Sept. 12, 2022

How to manage your emotions with the Window of Tolerance

How to manage your emotions with the Window of Tolerance
The player is loading ...
How to manage your emotions with the Window of Tolerance

Introducing the first of many new solo episodes where I'll explain a psychological idea or experiment I think will help you feel happier, healthier and more fulfilled. In this episode I explain Dr Dan Siegel's concept of the Window of Tolerance, which is an incredibly effective tool for better understanding and managing our emotions. 
Connect with Cass:www.crappytohappypod.comhello@crappytohappypod.com 
www.instagram.com/crappytohappypodwww.tiktok.com/crappytohappypod
Join the free 7-day Happiness Challenge:www.cassdunn.com/happiness

Connect with Cass:

www.cassdunn.com
www.instagram.com/cassdunn_xo

Contact Crappy to Happy:

Email: hello@crappytohappypod.com
www.crappytohappypod.com
www.instagram.com/crappytohappypod
www.tiktok.com/@crappytohappypod


Are you a coach, therapist, service provider or solopreneur struggling with self-doubt and imposter syndrome? I'd love to talk to you! (for market research purposes only!)

Book a call with me to share your experience.

Want more great content and less ads?

Upgrade to Paid in the Spotify or Apple podcasts App to get immediate access to "Beyond Happy", the subscriber only podcast featuring bonus content, meditations and more!

Transcript
WEBVTT

1
00:00:02.680 --> 00:00:10.240
A listener production. Hey everyone, it's me Kaz coming at

2
00:00:10.279 --> 00:00:13.080
you today with a solo episode. This is something we're

3
00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:15.599
going to be doing every second episode from now on.

4
00:00:15.800 --> 00:00:17.399
I'm going to bring you an idea that I think

5
00:00:17.399 --> 00:00:20.719
you will find really interesting and useful and relevant to

6
00:00:20.760 --> 00:00:23.239
your life. Today, I'm going to talk to you about

7
00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:26.760
the window of tolerance, which is essentially an idea that

8
00:00:26.839 --> 00:00:29.839
will help you to understand how you can more effectively

9
00:00:29.920 --> 00:00:34.119
manage your emotions and cope more effectively with life. And

10
00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:36.759
I just want to add that what we're talking about

11
00:00:36.759 --> 00:00:40.000
today is really general day to day life stress. If

12
00:00:40.079 --> 00:00:43.200
you realize that what you're experiencing is more extreme or

13
00:00:43.240 --> 00:00:46.520
you need more personal support, then obviously I would always

14
00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:48.880
recommend that you have a chat with your GP and

15
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:51.759
get a referral to a psychologist if there are issues

16
00:00:51.799 --> 00:00:56.920
that you feel like you need more professional help to manage. So,

17
00:00:57.000 --> 00:00:59.479
the window of tolerance is a term that is used

18
00:00:59.479 --> 00:01:05.000
to describe the optimal zone of arousal. So essentially, it

19
00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:08.640
is the zone in which you can handle stress on

20
00:01:08.680 --> 00:01:13.680
a day to day basis without going into overwhelm or

21
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:18.920
shutting down. So doctor Dan Siegel is a psychiatrist who

22
00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:22.480
originally coined this term window of tolerance. And when you

23
00:01:22.519 --> 00:01:26.959
are within your personal window of tolerance, it means that

24
00:01:27.760 --> 00:01:30.480
you will experience all the normal ups and downs, and

25
00:01:30.519 --> 00:01:32.680
you can be busy and you can be stressed. But

26
00:01:33.000 --> 00:01:37.400
when you are within that window, you are emotionally regulated,

27
00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:41.239
so you can handle what is coming your way. You

28
00:01:41.439 --> 00:01:46.719
have the capacity to think clearly, to consider possibilities, to

29
00:01:46.959 --> 00:01:52.519
come up with solutions to problems. Your body is fairly relaxed,

30
00:01:52.560 --> 00:01:55.840
your mind is alert, you can stay focused. So it

31
00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:59.359
is this optimal zone where you can handle what life

32
00:01:59.439 --> 00:02:02.959
throws at you. So what can happen is that on

33
00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:07.159
occasion you might go outside your window of tolerance. So

34
00:02:07.480 --> 00:02:10.560
you can either go into what we call hyper arousal,

35
00:02:11.159 --> 00:02:14.840
where you basically go into the fight or flight state.

36
00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:19.120
That is where you are highly physiologically and emotionally aroused.

37
00:02:19.240 --> 00:02:22.240
This is where you become overwhelmed. So when you are

38
00:02:22.280 --> 00:02:25.159
in that hyper aroused state, when you've gone out say

39
00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:27.800
the top of the window, you've reached your upper limit

40
00:02:27.879 --> 00:02:30.800
and exited out the top of the window, then you

41
00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:34.639
might notice things like you become more angry and irritable,

42
00:02:34.800 --> 00:02:38.759
you might feel more anxious, you might experience panic, you

43
00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:42.800
become more emotionally reactive, and as we know, when you're

44
00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:45.360
in that fight or flight state, the way your body

45
00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:48.759
and brain responds is that essentially it shuts down your

46
00:02:48.840 --> 00:02:52.039
access to your prefrontal cortex, so this is the part

47
00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:55.560
of your brain that is required for thinking rationally and

48
00:02:55.599 --> 00:02:58.960
making good decisions and considering possibilities. Like you go into

49
00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:04.039
that intent, it's kind of threat response where you no

50
00:03:04.120 --> 00:03:07.759
longer have access to those higher level cortical functions of

51
00:03:07.800 --> 00:03:11.439
your brain, So you can become very rigid in your thinking,

52
00:03:11.879 --> 00:03:16.520
you can have trouble coming up with ideas and solutions,

53
00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:20.759
or you might experience racing thoughts anxious thoughts. The other

54
00:03:20.840 --> 00:03:24.240
possibility is that you can go into hypo arousal, which

55
00:03:24.319 --> 00:03:28.120
is the shutdown response or the collapse response. So often

56
00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:32.479
it's not that you go either out the top or

57
00:03:32.599 --> 00:03:34.800
out of the bottom of the window. Sometimes after a

58
00:03:34.840 --> 00:03:39.560
prolonged period of stress and overwhelm, then you can exceed

59
00:03:39.599 --> 00:03:42.159
your capacity to cope and then you can go down

60
00:03:42.199 --> 00:03:47.560
into hypo arousal. So that is more characterized by feeling numb,

61
00:03:47.879 --> 00:03:52.840
low in energy, feeling hopeless, very lethargic. Low mood can

62
00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:55.840
look and feel like hopelessness can look and feel like depression.

63
00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:59.759
Physiological and emotional arousal is on the low end, and

64
00:03:59.800 --> 00:04:01.599
what you really need to do is to work on

65
00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:05.479
getting it back up into the optimal range. Whereas when

66
00:04:05.479 --> 00:04:08.319
you're in the hyper arousal zone, your job is to

67
00:04:08.479 --> 00:04:12.039
calm back down and come back down into the optimal range.

68
00:04:12.919 --> 00:04:15.360
So to give you an example of how this looks

69
00:04:15.439 --> 00:04:17.879
in real life, I'm thinking of a client who came

70
00:04:17.920 --> 00:04:22.839
to see me once, who was a young woman, working mother,

71
00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:29.480
had had one child, happy relationship, had a mortgage. Obviously,

72
00:04:29.480 --> 00:04:32.000
having a baby is a stressful experience, but she was

73
00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:34.360
coping with that fine. She had lots of support, lots

74
00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:39.199
of resources. Had the second baby, obviously that's an added stress.

75
00:04:40.120 --> 00:04:43.519
Then what happened was her partner got a job which

76
00:04:43.560 --> 00:04:45.680
took him away a lot of the time, leaving her

77
00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:48.079
on her own to cope with these two kids. She

78
00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:51.519
was also working part time. There were some stresses at

79
00:04:51.560 --> 00:04:54.800
work to do with restructure, so this was also weighing

80
00:04:54.800 --> 00:04:57.120
on her. There was some uncertainty about the future of

81
00:04:57.160 --> 00:05:00.920
her job what that would mean for them financially. Meanwhile,

82
00:05:01.040 --> 00:05:04.160
she's managing all of this while a lot of the

83
00:05:04.199 --> 00:05:06.680
time being on her own with two little kids, not

84
00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:10.079
necessarily having the space to go out and get breaks,

85
00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:11.839
to spend time with friends, to do the things that

86
00:05:11.839 --> 00:05:14.600
she would normally do to look after her own self care.

87
00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:18.759
And so what happened over time with this layering of

88
00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:24.480
these stress aws with no reprieve really or only small

89
00:05:24.519 --> 00:05:27.839
breaks when her partner was home, that what she found

90
00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:31.000
over time was she thought she was coping, and she

91
00:05:31.079 --> 00:05:35.879
hit this point where she was experiencing heightened anxiety, almost

92
00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:39.360
like panic attacks. She was finding that she came to

93
00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:42.120
see me because she was concerned about she was lashing

94
00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:45.399
out at the kids, which was really unlike her. She'd

95
00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:49.040
basically exceeded her capacity to cope and she'd gone out

96
00:05:49.079 --> 00:05:53.160
into hyper arousal and hadn't even really noticed it was happening,

97
00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:57.399
because often what we do as humans is we just cope,

98
00:05:57.399 --> 00:05:59.120
We just deal with life, and we just get on

99
00:05:59.160 --> 00:06:02.079
with it, so busy with the doing and the coping

100
00:06:02.319 --> 00:06:05.279
that were not necessarily stopping and checking in with the

101
00:06:05.319 --> 00:06:08.439
little signs, and there probably had been multiple signs for

102
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:12.360
her along the way that she was reaching her limit,

103
00:06:12.759 --> 00:06:15.680
and so she didn't know she'd reached it. Until she

104
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:18.720
hit boiling point, and then all of these behaviors started

105
00:06:18.759 --> 00:06:21.959
coming out, which was so unlike her, so uncharacteristic of her,

106
00:06:22.439 --> 00:06:25.920
and it was enough for her to stop, to see

107
00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:29.120
her GP and to go and seek some support. I

108
00:06:29.120 --> 00:06:32.319
think another really great example which many people will relate to,

109
00:06:32.800 --> 00:06:35.319
is what we all went through during the pandemic, and

110
00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:37.839
particularly if you lived in a part of the world

111
00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:42.439
where there were many lockdowns. And I was fortunate to

112
00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:45.399
be in Queensland where I didn't have a lot of lockdowns,

113
00:06:45.480 --> 00:06:47.480
But if you live in Melbourne, for example, you'd have

114
00:06:47.480 --> 00:06:49.720
had a whole different experience. But even if you take

115
00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:52.240
yourself all the way back to the beginning of the

116
00:06:52.240 --> 00:06:55.639
pandemic in twenty twenty, around March April, where we all

117
00:06:55.680 --> 00:06:59.240
went into an eight week lockdown, at that time, none

118
00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:02.720
of us really knew what was going on. We weren't

119
00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:04.480
sure how long this was going to go on for.

120
00:07:04.639 --> 00:07:06.720
We didn't know how this was going to affect the

121
00:07:06.759 --> 00:07:11.279
financial markets, business, the economy, our jobs. So a lot

122
00:07:11.319 --> 00:07:15.480
of us were in quite a heightened state of arousal.

123
00:07:16.120 --> 00:07:20.480
And what happened was the longer that went on for people,

124
00:07:21.000 --> 00:07:23.839
the longer that we were in that elevated state. And

125
00:07:23.879 --> 00:07:27.120
if that meant that for you, you worked from home

126
00:07:27.160 --> 00:07:30.000
for longer, you and your partner both had to work

127
00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:32.920
from home, potentially in a really small space, if you

128
00:07:32.959 --> 00:07:35.959
had kids under your feet who couldn't access childcare, or

129
00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.439
you had to take on the role of being the

130
00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:43.000
homeschooling parent as well as managing your own work, and

131
00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:48.600
without any of the access to your regular outlets supports,

132
00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:52.920
the yoga class, the exercise class, socializing with friends, doing

133
00:07:52.959 --> 00:07:54.439
all of the things that you would normally do to

134
00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:58.879
keep yourself mentally and physically well. Then what a lot

135
00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:05.040
of people experienced was eventually perhaps they went into that

136
00:08:05.639 --> 00:08:09.319
anxiety experience. I know many people experienced anxiety for the

137
00:08:09.319 --> 00:08:11.199
first time in their lives. They had said to me

138
00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:15.120
that they had never experienced anxiety before, but suddenly they did.

139
00:08:15.199 --> 00:08:19.800
They found themselves experiencing things that they were very unfamiliar with.

140
00:08:20.040 --> 00:08:23.439
But also you might recall and you may have experienced yourself.

141
00:08:23.639 --> 00:08:27.759
A lot of people experienced this utter exhaustion. It was

142
00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:31.759
this iso fatigue that people talked about, saying, I don't

143
00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:34.120
know why I'm so exhausted when I'm not doing anything.

144
00:08:34.159 --> 00:08:38.200
I literally haven't left my house, Why am I so exhausted?

145
00:08:38.440 --> 00:08:42.039
And that is a classic example of hypo arousal, when

146
00:08:42.080 --> 00:08:44.960
you've been stuck in that high per state for such

147
00:08:44.960 --> 00:08:48.679
a long time that your body and brain can't cope

148
00:08:48.679 --> 00:08:52.039
with that anymore, and so it protects itself by shutting down.

149
00:08:52.360 --> 00:08:55.799
And so you go into that collapse, almost like curling

150
00:08:55.840 --> 00:08:59.679
up into the fetal position, honestly, where you have no energy,

151
00:08:59.840 --> 00:09:02.919
no motivation, no interest. You struggle to do the most

152
00:09:02.919 --> 00:09:07.480
basic things, And that's a perfect example of going below

153
00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:11.960
your window of tolerance. The really important thing to know

154
00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:16.799
about the window of tolerance is that everybody's window is unique.

155
00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:22.519
Everybody has a different width of their window, and so

156
00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:26.039
that is determined by things like just your genetics, your

157
00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:29.960
basic temperament, but also about your personal history, like if

158
00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:32.559
you have had a history of trauma, or if you've

159
00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:34.960
been exposed to chronic stress, if you've been in a

160
00:09:35.039 --> 00:09:38.519
situation or an environment where you've been really stressed for

161
00:09:38.559 --> 00:09:42.840
a really long time, or if you've experienced a significant trauma,

162
00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:46.000
then that can have the effect of narrowing your window.

163
00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:50.679
So what one person can comfortably cope with then might

164
00:09:50.759 --> 00:09:54.039
be too much for you. So there are certain personal

165
00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:59.799
factors and environmental factors that will impact the width of

166
00:10:00.200 --> 00:10:03.639
your window. The really important thing is to understand for

167
00:10:03.720 --> 00:10:07.960
yourself to have enough self awareness and the capacity for

168
00:10:08.360 --> 00:10:13.440
self regulation to be able to know within yourself when

169
00:10:13.559 --> 00:10:16.240
you are in danger of going outside of your window,

170
00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:20.000
so that you can do things to either help you

171
00:10:20.080 --> 00:10:22.440
to stay in your window or to help you to

172
00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:26.360
get back inside it if you go out. So on

173
00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:29.159
a day to day basis, we are going up and down.

174
00:10:29.519 --> 00:10:34.039
Our mood, our energy, our emotions, everything's going up and down.

175
00:10:34.519 --> 00:10:37.840
We're riding this wave all day. We get busy and stress.

176
00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:39.279
We've got a deadline, we've got a run to catch

177
00:10:39.320 --> 00:10:41.200
the bus, we've got a meeting, have to do a presentation.

178
00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:44.559
We get a little bit stressed, and then we go home,

179
00:10:44.639 --> 00:10:48.399
we relax, we have lunch with friends, and things calm down.

180
00:10:48.440 --> 00:10:50.960
So we're going up and down in terms of our

181
00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:55.200
own personal level of stress every day. So for somebody

182
00:10:55.240 --> 00:10:58.039
with a wider window of tolerance, they can handle a

183
00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:00.919
lot of stress, a lot of disruption, you know, things

184
00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:04.480
not turning out well, maybe relationship conflicts, stress at work,

185
00:11:04.840 --> 00:11:08.360
and they can comfortably stay within that window of tolerance

186
00:11:08.440 --> 00:11:13.600
their stress. But they're able to effectively manage it. For

187
00:11:13.679 --> 00:11:16.720
another person who has a narrow window of tolerance, it

188
00:11:16.799 --> 00:11:19.120
might just be that one or two things go wrong

189
00:11:19.440 --> 00:11:23.240
and they've gone outside of the window of tolerance. Their

190
00:11:23.279 --> 00:11:26.440
capacity to cope is It's like their nervous system is

191
00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:31.399
just that little bit more sensitive and their capacity to

192
00:11:31.480 --> 00:11:35.120
cope is just a little bit lower. So a small thing,

193
00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:39.080
a small upset, might send one person outside the window

194
00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:41.960
of tolerance, and another person might just take that in

195
00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:52.679
their stride. I think there are a couple of different

196
00:11:52.720 --> 00:11:56.639
applications to this. One is what can I be doing

197
00:11:57.120 --> 00:12:02.120
as a routine activities in my life to ensure that

198
00:12:02.200 --> 00:12:07.120
I stay inside my window of tolerance and to even

199
00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:10.399
over time widen that window. And we do have the

200
00:12:10.440 --> 00:12:14.559
capacity to widen our personal window. Even if you have

201
00:12:14.679 --> 00:12:18.559
had a history of chronic stress or trauma for whatever reason,

202
00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:21.320
you find yourself with quite a narrow window of tolerance,

203
00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:25.720
it is possible to widen that. So just daily self

204
00:12:25.759 --> 00:12:28.440
care activities, the things that we take for granted, like

205
00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:31.080
making sure that you're getting enough sleep, making sure that

206
00:12:31.159 --> 00:12:37.399
you're eating well and staying hydrated, staying off addictive substances.

207
00:12:37.480 --> 00:12:42.039
If you're winding down strategy is using alcohol or recreational

208
00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:45.519
drugs and just recognizing that all of that is potentially

209
00:12:45.639 --> 00:12:50.879
narrowing your window of tolerance. Meditation, things that you can

210
00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:57.679
do to help to come your nervous system, yoga, mindful movement, exercise,

211
00:12:58.080 --> 00:13:00.759
and again these are all there are some things that

212
00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:04.320
I guess are universally useful, but for you, whether you're

213
00:13:04.360 --> 00:13:05.960
a person who needs to go out and do a

214
00:13:05.960 --> 00:13:08.720
good cuttio vascular workout and get your heart rate going,

215
00:13:08.840 --> 00:13:11.799
or if you're somebody who really could use more of

216
00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:17.600
that soothing, meditative, mindful, slow movement like a yin yoga class.

217
00:13:17.720 --> 00:13:22.600
Yein yoga perfect for regulating your nervous system. Highly recommend.

218
00:13:22.879 --> 00:13:24.440
But these are the things that you could be doing

219
00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:28.279
as part of your normal routine to help to regulate

220
00:13:28.279 --> 00:13:31.080
your nervous system to help you to be able to

221
00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:35.480
function effectively and stay within that window of tolerance. Then

222
00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:38.559
the other important thing to know is that if you

223
00:13:38.720 --> 00:13:41.840
have gone out, or if you are in danger of

224
00:13:41.960 --> 00:13:44.799
going out into hyper arousal, then what do you need

225
00:13:44.840 --> 00:13:47.840
to do to calm back down. The first thing, obviously,

226
00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:50.399
is that you need to recognize that that has happened

227
00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:53.639
or is in danger of happening. So you might notice

228
00:13:53.679 --> 00:13:57.480
that you're starting to get more anxious and agitated. Your

229
00:13:57.759 --> 00:14:01.159
muscles are feeling tense, your neck is tense, your jaws clenched,

230
00:14:01.559 --> 00:14:07.480
you are feeling more emotionally reactive. You're maybe crying, bursting

231
00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:09.879
into tears over the smallest thing like These are all

232
00:14:09.879 --> 00:14:12.600
indications that you are exceeding your capacity to cope. If

233
00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:14.840
there is something that is normally not a problem for

234
00:14:14.879 --> 00:14:17.840
you and now it's suddenly really irritating for you, then

235
00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:21.159
this is a sign that you've gone into hyper arousal.

236
00:14:21.519 --> 00:14:23.960
So in that case, your job is to work on

237
00:14:24.399 --> 00:14:30.200
calming back down. So things that soothe your nervous system

238
00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:35.360
that help you to regulate your emotions, breathing, calling a

239
00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:40.399
supportive friend, just getting outside into nature, taking a break,

240
00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:43.799
walking away, taking some slow, deep breadths. We all know

241
00:14:43.840 --> 00:14:46.879
the things that help us to calm down our nervous system.

242
00:14:47.480 --> 00:14:50.559
Having a massage might be something that works for you.

243
00:14:51.440 --> 00:14:55.080
Patting a pet is a great one. Anything that helps

244
00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:58.360
you to stay grounded and brings you back into the

245
00:14:58.360 --> 00:15:03.039
present moment and helps to activate that parasympathetic nervous system,

246
00:15:03.399 --> 00:15:07.559
which is that calming down response if you go into

247
00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:11.480
the hypo arousal, which is more that shut down collapse response.

248
00:15:11.879 --> 00:15:14.759
Couple of things to say about that. One is that

249
00:15:15.080 --> 00:15:18.399
it can be a temporary thing because you've been really

250
00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:21.759
stressed for a really long time. Basically your body and

251
00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:24.320
your brain gets to the point where it says, I

252
00:15:24.360 --> 00:15:26.519
can't do this anymore, and it sort of goes into

253
00:15:26.519 --> 00:15:29.720
that shutdown response where you feel very low energy. It

254
00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:33.399
could also be that if you have experienced significant trauma

255
00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:36.639
in the past and that you have perhaps had a

256
00:15:36.759 --> 00:15:42.159
pattern of dissociation, then you may more quickly go into

257
00:15:42.200 --> 00:15:45.600
that shutdown response. Some people will go into shutdown very

258
00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:48.720
quickly because it's a conditioned response because of early trauma,

259
00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:50.919
and we don't really have the time of the capacity

260
00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:52.559
to go into that right now. But it's important to

261
00:15:52.600 --> 00:15:59.159
know when you're in that low energy, low mood, filling lethargic,

262
00:15:59.720 --> 00:16:06.000
with drawing, socially, isolating yourself, perhaps not meeting your obligations

263
00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:08.000
in life, not showing up for school, not showing up

264
00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:09.679
for work, or not wanting to do the things that

265
00:16:09.679 --> 00:16:13.320
you would normally do, then you need to be activating

266
00:16:13.480 --> 00:16:17.320
some emotional and physiological arousal. So this is where you

267
00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:20.720
need to actually increase your energy. So some of the

268
00:16:20.759 --> 00:16:24.879
same activities, getting some exercise, getting out into nature, anything

269
00:16:24.879 --> 00:16:27.440
that gets you in touch with your body and stimulates

270
00:16:27.480 --> 00:16:31.240
your senses is very good for increasing physiological arousal. Things

271
00:16:31.320 --> 00:16:34.720
like maybe walking barefoot in the grass, or even things

272
00:16:34.759 --> 00:16:38.919
like putting your hand into plato or kneading bread or

273
00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:41.840
things that you do that are tactile can be really

274
00:16:41.879 --> 00:16:47.360
good for increasing your energy and activating that engagement sniffing

275
00:16:47.480 --> 00:16:50.960
essential oils. Music can do it. I mean music can

276
00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:53.919
do it at both ends of the spectrum. Either calming,

277
00:16:53.960 --> 00:16:58.960
soothing music or upbeat music can be great for shifting

278
00:16:59.000 --> 00:17:02.559
your state, shifting your mood. I think that the really

279
00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:06.240
key thing here is to understand that you don't necessarily

280
00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:09.279
choose the width of your window like this is not

281
00:17:09.880 --> 00:17:14.960
a personal failing. If you find that you are more

282
00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:19.200
easily triggered into extreme responses of stress, and this is

283
00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:22.319
not necessarily your fault, there are definitely things that you

284
00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:26.680
can do to take responsibility for that once you understand

285
00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:30.920
how this works. But this is not a reason to

286
00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:33.319
be self critical or to get down on yourself. If

287
00:17:33.319 --> 00:17:35.440
you feel like there is something wrong with you, so

288
00:17:35.599 --> 00:17:38.240
many things can impact your window of tolerance. This is

289
00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:42.599
really important to understand to just give you that level

290
00:17:42.680 --> 00:17:45.799
of self awareness so that you can have some self

291
00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:49.079
compassion and also so that you can use those skills

292
00:17:49.079 --> 00:17:52.160
to self regulate, and so that you can notice those

293
00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:55.680
signs before you start. You'll know when you are edging

294
00:17:55.720 --> 00:17:58.720
towards the edge of your window. But before you let

295
00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:01.200
that go out of control, you can intervene and you

296
00:18:01.240 --> 00:18:04.279
can do things to bring you back down. And if

297
00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:08.160
you do find that it's too late and you've spiraled

298
00:18:08.200 --> 00:18:10.920
into stress or you've noticed that you've shut down, then

299
00:18:11.160 --> 00:18:13.440
you know that there are things that you can do.

300
00:18:13.839 --> 00:18:16.119
You recognize what's happened, and there are things that you

301
00:18:16.119 --> 00:18:18.799
can actively do to get you back into that optimal

302
00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:21.559
zone so that you can continue to function, to have

303
00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:25.680
that not be a disaster, for that to be just

304
00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:27.960
a bump in the road, and then you just get

305
00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:33.240
back on track. I hope that you have found this

306
00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:36.559
idea of the window of tolerance useful. I know whenever

307
00:18:36.599 --> 00:18:39.480
I talk to people about it, they usually really they

308
00:18:39.480 --> 00:18:41.680
find this a really simple concept to grasp and it

309
00:18:41.720 --> 00:18:46.279
really helps them to better understand themselves and give them

310
00:18:46.359 --> 00:18:49.480
some tools that they can apply when they know that

311
00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:53.039
they are potentially not coping as well as they could

312
00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:55.440
be by all means. If there is something that I

313
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:57.880
haven't explained to If you have more questions, send them

314
00:18:57.880 --> 00:19:00.720
into me. You can connect with me on instat cast

315
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:04.400
Done underscore XO, or you can email me hello at

316
00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:07.680
castdone dot com. Let me know. Also if there are

317
00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:10.319
any other topics that you would like me to discuss.

318
00:19:10.759 --> 00:19:12.720
I'll be here every second week to share with you

319
00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:15.000
an idea or a technique or a tool or a

320
00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:18.920
psychological concept that I hope you will find really interesting

321
00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:21.359
and relevant to your life. And don't forget. If you

322
00:19:21.480 --> 00:19:24.920
do love the podcast, make sure you subscribe wherever you

323
00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:28.319
listen to podcasts, and please leave me a five star

324
00:19:28.440 --> 00:19:31.119
rating and a review that really helps to get the

325
00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:33.720
word out there, helps us to get into the ears

326
00:19:33.759 --> 00:19:36.079
of more listeners. And you can see all of my

327
00:19:36.119 --> 00:19:39.599
books and my online courses on my website. Castdone dot com.

328
00:19:39.720 --> 00:19:41.839
Can't wait to catch you on the next episode of

329
00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:48.200
Crappy to have you listener