How to Show Up as the Best Version of YOU

0:04 This is Crappita Happy and I am your host, Cas Doune. I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist. I'm mindfulness meditation teacher and of course author of the Crappita Happy books. In this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent people who are experts in their field and who have something of value to share that will help you feel less crappy and more happy. Hi, and welcome back to Crappita Happy. I am out of the wardrobe. You'll be pleased to know back in London, safe and sound. We are experiencing the most glorious weather here at the moment, which was nice coming back from Australia. You don't want to come back into miserable London weather. It is twenty seven degrees today. Have you know it's due to plummet again on the weekend, But we won't talk about that.

1:03 We're just enjoying the sunshine for now. I have got a super special episode for you today which I think that you will enjoy. But before I get to the content of today's episode, a couple of really quick updates on things which might be of interest to you. Number One, if you are a member of the Beyond Happy paid podcast if you've pressed that little upgrade to paid in the Apple app, or if you have jumped onto my substack and subscribed there so that you can listen on Apple or Spotify. The theme for May. The extra content that we are covering in May, exclusive for paid subscribers, is We're having a little mindful reset. Now. I know that everybody's eyes glaze over when they hear the word mindfulness these days, but I'm talking about mindfulness plus. I mean mindfulness reworked. I'm talking about a really practical approach to managing the difficulties and the stresses of life. I'm talking about kind of some of the stuff I was talking to you about last week, like when life throws your curveballs, what are some of the tools that you can tap into that will actually be helpful to you.

2:15 So it is mindfulness, but it's mindfulness plus. It's like, Okay, so I'm mindful, I'm present, I know what's going on, and then what like and then what? Then what? So some somatic works, some emotional processing works and reframing, like how do you get out of the anxiety spiral? How do you get out of the overthinking how do you get out of the overwhelm that kind of thing, right, So we'll have a topic a week, there'll be meditations. I think it's going to be great. I'm excited. That will kick off next week for the paid subs. So if you want to opt into that, then away you go and opt in. You can opt in for a month if you want, and then you can opt out again. Of course, the thirty Day Happiness Challenge, the thirty days to a Happier Year, which we had last month of the month before, that's all still there, so you can also just burn your way through those. Well, you have got a subscription if you so choose. Not that that's like how you're supposed to do it. You're not supposed to just like whizz through because you don't remember anything that way. But you know it's up to you. You can do whatever you want. So that's what's happening for the paid subscribers. My very special VIPs. The second thing I want to bring to your attention, I mean not that you probably really care, but I just feel like I need to make a statement about this. I am choosing to scale back a little bit on the interviews on the show, bringing you more of just me, to be honest, So if you actually really like the interviews, sorry about that. But there's a reason for that. So I thought i'd just give you a little story time if you don't mind just to indulge me for five minutes, Well,

3:46 I give you background a little context for why I am choosing to scale back on guest episodes. So, going back to twenty seventeen, Crapy to Happy first started eight years this podcast has been running, so eight years ago, it was just me and Tiff Tiff Hall, my good friend, fitness trainer, extraordinary gladiator and obviously owner founder of TXO fitness program. Tiff and I started the podcast together and we did it together for two seasons and it was just the two of us. She was the fitness expert, I was the mindfulness and mental health expert, and we just talked about topics that we knew now. Tiff got busy and left the show after two seasons, and so I took over as host on my own, and that opened up the doors for me to be able to bring in guests, and I was actually really excited about that because it meant that I can interview people in a whole lot of areas that I'm not an expert in and Tiff wasn't an expert in, and bring to you, the listener, like people who could share really interesting and valuable information about a whole range of different professions and areas that we couldn't necessarily speak to with any authority.

5:01 So at that time, what I did was I really thought about who are the people that I would want to talk to or who I would want to bring onto the show. And I've really thought about topics that were relevant to you, the listener, and I thought who was the best person to speak on this topic? So it was all driven by me. I decided what I wanted to talk about. I decided what the interesting topics were, and then I went out and tried to find an expert or somebody who was interesting and somebody who was well known, but not just because they were well known, but because there would be somebody that would be familiar to you. So, for example, when I wanted to talk to a nutritionist, I got doctor Libby because she was well known and she was an expert. I knew that she would be familiar and that therefore she would be trusted by listeners. Over time, what has happened in the podcasting space is that everybody wants to be on a podcast.

5:54 Everybody wants to be a guest on a podcast. It is the best way to get yourself promoted. And if you written a book and you want to promote your book, the number one promotional strategy for authors is to get themselves onto podcasts. So as a result, over time, I now rather than me going out and approaching people who I would like to talk to, it's become very inwards. Like I get pitched constantly, which is not a bad problem to have, but I'm pitched constantly by people who want to get on the podcast, way too many pictures for me to even be able to respond to them all. Now, go back a couple of years and around twenty twenty two when I was moving to the UK and we were reviewing what was going to happen with the show.

6:38 At that time, I was all interviews, and I said, this is not working for me anymore. I'm no longer interested in just interviewing people who want to sell their book, or sell their program, or promote themselves. This is not how it started for me, and this is not how I want it to continue. Also, I have my own expertise, and this is my podcast. It's my show, and I am not presenting my own expertise and the things that I want to talk about. So that's when we switched to alternating a solo episode and an interview episode. But the interviews were still very much people pitching me. Occasionally there would be somebody that I would go for that I would approach. I definitely have got you know, I've got my list of people that I want to talk to on the show. So all of this is to say that I made a decision at the beginning of the year that I did not want to interview authors on their book promotion tour anymore. I really felt like there's no value in interviewing people who are on every other podcast at the same time. Right, So if you recently noticed that maybe like mel Robbins was on literally every podcast, well that's because she was because she was promoting a book, and so everybody was interviewing her about that book. And that's great for authors. It's not so great for podcast hosts because there's nothing unique or special or interesting or different about your show if you're just talking to the person who's literally saying the same thing

8:10 on every other podcast. So I decided the beginning of the year, I don't want to do authors on book tours anymore. I want to go back to talking to the people who interest me. I want to find the people who who are of interested and have something of value to add to you, the listener, because that was always what it was supposed to be, and I still want to be able to contribute my own expertise. It's my show. So just a little something that happened to really bring that home for me was that I did find somebody who I was really interested to talk to. I found somebody who was really intelligent and wrote really well. I had some really great content and ideas, and she was based in London. The other thing that I decided was when I approach people to do interviews, ideally I would like to do the interviews in person. I want to get back in to studios and sit face to face.

9:02 I'm sick of doing remote interviews. Understandably, sometimes you have to do remote interviews because people are in another country. Totally get it. But where possible, I want to target the people who I can actually meet with in a studio, and if that means when I go back to Australia, then I spend a couple of days in a studio in Australia to do those local Australian interviews face to face. Then that's what I'll do rather than doing them remotely. So I came across this woman. I contacted her and I said, I would really love to have you on my show. Turned out she was happy to be on my show. She's based in London, and she also happened to have a book coming out. That's interesting. I mean, okay, she's going to be more interested to talk to me because she's got a book coming out, But that wasn't the reason that I approached her invited her on the show.

9:48 She said she was happy to be on the show. And then I said, I'm in London and I'm really looking to do face to face interviews. And she lives and works in London, and she said, oh, I'm actually going to be traveling for a couple of months. Is it okay if we do it remotely? And I said, oh yeah, I guess like I understand that. So point one point two, I've just broken two of my own rules straight off the bat. She's touring a book, and she's she can only do remote, so I'd agreed to do the interview. I said, I was going to do the interview. So we lined up the interview and we did it remotely and it all went okay, but you know, the sounds always off when it's remote, and then her camera crashed and there was problems, and I had two interviews in the same day, which I never do, so just wasn't the best experience for me. But anyway, we did the interview. Now what happened next was, remember I approached this one because I liked this woman. I liked her work. I was on her mailing list. So then I got an email from her, not personally, from her mailing list where she was saying how she had been promoting her book. And she said, I set myself a goal to do thirty podcast interviews in like thirty days or something, and she said, and I exceeded it and I did sixty podcast interviews six zero sixty podcast interviews.

11:16 And then she talked about you know, different styles of interviewing and different podcast hosts and yadi YadA and things that happened in lessons that she had learned. And I thought, well, you want to talk about lessons you've learned. Let me just tell you about a lesson that I just learned. Because there is zero value to my audience and my listeners playing this interview and putting this episode out when you are on every other podcast right now at the same time, it one hundred percent highlighted for me the reason why my decision was a good decision. And I haven't published the interview, and I will. I'm sure eventually i'll publish the interview, but I just made the decision there and then that I was not going to be one of those sixty that puts an interview out and here's the same person talking about the same topic just over and over again. So that's that. So less interviews, face to face interviews, more cass is what I'm saying.

12:12 And I think the other thing about that is that, as you know, I can do a solo episode, I can do this from my mum's wardrobe, Like I literally recorded an episode in my mom's wardrobe, published it from the Taipei airport on the airport Wi fi. So there's just a whole lot more work and time consuming work involved in editing, guest interviews, scheduling booking. Just it's a lot. It's a lot, and I still want to do them, but I want to do them with much more, much more discernment about who and why. Okay, so that's that. That's a lot of pre amble, but that's that. If you have feedback about that, if you want more interviews, less interviews, if you think that's a bad idea, good idea, you can tell me in my survey. I've rejigged to the survey as well and made it so that you can be anonymous if you would like. Means I can't send you a prize for submitting, but it does mean that if you want to really give me some hard feedback, you can absolutely do that. So the link to the survey is in the show notes, and I would obviously appreciate your input while I'm reviewing everything. Okay, let's get on with the show. So today, the question that I have for you is who are you when you are at your best? Now, maybe I've asked you this question before, maybe you haven't thought about it for a while, So I'm reminding you now who are you when you are at your best? And by that I mean what are

13:43 the qualities? What are the best qualities in you that really shine when you are really vibing, right, when you are really being the best version of you. And I don't want generic answers here. I don't want to hear you know oh I'm so kind and patient and calm and organized. No, I want to know your personality, like your little quirks, like your special talents, you who you are. So you might be the person who like when you're really at your best, like your best qualities. Maybe you are the life of the party right, Like maybe you can just hold the floor and you can captivate people with your engaging stories. Maybe you are really the most patient listener. You're that friend that can really just be present and really be nonjudgmental and just really give people the time that they need. Maybe one of your qualities is that you've got a brilliant mind, a really analytical sharp mind, and you can just see solutions to problems, like when you're really operating at your best, like you just you're quick with coming up with solutions and analyzing information, and like that's just one of your superpowers. Maybe you are like when you're at your best, you're full of creative ideas and expressing your creative ideas. It's just like flowing what other things about you that make you you

15:14 the best version of you? Right? And do think about your life and your relationships, and when you're at your best, maybe you are just patient with your kids, and maybe you do spend the time like engaging with them and interacting with them. And a good way to help you to get clear about this is to think about when you're not at your best. So the reason that this topic has come up for me and why I thought this was a useful thing to talk about, is because I told you last week that there'd been a whole lot of stress with my family. We flew back to Australia. No we didn't. We flew back to the UK from Australia. I was really jet lagged. I was really tired. I was still you know, there's a lot of stuff going on, and I was just cranky, Like I was cranky and irritable.

16:00 And I noticed that I was kind of cynical, Like I was listening to an audio book which I probably at one time ordinarily would have found really interesting and inspiring, and it was actually interesting and inspiring, but I found myself like waiting for the grift, like starting to like question this guy's integrity, and I thought, who am I? Like I was just being really like cynical and a little judge and almost like just looking for the negative or trying to look to find some fault, to find something to criticize, which is not normally how I would be, Like, that's not who I am when I'm at my best. So if you know the kind of things that come out in you when you do get snappy or irritable or impatient or judgy or you know, critical or foggy, or you can't find the humor or the creativity drives up, or you know, like you feel like the tank is dry, like there's no you know, your brain's not firing. You're not handling relationships well, you're not handling stress well. Like, if you think about who when you're at your worst, like when you're not being your best self, that can really give you a clue, right to flip that Okay, so what does that say about who I am when I'm at my best? So I want you to really think about this personally, not just generically. How do I operate in the world, How do I operate in my relationships, How do I show up to work, to my business,

17:36 for my friends, for myself? What are my qualities? What are my best qualities? What are my talents? What are my skills that I express easily when I am at my best? So I want you to spend some time considering that. If you can write it down, that's that's great. Now the next question is what are the conditions required for you to be at your best? What circumstance answers what conditions? What has to be happening in your life for you to be at your best? So this is things like I need to be getting eight hours of sleep a night. Like if I am not getting sleep, it's all downhill from there. Maybe it's I'm at my best when I am not drinking alcohol, or when I'm not drinking during the week or whatever that might be.

18:24 Or I'm not eating sugar, I'm not having a lot of carbs. I don't know, Like that just makes me like feel foggy and heavy. Maybe when I make time to meditate. Now, I don't want this to be a list of the perfect person who walks and meditates and gets out out of sleep a night, like I want you to really think again personally to you the conditions required for you to be at your best. Maybe it's like when I have a day where I don't have the kids, but I also don't have work, when I just have a day to myself that I can just organize my life, take a rest, have some downtime. Maybe it's when I have a half a day on the weekend that I don't have to be present for anybody, that I don't have to look out for anybody else.

19:14 That half a day just for me to reach out like that really nurturees me, like replenishes me, and that allows me to be at my best. Maybe if it's in your business, I need a day without meetings, or I need no meetings before ten o'clock. If I don't have meetings before ten o'clock, if I've got that morning time to just like get in, assess the day, organize priorities, good as gold. Then I'm just feeling like I'm on track, I'm present, I'm connected, I'm firing. I don't feel stressed, I don't feel overwhelmed. You know, everything's better when I give myself that. So that's your next question in your life, in your circumstances with your family situation, your work situation, living arrangements, whatever it is. What are the conditions that, when met, really allow for you to show up as your best self. So when you've got that, my next question is, how do you make sure that you set that up? What's happening now? That's not that? I mean if your answer to that is, oh, yeah, I need to have like a day a week, and I need to know meetings before ten, and I need to get eight hours sleep at night, and I need to not drink alcohol or too much caffeine. Yeah, and that's all happening.

20:30 Like I've got that, that's in place, and I am firing at the moment, Like I'm really in my zone right now, feeling great. I'm feeling clear, I'm feeling connected, I'm feeling really balanced, I'm feeling calm centered. Like that is amazing. If that's you. If it's not, then what might you need to change? What steps might you need to take, shifts tweaks to your routine, look at your diary. What do you need to move or shift or change or what needs to happen differently so that you can give yourself the best chance of being at your best More of the time. So I love this exercise. I sometimes do this exercise with clients. I sometimes do this I've done this exercise at all of my retreats when I used to run retreats. It's a great exercise to actually just pause, take a step back, and really consider the specifics of like what needs to happen. How do I set up my life and my environment and my schedule and my routines to really give myself the best chance.

21:40 I've always or not always, because you know, we're not perfect people, but as much as possible, to really give myself the best chance of being able to show up not just for myself but all the people around me. So I can really show up as the best version of me, because everything's better when I do. I feel good about myself. Things go more smoothly. I feel just more happy and healthy and balanced and like I'm living and expressing me that the essence of me, and other people are seeing that. You know, they're not getting the short, tempered, overwhelmed, snarky, judge, impatient version of me, you know, because nobody wants that doesn't feel good and doesn't feel good for anybody around you.

22:22 But when you can get really clear about Okay, well, what would that take what needs to change. The other thing that it does once you've done this exercise is that when you attempted to put in that extra meeting, when somebody else can they see you at nine o'clock or eight thirty in the morning, and you've already determined that actually, those days when you don't start to all ten, like, that's when you know you're at your best. Then when you have fridays free, you don't do any client face to face work on a Friday, and you start putting clients in on Friday, and you notice that starts cutting into your time, and you know, in a way, you know, maybe sometimes it's fine, maybe sometimes it's totally fine. Start doing it all the time, and you notice that you're encroaching on your own kind of boundaries, like letting others encroach on those boundaries, and maybe you'll think twice before you do that. When you start to really appreciate the consequences of that, like when you start to really understand that, oh, the more I do this, the more that I make these allowances, make these concessions, the more that I tell myself that, oh yeah, it will be so much better if I just stay up until midnight doing this thing, because then I won't have to do it tomorrow when you actually realize actually that what that means is that tomorrow I'm going to wake up tired and on the back foot, which means I'm probably going to drink more coffee, which means I'm probably going to have more sugar to prop me up and to give me a little energy burst.

23:41 Actually down the track, it's probably better if I just go to sleep and I don't push myself and work until midnight. You see what I'm saying. You make better choices when you're actually really clear about the consequences of that, and you've actually been really clear in defining what those conditions are and why that matters to you. So that's it for today. I just wanted to share with you something that you might find helpful because I know that everybody and I talk to clients all the time. You know, we all in the busyness of life and the just in the dealing with life and in our sense of obligation to other people, and we're on autopilot, and not even on autopilot, but were am. I just like, yeah, there's a little bit on autopilot, when we're kind of just making decisions and not really thinking through because it's in the moment. It feels like that's the most convenient thing to do, or it feels like that's the logical thing to do. Yeah, I'll take on that extra work because I need that extra cash. Of course I'll take the extra work. And I don't want to let that person down, So I'm going to keep on doing that extra work and get that extra cash. And that why I don't let that person down. But all the while, I'm exhausted, and I'm not actually being able to focus my energy on the things that matter to me and my own stuff and my family, and I'm not as present for my own kids or when I fit in those extra clients because they really want to see me right now, and I don't want to let anybody down,

25:13 and I do it, but then I feel like I'm not doing maybe as good a job as I could be, or again, maybe I'm just depleted, exhausted. I'm not able to give the best version of me because I've completely drained myself. And it's not just the clients that stuffer. Then it's me, and then it's my mood, and then it's my energy, and then it's my personal life, and then it's the hobbies that I want to do and the activities that I want to engage in. I don't have the energy for those, and then I feel like depleted, and then I feel like uninspired and overwhelmed, and you know how it goes. So it makes you much more conscious and intentional, you know, when you make those decisions about what you say yes to and what you say no to, and it gives you a really clear reason for why you need to say no to something if it feels uncomfortable to say no or to set a boundary.

25:59 You know, makes much more present for you. But why that's really important so that you are less inclined to just go with the easy, least friction option, which is just to say yes and to make these concessions. That's it for me. I would love for you to spend some time on that. I hope it's helpful for you. It's a really useful exercise. Like I said, I do have like a worksheet that I would get people to do as a takeaway on retreats and things. If I can post that up on my website somewhere where you can download it, then I will, and I'll just put the link in the show notes. But truthfully, you don't really need a worksheet. You know what the questions are. Who am I when I'm at my best? What are the conditions required for me to be at my best? What do I need to change to create those conditions to give myself the best chance of showing up more often as the best version of me? Mindful in May mindfulness plus meditate. I got to come up with a catchy name for it. Probably should do that quickly since it's already May. But if you want to opt into that, join my substack cast dot substack dot com or in the Apple app, just upgrade to paid. But you know that if you upgrade to paid in Apple that you don't get my emails, you don't get the invitations to the live events, you don't get the stuff that you get from being in the substack community. So if you're going to subscribe my preference, as you subscribe at substack, you can still listen to the paid pod on any podcast platform if you don't want any part of that, you just want to put your earbuds in and just listen to me talk and listen to those extra apps.

27:31 Just upgrade in the Apple App. That's it, guys. I do have a great interview planned for next week, live in the studio in London, getting back to my own boundaries, and I can't wait to bring that to you. In the meantime, I can't wait to catch you next week for another fabulous episode. I'm crappy to Happy,