Transcript
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A listener production.
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This is Crappita Happy and I am your host cast done.
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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist and mindfulness meditation teacher
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and of course author of the Crappita Happy books. In
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this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent
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people who are experts in their field and who have
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something of value to share that will help you feel
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less crappy and more happy. Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan
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Nicodemus are the Minimalists, best friends since primary school. They
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both discovered in their late twenties that their successful careers,
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high incomes, and lavish lifestyles were not making them any happier,
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In fact, quite the opposite. First, josh and later Ryan
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embarked on an endeavor to declutter their lives and have
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now spent the last decade or more sharing the message
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of how to live a more meaningful life within less
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through their website are Theminimalists dot Com, their books, their podcast,
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and two Netflix documentaries. They've shared their message with an
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audience of over twenty million people. To be clear, this
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is much more than a conversation about decluttering. This is
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about re examining our lives, our relationships and getting honest
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about what we value so that we can live a
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life that is more authentic and that allows space for
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what is truly important. Here's my conversation with the Minimalists,
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Ryan and Joshua. Thank you so much for being on
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the Crappy a Happy Podcast.
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Thanks for having us. We're excited to be here.
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Thank you so much.
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You guys are the Minimalists. You've been the Minimalists for
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over a decade. Now, you've got two Netflix documentaries, a
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series of books, a podcast. You've reached over twenty million
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people with your message. Congratulations on that. I would like
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to start by going back to the beginning and asking
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how you first got onto this idea of minimal and
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what really struck you about this as being a good
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idea in the first place.
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I guess we have to start at the beginning, right.
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We were both born in nineteen eighty one, so we're
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forty years old this year, and we grew up really
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poor in Dayton, Ohio in the States, and you know,
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sort of almost the cliche version of poverty and crappy, right,
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it's poverty, it's government assistance, it's not having much money,
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but there's also alcohol, abuse, drug abuse in the home,
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physical violence in our homes as well. And Ryan and
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I were pretty discontented growing up, and we thought the
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reason we were so discontented is our parents didn't have
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any money, right, And so of course, when I turned eighteen,
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I went out and I got a corporate job. By
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the way, Ryan and I have known each other since
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we were fat little fifth graders, and so I turned eighteen,
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I went out and got a corporate sales job, and
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spent the next dozen years climbing the corporate ladder, and
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by my late twenties, by age thirty, I said, sort
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of achieved everything I ever wanted. The six figure salary,
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the luxury cars, the big suburban house with more toilets
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than people. I really had all the stuff to fill
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every corner of my consumer driven life. I was living
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the American dream, which has permeated your borders as well, right, Yeah,
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and so it's permeated the borders, Yeah, pretty much every
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country in the world. There's one hundred and ninety three
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countries in the world, and probably one hundred and ninety
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of them are trying to live the American dream. And
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the problem was it was actually a nightmare. I was
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working seventy eighty hours a week. I was stressed out,
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I was discontented, and I was buying a lot of
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things to pacify myself. And Ryan was doing the same thing.
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In fact, we worked at the same corporation together. He
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saw that I was making good money in my twenties
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and I thought, well, this is sure to make me happy.
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And so by the time I was nineteen, I was
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making fifty thousand dollars a year. But I was like, well,
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wait a minut that's not making me happy. Maybe I
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need to adjust for inflation. Maybe it's seventy five thousand
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or one hundred thousand dollars, you know, six figures. That
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must be happiness, right. Well, the problem was, as I
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made more money, I spent even more money and racked
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up a ton of debt along the way. So I
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made really good money, but spent even better money. And
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that was a recipe for misery. And two events happened
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to me when I was in my late twenties. My
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mother died, my marriage and did both in the same month.
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And these two events forced me to look around and
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start to question what had become my life's focus. And
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I realized I was really focused on all of the
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wrong things. All of the so called success and achievement
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in our culture. What is that It's through the accumulation
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of trinkets, stuff, cars, clothes, walk in closets full of
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shoes and all of these things that are supposed to
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make me happy. But they weren't doing their job. They
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weren't filling the void that I had created. And so
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when those two events sort of happened back to back,
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it was like a one to two punch, same month, right.
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I looked around and I realized, like, oh, I need
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to simplify my life. That's where I stumbled across this
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thing called minimalism.
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Online.
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I found the whole community of people who were living
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more deliberately, and there were different people. Some people had kids.
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Leo Bibalta had six kids and he was a minimalist, right.
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And then you had a guy named Colin Wright who
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was a parapatetic, traveling minimalist and everything he owned fit
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in his backpack. And he had Courtney Carver and her
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daughter and the sort of minimalist family. And I realized, like, oh,
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wait a minute, there are all these different flavors of
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living with less. Maybe this is applicable to me as well,
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because I didn't aspire to be like any of those people,
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but I did aspire to find some of the maybe
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uncover some of the peace, tranquility, equanimity, freedom, that those
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people were experiencing. And then so I spent about eight
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months implify my life, got rid of about ninety percent
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of my material possessions. I don't know if you know this,
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but the average American household has about three hundred thousand
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items in it. Now, that would be all well and
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good if it was making us happier and more content
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and joyous, but it's often doing the opposite. It's making
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us compare ourselves to other people, which is of course
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the thief of joy. And so I realized that this competition,
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this comparison, this more and more more, was not working now.
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And so it wasn't about the pursuit of less. It
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was more about letting go subtract. Letting go isn't something
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you do. I learned that early on. Letting go is
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something you stop doing, right, You stop clinging to everything,
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every material thing. But it turns out that these material
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things in my life, they were just a physical manifestation
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of what was going on inside me. And so all
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this external clutter, the physical clutter, meant that I also
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had all this internal clutter, mental clutter, emotional clutter, of
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spiritual clutter, relational clutter, career clutter. But letting go of
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the stuff made room to start questioning everything in my life.
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But then people around me started noticing some profound changes
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in me. People at work started coming up to me
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and saying things like, Hey, what's going on with you? You
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seem less stressed. Hey, you seem so much calmer. And
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Ryan came to me one day and he said, why
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the hell are you so happy? And so I told
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him about this thing called minimalism. You know, I didn't
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jump up and say, look at me. I'm a minimalist
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and you should be a minimalist too. It wasn't about proselytizing.
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In fact, Ryan and I, even now, even with we
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have books and all this other stuff, we're not trying
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to convert anyone to minimalism. I don't want to convince
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you to become a minimalist, but I understand that if
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you are discontented by the status quo, then perhaps simplifying
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will make room for those more important questions.
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I don't think it's possible to really convert someone into minimalism.
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But you know what Josh and I try to do
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is just share a recipe that has worked for us
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to help us get out of that crappy situation. My
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situation was like Josh's, working sixty seventy, sometimes eighty hours
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a week, forsaking some of the most important aspects of
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my life, my health, my relationships, my creativity. I certainly
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wasn't contributing. I wasn't really growing any way. I was
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chasing a lot of ephemeral pleasures, whether it was a
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nicer car, or a nicer house, or a bigger paycheck
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to buy those things. Drugs and alcohol soon started to
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creep into my life. I was kind of in this tornado,
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and when I saw this change in Joshua, I just
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knew that I wanted to have something in my life
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that he had in his life, which was that tranquility.
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It was peace, It was a bit of a calm,
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a calm emotion that he was emitting. So when he
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told me about minimalism, what I heard was common sense.
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And you know, unfortunately these days common sense it's not
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too common, and I certainly wasn't.
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I was not.
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I did not have common sense myself. So I just
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saw some practical things that I thought I could apply
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to my life. So I got really excited. I'm like,
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oh wow, minimalism, like this sounds great. Man, All right, cool,
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I'm in. I'm a minimalist, all right. Like, now what
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do I do? I didn't know where to start. So
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Josh kind of explained to me his journey. But for me,
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I needed faster results. I couldn't spend seven or eight
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months decluttering my life. I needed faster results, something to
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really change my state, to change my perspective. So Josh
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and I we came up with this crazy idea called
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a packing party, where we decided to pack all my
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belongings as if I were moving, and then I would
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unpack only the items I needed over the next three weeks.
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So Josh came over and he literally helped me box
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up everything my clothes, my kitchen, where my TVs, my towels,
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my frame, photographs, some paintings, my toiletries, even my furniture.
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Like we literally pretended like I was moving.
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Look, I just want to interrupt that that's a huge
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thing today.
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Yeah it is, Well, you know, I'm like one of
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those people who I will always like dive in head
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first if I feel like that's what I have to
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do again to like change my state. There's like a
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Tony Robbins thing where he always talks about the best
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way to interrupt these these negative patterns that we have
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or these these impulses is to really change your state.
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So I saw an opportunity with this packing party to
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do just that, and it totally did. I mean, after
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those three weeks, I had eighty percent of my stuff
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still sitting in those boxes, just sitting there unaccessed. And
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that's really where the minimalists dot com started.
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It was. It was what that twenty one day packing
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party journey.
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It's really interesting to hear you both take such a
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different approach. I was when Joshua, when you say it
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took you eight months, I was like, oh, oh, thank God, Like,
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this is not something that we have to do in
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a weekend, you know, clear everything out of our house.
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So I guess different different approaches will suit different people
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when it comes to re examining, you know, the amount
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of clutter in our lives and how we might go
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about shadding.
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Some of that.
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That's What I really like about what Josh and I
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do is you know him and I. Yes, we're both minimalists.
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We live this lifestyle, but we have completely different approaches.
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We have completely different recipes. And our hope with our
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message with our book that's coming out, love People Use Things.
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Our hope is that people can see this recipe and
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they can start to tweeze out ingredients for themselves. So
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whether it's an eight month journey, whether it's a twenty
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one day packing party journey, which people in our book
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actually did, we got some people to do that packing
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party journey and tell us about it, and we wrote
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about it and love People Use Things.
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But then there's kind of the middle of the road approach.
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It's called the minimalism game, and basically Josh and I
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we both realize how boring decluttering can be, so we
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decided to make it fun with a little friendly competition. So,
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you know, the middle of the road approaches this. You
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find a friend or a family member someone else who
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wants to declutter, and then you both agree to start
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on the first day of the month, and you both
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get rid of one item, and then on the second
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day of the month, you get rid of two items,
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then on the third day of the month, three items,
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and then on the all right, so you probably get
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the point, so on and so forth. It starts out
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really really easy, Yeah, until you get to like, you know,
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day number nineteen and you're like, oh, man, tomorrow, I
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got to get rid of twenty things, and then the
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next day twenty one things.
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So it starts to build some momentum. Now, the person
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who goes the longest wins. You can bet something. I