lacking in self trust, then it will

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show up in various ways, and you'll probably be more

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familiar with the ways that it shows up when you

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don't have that level of self trust. So I want

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to run through some of those, and as I do,

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I think it's really important that you pay attention to

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which examples really resonate with you, because not all of

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them will, but it's important that you are really clear

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and specific about how this actually does show up for

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you in your life and in your relationships and in

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your behaviors. It's taking this out of the theoretical and

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making it much more personal so that it's relevant and

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meaningful for you. So obviously, if you're a person who

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lacks self trust, you're probably second guessing all of your decisions.

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You might make a decision you immediately doubt it, or

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it might take you forever to come to a decision,

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whether it's big significant life events that you need to

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make a decision about, or just what to order off

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the menu when you go out for dinner. Maybe you

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ask for a lot of other people's opinions, or you

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go reassurance seeking, looking for other people to validate and

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affirm the decisions that you make because you're second guessing yourself.

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And along the same lines, it's.

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Overthinking everything, over analyzing everything, that analysis paralysis that often

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goes on with making decisions, just feeling like you're or

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spinning around in circles trying to come up with the

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right decision. And again, self trust is not about trusting

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that you'll make the right decision. It's about trusting that

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if you make the wrong decision that that's okay, That

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you don't actually need to overthink it because whatever you

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decide on will be fine, So that's the distinction. It

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could also look like replaying conversations over and over. When

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we're talking about overthinking, sometimes you might overthink interactions that

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you'd had. Afterwards, you wonder if you said the wrong thing,

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if they took that the wrong way, if you offended somebody.

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It can look like over preparing and perfectionism. Maybe it's

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reading and rereading and editing an email that you want

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to send just to check that it sounds okay, or

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it could be something you want to post on social media,

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or it could be like a work project that you

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are working on. It's this over preparing, overfunctioning, tweaking, editing,

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constantly reviewing and polishing because you don't trust that what

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you have done is enough. In relationships, it can show

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up as watering down your opinions and watering down personality to.

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Be more palatable to people.

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Feeling afraid that if you were to really show up

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fully that you might be judged or people might not appreciate,

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that you might be rejected, you might cause a conflict,

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and that you don't trust that you would be able

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to effectively manage that Again, it's not trusting that you

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won't offend somebody, it's trusting that you could handle it.

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If you did that that wouldn't have to necessarily mean

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something about you so in a way, and I don't

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mean this in a negative or critical way, but that's

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kind of being inauthentic. And the being inauthentic can also

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look like choosing what's expected of you over what you

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really want. Family expectations, social expectations, or even your own

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expectations that you've set for yourself at some point in

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your life and that doesn't actually really fit for you

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or work for you anymore. So it could be staying

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in a job or relationship or lifestyle that looks good,

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and so you feel like you should be happy, but

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at some level you're actually not happy. But you're talking

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yourself out of your genuine, legitimate feelings, and you're doubting

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whether you your concerns are valid. You're doubting whether your

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unhappiness or your dissatisfaction is even worth paying attention to.

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It can also look like people pleasing, saying yes when

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you mean no, going with everybody else's opinion, and all

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of these things, the people pleasing the perfectionism, the procrastination,

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the performing. They all just really boil down to this

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fundamental lack of trust that you are good enough. So,

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if you are a person who recognizes yourself in some

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of those things, and maybe you've got more of your

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own examples, I've just tried to give a broad overview.

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But if you're a person who struggles with self trust,

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I want to say here, it is not because there

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is something wrong with you. In fact, it is usually

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a very reasonable adaptation to your past experience. I'm just

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going to quickly run through some of these reasons because

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it can be helpful and reassuring for people to understand

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that these behaviors we develop them.

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For a reason.

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They serve a useful purpose in our life, and it's

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not that we should never have developed these particular patterns.

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It is about getting to a point in life where

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we recognize that this was useful at one point, but

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this is not serving us anymore, and so we're at

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a point now where we can make a choice about

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whether we want to continue operating this way. There are

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certain childhood experiences that lead us to not trusting ourselves.

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If your parents were very controlling or micromanaged, you didn't

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really give you the freedom to make mistakes or make

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your own decisions. A lot of people grow up kind

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of internalizing that idea that they can't be trusted to

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make their own decisions and that it is bad to

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make mistakes, that it is really scary to make mistakes.

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If that's what's been modeled to you, this is really

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being helicopter parented. And again parents have the best intentions,

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but that can be the downstream effect of some of

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that kind of parenting. Sometimes parents might talk you out

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of what you're feeling, like they kind of try to

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minimize your feelings or talk you out of your opinions

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about things, and so that sets up this internal confusion

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and dissonance when what you think you feel if somebody

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else is telling you that you don't feel that, and

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so therefore it creates this split inside you. It could

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actually just be that nobody's there for you, like when

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you go to it to express your feelings or your

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needs and nobody is there to hear that or to

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respond to that. That you start to squash that down

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and really dial down your internal experience, and almost as

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a survival or a coping strategy, you talk yourself out

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of what you're feeling, which means again later on there

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can be this disconnect, this split, this one part of

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you that has a feeling, but other part of you

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very quickly overrides it or shuts it down, so you

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end up with this incongruence within yourself, which sets up

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a lack of self trust, like you can't trust that

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what you feel is real or true. If you are

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praised for being compliant, for being good, for achieving, then

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that can lead you to strive for success or behave

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in particular ways that get you external approval, external validation,

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even if it's not what you really want of what

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really makes you happy. So the more you go down

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this path of looking out so yourself, which is the

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way the whole of society works, and the way we've

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all been brought up looking outside of ourself for somebody

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to tell us we're doing a good job, for somebody

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to tell us that we're smart, somebody to tell us

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what's good, then it leads to us looking outside of

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ourselves for validation and again not necessarily tapping into and

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trusting our own inner experience, and again with the parenting,

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like sometimes it can honestly be as blatant as oh.

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That didn't happen. You're making that up, you.

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Know, almost like really being gas lit, which again you

256
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can understand. It leads to this doubt and dissonance, this

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incongruence between what you think you know and what somebody

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else is telling you is true, which means it sets

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you up to doubt yourself. It could just be that

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you observe in the world around you and in your

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family dynamics that is not safe to say what you

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really think, or express what you really feel, or express

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your opinion, or it's not welcome. It's just not what

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you do. So as little children, we observe and we

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like little sponges, and we internalize, we work out the

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lay of the land. We adapt ourselves to fit in

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to our environment. So you'll very quickly learn to shut

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that down and just not express what you really think

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or feel. Beyond childhood, just in terms of life experiences,

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you might have had painful experiences, if you've been in

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a relationship with somebody who caused you to question yourself,

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who shut you down, or if there has been abuse

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or manipulation that can really erode your sense of trust

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in yourself. Anybody who has been in one of those

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toxic relationships will know this. So we really have to

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acknowledge that there are genuinely things that happen in life

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that can.

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Create this within you.

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Even if maybe once you were a person who felt

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like you had a solid sense of trusting yourself and

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you knew your own mind and you know, lived according

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to your own internal guidance system, then a betrayal can

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00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:52.159
really erode that level of self trust. You might have

284
00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:54.840
made a decision that led to a really difficult outcome.

285
00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:56.840
You might have had a failure. You took a big risk,

286
00:14:56.919 --> 00:14:58.919
you put yourself out there how to go at something

287
00:14:59.039 --> 00:15:01.679
and it didn't work out, and that kind of pain

288
00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:04.799
can lead you to not wanting to take that risk

289
00:15:04.879 --> 00:15:07.759
again and feeling like you can't trust yourself because you

290
00:15:07.799 --> 00:15:09.720
thought that was the right thing. You were so convinced

291
00:15:09.720 --> 00:15:11.480
that was going to be a good thing and it

292
00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:14.679
didn't work out. So now you question yourself about whether

293
00:15:14.759 --> 00:15:17.639
you can be relied on to make another decision to

294
00:15:17.720 --> 00:15:20.399
take a risk again. You start questioning your own perception

295
00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:23.519
and you question your own judgments. If you invest in

296
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a relationship and they hurt you, or even was if

297
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they turn out to be quite a bad person, if

298
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you get ripped off or scammed or something like that,

299
00:15:30.440 --> 00:15:33.600
it could really take a lot of work to rebuild

300
00:15:33.879 --> 00:15:36.440
that sense of trust in your own self and your

301
00:15:36.440 --> 00:15:40.399
own ability to just judge somebody's character. I've done interviews

302
00:15:40.440 --> 00:15:43.279
with Michelle McQuaid. If you're in the Beyond Tappy, you

303
00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:45.200
have access to the live call that we had with

304
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Michelle as well, and she talks a lot about good

305
00:15:46.919 --> 00:15:50.799
Girl conditioning. So good girl conditioning is this kind of

306
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social programming that girls receive which tells us that our

307
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role is to prioritize other people's needs and to be agreeable,

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and we don't make waves, and our job is to

309
00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:02.559
urb and to nurture and to look after everybody else.

310
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And so that leads to this kind of self abandonment.

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And when that.

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00:16:06.639 --> 00:16:09.399
Happens, that's pretty core to a lack of self trust.

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You deny yourself in favor of the approval and meeting

314
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the expectations of other people until it gets to the

315
00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:18.120
point where you're really not quite sure what you really

316
00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:22.120
think or feel or want. So anything that creates that

317
00:16:22.279 --> 00:16:26.279
disconnect where you've got this internal split within you and

318
00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:28.879
look that goes for men too. We talk about the

319
00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:31.639
good girl conditioning, what about the conditioning that boys get

320
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when boys feel emotions and are told that boys don't cry,

321
00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:39.120
and they get all of that male social conditioning which

322
00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:43.320
forces them to shut down their internal experience, to deny

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00:16:43.559 --> 00:16:46.559
the reality, the truth of their internal experience, and in

324
00:16:46.679 --> 00:16:50.000
order to perform a social role. And that has the

325
00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:53.480
same effect, like that leads to that same disconnect inside

326
00:16:53.519 --> 00:16:58.399
where you struggle to really trust that what you think

327
00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:02.120
or feel is valid. Do have opportunities to really express

328
00:17:02.440 --> 00:17:05.119
how you feel because that's never been modeled to you,

329
00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:07.880
You've never been taught that. Then it leads to this

330
00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:12.359
not fully expressing yourself authentically is really at the end

331
00:17:12.359 --> 00:17:14.640
of the day, what the outcome is. I just want

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00:17:14.680 --> 00:17:16.680
to throw in one more, which is if you have

333
00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:20.400
grown up in diet culture and not eating when you're hungry,

334
00:17:20.799 --> 00:17:23.880
when you are conditioned that productivity and being busy is

335
00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:26.440
the most important thing, and therefore you need to push

336
00:17:26.440 --> 00:17:29.079
through and keep going even when your body needs to

337
00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:32.640
rest because you're so focused on performance and productivity and

338
00:17:32.680 --> 00:17:34.799
being busy and being seen to be busy and being

339
00:17:34.839 --> 00:17:37.599
seen to be achieving, because that's how we all have

340
00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:40.160
learned to get our sense of validation and approval in

341
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this world. What you're essentially doing is overriding your body's

342
00:17:44.599 --> 00:17:47.599
cues when it's telling you what it needs. Your body

343
00:17:47.640 --> 00:17:50.119
needs rest, but you're telling yourself that you can't rest

344
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because you've got too many things to do. Your body's

345
00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:54.039
telling you that it's hungry, but you're saying you can't

346
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eat because you've got to lose weight, and so you

347
00:17:56.839 --> 00:17:59.759
ignore those signals from your body. So number one, you're

348
00:18:00.359 --> 00:18:03.400
demonstrating to yourself that you are not to be trusted

349
00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:04.799
to meet your own needs.

350
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So there's that.

351
00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:08.240
You're essentially telling your body that you don't trust the

352
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:11.279
signals that it's sending to you, so you're shutting them

353
00:18:11.319 --> 00:18:15.200
down and you're dismissing that very clear message. Sometimes you

354
00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:17.519
don't even hear the message because you've tuned it out

355
00:18:17.640 --> 00:18:20.079
to such a degree. But what it also means is

356
00:18:20.079 --> 00:18:22.480
that you're less connected to your body signals when you

357
00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:26.200
want to know what your gut instinct is. So you

358
00:18:26.279 --> 00:18:28.400
wonder why you can't tell the difference between your gut

359
00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:32.319
instinct and actual anxiety. That's because you're not actually tuned

360
00:18:32.359 --> 00:18:35.359
into your gut instincts because you have spent so much

361
00:18:35.640 --> 00:18:37.400
time and so much of your life up in your

362
00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:42.039
head and pleasing and performing and doing what's expected, overwriting

363
00:18:42.200 --> 00:18:44.960
all of those signals from your body. When your body

364
00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:47.240
is telling you what it needs, and then when you

365
00:18:47.279 --> 00:18:49.880
actually want to be connected to your body in the

366
00:18:49.920 --> 00:18:52.680
form of that gut wisdom, well good luck with that,

367
00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:55.480
because you've been ignoring it along with all of your

368
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:59.240
other physical symptoms for years while your body's been screaming

369
00:18:59.319 --> 00:19:01.839
out to you, and now you're wondering why you don't

370
00:19:01.920 --> 00:19:04.359
have that connection. So it goes without saying that the

371
00:19:04.440 --> 00:19:07.519
consequences of all of this are, apart from the self

372
00:19:07.559 --> 00:19:11.279
doubt and difficulty making decisions and difficulty knowing what to

373
00:19:11.359 --> 00:19:13.680
do in life, all of the reassurance seeking and all

374
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:15.160
of the spinning in circles and all of the not

375
00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.880
fully expressing yourself, what that ultimately leads to. It leads

376
00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:21.400
to your whole nervous system being in a really heightened state,

377
00:19:21.440 --> 00:19:24.000
which causes exhaustion. It can affect your sleep and affect

378
00:19:24.039 --> 00:19:27.039
your mental health. Your physical health causes decision fatigue. It

379
00:19:27.079 --> 00:19:29.960
will lead to burnout when you're over analyzing everything that

380
00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:32.799
you do when you're constantly second guessing yourself, draining all

381
00:19:32.839 --> 00:19:36.240
of your mental energy, leaving you really depleted, and also

382
00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:39.359
like leaving you depleted of just the resources that you

383
00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:40.839
need to cope with the.

384
00:19:40.799 --> 00:19:41.960
Stress of life.

385
00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:46.160
Like it's really draining your energy and draining your resilience,

386
00:19:46.359 --> 00:19:49.240
and it's ultimately you're really giving your power away. So

387
00:19:49.920 --> 00:19:53.279
when you don't believe that your thoughts or your beliefs, or.

388
00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:54.680
Your opinions are instinct.

389
00:19:54.440 --> 00:19:56.880
Are as valid as other people's, you kind of set

390
00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:59.039
it up in your mind that other people's opinions are

391
00:19:59.079 --> 00:20:02.200
more valid than your, that other people's views are more

392
00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:05.559
worth trusting than your own. And so you set up

393
00:20:05.559 --> 00:20:09.680
this dynamic where you're really eroding your own self esteem.

394
00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:12.200
You set up a dynamic where your self worth is

395
00:20:12.799 --> 00:20:15.559
always up for negotiation. You're always giving your power away

396
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:19.400
to other people, looking outside yourself, to other people to

397
00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:22.119
reassure you if you're not expressing what is true for

398
00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:25.279
you in relationships. Ultimately, it leads to resentment, ultimately leads

399
00:20:25.319 --> 00:20:29.559
to your feeling really dissatisfied. Maybe not initially, but over time,

400
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:32.680
that's what it sets up. And you know it actually

401
00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:35.519
also leads to just inauthentic connections because you're not actually

402
00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:37.839
being your true self in those relationships. If you're not

403
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:41.839
expressing yourself truly, if you're subjugating your own preferences and

404
00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:44.480
subjegetting your own opinions, you're not actually being one hundred

405
00:20:44.519 --> 00:20:47.559
percent honors. So you can't really establish a really solid,

406
00:20:47.599 --> 00:20:51.400
authentic relationship with somebody based on that. And at work,

407
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:55.960
you end up playing small, holding yourself back from expressing ideas,

408
00:20:56.200 --> 00:20:59.599
which you might find feels safe because it feels like

409
00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:02.240
you're flying under the radar and you're not attracting attention

410
00:21:02.279 --> 00:21:05.799
to yourself. But over time it leads to you feeling

411
00:21:06.039 --> 00:21:10.960
really unfulfilled, lack of purpose, not expressing your full potential,

412
00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:15.319
feeling stuck, unfulfilled, spinning in circles, feeling like you don't

413
00:21:15.359 --> 00:21:18.319
have options, less likely to take the risks that are

414
00:21:18.359 --> 00:21:23.200
required to actually grow in life, in your relationships at

415
00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:26.640
work because you're afraid to push outside that comfort zone,

416
00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:29.000
which means I guess ultimately it's going to lead to

417
00:21:29.319 --> 00:21:32.759
regrets and resentment. I feel like it's really important to

418
00:21:33.480 --> 00:21:38.680
talk about the bigger picture consequences of this, because, like anything,

419
00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:41.799
there's things that you do in the short term that

420
00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:45.200
make you feel better, that help you to avoid feeling

421
00:21:45.319 --> 00:21:48.599
uncomfortable if you lack self trust, and so therefore it's

422
00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:50.720
just easy to ask somebody else's opinion, or it's easy

423
00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:53.200
to just go with the flow if you lack that

424
00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:56.039
sense of self trust, and so you don't put yourself

425
00:21:56.039 --> 00:21:58.759
out there in any way that might get negative feedback,

426
00:21:58.920 --> 00:22:02.440
that feels safe in the short term, and while it

427
00:22:02.519 --> 00:22:06.000
might feel frustrating, and no doubt it is, you don't

428
00:22:06.119 --> 00:22:08.839
enjoy the anxiety and the second guessing and the overthinking.

429
00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:13.160
It has big grammifications for your ability to just fully

430
00:22:13.240 --> 00:22:15.960
live your life and live your life on your terms

431
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:18.079
and live in a way that is in alignment with

432
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:20.720
you and feeling like you're on purpose and that you

433
00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:22.759
are on track and that you are connected to what

434
00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:26.240
matters to you and you're making the decisions that feel

435
00:22:26.359 --> 00:22:29.000
right and good for you. So obviously this is a

436
00:22:29.000 --> 00:22:31.559
really big topic and there is not a magic one

437
00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:35.559
to fix it. But over time, it absolutely is possible

438
00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:40.480
to reconnect with your inner authority and to start rebuilding

439
00:22:40.519 --> 00:22:43.279
that sense of self trust and that calm level of

440
00:22:43.319 --> 00:22:46.680
assurance that I have already talked about the most important

441
00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:49.440
thing for you to do now today straight up if

442
00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:51.720
any of this resonates with you, and maybe even go

443
00:22:51.799 --> 00:22:53.839
back and re listen and make a note of all

444
00:22:53.880 --> 00:22:55.559
of the things that I said that you can really

445
00:22:55.720 --> 00:22:59.039
relate to get clear from the start, Like I said,

446
00:22:59.319 --> 00:23:01.480
where does this play out for you?

447
00:23:01.720 --> 00:23:03.440
Where in life.

448
00:23:03.319 --> 00:23:05.839
Have you maybe felt like you knew the answer but

449
00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:09.640
you didn't go with that you let yourself be guided

450
00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:12.720
by somebody else Where are you holding back in life

451
00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:15.279
generally because you feel like you are trapped in this

452
00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:19.079
pattern of self doubt or reassurance seeking and all of

453
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:21.880
those other things that I just mentioned. This plays out

454
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:25.240
differently for different people, and it's really important for you

455
00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:27.599
to get clear about how does this affect you?

456
00:23:27.720 --> 00:23:30.759
In what areas of your life? Does this affect you?

457
00:23:31.160 --> 00:23:32.279
What would you change?

458
00:23:32.599 --> 00:23:34.160
And maybe you also want to make a note of

459
00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:36.920
areas in life where it doesn't affect you, Where do

460
00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:39.000
you feel you can really show up as yourself and

461
00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:41.279
you can trust yourself and you can be authentic and

462
00:23:41.359 --> 00:23:45.359
express your opinions That could be useful too, like where

463
00:23:45.400 --> 00:23:49.480
are the exceptions? Where is this not present? And then

464
00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:52.119
i'd really get you to think about what would be

465
00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:54.720
different in your life if you solved this problem and

466
00:23:54.759 --> 00:23:58.039
be as specific as you can be, get a journal,

467
00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:00.680
maybe sit at your laptop type out some notes. What

468
00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:03.599
would you see happening differently in your life if this

469
00:24:03.759 --> 00:24:07.359
was not a problem for you. What would other people

470
00:24:07.880 --> 00:24:11.799
see that is different about you from the outside? What

471
00:24:11.920 --> 00:24:16.559
behaviors would other people observe if you were fully connected

472
00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:18.599
to your inner wisdom, your inner authority, and you were

473
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:21.559
living your life in a way that expressed that you

474
00:24:21.720 --> 00:24:24.279
fully trust yourself, that you've got your own back, what

475
00:24:24.319 --> 00:24:26.680
would they notice that's different as you move through life

476
00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:29.319
with this level of trust and confidence and trusting your

477
00:24:29.319 --> 00:24:32.440
own ability and decisions, and you have a willingness to

478
00:24:32.440 --> 00:24:36.279
protect your boundaries and to express your needs. What would

479
00:24:36.480 --> 00:24:41.119
they see that's different? What would feel different for you

480
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:46.039
on the inside, what behaviors would stop, what would look

481
00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:49.599
different on the outside. What would you know that you

482
00:24:50.240 --> 00:24:53.160
definitely would be doing differently in terms of how you

483
00:24:53.240 --> 00:24:56.599
operate in the world, And what would other people in

484
00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:00.240
your life observe. That's a really useful exercise to do

485
00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:03.200
to get some clarity about this. And then my one

486
00:25:03.279 --> 00:25:07.640
other action item for you is to start paying attention

487
00:25:07.720 --> 00:25:11.559
throughout your day to where you might be second guessing yourself,

488
00:25:12.079 --> 00:25:14.799
Where you might be maybe asking for somebody else's opinion

489
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:19.400
or reassurance, even if it's just the outfit that you're wearing,

490
00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:22.039
or whether you should buy that pair of jeans. Start

491
00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:25.079
building a picture of how prevalent this is in your life,

492
00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:28.799
your work, your relationships. Note down the small things, the

493
00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:31.640
big things. Where are you holding back? Where do you

494
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:34.599
not speak up? Where do you avoid a conversation because

495
00:25:34.599 --> 00:25:36.960
you don't trust that you can handle it, You don't

496
00:25:37.000 --> 00:25:40.240
trust that you could manage your own emotions? Where are

497
00:25:40.279 --> 00:25:43.160
you playing small because you don't trust that.

498
00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:44.160
You've got what it takes.

499
00:25:44.880 --> 00:25:50.279
Really pay attention, get really intentional, really mindful, and observe

500
00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:55.720
how frequently this pops up, and then start seeing if

501
00:25:55.720 --> 00:26:00.039
you can find even the smallest opportunities to pause and

502
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:04.000
take a breath and do something different. So maybe don't

503
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:07.000
ask for that opinion. Just buy the genes because you

504
00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:11.160
like the genes. Don't ask for anybody else's reassurance before

505
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:13.680
you make a decision. Go ahead and make the decision.

506
00:26:14.119 --> 00:26:16.599
If there's a decision you've been stalling on, that you've

507
00:26:16.599 --> 00:26:18.440
been spinning your wheels on, see if you can just

508
00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:21.200
bite the bullet and make the decision. Some of these

509
00:26:21.240 --> 00:26:24.160
behaviors that you do, to be clear, are just a habit.

510
00:26:24.640 --> 00:26:28.200
You're so in the habit of second guessing and asking

511
00:26:28.200 --> 00:26:30.920
for other people's opinions and not fully trusting or needing

512
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:33.319
it to be one hundred percent right, needing a guaranteed,

513
00:26:33.400 --> 00:26:36.160
rock solid sense of certainty that you're going to make

514
00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:39.440
the right decision. That this has just become very habitual.

515
00:26:39.519 --> 00:26:42.559
So you can start breaking those habits right now. It

516
00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:45.279
doesn't need to be any more deep than that. Of course,

517
00:26:45.279 --> 00:26:47.599
some things are more deep than that. But where you

518
00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:51.279
can make a change, make a change, make a decision,

519
00:26:51.559 --> 00:26:54.599
just start breaking this habit. And over the next seven sessions,

520
00:26:54.680 --> 00:26:56.920
over this month of July, we're going to be slowly

521
00:26:57.079 --> 00:26:59.000
working to rebuild that self trust.

522
00:26:59.039 --> 00:26:59.920
I'm going to be giving you.

523
00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:02.759
Ideas and tools and resources to help you to really

524
00:27:02.799 --> 00:27:04.960
reconnect with this inner wisdom. We're going to look at

525
00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:07.960
your nervous system, how to anchor back into safety, how

526
00:27:07.960 --> 00:27:11.519
to work with your inner critic, reconnect with that inner authority,

527
00:27:11.839 --> 00:27:15.200
and really work on how you can start embodying self

528
00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:18.880
trust through these consistent daily actions and routines and become

529
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:21.240
a person that you know you can rely on, and

530
00:27:21.279 --> 00:27:24.000
you can start taking back your power and you can

531
00:27:24.039 --> 00:27:26.279
know that you've got your own back. So, if you're

532
00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:28.400
not already a paid subscriber, if you want to jump in,

533
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:30.720
it's only ten dollars a month. I mean it's a bargain.

534
00:27:31.079 --> 00:27:33.279
But if not, then I hope this has been helpful.

535
00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:35.319
And later in the month, I will let you know

536
00:27:35.400 --> 00:27:37.720
all about Beyond Confident because it will be opening. But

537
00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:40.759
for now, let's focus on how to rebuild your self trust.

538
00:27:40.839 --> 00:27:43.079
I cannot wait to catch you for the next episode

539
00:27:43.119 --> 00:27:47.640
of Crappy to Happy and Beyond Happy. Crappy to Happy

540
00:27:47.720 --> 00:27:50.519
is created and produced by me Castune. If you enjoy

541
00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:52.759
the show, please hit the follow button wherever you listen

542
00:27:52.799 --> 00:27:55.079
to ensure you never miss an episode. Share with a

543
00:27:55.079 --> 00:27:57.519
friend to get me into the ears of more lovely listeners,

544
00:27:57.519 --> 00:27:58.160
and I would love.

545
00:27:58.119 --> 00:27:59.799
You to leave a five star rating and review.

546
00:28:00.200 --> 00:28:02.039
Thank you so much for being here, and I cannot

547
00:28:02.079 --> 00:28:04.559
wait to catch you next week for another fabulous episode

548
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:08.039
of Crappy to Happy.