April 15, 2020

Coping with COVID - Staying social from a distance

Coping with COVID - Staying social from a distance
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Coping with COVID - Staying social from a distance
Coping with COVID - Staying social from a distance
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Season 5 Psychology & Neuroscience Physical Health

How do we maintain our connections to people in the time of social distancing? Cass Dunn discusses the importance of social connection for our physical, spiritual and mental health and why it’s so important for us to focus our attention on the relationships that matter most and find creative ways to stay connected. Cass delves into the psychology of attachment and the reasons why some people are more vulnerable to mental health issues and even addiction during a time of social isolation and what we can do to look out for our own and each other’s emotional and psychological wellbeing.Connect with Cass:www.crappytohappypod.comhello@crappytohappypod.com 
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Transcript
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A listener production.

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Hey guys, you're listening to Crappy to Happy. I'm cass Done.

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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist to mindfulness meditation teacher.

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And author of the Crappy to Happy books.

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And in this series, as you know, we talk about

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all of the things that might be making you feel

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crappy and give you the tools and the techniques to

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help you overcome them. And right now I am coming

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to you from my home where I'm in osolation just

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like you, with some special episodes that I hope will

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help you to stay positive as we all navigate the

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current Corona crisis. I've been getting a lot of questions

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and requests to cover particular topics, so I'm going to

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do my very best to answer those and more over

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the next few episodes. And today I really want to

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talk about how we stay social even while keeping our

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physical distance, because we all know that social connection is

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so important for our health and wellbeing. But with strict

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isolation measures in plays, we are being forced to find

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creative ways to stay connected with the people who are

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important to us for the sake of our sanity and

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for the sake of our physical and mental health. So

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we have talked before on this show about the importance

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of social connections and how just how important they are

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to our physical and a mental well being. And as

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we've discussed, there is research that indicates that social isolation

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and loneliness can be as toxic as smoking fifteen cigarettes

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a day, which is quite scary, and that people who

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have a lower quality of social connections actually have an

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increased mortality of up to thirty percent. So these are

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really significant and we've talked before about how important it

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is to invest in our social networks for our overall

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health and our wellbeing. But of course, now in this

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situation that we find ourselves in, that's really hard because

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a lot of the advice that we've given before is

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to get offline and get out and see people face

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to face, and those options just aren't available to us

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at the moment. But I think before we start, it's

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also really important that we make the distinction between social

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isolation and loneliness, because while I've been using those words together,

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they are actually two different things. So social isolation is

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the term that is used to describe basically the objective

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number of connections that you have, so the quantity of

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relationships or social connections that you have, whereas loneliness is

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more the subjective experience of how satisfied you are with

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those relationships. And it's a really important distinction because you know,

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we all know that you can be in a crowded room,

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you can be sitting with your own family, or you

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can be sitting with your partner and still feel lonely,

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have that subjective experience of feeling lonely and disconnected. And equally,

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you can be alone, you can be in solitude and

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be very happy and very satisfied and very connected in

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various ways. So what we're really talking about is improving

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the quality of those connections, improving our subjective experience of

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how satisfied we are with the relationships and with the

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connections that we have. And obviously we're talking about finding

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really meaningful ways to maintain those connections in difficult circumstances.

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Obviously, we are social creatures.

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We are hardwired for belonging, and it's in our nature

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to seek out trusting and supportive relationships. And when we

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are stressed and when we're struggling, it is the quality

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of our connections that really boost our resilience, that increase

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our resilience and that can mitigate some of the more

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damaging effects of that stress. So loneliness in itself can

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also be a cause of stress and distress. Obviously, in

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the situation that we're in right now, where we have

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this as we've discussed in the last episod so this

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pandemic of fear and anxiety and uncertainty, and there's chronic

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kind of underlying stress, it's more important than ever for

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us to stay well and healthy, to be maintaining those

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social connections because it can be easy to go into withdrawal,

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and we know that it's when people are depressed, and

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when people are stressed. Oftentimes one of the instinctive things

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that people do is to actually socially withdraw And now

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more than ever, it's important to not do that, to

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actually reach out and make connections with people, but it's

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important that those connections be the with the right people

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and in the right way. So if you think about

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our social kind of our evolution as a species, if

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our brains have evolved to interact with others, if we

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are tribal, and if our survival has depended on our

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ability to communicate and to connect and to be long

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to a group. It makes sense that the experience of

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loneliness is almost like an alarm bell that goes off

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in our brain. It like sends a signal that something's wrong.

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It's from an evolutionary perspective, it's like sending a signal

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to our brain that we've been separated from the tribe.

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And this is why loneliness can be so damaging to

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our physical health and wellbeing, because it sets off an

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inflammation response in our body.

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It sets off the flight or flight response, and.

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Particularly in older people who are the most vulnerable really,

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especially in this situation that we're in at the moment,

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it can lead to earlier dementia, to high blood pressure,

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all sorts of really significant health conditions, as well as

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obviously the psychological and the emotional distress. So I just

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wanted to also make the point that while we are

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in a fairly uniquely challenging situation right now with this

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forced isolation, which is very very unnatural. It goes against

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everything that we're wired to do and how we're wired

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to interact and live our lives. But I just want

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to make the point that the experience of loneliness and

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social isolation is not a new thing. In fact, in

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twenty eighteen in the UK they appointed a Minister of

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Loneliness because of the very fact that this was considered

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to be a public health issue, because of just the

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volume of people, the percentage of the population who reported

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feeling lonely and isolated, and because that is such a

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damaging and dangerous thing. And here in Australia, in twenty eighteen,

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the Australian Psychological Society of the APS they conducted surveys

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and they found that at the time of the survey,

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one in four people reported experiencing loneliness at the time

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of the survey and one in two, So fifty percent

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of people reported experiencing loneliness at least one day a week.

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So even when we are living our normal lives and

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we're out and about and going to work and socializing

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and doing all of the things, loneliness has still always

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been a very real problem.

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And so I would hope.

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That while we're all currently being forced to find ways

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to connect, and while we're all being it's being highlighted

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to us really just how important those connections are. We

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would hope that some of the changes that we make

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to the way we live our lives and the way

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we connect and the way we prioritize relationships that they

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might actually carry on even after this crisis is over,

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and hopefully that might be one positive thing that does

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come out of the experience that we're all going through

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at the moment. And I wanted to also make the

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point that while loneliness has always been a problem, it's

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not a new thing. So has too much busyness. And

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if we hark all the way back to episode one

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are season one of this podcast, Tiff and I talked

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about the cult of busy and our society's addiction to

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being busy, and I think it's important to note that

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for a lot of us, the struggle that we have

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with being isolated and stuck in our homes is partly

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that we are having these withdrawal effects from our normal, busy,

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daily routines. And yes, of course a lot of those

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things that we do are of value, the social things,

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the ways that we live our lives and get out

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and exercise and experience art and culture and all of

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those wonderful things. But there's also the fact that we

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do tend to fill our lives and fill every minute

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of our lives with activity because we are just not

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able to be alone and be still, and because we've

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been conditioned into these lifestyles that have us convinced that

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being busy is the only way to live. These are

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the markers of a successful, fulfilling, and meaningful life, when

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in many ways they're actually not. They're actually just contributing

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to more stress in our lives and more overwhelm.

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And there is.

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Something to be said for being able to spend time

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a lie, to be able to be with ourselves in

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our own company, for being still, and for being quiet.

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So as much as this episode I want to talk

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with you about how we can stay connected and creative

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ways that we can do that, I think it's really

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important that we be aware of being able to find

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that balance, and of also being able to use this

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time to maybe practice a little bit of a slower

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lifestyle and a little bit more being in solitude, being

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in meditation, being able to sit with ourselves and find

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ways to entertain ourselves that don't involve this frenetic kind

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of compulsive activity and busyness that we are typically used to. So,

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having said all of that, we are now confronted with

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this uniquely challenging experience where we're locked in our homes

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and we're forced to find creative ways to connect and

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engage with people. I think what's important at the moment

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is to be focused on those quality relationships in which

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you feel seen, felt heard, and understood. Those are the

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markers of a quality connection, because I think we can

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all agree that in our normal day to day lives,

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and even if you look at your social media feed,

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like there are a lot of people in our circle,

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many of whom we don't necessarily share those deeper, more

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meaningful connections with. So when we're talking about maintaining connections,

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it's really important, I think, to understand which are the

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people who are of most value at a time like this.

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Who are the people who you can really be authentic

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with and honest with, who you can talk to if

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you are struggling, rather than just having one hundred different

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people on your Facebook feed or on your Instagram that

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you can share jokes with and share memes with. And

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you know, we all love that and that's all very fun.

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But who are the people that you can actually have

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really important person and all conversations with. So I want

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to talk about that kind of idea of being seen, felt, heard,

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and understood, because this is a fundamental human need. And

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when we talk about being lonely and the damaging effects

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of that, that is really when we're in a relationship

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with somewhere where we don't necessarily feel felt. And feel

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felt is kind of a psychological term that we use,

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which is a marker of a quality attachment relationship. This

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leads me to another really important point that I wanted

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to talk about. Johann Hari was a journalist who wrote

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the book's Lost Connections and Chasing the Scream, and most

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people know him by his famous Ted talk in which

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he said, the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety. The opposite

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of addiction is connection. And I think that's really relevant

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in a time like this, so to put that into context.

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The prevailing view of addiction for a long time was

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that addictive substances are addictive, and that's why people get addicted.

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The fact of the.

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Matter is that many people who use addictive substances, whether

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they are people who go into hospital and are given morphine,

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or they are people who try drugs and they don't

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really like them, or they drink socially, a lot of

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people can be exposed to addictive substances and don't get addicted.

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So part of the reason that we had this idea

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about we get addicted because of the dopamine hit and

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the reward of addictive substances was because of studies that

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they did with rats. And when they put a rat

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into a cage and they gave the rat a choice

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between plain water and water that was laced with heroin,

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the rat nine times out of ten would drink the

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heroin water. And then even if the rat was drinking

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the plain water, as soon as it got a taste

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of the heroin water, it would continue to drink the

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heroin water. It would very quickly become addicted. And so

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therefore we formed this view that as soon as you

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were exposed to an addictive substance, that you would become addicted.

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But then somebody came along and said, well, hold on

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a second, rats, much like humans, are social creatures. So

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then they took these rats and they put them into

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a big, much bigger cage. So these were solo rats

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in a small cage. So then they put these rats

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into a cage that was two hundred times the size

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of these small cages, and they put them with twenty

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other rat friends. And then they put in hamster wheels

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and balls and gave them things to play with and

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partners to mate with, and they made these like rat park,

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like heaven for rats. And what they found was when

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they put the plain water and the heroin water into

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the rat cage, the rats didn't touch the heroin water

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at all. And rats aren't humans, but rats are social

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just like humans. And so this led to this other

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way of thinking, which was that it's not the addictive substance.

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If rats have got the option of having really engaging,

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vibrant lives and relationships and things to do to keep

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them busy, then they don't necessarily go to the addictive substance.

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And that is also very true of we humans. The

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people who are more likely to fall into problematic drinking

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or drugs or addictive behaviors are the ones who struggle

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with the quality of their social connections. And a lot

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of that goes back to our early childhood. And I

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do have a point with all of this. A lot

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of this goes back to our early childhood experiences and

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the way we're raised and the way we come to

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understand relationships and how relationships work. And I don't want

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to go off on a big tangent about this, but

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I think it's relevant that as children, when we are

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cared for by our caregivers, if our needs are met

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and we feel seen, heard, felt understood, somebody is consistently

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available to us, then we form a secure attachment, and

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therefore we grow up with healthy emotional attachments with other people,

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which means we have the ability to depend on people

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to express our emotional needs, to have other people depend

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on us, to have healthy interdependent relationships. But for many

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of us, in fact, sixty percent of the population grew

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up with some variation of an insecure attachment, which means

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that for all of our parents' best intentions, they were

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inconsistently available. So maybe they were emotionally not really there

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for us. Maybe they were physically present but distracted, or

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we weren't encouraged to express our feelings, or maybe they

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were intermittently available so we got anxious. Weren't ever really

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sure if they were going to be there for us,

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So we could either be like have an anxious attachment

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style or a more avoidant attachment style, but either way

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we would grow up with some sort of impairment I

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mean this isn't These are not a big deal because,

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like I said, sixty percent of the population has some

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variation of an insecure attachment, and this affects the way

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we engage and the way we get our needs met

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in adult relationships, and how effectively we get our needs

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met and how effectively we form those connections. So a

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significant proportion of the population potentially is at risk of

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developing anxiety and depression and addictive behaviors if we are

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not able to form the quality social connections that are

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necessary for our emotional and psychological health. So we all

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have the same needs essentially, whether you're an avoidant person

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and you tend to keep your emotions at bay and

283
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you keep people at arm's length, whether you're an anxious

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person and you tend to be quite more needy and

285
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clingy with people like we all have the same emotional needs.

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We just have different abilities to have those needs met.

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And if we struggle to have those needs met, then

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we're more likely to fall into maybe emotional psychological problems.

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So why am I telling you all of this Because

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this is a critical time over the next few months

291
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to have an understanding of this and how it may

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affect you, And I want to make the point that

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there's a lot of people making a lot of jokes

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about the only way through the coronavirus is gin like

295
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we happy hour is going to start earlier and earlier,

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and there will be particular people in the population who

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for whom that is not a great message. There are

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particular people who will be more likely to be susceptible

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to falling into anxiety, depression and potentially risky behaviors with

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whether it's drinking or drugs or whatever it might be.

301
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So more than ever, we have to be looking at

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how we get our needs met for connection so that

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we keep ourselves from potentially really very damaging experiences and behaviors.

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What we do now over the next few months is

305
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going to have a compounding effect. The routines, the healthy habits,

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the supportive self care strategies that we put into place

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are going to benefit us exponentially as time goes on.

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We're at the very beginning of this, really, and if

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we start using unhealthy and unhelpful coping strategies, then potentially

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that's going to really have an exponentially damaging effect over

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the coming weeks and months. And we all want to

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come out of this with our health and our well

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being intact. I saw somebody post on social media speaking

314
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of memes. I don't know where I'll go first when

315
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we come out of isolation, weight watchers or AA and

316
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that can be very funny, but that's potentially really the

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road that we're on if we don't start to put

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in place some structures and some strategies to really look

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after our social connections so that we are not using

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those other unhelpful coping strategies. So let's talk then about

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00:18:56.839 --> 00:18:58.839
who are the people who you need to have in

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your circle through this difficult time. So obviously some of

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us live alone, some of us are with our immediate family.

324
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There are people sharing with.

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Friends, and so some of us will have access to

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our immediate family group for that support. Ideally, if we

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have positive relationships with the people in our immediate circle,

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and that's not everybody, I understand that. But then outside

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of that, who are the people that we choose to

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invest our time with. And you may say, well, look,

331
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we've all got lots of time now, but really it's

332
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about focusing in. It always has been about focusing in

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on the key people who are your inner circle, and

334
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who are those people who can give you the positive support.

335
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That you need. There will be people.

336
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We all have, the people in our lives who we

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have bonded with over you know, our shared dislike of

338
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the boss, or because the only thing that we do

339
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together is to go drinking, or you know, these are

340
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very superficial kind of relationships and we've all got them

341
00:19:55.799 --> 00:19:58.160
on our social media as well. What we want to

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look at is who are the people who are available

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to you as an emotionally supportive person that you can

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call in a crisis. And again, I know, sadly many

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of us have very few people that we can call

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in a crisis. But this is the time, this is

347
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the opportunity when we're all in isolation and we're all

348
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focusing on reaching out and making those supportive connections, but

349
00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:24.440
we can actually start to reinvest in some of those relationships.

350
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We've all had friends who have or friendships that have

351
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fallen by the wayside because of our busy lives, and

352
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we're so busy and we keep planning to catch up

353
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and then we never get around to it. This is

354
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the time, this is the time to put in those

355
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phone calls, to have those FaceTime calls to send an

356
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email and to start re establishing those connections with the

357
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people who can really be there in a really positive,

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supportive way. Few We've also got a whole lot of

359
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people in our world and in our extended network who

360
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are the negative people, the complainers, the you know, we

361
00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:58.960
talked about it in the last episode, the conspiracy theorists.

362
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Or whatever it might be.

363
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And this is what we've got to put really firm

364
00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:08.359
boundaries in place. We have limited capacity for that kind

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of stuff when we're already stressed and struggling. So again,

366
00:21:11.720 --> 00:21:15.279
it's just filtering out some of that noise, filtering out

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those people who aren't adding value to our lives at

368
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the moment. Now, more than ever, is when we get

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ruthless about who we let into our space and how

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we invest in those relationships. And also it's a time

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for us to look at how we contribute to the

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00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:31.880
people around us, like how are we being supportive of

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00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:35.160
our friends, how are we we being available to be

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somebody else's emotionally supportive person. So now is also really

375
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the time when we can think about how we are

376
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contributing to the other people in our lives and how

377
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we can be supportive of them, because while we are

378
00:21:46.480 --> 00:21:49.480
all separate, and while we're all going through this in

379
00:21:49.519 --> 00:21:53.400
our own unique way, we're all very much together. So

380
00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:55.200
this is really a time for us to be looking

381
00:21:55.200 --> 00:21:57.960
out for each other. And we get as much from

382
00:21:58.079 --> 00:22:00.480
giving as we do from receiving, So if we can

383
00:22:00.519 --> 00:22:03.359
be that supportive person for somebody else, that's really great

384
00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:06.599
for our own health and well being as well. So

385
00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:09.599
having said all of that, I really wanted to spend

386
00:22:09.640 --> 00:22:12.440
some time talking about what are the creative ways because

387
00:22:12.440 --> 00:22:17.240
we're all at different times climbing the walls looking for

388
00:22:17.319 --> 00:22:20.279
things to do, looking for ways to connect, and there's

389
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:24.839
loads of really creative fun options out there. So obviously

390
00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:27.200
we all know we're all doing our work meetings by zoom.

391
00:22:27.240 --> 00:22:30.079
We're all getting very familiar with zoom calls and Skype calls,

392
00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:33.079
and we're connecting by FaceTime. There's an app called house

393
00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:35.920
Party which you can have a group get together with,

394
00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:38.960
which is great. So there's lots of those options which

395
00:22:39.000 --> 00:22:42.240
we all know about. There's also people who are having

396
00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:46.319
drinks in the driveway connecting with the neighbors. I saw

397
00:22:46.519 --> 00:22:48.839
something really lovely on social media the other day where

398
00:22:49.640 --> 00:22:52.720
a family cut a square hole out of their timber

399
00:22:52.759 --> 00:22:56.319
fence so that they could sit and have backyard drinks

400
00:22:56.319 --> 00:22:59.319
with their next door neighbors, their elderly neighbors who are alone.

401
00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:02.960
So people come up with really creative ways to stay

402
00:23:03.799 --> 00:23:07.400
connected while keeping a distance. So that's all great. If

403
00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:10.039
there are older people, we can be going out and

404
00:23:10.440 --> 00:23:11.880
you know, as we talked about last time, you know,

405
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:14.559
putting notes in their letterbox, doing grocery shopping for people,

406
00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:17.480
finding those ways to make sure that we're looking out

407
00:23:17.519 --> 00:23:20.799
for each other. There's a real sense of community at

408
00:23:20.839 --> 00:23:23.559
a time like this, and it's a really great time

409
00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:27.440
to be doing those things that are are adding value

410
00:23:27.480 --> 00:23:30.559
at a community level, because those community connections are as

411
00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:33.920
important even as our individual connections.

412
00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:35.920
If you are in lockdown, this.

413
00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:38.319
Is a great time to actually improve the quality of

414
00:23:38.359 --> 00:23:42.799
the relationships in your own home. And we're buying jigsaws

415
00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:44.759
and we're playing board games. In fact, you'd be hard

416
00:23:44.759 --> 00:23:46.759
pressed to buy a jigsaw I tried the other day.

417
00:23:48.039 --> 00:23:51.920
And whether it's pictionary or Monopoly or any of those

418
00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:54.160
fun games that you can play at home, this is

419
00:23:54.200 --> 00:23:56.519
the time to do those things together because I mean,

420
00:23:56.559 --> 00:24:00.359
we're all as much as we're socially isolated within the

421
00:24:00.359 --> 00:24:01.279
four walls of her home.

422
00:24:01.400 --> 00:24:03.319
Sometimes we could just use five minutes piece.

423
00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:07.039
We're all fighting over the Wi Fi and everybody is

424
00:24:07.079 --> 00:24:11.799
in everybody's space, So finding positive ways to connect with

425
00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:14.680
the family. I saw a really great thing the other

426
00:24:14.759 --> 00:24:19.880
day with Russell. Brand's wife has a book called The

427
00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:23.079
Joy Journal, where she she comes up with all of

428
00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:25.119
these really fun, creative things that you can do with

429
00:24:25.240 --> 00:24:28.720
kids and so together on his Instagram and on his Facebook,

430
00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:31.880
they did this. They made this squishy soap which is

431
00:24:31.960 --> 00:24:34.920
really simple and obviously it's promoting the hand washing for

432
00:24:34.960 --> 00:24:38.000
little kids, but it's food coloring and it's this squishy

433
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:41.039
ball where kids can wash their hands. So her Instagram

434
00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:44.119
handle is the Joy Journal, so I would check in

435
00:24:44.160 --> 00:24:46.839
with her. The other thing is that we need to

436
00:24:46.920 --> 00:24:49.880
be making sure again because if you go back to

437
00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:54.000
the fact that this loneliness and isolation triggers our stress

438
00:24:54.039 --> 00:24:57.359
response and triggers actually a fight or flight response in

439
00:24:57.400 --> 00:24:59.599
our body, it's more important than ever to be doing

440
00:24:59.640 --> 00:25:04.920
those calming activities meditation, journaling. You can actually find really

441
00:25:05.880 --> 00:25:10.480
a sense of connection from meditation specifically designed to increase

442
00:25:10.519 --> 00:25:13.119
your sense of connection, loving kindness, meditation is one.

443
00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:15.640
You'll find it on any mindfulness app.

444
00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:21.039
Journaling as well to process any difficult or uncomfortable feelings

445
00:25:21.119 --> 00:25:24.200
that you're having. Journaling is as effective as therapy really

446
00:25:24.240 --> 00:25:28.519
for processing emotions that you might be experiencing, and as

447
00:25:28.519 --> 00:25:31.920
I said, already showing kindness to others. But in terms

448
00:25:31.960 --> 00:25:34.519
of all of the other creative ways, obviously you can

449
00:25:34.559 --> 00:25:35.759
have virtual happy hour.

450
00:25:35.880 --> 00:25:38.359
And my husband works for a global company.

451
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:44.440
They all work remotely, and only since this coronavirus and

452
00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:46.839
all of their travel being canceled and all of them

453
00:25:46.880 --> 00:25:49.599
being really stuck at home, have they started having virtual

454
00:25:49.640 --> 00:25:52.559
happy hour. I think they're spending more time connecting socially

455
00:25:52.559 --> 00:25:55.319
now than they ever have before. They will have a

456
00:25:55.359 --> 00:25:58.839
theme often like they'll have a I don't know, some

457
00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:00.680
sort of theme and they all get together and it's

458
00:26:00.839 --> 00:26:04.359
from all of the countries in Asia and Australia. But

459
00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:06.640
they also have a team in the US and in Spain.

460
00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:10.799
The time difference is a difficult for those but there's

461
00:26:10.839 --> 00:26:13.559
a lot of organizations now having virtual happy hours, so

462
00:26:13.599 --> 00:26:15.839
you can get together and have those social connections with

463
00:26:15.880 --> 00:26:20.759
your team even from a distance. Book Club, you can

464
00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:22.960
run online book clubs I've in fact started my own

465
00:26:23.039 --> 00:26:25.039
online membership and we have a book club as a

466
00:26:25.079 --> 00:26:26.920
part of that. I can tell you more about that later.

467
00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:31.799
Online trivia is a great option. You can play online trivia.

468
00:26:31.880 --> 00:26:34.920
You might want to check out Jackbox Games or Jackbox TV.

469
00:26:36.440 --> 00:26:39.480
Cards Against Humanity, the fun game that we all know

470
00:26:39.519 --> 00:26:41.799
and love. You can now play that online. Just google

471
00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:43.119
that one and you can find that you can play

472
00:26:43.119 --> 00:26:43.839
that online.

473
00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:46.039
Netflix Party.

474
00:26:47.279 --> 00:26:49.720
I have just discovered that there is a plug in,

475
00:26:49.799 --> 00:26:52.799
It's a Chrome plug in called Netflix Party where you

476
00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:56.279
can watch a Netflix show with all of your friends online.

477
00:26:56.640 --> 00:27:00.440
If one person pauses, it pauses it for everybody box

478
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:02.720
so that you can chat about the show that you're watching.

479
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:04.920
And I'm fairly sure that this is just a new

480
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:07.559
thing that they've come up with, I think since this

481
00:27:07.680 --> 00:27:12.319
whole self isolation situation that we're in. So Netflix Party

482
00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:15.119
is great. You google that and you'll find it. We've

483
00:27:15.160 --> 00:27:17.400
all heard of pub choir. Now they've turned that into

484
00:27:17.440 --> 00:27:20.759
couch choir where you can all sing from your comfort

485
00:27:20.799 --> 00:27:23.440
of your home. Singing is actually a great way to

486
00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:27.279
relieve stress. So singing in a couch choir or even

487
00:27:27.359 --> 00:27:30.039
just getting together with your friends and having a sing

488
00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:32.960
along online is a great way to connect.

489
00:27:34.279 --> 00:27:36.720
Playing music with friends as well. We've all seen.

490
00:27:38.279 --> 00:27:42.400
Musical icons jamming from their own homes and performing concerts

491
00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:45.839
from their homes because they can't perform their live shows,

492
00:27:45.920 --> 00:27:47.119
so that's great.

493
00:27:47.440 --> 00:27:48.240
But we can all do that.

494
00:27:48.279 --> 00:27:50.440
If you've got an instrument that you play, or you're

495
00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:53.119
learning an instrument online, if you've got free time, then

496
00:27:53.160 --> 00:27:57.880
you can jam with friends online. And there's also loads

497
00:27:57.880 --> 00:28:01.640
of really positive social media groups that are really focused

498
00:28:01.759 --> 00:28:06.039
on being supportive and uplifting and they're really positive spaces.

499
00:28:06.519 --> 00:28:09.960
Quarantine with jam and Claire is a Facebook group created

500
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:13.640
by Jamilla Risby and Claire Boditch, both of whom have

501
00:28:13.799 --> 00:28:16.839
been lovely guests on this show. They normally do an

502
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:19.519
event called Tea with jam and Claire down in Melbourne

503
00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:22.839
and they've turned that into Quarantine with jam and Claire,

504
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:24.759
which is great. And they've also been doing a lot

505
00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:27.519
of Facebook live interviews with people on the topic of

506
00:28:27.559 --> 00:28:31.880
the coronavirus and how we can all look after ourselves

507
00:28:31.920 --> 00:28:35.519
and some really positive stuff going on in there as

508
00:28:35.559 --> 00:28:37.839
well as just the positive social interaction.

509
00:28:38.039 --> 00:28:38.519
Of course.

510
00:28:39.400 --> 00:28:41.240
The other thing I saw online the other day was

511
00:28:41.559 --> 00:28:43.839
and I thought This was such a great idea. It

512
00:28:43.960 --> 00:28:47.519
was Jennifer Aniston talking about how her and her friends

513
00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:49.960
are doing these paint by numbers, but they're like these

514
00:28:50.119 --> 00:28:54.839
massive paint by numbers, so you order them online. Again,

515
00:28:54.920 --> 00:28:56.920
probably hard pressed to find them, but it's a good idea.

516
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:59.640
So as you paint, and as you start to paint

517
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:01.559
a bit of picture, they take a photo of what

518
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:03.559
they're painting, but it's only the tiniest bit of the

519
00:29:03.599 --> 00:29:05.640
whole picture and send it to their friends.

520
00:29:05.640 --> 00:29:07.039
And as it gets bigger and bigger, and.

521
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:11.119
As the painting gets more full, they keep sending photos

522
00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:13.559
and everybody has to try to guess what the painting

523
00:29:13.640 --> 00:29:15.880
is before they're finished. So not only are you doing

524
00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:19.759
the fun painting, which is a great creative thing to do,

525
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:22.720
but you're also having this game with your friends while

526
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:24.759
everybody tries to guess what it is that you're painting.

527
00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:27.279
I thought that sounded like a really great idea.

528
00:29:28.720 --> 00:29:33.160
Playing Xbox games or other sorts of online games.

529
00:29:32.920 --> 00:29:34.920
Obviously we don't need to worry about our kids.

530
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:39.559
They are so savvy with communicating and connecting online. And

531
00:29:39.640 --> 00:29:41.880
I would just say on that we haven't really talked

532
00:29:41.880 --> 00:29:45.359
about it, but the social isolation potentially, like it's really

533
00:29:45.440 --> 00:29:48.119
tough for kids who can't see their friends in school holidays,

534
00:29:48.440 --> 00:29:54.119
but they are so used to snapping, tweeting, messaging, tiktoking,

535
00:29:54.200 --> 00:29:55.839
all of the things that they do that I actually

536
00:29:55.920 --> 00:30:00.079
think most of our kids are fine, and I I

537
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:02.000
think this is a time that we don't necessarily want

538
00:30:02.000 --> 00:30:04.559
to put a whole lot of limits around that screen

539
00:30:04.599 --> 00:30:06.759
time because that really is the way that our kids,

540
00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:10.279
especially teenagers, have grown up connecting.

541
00:30:10.519 --> 00:30:11.640
Is that's what they do.

542
00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:14.599
So I think that it's just really important to let

543
00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:17.279
them have that because that's their form of social connection.

544
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:19.599
And the other thing that we haven't talked about is

545
00:30:19.680 --> 00:30:23.279
pets and the benefit of companion animals. We know that

546
00:30:23.319 --> 00:30:27.240
they are great for reducing stress. We know that they

547
00:30:27.559 --> 00:30:31.400
are I mean, they're really good for your health, especially

548
00:30:31.480 --> 00:30:34.799
older people. But it's been so pleasing to see the

549
00:30:34.880 --> 00:30:38.599
number of pets being fostered and adopted, especially now that

550
00:30:38.640 --> 00:30:41.119
families are all at home, those that have enough space,

551
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:43.839
like suddenly they've decided that this is the time to

552
00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:46.759
get that puppy because everybody's home and they have the

553
00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:48.400
time to train it and.

554
00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:50.240
Walk it and all of the rest of it.

555
00:30:50.359 --> 00:30:52.720
So I know that's not an option for everybody, depending

556
00:30:52.759 --> 00:30:55.000
on the space that you live in, but they're always

557
00:30:55.000 --> 00:30:57.559
looking for foster carers. I know my mother in law

558
00:30:57.960 --> 00:31:00.000
used to live in an apartment and she used to

559
00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:03.240
foster kittens, so when they were dumped at the RSPCA,

560
00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:06.000
I don't know if that's still an option, but she

561
00:31:06.119 --> 00:31:07.640
used to be able to just raise them from when

562
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:10.000
they were tiny until they were ready to be adopted out,

563
00:31:10.039 --> 00:31:12.640
so it wasn't a permanent arrangement, and because they were

564
00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:14.480
so little, she was able to keep them kind of

565
00:31:14.480 --> 00:31:17.599
in a box or something in her apartment. So there's

566
00:31:17.640 --> 00:31:20.880
lots of options there as well. But also don't dismiss

567
00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:23.480
the fact that there are still options. We are still

568
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:27.359
allowed at this point to go out for exercise, We're

569
00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:29.920
still able to meet one other person as long as

570
00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:31.960
we're keeping a distance. And so if it means that

571
00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:35.000
you can still go to the local park and take

572
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:37.200
a walk with a friend, even if it's a couple

573
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:39.599
of times a week, and just maintain that sort of connection,

574
00:31:39.680 --> 00:31:43.480
then just use those opportunities. All of our normal arrangements,

575
00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:46.440
all of our normal social you know, going to restaurants

576
00:31:46.480 --> 00:31:48.680
and cinemas and bands and all of the rest of

577
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:51.279
it may not be available to us, but there are

578
00:31:51.319 --> 00:31:54.000
lots of other really great ways that we can still

579
00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:59.480
stay connected and keep ourselves well and healthy until we

580
00:31:59.599 --> 00:32:03.880
can all get together again. I hope some of those

581
00:32:03.920 --> 00:32:06.240
ideas have been helpful for you, And remember, while we

582
00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:09.680
can't do anything about having to be physically separated, we

583
00:32:09.720 --> 00:32:15.519
can do a whole lot about staying emotionally, spiritually, psychologically connected.

584
00:32:15.960 --> 00:32:18.160
Be sure to take care of yourselves and each other,

585
00:32:18.359 --> 00:32:20.880
and I will be back with another episode really soon.

586
00:32:23.359 --> 00:32:26.039
Rady to Happy is presented by Cash Dunn, produced by

587
00:32:26.119 --> 00:32:29.000
David Vilenski, Pudio production by Darcy Thompson.

588
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:34.680
Listener