Coping with COVID - The pandemic of panic

0:02 A listener production. Hey guys, you're listening to Crappy to Happy. I'm cast done. I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist, a mindfulness meditation teacher, and author of the Crappy to Happy books. In this series, as you know, we talk about all of the things that might be making you feel crappy and give you the tools and techniques to help you overcome them. Normally, in each episode, I introduce you to interesting, inspiring, intelligent people who are all experts in their fields, with the hope that the insights and experiences that they share will help you to feel a whole lot less crappy and more happy. And of course, the thing that's got us all feeling pretty crappy right now is the coronavirus pandemic.

0:47 It's causing a lot of fear and uncertainty and our homes and our communities and around the world, and I've had lots of people asking me for guidance on how we can get through this while maintaining our own health and wellbeing isolation at the moment, just like you, I decided to record a couple of episodes from my home to answer some of the questions that I've been receiving to help us all stay sane and stay healthy until we come out the other side of this situation. So people are asking, is what I'm feeling normal? How do I talk to my kids about this? And why is everybody buying all the toilet paper? So I'm going to do my best to answer some of those questions and more over these next few episodes. In today's episode, I really want to talk about this pandemic of panic. So we're seeing a lot of fear, a lot of uncertainty.

1:37 This is a situation that none of us has ever experienced before, so understandably there is confusion, there's overwhelmed, there's a lot of big feelings, and there's a lot of really strange behaviors. So I just thought we'd talk about this what we've been seeing with people hoarding food, We're seeing conspiracy theories. There's all sorts of strange things going on, and I think it can help us to understand why it is that we respond like this in a situation such as this, and you know what might be some useful strategies or some things that we can do instead to keep us out of that fierce state, out of those panic behaviors and doing things that are more likely to keep us happy and healthy. Let's just start with the big thing, the big question that's on everybody's minds, which is should I be stockpiling toilet paper? So obviously the scenes that we have seen in the supermarkets have been crazy, and from very very early on, even before there were very few cases of coronavirus here in Australia, the supermarket shelves were empty of toilet paper. Nobody could understand what was going on. And I think even now if you were to go to woolworks, you'd find that there's rations on toilet paper supplies. So what we need to understand is that when we humans are under threat, we really get into our fight or flight response, Our threat response sur instincts kick in, and we become very concerned about how we look after ourselves, and we do

3:07 tend to fend for ourselves. But the other thing is that when we are in a situation that is uncertain, and when we don't know what to do or what to expect, and you can look at little children doing this, we look to other people to see how they're responding. If we don't know what to do, you will look around you and see what everybody else is doing, and take your cues from other people. So if you look around and you see everybody buying toilet paper, even if there's no rational reason for that, you will assume. Most people will just assume that there must be a reason, because there must be some reason why we somebody's heard something that you haven't heard about why we need toilet paper.

3:49 And one of the reasons that I saw floating around was that all of the toilet paper's manufactured in China, and of course there's going to be a shortage of toilet paper coming from China. And even when that theory was put to rest, and even when it was well established that we have our own toilet paper factories, people continue to buy the toilet paper. So the other thing that's going on is that we have this scarcity factor. We all know what the scarcity factor is because it's been used in sales and marketing for as long as sales and marketing has existed. If you want people to do something, you give them the message that there is a limited number, or there is a limited supply, or that time is going to run out. It's hardwired into our psychology that if there is, if there's a shortage of something that we're going, we're likely to want it more.

4:39 And so when you go into the supermarket and you see that there's no toilet paper, even if you've got plenty of toilet paper, there is a part of your brain that becomes fearful that you're going to miss out, and therefore, maybe just in case, you should buy some toilet paper. And I know lots of people who did that, even if they didn't necessarily need toilet paper, if they saw some on the shelf, because they knew that it might not be there the next day, they would buy their toilet paper. And so then you just get this snowball effect where it becomes this almost self reinforcing And so I just think it's important to understand that those responses, the psychology of that is very natural. These are bizarre but kind of normal responses to an abnormal situation. And so telling people to just stop it, which is what our Prime minister did on national television, just stop it, just stop buying the toilet paper, is to fail to understand some of that basic human psychology and some of what drives human behavior. But we've seen it not just with toilet paper now, of course, then we saw it with all food products and flour and basic staples. Apparently everybody's in isolation doing a lot of baking because there's a lot of products that you can't buy on the supermarket shelves at the moment. So some of this behavior that we're seeing is really what you could call the band and effect, which is an expression that we use to describe the social contagion. So we know that emotions are contagious, we've talked about that on this show before,

6:09 and behaviors are contagious. When we see other people doing things, we all follow suit. If you want any more evidence of the validity of the bandwagon effect, just look at how many people are watching Tiger King at the moment on Netflix. When everybody's doing something, we all feel like there must be something that we need to be doing as well. So these responses are all very normal. It doesn't help to get upset with other people for their responses because we're all doing our own part, in our own way to maintain some sense of control, and that will be reflected in different ways in different people, but essentially this is what we're all seeking to do. We all hope that in time, some of these behaviors will start to settle down as we all settle into what is very quickly becoming the new normal, and we all realize that there will be no shortage of food and of toilet paper.

7:01 But while we're talking about this. Idea of needing to seek control or to find certainty in uncertain situations, that plays out in lots of other ways as well. And that's something else that I thought was important to talk about. So our brains are really wired to prefer certainty and routine and predictability. And obviously we know that some people have a much lower tolerance for uncertainty than others. That's partly to do with just individual temperament. Some people very much like to be in control and like to be able to plan and predict and micromanage every aspect of their day and their life, and those people will particularly probably struggle in a situation like this, And there are others who are much more go with the flow kind of personalities. But regardless of where you are on that spectrum, we all have this basic need. Our brain has this basic need or preference to have some sense of order. We know that most of what we do every day is out of habit.

8:04 And the reason for that is that when our brain can lock something in and say this is what we do, this is when we do it, and this is how we do it, that actually frees up our mental resources to be able to focus on other things. So it likes routine, it likes habit. When we don't have that certainty, and when we don't have that routine or that ability to predict what's going to happen when it's happening, then we can we start to look for all sorts of other ways to try to gain that control. So stocking the pantry is one thing, making sure our family is good enough food, making sure that we're not missing out on the toilet paper. The other things that we start to do are constantly scrolling our social media feeds, constantly watching the news, looking for the daily updates, watching the graph, seeing how the curve's tracking, and these are all potentially only going to keep us more stuck in that cycle of fear and of negativity. But we have to understand that the reason that we do it is because we're all looking to find some certainty.

9:02 We're all looking to fill. The gaps we don't like gaps, and so often when our brain looks to close that gap, I don't have an answer. I don't have a resolution here. It will go about filling that gap itself, and sometimes what it fills the gap with is the worst case scenario. But often what it will do is we go looking for information, looking for evidence, going to Google, talking to friends, all of these things that are designed to help us to give us some sense of knowing what's going to happen and when it's going to happen. I think we just. Need to be really careful about how much of our time and our energy we spend on consuming media and consuming news, because potentially it can keep us very stuck.

9:46 And to some degree, we all need to recognize that we may not have any clear answers, and we need to really be able to and willing to tolerate a bit more of that uncertainty. It's uncomfortable. We don't like it. We don't know when the kids are going back to school, we don't know when the restaurants are going to open, and we can start to get ourselves into all sorts of worst case scenario thinking. But as much as possible, if we can just allow a little bit of uncertainty and to just bring ourselves back into focusing on our day to day routines and habits and the healthy ways that we can support ourselves and support our family and find our sense of certainty in that way rather than looking for it outside of us, because we can potentially be creating more angst and more anxiety the more we go looking outside of us for that for that certainty when it doesn't necessarily exist. I think while it's really important to understand that this is all really normal behavior, it's also worth noting that as humans, we're really not designed to can consume as much information as we currently do.

11:03 We are social beings. Evolution has relied upon our ability to communicate to know what's going on with our community within our tribe. The grapevine has served a very useful purpose for us throughout history. But when you consider that now that tribe with globalization, includes all of the news from all around the world, and it overloads us. We are really not designed to have all of that information, especially when it's all bad news coming at us, not only twenty four to seven, but from far far beyond our own local community, and we are really bombarded with news from all around the world, so it's important to take some breaks and to filter out some of that information, especially at a time like this, and really all of the news that we consume is bad news. It's typically skewed towards the negative anyway, but especially in a time like this, when we are isolated in our homes, we're not engaging in our normal, healthy, positive, fun activities, or at least those activities are quite limited, and the vast majority of the news we're consuming is focused on this one topic. So it does very much feel like this is the only thing happening in our lives and in our world at the moment. So it's just really important to be mindful of that and to put some limits around the kind of media that we're consuming and the amount of time we're spending doing that.

12:33 But getting back to. This idea of how we go about seeking certainty and trying to find ways to control a situation when we feel out of control, other things that we see people doing, and you will have seen it yourself, is latching onto conspiracy theories. And the reason that we do this is because, again, our brain is designed to try to make meaning whatever is happening in our lives and in our worlds. It's trying to look for how to make sense of this. And when something doesn't make any sense, when something is so unpredictable and so massive and with so many huge potential devastating consequences for our health, for our economy at an individual level, at a global level, then our brain's desperately trying to just make that mean something, and so latching onto some idea that it was the Chinese who caused it, or it was some it's biological warfare, or I don't know what other ones I've heard floating around the place. These are all again typical reactions to situations that are unknown and unfamiliar, and I think it's just really important to just limit how much of that kind of information that we're consuming and how much we're trying we're maybe buying into those sorts of theories. There will be some people who are more likely to hook onto those kinds of ideas on those stories, and others will dismiss them outright. But we know from research that people who tend to believe conspiracy theories tend to on the

14:08 whole be more negative and more anxious. So while it might seem like a reasonable thing to do to try to make meaning of this situation. At the end of the day, it doesn't actually improve our individual circumstances. There's nothing we can do about that anyway, and it only really potentially just makes us feel worse. And so I think the important thing with all of these theories floating around on the internet, and if you're tempted to share them or talk about them, or even if you just are thinking about them, I think it's just important to ask yourself, is it helping or is it actually hindering? And I've asked that question myself very directly to friends of mine who have shared things on the internet about it's a hoax or it's a conspiracy theory, or it's not as bad as everybody's making it out to be, and we're all over react and this is just the government wanting to control us all. And I've actually gone very directly to friends of mine and said, what is it that you hope to gain by sharing that information?

15:11 And I understand that you have a point of view, and I understand that everybody's entitled to an opinion, and that's all we have is opinion, But at the end of the day, if people are already fearful and anxious and suspicious, and their jobs are on the line, or they're concerned about their loved ones, or there is so much uncertainty, is it actually helping to contribute this kind of information to what is already becoming a very noisy, crowded internet space. Or is it positive or is it supportive, or is it adding value or is it contributing to people's sense of community and solidarity and helping us to understand that we're all in it together, and just asking ourselves what we're contributing, but also asking yourself what you're consuming.

16:00 And I am at the moment very deliberately blocking those people from my social media feeds. I don't mean block blocking, but you know, there's a mute button or there's an unfriend button, like there are various levels of filtering that we can do on our social media feeds. And I made the decision myself, and I know other people have as well, to just not allow that kind of noise into our personal space because at the end of the day, it really isn't helpful, and at the end of the day, it doesn't make any difference to what we're all experiencing on a daily basis in terms of how we're just managing our daily lives and getting through this situation. The one thing that we do know for sure is that it's up to us as individuals how we choose to respond.

16:44 And if there is anything that we have control over, it is how we personally respond, how we manage our own minds and our own thoughts and feelings, and what we contribute to the conversation. And so I think as individuals it's really important. And if you are a person, I'm all for hearing a whole range of different opinions and perspectives on a whole different range of topics. But I think in a time of crisis, we need to ask ourselves what is there to be gained by doing that? And do we want to be the person who is contributing to positivity and connection and comfort and support, or do we want to be contributing to more fear, more suspicion, more divisiveness, anger, or whatever you know, negative emotions people are experiencing. Because I think there's enough of that swirling around and at the end of this we want to look back and say, well, did I play my part to keep people together or did I did I potentially do more to just insight fear and suspicion, And so I guess on that too. The other thing that I've seen is just this general downplaying of the threat. You know, we've heard everything from it's just like the flu, It's not that bad. The only reason Italy was so hard hit was because of the aging population. And again this is always were looking for some sort of reassurance, for some sort of comfort when you look out into the world and it's a very very scary place. And I think as time has gone on, some of our more immediate fears the will I lose my job?

18:17 How quickly is this going to spread? I think we've been reassured to a degree by just the amount of support that the government, to their credit, has offered to all of us, to people who are losing their jobs, to job seekers, to businesses, rent freezes, you know, mortgage freezes. There's been so much support that most people are no longer fearful of being able to pay their bills or not being able having a job at the end of this, but we still have this overall uncertainty about you know, the shape of the curve and whether there's any chance that we will end up like another Italy or another New York. And so I think what people do is they try to find all of the ways why we're different and how that won't happen to us. And sometimes that extends to continuing to go about in the community, continuing to go and have parties or sit on the beach together and all of those sorts of things. And it is just really about thinking about are we looking out for ourselves or are we looking out for the rest of the community, and just taking a step back and considering the impact of the individual choices that we're all making. Obviously, some people have been very badly affected by this whole situation. Some people are more personally affected than others. And I don't for a minute want to downplay the significance of what people are experiencing, whether in terms of their financial situation,

19:50 health situation. You know, people have lost their jobs. There are a whole lot of Year twelve students at the moment who don't know if they're going to be able to finish school this year. Like it's really anxiety provoking, And I think I want to make the point that of course, we're all feeling a huge range of emotions. Some days we'll feel better than others. And I know lots of people talking to me are saying that they're going up and down, like some days they're really positive and they're really optimistic, and then they're just this in the fetal position the next day, just you know, stressing about every little thing, worrying about every worst case scenario. And I think that's really normal, and I want to acknowledge that. My point is, though, is to be able to if we can all recognize that we're going to move through those emotions and that different people will react in different ways. We're all going through this individually, but very much together, and so if we can have some understanding and some compassion for how different people may not be responding in the same way that you would respond, and that's okay. We're all different, and as much as we are going through it together, it will affect each of us in a unique way. So starting with that, coming from that place of kindness and can passion and understanding as opposed to getting angry and frustrated and upset with the people around us or the government or China or whoever. If we could just come from a place of compassion and understanding and acknowledging that it's going to be scary.

21:19 It is scary, and we're all going to. Feel different levels of fear, but we all have the choice to not let that fear drive our decisions and drive our behaviors. As much as possible, we want to be able to manage that, like, sit with what you're feeling, don't try to suppress it or deny it, but also just be mindful of how you might your own actions might be exacerbating those fears or those uncomfortable feelings, and trying not to let those fears direct our behaviors, trying to pull back and make a choice about whether we want to continue focusing on those negative things and those scary things, or whether we want to make a choice to do something that's more positive and something that's going to be more supportive in the long run of our physical and mental health. So I think when it comes to what do we want to do instead, rather than getting caught in all of the fear and all of the negativity, we need to really focus on the positive ways that we can find that certainty and find that sense of control. So the one thing that we do have some control over, as I said, is all of our own inner thoughts and feelings, how much news media we let into our space every day, maybe putting some limits and some boundaries about that, choosing which social media feeds you want to follow at this time. There are some really positive ones. There are some big voices contributing really positively at the moment.

22:45 Brene Brown has also just launched a podcast. I saw the other day a lot of spiritual leaders echa Tolly like They've got a lot of advice and guidance that is of value at a time like this, and it's a great time to be opening yourself to some of those more positive messages, particularly to balance out some of that more negative news media. Obviously, we can. All manage our own routines each day, and whether you're working at home, whether you find yourself not working at the moment, I think maintaining some sort of routine, and I don't mean rigid, structured routine and getting all worked up if things aren't going exactly to plan. You've got kids at home and all of that, but I mean making sure that you're getting up at the same time, getting dressed, doing some exercise, maybe building in some meditation, making sure that you're eating well.

23:34 All of those things don't just help. To support your mental health, but they also obviously help to support your physical health. And what we all want to be doing at the moment is building our immunity and maintaining a good physical state of well being, because the other thing that all of that stress and anxiety is doing is obviously potentially reducing your immunity, making you more susceptible to illness and anything else that might be going around. So really focusing on healthy routines that you can maintain through this period, maybe adding in some extra meditation if you do find that you have that time, it's a great way to calm down that stress response, to bring you back into the present moment, especially if you know that you're prone to go off in your own mind into future, thinking worst case scenario, thinking how long is this going to last, all of that sort of stuff. It will pull you back in and ground you back here into the present moment, and right here in the present moment is really the only moment any of us ever has any control over. So with some meditation and some mindfulness, we can come back and make a decision about what is the thing, what is the most healthy thing that I can do for myself right now. Obviously, self compassion is huge. Don't be judging yourself for any of the thoughts or feelings that you might be having, and trying to extend that compassion to other people as well.

25:00 So it's about being kind to ourselves and maybe letting go of some of those standards if you are trying to do it all work from home, manage kids, manage a job, while you've got all of this background noise in your head, with this worry sitting over your shoulder, all of the time of not knowing how long this is going to be, for how long you know how long this situation is going to last, Just allowing yourself extra time, taking mental breaks, getting outside, and not expecting yourself to be as fully productive as you might normally be. And I know when we first went into this situation, everybody started listing all of their home projects they were going to work on, and how fit they were going to get and all the healthy meals. And I think, honestly, this is just a time to ease up on all of the doing and allow ourselves just some space, some introspection, some time to rest, and just to really look after the basics, which is getting enough sleep, getting enough nutrition, and getting enough exercise. We want to be thinking about not only what we're consuming, but also what we're contributing, because everything that you're contributing is obviously taking up your own mental space as well. So always trying to think about what can you do that's of value, whether that's in your own immediate home circle, on your social media, but also for your community. There's been lots of really positive projects where people are leaving notes in the letterboxes of elderly people offering to do their shopping. The more

26:32 that we can contribute to that sense of community and looking outwards and supporting other people, our frontline healthcare workers, anything that we can be doing. Just thinking more broadly. Than our own issues and our own self interest, is going to really boost that sense of common humanity, which is the thing that bonds us all together, that sense that we're all in this together and that we're all getting through it together and supporting each other. Especially when you're isolated. That sense of connection and community is really really important and obviously just limiting the spread of the fear the anxiety. You know, we're not just limiting the spread of the virus, but we're also limiting the spread of the fear virus by managing what we talk about, think about, and what we let in, what we let out.

27:22 Just trying to focus on more fun ways to engage with people, staying connected, playing games, doing whatever it is that you do that's fun. The people who have got time on their hands, I'm personally not one of them, but if you have time on your hands, you know, there's lots of people taking up guitar, learning that language that they've been wanting to learn, taking lessons on YouTube, learning how to run Facebook ads, all sorts of things that people have had to put aside because they haven't had time to do it, and are now using this time to do those things. So anything that you can find to do that fills your time productively and in a really positive, engaging way is going. To help you to get through this period. Thank you for listening.

28:06 I hope this has been helpful to you. This is one of three episodes that I plan to do on how to support you through the coronavirus epidemic. If you've got anything that you want to share, or contribute, or you want to send me your ideas. Hello at Kasdon dot com is my email address. I would like to talk to you next time about how we can stay connected during social isolation, because obviously we know that even when we maintain a physical distance, our social connections are going to be so important to get us through this time. I look forward to talking to you then until next time, Stay informed, stay connected, stay home, and wash your hands. Prady to Happy is presented by Cast Dunn, produced by Davis Lenski, Audio production by Darcy Thompson.

28:54 Listener