Changing habits - the motivation myth

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A listener production. You're listening to Crappy Tore Happy with

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Tip and Cast. Last episode we were.

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Talking about mindfulness one oh one Real Basics. This episode,

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we're going to talk about changing habits and the motivation myth.

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So Cass motivation.

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Yeah, I'm assuming this is a that you see this

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a lot.

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I do as a trainer and running a online fitness

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weight loss business.

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People come to me because they want to.

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Lose weight or get fit, and they're very motivated in

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the beginning, and I see that they do get those

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results through motivation, but there comes a time where they

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fall off the wagon. Motivation fails them and they're staring

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at me, going whys is so hard? And the answer

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isn't always with motivation, is it. It's it always comes

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back to habits, creating healthy habits. And I find that

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the clients that are most successful members most successful are

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those who do implement the healthy habits, and those that

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are the least successful are those that are relying on

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the woolpower, relying on the motivation. And there's a lot

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of scientific evidence to back this up that motivation isn't

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what we should be relying on.

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It should be habits where did that even come from?

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Where is it that we why is it that we

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all think that we should magically be motivated?

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And I mean that about any goal.

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You know, I'm writing a book at the moment, and

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you know, so you say, well, if I only wrote

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when I felt motivated to write, like, not much writing.

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Would get done.

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And the same with anything ex studying. Everything, you do

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it whether you feel like doing it or not. Yeah,

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sometimes you need to have a deadline. Sometimes that's the

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thing that gets you going. But I think the problem

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is when you're relying only on yourself, like there's no

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external pressure, there's no external deadline. If I've got to

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write an article for TVXO, it gets written maybe at

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the last minute, but there's an external pressure.

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Because we're you yeah, yeah, yeah.

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But if I'm writing a book for myself or something

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that's for you know, nobody's putting pressure on me, then

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there's not that same pressure, and therefore things don't get done.

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So we have to go beyond motivation. Don't we to

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get touching any goal.

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Because the motivation runs out. And I find that in myself.

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I'm doing physio at the moment for my broken ankle.

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It's very hard to keep going. It's boring, you know,

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you get I'm over it, but you have to create

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that habit where as soon as I wake up, I'm

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doing physio. At lunchtime, I do physio, and before I

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go to bed physio. I'm trying to build the habit

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in to get it done because I know if I

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wait until I motivated, it just won't happen.

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Too many other things get in the way.

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So what are the kinds of things that you see

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coming up in the community, like in the tifxo community

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about this topic, this pervation.

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So in the tif exo community, we see people have

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one bad day and then they write the whole week

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and they can't get remotivated after they have say a

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slip up like a biscuit with a coffee. Oh, I've

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had a biscuit. I might as well go and have

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fast food now. And you see this cycle once they're

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off the wagon of just sabotaging and feeling self defeated

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and just not being able to get back on track.

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So that comes down to, you know, how we coach

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them to reset and to to try that lose the

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all or nothing attitude.

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But a lot of it has to do with motivation.

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If you have a bad day, how do you get

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motivated the next day to pick up, pull up your

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socks and kick going. And also, you know relying on

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that motivation far too much. I know that in my

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own life when I build healthy habits, for example, something

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as simple as brushing my teeth, I don't think about it.

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I brush my teeth morning and night.

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So you know, I've implemented exercise at times in my

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life where it is just like brushing my teeth.

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I just do it.

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Rain hell, I do it because I feel good after.

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And same with healthy eating. There's just some no nose.

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I don't drink soft drink for something. I hate soft drinks,

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so I don't have it in the house. I don't

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have it. There are habits there with what I drink,

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what I don't drink. Having those habits have saved me

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time and time again from relying on motivation.

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That comes and goes.

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And my best advice to anyone starting a health and

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fitness journey or adventure adventure, because I hate the way

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journey it's use way too much in reality TV, is

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to forget the motivation and to concentrate on the habits.

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Can I ask you a question because you've talked about

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your healthy habits in terms of your nutrition and exercise,

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and that's been your lifestyle and your living. You make

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a living for a very long time, so those habits

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would be really well entrenched for you. In our last episode,

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we talked about meditation. How did you go with making

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that new habit? That's because that's been something that would

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have been new for you, something that wasn't already part

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of a routine. How did you do that?

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Well, simply, I didn't have any more time in the

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day to dedicate to anything. So my husband and I

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decided we'd go to bed ten minutes earlier, and instead

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of scrolling.

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Through Facebook for Instagram like I.

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Was doing in bed, which is a big and no

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no froncas because of the blue light that kept me

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up and all the thoughts of.

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You know, and I found it negative.

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I put the phone away just in a drawer in

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the kitchen and ed and I went to bed and

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ten minutes earlier. And that's how we instilled a little

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bit of habit around meditation. And it's working. Yeah, it's

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really working. So there's a set time, set time routine.

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Space got a buddy which helps. Yeah, I've got a

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meditation buddy. He keeps me accountable, and you know, it

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is hard. Sometimes I do want to stay up and

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watch Tally or you know, I start tiding up the

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house at that time because the baby's in bed. You know,

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those things have to wait because the meditation is very

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important and we have stuck to it and it's been great.

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Yeah.

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So cas, let's start with the science of willpower, because

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I do know this, but willpower runs out right.

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Yeah.

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Willpower has been found to be a finite resource. It's

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essentially that people talk about it in different ways. Some

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people talk about it like an energy that depletes and renews,

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and there are certain things that deplete it and certain

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things that renew it or replenish it. I think it

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also people talk about it as being like a muscle

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that fatigues. I actually really like that metaphor because the

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muscle that fatigues also can be strengthened over time. And

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that's the thing about willpower is initially you might have

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a weak willpower muscle. It actually technically is an energy.

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It's like a glucose It's fueled by glucose in your body.

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But if we use the muscle metaphor, then you might

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have a weak willpower muscle, so it will fatigue by

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the end of a long day, which is while we

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all fall off the wagon at night and it but

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over time, with building up that muscle slowly, you actually

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can increase your the strength of your willpower over time.

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So when people are talking about looking for motivation to

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stick to goals, looking for their motivation to do something

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or not do something.

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So when we talk.

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About willpower, we're talking about Kelly McGonagall is actually a

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Stanford University psychologist who has also researched this, and she

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talks about willpower as actually willpower, won't power, and want power.

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There's three different components to it.

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So I will do something, I will go to the gym,

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I will exercise today, I will write my book, I will,

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I will, I won't. So willpower also constitute the thing

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constitutes the things that I won't do, I won't eat

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the cake, all the things that were every time we

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stop doing something that we really want to.

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Oh, that counts too, Yeah, it counts as well.

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And then the other thing is, well, the other thing

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that we know depletes it is decision making.

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Sure you and I have talked about how important it

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is a decision.

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Making thing, and so every time we make a decision,

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every time, and in fact, any when you think about

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what I will do and what I won't do, if

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you think about all day long through your life, we

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can talk about the big things like the diet and

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the exercise and those big sort of bigger decisions, but

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even just the fact that I have to go to

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work when I would rather stay home, or the fact

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that I will I, you know, refrain from making a

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rude comment to somebody who cuts me off in the traffic,

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Like all of.

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That's using yes, yes, and I find a nice children

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at work. Children so hard because you're making decisions all day.

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What do I do in this situation? Like do I

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It's so hard. You're making decisions all day.

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With the kids. You are very depleting. You are like

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we go out now, he's going to be different.

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Yeah, feed, nap, play this, what's he need?

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What's he need?

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It depletes so decision making, doing things you don't want

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to do, not doing things you do want to do.

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All of these things fatigue the muscle. So at the

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end of the day, your willpower will be quite depleted.

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Okay, so that's important to know. How do you build it.

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It's a muscle, though, we know it's.

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An energy in your body, and we know it's fueled

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by rest and by glucose in your blood and your brain.

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So actually eating.

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Regularly, like keeping your blood sugar stable is really important.

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So if you apply that to people who diet, when

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you're dieting, when you're consciously choosing to limit your calorie.

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Into depleting willpower as you're all increasing cravings.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, So on the one hand, we've talked about we've

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had a whole episode on dieting in season one, or

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we talked about when you choose to not eat certain

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foods and then you focus intensely on wanting to eat

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those things, and then your blood sugar is low, so

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you're actually your willpower.

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Is low as well low as well, So it's almost

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for disaster absolutely.

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Yeah, So keeping your blood sugar levels stable is really

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important and also rest, so meditation for example, taking breaks

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will renew that.

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So Cass, are you saying that we should limit the

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decisions we make.

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If it's possible to limit the number of decisions that

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you have to make, then you will certainly keep your

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reserves of willpower up. So this is the reason why

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Barack Obama, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerperk that all were basically

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like a uniform every day. So then I have to

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think about whether that's a gray T shirt and a

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pair of jeans, or whether it's a blue suit or

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a gray suit. Then they don't have to think about

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what they're going to wear every day. Similarly, they'll have

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a routine to you know, hit the gym at six

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o'clock every morning, rain, hail, shine, don't think about it,

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don't think about it. So if you can remove those

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decisions and make things part of the routine, what we

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know about habits is that they require no thinking but

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require no decision making because they're so automatic. So that's

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what we want to aim for, is to get rid

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of the thinking process, the decision process that depletes all

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of that willpower, and just make it so automatic that

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it's like you, it's such a part of your life

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that you don't even think about it.

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And when I had the baby, I found that decision

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making so overwhelming what to do with this tiny newborn.

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So I did formulate a little routine with the help

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of a midwife and Arnold has been on Arnold's routine.

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I emailed it off to all friends and family visiting

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times the Here are his nap times, here are his

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feed times, here are his playtimes, and the whole day's mapped.

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Doubt, so I look at the clock.

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I know exactly right now he's asleep until one thirty,

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one thirty feed, he'll play until three thirty.

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When he'll have another nap, you know.

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And it has taken so much pressure off on that

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Arnold is on his routine and we just all can.

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You know until he changes it? Yeah, And of course.

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It has been adapting from newborns for five month baby,

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there's solids. Now he's eating some solids, so you're adding

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solid sessions all of that. But it does take away

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some of that torment of decision making day and day

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out with kids.

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For sure. So let's talk about habits.

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I love habits, I love discipline, I love routine. I

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guess it comes from my martial arts background, where habits

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and the routine of training and the practice is so important.

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No matter how you feel what's going on, you would

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make time for that martial arts training every day.

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It's non negotiable.

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And it was beautiful because the habit was built into me.

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In terms of you put on your dough bock, your uniform,

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that's the first part of the habit. You type your

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belt in the exact same way every single day, making

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sure that the lengths are down to your knees and

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the knot is a certain way, and it all forms

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a way of getting prepared to train. And I think

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it's important in all sorts of habits. Whether you are

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going for a run in the morning, you put on

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your runners, or maybe it's a heart rate monitor or

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you know, you have these tiny little habits built into

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habits that help to get you moving. And I find

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that so important in my life to maintain healthy habits.

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So is there some science behind that. Yes.

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In fact, almost half of everything that we do every

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day is done out of habit.

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Wow.

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So when you're talking about again taekwondo or exercise, return,

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that's one activity that you do. But the fact of

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the matter is from when you wake up in the

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morning until when you go to bed at night, most

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most of your day is habitual, like including what you

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think and what you feel, not just what you do.

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I don't have to ask you like if you would

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probably have to stop and think if I asked you,

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do you put your left shoe on first or your

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right shoe?

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Which no, I couldn't tell you probably might right, but.

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I guarantee you it's exactly the same every day. Or

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when you get up in the morning, you know, what

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is the first thing that you do? Do you go

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do you know, straight to the meditation cushions, straight to

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the coffee machine, straight to the shower, straight to the phone.

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It will be the same every day. We all have

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our routine and we don't even think anymore, you know.

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So there's a part of our brain that is involved

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in making decisions, and that's a huge mental load. Like

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if you have to think about everything that you do,

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it uses a lot of mental resources. So for efficiency,

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our brain chunks things together. It chunks a whole lots

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of different activities into these little routines, so that then

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one thing just triggers off, another triggers off, another triggers

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off and other. You know, when you're driving somewhere and

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you this time instead of going to work, you have

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to pick somebody out from the airport, but you drive

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straight to you take the automatically, put the indicator on

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and take the EXEITU at work instead of going to

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the airport, because that's what you'll You're just so programmed

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to follow that routine, so if you're not consciously thinking,

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you'll automatically drive to the place even though you're not.

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Supposed to go.

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So every day we you know, our brains have a

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limited capacity, so they're very good at chunking things together.

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And so everything that we do, generally speaking, like triggers

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off something else, triggers off something else, triggers off something else,

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so that it's not just one thing we do, it's

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whole chains of things.

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So you think get together.

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So if you're doing something that isn't good for you

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and you would like to change that habit, how do

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you short circuit that habitual automatic chain of events.

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So people focus on there's this behavior that I want

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to change, but that behavior will be one.

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Little chink in that whole chain.

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And every behavior and we know this has got like

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a trigger, like a queue to do it. And then

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usually when we're talking about things like food or any

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behavior that we do, there's a reward at the end

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of it.

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Ah the reward, so we have a queue.

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If I am trying to stop eating chocolate. Yes, there'll

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be a queue to eat the chocolate. The que could

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be it's three o'clock. Yes, the que can be a

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time of day.

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It's three o'clock. I go straight to the vending machine.

330
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It's three o'clock. It's time to go down to the

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cafe in coffees.

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And so there's a queue, there's a behavior, then there's

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a reward. So if we want to unpack habits or

334
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create new habits, we have to look at the whole chain.

335
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I think that's the important thing, because everything links to

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something else.

337
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So cas, what are some other things that are getting

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in the way of people making good choices and getting

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those habits in place to get them to their goal.

340
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There's lots of tricky things that our brain does. So essentially,

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what we when people talk about wanting to be motivated

342
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or looking for motivation or looking for will power to

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achieve a goal, what they're essentially saying is they want

344
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to prioritize the long term goal over the shit term gratification.

345
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You know, do I want to I really want to

346
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eat this cake right now, but I know that that's

347
00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:09.160
not again, not going to get me closer to the

348
00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:12.720
goal of fitting into the dress, or you know, I

349
00:17:12.759 --> 00:17:14.799
want to stay on the couch and watch TV, but

350
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that's not going to get me closer to my goal

351
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of running a half marathon. And so so often we

352
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tend to default to choosing the instant what feels good now, yes,

353
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over what is.

354
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What we want?

355
00:17:27.240 --> 00:17:29.799
That's that I want power I was talking about before

356
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I said the willpower, the won't power? Then that I

357
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want powers their actual goal, the long term thing that

358
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I'm aiming for us. So how do we make that

359
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the priority? And we do tend to oftentimes choose the

360
00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:45.000
what feels good in the short.

361
00:17:44.839 --> 00:17:47.119
Term, yeah, yeah, And how how do.

362
00:17:47.119 --> 00:17:51.200
You sit with that discomfort and push through to well?

363
00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:53.920
I think we have to start understanding our own psychology

364
00:17:53.960 --> 00:17:56.319
a bit. And again, you know, mindfulness is no judgment.

365
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So if we can start noticing the things that we think,

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and the things that we tell ourselves, the stories that

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we buy into, and without any judgment, we can start

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seeing what some of these traps are that we fall into,

369
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that get in the way, and that's that's gonna help us.

370
00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:16.000
Episode one on positive thinking and episode two and mindfulness.

371
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Are all helping.

372
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We're all helping to build these habits, Yeah, to prime

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you to make a good habit.

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So one thing that we know is that human beings

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will you know you we think.

376
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We see this in the community all the time.

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We think that if we're doing really well on making progress,

378
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that that will be really motivating to continue, and for

379
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some people it certainly is. But what we actually often

380
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find is that making progress almost triggers us.

381
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To feel that we deserve a reward.

382
00:18:43.359 --> 00:18:46.920
So I've done so well making all this great progress, Yeah, me,

383
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I deserve to have that pizza. And the other thing

384
00:18:52.359 --> 00:18:54.880
is that what we know is that we have this

385
00:18:55.079 --> 00:18:59.240
moralistic kind of way that we you know, we use.

386
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We've talked before about moralizing food choices.

387
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It's good or it's bad, and therefore I'm good or

388
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I'm bad, And so this applies to often our behavioral

389
00:19:07.960 --> 00:19:11.079
choices as well. Like if we do something good, we

390
00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:13.480
give ourselves a pat on the back. But what we

391
00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:16.759
do human beings are fascinating creatures. If we do something

392
00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:21.200
that's good, we kind of give ourselves license to then

393
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do something bad.

394
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Why do we do that?

395
00:19:23.640 --> 00:19:29.920
Because I don't know, it's our this funny brain way

396
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that our brain works. This applies to for example, to

397
00:19:32.279 --> 00:19:34.240
get off the food subject for a minute.

398
00:19:34.319 --> 00:19:36.440
This applies to if you ask people to.

399
00:19:36.440 --> 00:19:40.359
Recall a time that they did something really altruistic, that

400
00:19:40.440 --> 00:19:43.119
they did something really good for other people, they're less

401
00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:44.920
likely than if you give them the option to donate

402
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:47.200
to a charity. They're actually less likely to donate to

403
00:19:47.240 --> 00:19:49.160
the charity if they've just remembered the time they did

404
00:19:49.160 --> 00:19:52.039
something good because in their mind, they already did that

405
00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:52.559
good thing.

406
00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:56.319
Pat on the back off the hawk. Incredible. Basically they do.

407
00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:59.319
They do. And also if you.

408
00:20:00.920 --> 00:20:03.960
If you tell yourself that you're going to go to

409
00:20:04.039 --> 00:20:06.799
the gym later, like you haven't even been yet, but

410
00:20:06.839 --> 00:20:08.599
if in your mind you tell yourself you're going to

411
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the gym, you give yourself license to eat more.

412
00:20:12.319 --> 00:20:15.480
Now, this is so interesting. Casts. I love talking about

413
00:20:15.480 --> 00:20:16.440
habits and motivation.

414
00:20:16.599 --> 00:20:18.640
We're going to take a little break now and come

415
00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:22.960
back and talk about how you can build those healthy habits.

416
00:20:26.279 --> 00:20:29.279
Welcome back to Crappy to Happy. We're talking all things

417
00:20:29.319 --> 00:20:34.559
habits and motivation. So for myself, when I was competing

418
00:20:34.599 --> 00:20:39.240
at elite level or you know, in peak states of training,

419
00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:42.119
I don't know if this was the right approach. Cast,

420
00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:45.599
but keep in front of mind the reasons that I

421
00:20:45.720 --> 00:20:49.640
was doing this, whether it was to build my brand

422
00:20:49.880 --> 00:20:53.000
or to because it was a personal goal to see

423
00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:56.359
how far I could go in taekwondo. I always came

424
00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:59.279
back to why, Why Why am I here? And that

425
00:20:59.400 --> 00:21:04.839
kept me motivated to continue to set the routine that

426
00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:07.160
set me up to keep the habit going, if that

427
00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:07.759
makes sense.

428
00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:11.119
So when we talk about delaying, like putting off the

429
00:21:11.200 --> 00:21:14.599
instant gratification, it has to be in the service of

430
00:21:14.640 --> 00:21:16.039
the longer term reward.

431
00:21:16.079 --> 00:21:16.920
And that's what you're saying.

432
00:21:17.079 --> 00:21:20.559
So that remembering the why, Like that's what we tell

433
00:21:20.599 --> 00:21:23.519
people all the time. When you feel like you know

434
00:21:23.559 --> 00:21:25.880
you deserve this, or you don't have the energy for this,

435
00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:29.240
or whatever it is that your mind's telling yourself, then

436
00:21:29.480 --> 00:21:31.160
or you would have had days for sure.

437
00:21:31.160 --> 00:21:33.119
For sure when you didn't feel like train.

438
00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:36.319
Your muscles are fatigued, you feel tired, you feel like

439
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:38.200
you're not going to be able to do it. Especially

440
00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:40.319
when I was going for my six dam black belt,

441
00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:42.799
I just felt, oh, no, I just want to see

442
00:21:42.839 --> 00:21:45.079
on the couch and watch TV. I really do, instead

443
00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:47.279
of going to class or going to training. But then

444
00:21:47.319 --> 00:21:49.960
I remember, no, I really want to earn this qualification,

445
00:21:50.519 --> 00:21:53.599
all the reasons why I wanted it, and that would

446
00:21:53.640 --> 00:21:56.119
motivate me to get off the couch to go to training.

447
00:21:56.200 --> 00:21:59.319
Yeah, holding in mind, bringing that long term goal and

448
00:21:59.359 --> 00:22:04.759
that intrinsic motivation, that whatever that intrinsic driver is, to

449
00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:09.319
make that goal so meaningful and personal to you, I

450
00:22:09.319 --> 00:22:10.799
think that's how you get over that.

451
00:22:10.960 --> 00:22:13.720
Yeah. And one of the things that helped me was

452
00:22:13.799 --> 00:22:17.519
to write down those whys. Write them down, have them

453
00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:19.960
on the fridge, have them on the mirror in the bathroom,

454
00:22:20.039 --> 00:22:23.799
above my bed, everywhere, just to remind me in those

455
00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:27.640
moments where motivation was failing, I could say, hey, no,

456
00:22:27.880 --> 00:22:30.160
this is the time classes, this is a time you're

457
00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:32.920
going to go and to keep to the routine.

458
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:35.599
Anything that you can put around in your environment I

459
00:22:35.640 --> 00:22:39.240
think is always really useful. Visual reminders and queues and

460
00:22:39.720 --> 00:22:45.319
phrases or pictures of where you see yourself, visualizing your

461
00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:48.440
future self. When even there's one exercise we do where

462
00:22:48.480 --> 00:22:52.640
you even write a letter to yourself from the future

463
00:22:53.240 --> 00:22:57.480
saying what you've achieved, or you write down your We

464
00:22:57.559 --> 00:22:59.880
call it the best possible self exercise, where you are

465
00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:02.359
in a day in the future when you've achieved what

466
00:23:02.359 --> 00:23:05.119
you want and you have become the best possible version

467
00:23:05.160 --> 00:23:05.440
of you.

468
00:23:05.799 --> 00:23:07.240
And you write it in detail.

469
00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:12.920
It's proven to really improve people's performance and keep people

470
00:23:12.920 --> 00:23:16.920
on track to changing those habits and you know, pushing

471
00:23:16.920 --> 00:23:22.880
through that hard stage of because it is hard, hard, Yeah, absolutely.

472
00:23:22.359 --> 00:23:26.160
To push through until that becomes more automatic. It's really constable.

473
00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:28.599
And yeah, journaling anything you can.

474
00:23:28.440 --> 00:23:32.839
Do to push through that discomfort, I find does help.

475
00:23:33.119 --> 00:23:35.400
So let's talk about the willpower again.

476
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:41.079
If it's a finite resource, it wears off, motivation disappears,

477
00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:46.480
and we're left with habits. So how do we start

478
00:23:46.559 --> 00:23:49.039
from scratch informing a new help habit?

479
00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:50.039
So what you want to.

480
00:23:49.960 --> 00:23:52.519
Remember, like we said before, is that a habit is

481
00:23:52.599 --> 00:23:55.720
a comprises of and there's research about this that a

482
00:23:55.759 --> 00:24:00.359
habit comprises of three components, a Q, then the actual behavior,

483
00:24:00.799 --> 00:24:01.720
and then the reward.

484
00:24:01.759 --> 00:24:02.279
The reward.

485
00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:04.960
So what you want to do is to when that

486
00:24:05.079 --> 00:24:08.799
que comes up, substitute a different behavior that gives you

487
00:24:08.839 --> 00:24:12.920
the same reward. So that requires you to really think

488
00:24:12.960 --> 00:24:16.000
about what do I get from that behavior. Let's say

489
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:20.039
my behavior is a three o'clock chocolate bar. For different people,

490
00:24:20.599 --> 00:24:22.240
and this will be different things.

491
00:24:22.279 --> 00:24:22.839
Maybe it is.

492
00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:25.440
Just a sugar hit or a sugar energy, and maybe

493
00:24:25.480 --> 00:24:27.599
I could get that in a different way. Maybe I

494
00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:29.960
could go outside and get some fresh air for some people.

495
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:31.640
And in fact, the author of the book The Power

496
00:24:31.640 --> 00:24:34.400
of Habit, he identified this himself and he said he

497
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:38.000
realized that actually it was a craving for social connection

498
00:24:38.039 --> 00:24:39.160
because he would get up and go to the te

499
00:24:39.240 --> 00:24:40.960
room and there would be other people there, and so

500
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:42.640
he would have a chat with people in the tea room.

501
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:45.960
So he realized that he actually didn't it wasn't the

502
00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:48.039
chocolate or the cake or whatever it was that he

503
00:24:48.119 --> 00:24:51.119
was going for. It was a break from his computer

504
00:24:51.400 --> 00:24:53.359
and getting to go and have a chat with some people.

505
00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:56.799
So he just went and had a chat with some people. Yeah,

506
00:24:56.960 --> 00:25:01.319
he didn't actually need that that the habit of the

507
00:25:01.359 --> 00:25:05.440
cake to get the same reward. But so if you

508
00:25:05.480 --> 00:25:07.839
can work out, because it will be very different for

509
00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:12.279
different people in different circumstances, what that behavior is that

510
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:15.480
you want to change, changing habits. Now, if you can

511
00:25:15.799 --> 00:25:19.000
work out specifically to you, what's the reward that that51200:25:19.039 --> 00:25:21.200



gives you, well, then you can we talk about this51300:25:21.200 --> 00:25:23.640



with emotional leading, right, yes, then you can work out, well,51400:25:23.640 --> 00:25:26.279



what do I substitute in that's going to give me51500:25:26.319 --> 00:25:28.559



that same reward, So that when that Q pops up,51600:25:28.599 --> 00:25:29.240



I have a little bit.51700:25:29.200 --> 00:25:31.720



Of mindfulness, mindful awareness of what's happening.51800:25:32.799 --> 00:25:35.160



I have the urge to do something, to engage in51900:25:35.160 --> 00:25:36.799



that thing, which is so routine I don't even think52000:25:36.799 --> 00:25:39.920



about it, but I have enough presence of mind to say, well, no,52100:25:40.039 --> 00:25:42.200



I'm going to do this thing different, this thing instead52200:25:42.680 --> 00:25:46.119



it gives me the same reward, and over time then52300:25:46.359 --> 00:25:51.720



you actually create a different behavior. People sometimes start from52400:25:51.920 --> 00:25:53.279



you know this, we know this, and the typics so52500:25:53.279 --> 00:25:56.880



I community people starting from a point of needing to change.52600:25:56.559 --> 00:25:59.079



A lot of an overhaul.52700:25:59.720 --> 00:26:03.559



And he talks about cornerstone habits. This is Charles Dewey52800:26:03.640 --> 00:26:05.759



wrote the book The Power of Habit. He talks about52900:26:05.799 --> 00:26:09.920



some habits are like cornerstone habits, which if you can53000:26:10.000 --> 00:26:12.880



change this one behavior, because it's the way everything connects,53100:26:13.400 --> 00:26:16.559



it actually has this ripple effect which influences you to53200:26:16.640 --> 00:26:19.160



change another behavior and another pavior. So fight it'side I'm53300:26:19.160 --> 00:26:21.599



going to start exercising and I'm going to get up53400:26:21.599 --> 00:26:23.240



and have a run in the morning. Well that means53500:26:23.279 --> 00:26:25.039



I actually have to go to sleep a bit earlier,53600:26:25.119 --> 00:26:27.240



so then my sleep's better, which means I actually have53700:26:27.319 --> 00:26:30.000



to get off my phone, and then it means that53800:26:30.039 --> 00:26:32.160



I'm going to if I've been for a run in53900:26:32.160 --> 00:26:34.440



the morning, it means that I'm going to be more54000:26:34.480 --> 00:26:36.359



inclined to eat a healthier breakfast.54100:26:36.720 --> 00:26:40.640



So it has flow on fact yeah, and flow on effects.54200:26:40.680 --> 00:26:43.880



So you change one thing and without even really trying,54300:26:44.319 --> 00:26:47.839



you can potentially have this ripple effect where you change54400:26:47.880 --> 00:26:50.400



a lot of things without actually necessarily putting a lot54500:26:50.400 --> 00:26:53.880



of energy into deliberately changing those things.54600:26:54.119 --> 00:26:55.920



So, but it takes a while to break a habit.54700:26:56.359 --> 00:26:58.359



How long does it take to break a habit or54800:26:58.359 --> 00:27:00.480



to make a habit? Break a habit?54900:27:00.000 --> 00:27:02.680



A lot of people talk about this twenty one day55000:27:02.799 --> 00:27:03.640



yeah idea?55100:27:03.799 --> 00:27:05.359



Is it a myth? I think so.55200:27:05.480 --> 00:27:07.240



I don't know where the twenty one days came from.55300:27:07.319 --> 00:27:10.519



I think there was some study that or something that.55400:27:11.279 --> 00:27:15.200



Three weeks seems very fast, and unfortunately people rely on that.55500:27:15.240 --> 00:27:16.720



When they haven't made a new habit, they get all55600:27:16.759 --> 00:27:18.599



deflated and demotivate abolutely.55700:27:18.680 --> 00:27:21.400



I see it time and time again from TIFEXO. After55800:27:21.440 --> 00:27:23.839



a month they're like, oh, it didn't work for me,55900:27:24.519 --> 00:27:28.359



and I'm still dirty. It's only been thirty days. Your56000:27:28.480 --> 00:27:32.160



taste buds rejuvenate every two weeks, so even if you're56100:27:32.240 --> 00:27:35.880



eating a different diet, it takes two weeks for your taste.56200:27:35.599 --> 00:27:36.519



Buds to change.56300:27:36.599 --> 00:27:42.039



That's something biological, let alone those synapses in your brain56400:27:42.160 --> 00:27:44.440



to make new habits and connections.56500:27:45.440 --> 00:27:47.640



I'm pretty sure it's more like sixty six days. Yeah,56600:27:48.240 --> 00:27:50.119



is how long it takes to create a new habit.56700:27:50.160 --> 00:27:52.240



I mean, and you know what, even that is probably56800:27:52.240 --> 00:27:57.079



not a definite science. There's probably different habits, different individuals,56900:27:57.640 --> 00:27:58.960



different things will have.57000:27:58.880 --> 00:28:01.240



How closely you stick to your new habit.57100:28:01.839 --> 00:28:04.839



Yeah, but you know, if you can expect to spend57200:28:04.880 --> 00:28:07.799



a couple of months rather than a couple of weeks,57300:28:08.240 --> 00:28:10.799



and then you're probably setting yourself up for a more realistic,57400:28:12.119 --> 00:28:15.079



you know, expectations about how long it's going to take,57500:28:15.079 --> 00:28:17.880



so that you're not demotivated if you haven't overhauled your57600:28:17.920 --> 00:28:21.880



life in a month. Here's another really interesting thing about behaviors,57700:28:21.960 --> 00:28:24.559



human psychology and behaviors. Do you know that if you57800:28:24.599 --> 00:28:26.559



go to a restaurant or a cafe and there is57900:28:26.599 --> 00:28:30.359



a healthy option on the menu, people are more likely58000:28:30.440 --> 00:28:32.480



to choose the least healthy option.58100:28:33.559 --> 00:28:35.119



This came out of they discovered.58200:28:35.200 --> 00:28:40.759



They discovered this when McDonald started introducing salads onto the menu.58300:28:40.839 --> 00:28:43.599



They found it when they introduced When McDonald started introducing58400:28:43.640 --> 00:28:47.160



healthy options, sales of Big Max went through the roof.58500:28:47.759 --> 00:28:51.440



It's because our brains see the healthy option, and it's58600:28:51.480 --> 00:28:55.119



like they tick off healthy option, and therefore, I don't58700:28:55.160 --> 00:28:58.799



know why this happens, but we a brain registers as58800:28:58.799 --> 00:29:01.279



a healthy option. It's like we give ourselves the green58900:29:01.359 --> 00:29:03.720



light to choose the least healthy.59000:29:04.279 --> 00:29:07.400



That's bizarre, but I thought that would be only if59100:29:07.440 --> 00:29:09.720



you did choose the healthy option. And therefore you said59200:29:09.759 --> 00:29:12.839



I had a macat salad, therefore I deserve the macas59300:29:12.880 --> 00:29:13.480



big mac.59400:29:14.119 --> 00:29:15.160



I don't understand that.59500:29:15.680 --> 00:29:18.160



So this is what we're confronted with. Yeah, maybe it59600:29:18.240 --> 00:29:20.240



ticks off out. It ticks off something. It's a bit59700:29:20.319 --> 00:29:22.519



like writing a list and a half. We've talked about59800:29:22.519 --> 00:29:25.160



when you write a list, but then you feel good,59900:29:26.039 --> 00:29:27.079



but you don't actually then.60000:29:27.000 --> 00:29:27.839



Do anything on the list.60100:29:27.920 --> 00:29:30.319



No, never, because just the writing list was enough to60200:29:30.319 --> 00:29:32.640



make you feel good to offload that stress. I think60300:29:32.640 --> 00:29:35.359



it's similar when you see the healthy option. Oh, there's60400:29:35.400 --> 00:29:36.559



healthy option, and.60500:29:36.559 --> 00:29:39.200



Then you feel good. So you give yourself life. I'll60600:29:39.279 --> 00:29:44.920



do that next time. Yeah, time incredible. Choose the unhealthiest option.60700:29:45.519 --> 00:29:48.400



Human brains and the reward system.60800:29:48.440 --> 00:29:52.079



You were telling me before, you said something about how60900:29:52.440 --> 00:29:55.599



given the reward of an apple or a piece of chocolate.61000:29:55.759 --> 00:29:59.359



Yeah, So people who people in studies who have been61100:29:59.480 --> 00:30:02.400



you know, put in to you know, it's a research exercise.61200:30:02.759 --> 00:30:05.079



So people have a goal and they work towards it,61300:30:05.079 --> 00:30:07.519



and they get feedback from the researcher. This might be dieting,61400:30:07.559 --> 00:30:10.319



for example, losing weight, and they get really positive feedback61500:30:10.359 --> 00:30:12.640



that they're making progress towards their goal. Then they're given61600:30:12.640 --> 00:30:14.960



the option of a reward, and the option is that61700:30:15.000 --> 00:30:17.440



they can have an apple or a chocolate. Eighty five61800:30:17.480 --> 00:30:21.160



percent of people will take the chocolate every day. Yeah,61900:30:21.200 --> 00:30:25.559



because our brains register we've done something good, we deserve62000:30:26.400 --> 00:30:28.519



something good, we deserve a treat or reward.62100:30:28.799 --> 00:30:29.400



So in those.62200:30:29.279 --> 00:30:31.920



Situations it's important. This is where that remember your why,62300:30:32.079 --> 00:30:35.000



remember the long term goal. Then suddenly the chocolate becomes62400:30:35.000 --> 00:30:38.200



a threat, not a treat, you know. And so we62500:30:38.240 --> 00:30:39.880



see this all the time. You and I talk about62600:30:39.880 --> 00:30:40.880



this all the time all the time.62700:30:41.160 --> 00:30:44.960



Treat, food, treat and having your list on hand of62800:30:45.039 --> 00:30:49.319



rewards that aren't food based, yes, that are rooted in62900:30:49.400 --> 00:30:53.119



self care and other ways of giving to yourself.63000:30:53.319 --> 00:30:55.160



Yeah, but we have to remember that this is how63100:30:55.200 --> 00:30:57.440



our brains are wide. I think that's the important thing.63200:30:57.839 --> 00:31:01.079



And so we can start being more aware of these63300:31:01.119 --> 00:31:02.359



tricks that our brain.63400:31:02.240 --> 00:31:05.119



Plays, so that gives us. It just gives you back.63500:31:04.920 --> 00:31:08.160



The power to recognize what's happening as it's happening. When63600:31:08.200 --> 00:31:11.000



you notice yourself going for the unhealthy option and you63700:31:11.119 --> 00:31:13.400



know it's not in support of your goals.63800:31:14.160 --> 00:31:16.039



I mean just when we do it anyway, it drives63900:31:16.039 --> 00:31:16.599



me crazy.64000:31:16.759 --> 00:31:20.000



Yeah, but then you can just recognize that, you know64100:31:20.039 --> 00:31:22.920



that this is this is just something that because people64200:31:22.960 --> 00:31:27.039



get so frustrated with themselves. People come and they say,64300:31:27.079 --> 00:31:30.839



what is wrong with me that I think I'm on track,64400:31:30.920 --> 00:31:32.599



I'm making all of this week, and then I do64500:31:32.680 --> 00:31:35.440



this and they get all that self critical talk.64600:31:35.799 --> 00:31:37.359



I think it just helps. I don't.64700:31:37.440 --> 00:31:39.839



I think some of this stuff is astonishing, But I64800:31:39.839 --> 00:31:43.079



think if we can just all understand that we are64900:31:43.119 --> 00:31:46.359



complex creatures and that we don't you know, this is65000:31:46.359 --> 00:31:50.279



not something an individual flaw of yours. If you choose65100:31:50.319 --> 00:31:53.480



the unhealthy option, on the menu. Then it doesn't mean65200:31:53.480 --> 00:31:55.880



that you are a failed you know, like a failure65300:31:55.920 --> 00:31:57.359



as a human. It just means that you've got this65400:31:57.440 --> 00:32:00.720



human brain that does some crazy things and that you65500:32:00.720 --> 00:32:02.559



know that's okay, and you're aware of it so you65600:32:02.559 --> 00:32:03.599



can make a different choice.65700:32:03.720 --> 00:32:05.079



Thanks Cas, that's so helpful.65800:32:05.240 --> 00:32:08.759



Concentrating more on habits than motivation, it'll get you to65900:32:08.839 --> 00:32:12.000



your goal. Next up, we're going to be talking about66000:32:12.079 --> 00:32:15.599



life after a baby, Pressures to bounce back and get66100:32:15.599 --> 00:32:20.440



your pre baby body back fast, physical health, mental health,66200:32:20.480 --> 00:32:22.519



P and D. We're going to cover it all, so66300:32:22.680 --> 00:32:25.160



keep listening. Thanks so much for joining us, and we66400:32:25.240 --> 00:32:26.200



will speak too soon.66500:32:32.440 --> 00:32:35.160



Rappy to Happy is presented by Cash Dunn, produced by66600:32:35.200 --> 00:32:35.880



Davids Lenski.66700:32:36.200 --> 00:32:43.720



Audio production by Darcy Thompson. Listener