May 27, 2024

How to stop second guessing yourself

How to stop second guessing yourself
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How to stop second guessing yourself
How to stop second guessing yourself
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Season 12 Mindset Psychology & Neuroscience Self-Confidence

In this solo episode, Cass discusses the fear of making the wrong decision and the desire for certainty. Cass emphasises the importance of taking action as a way of gaining clarity, as well as the importance of getting comfortable with uncertainty. She also explores the role of the body in decision-making and suggests practicing feeling into what feels right or wrong. Cass encourages listeners to trust themselves and know that they will be okay regardless of the decision they make.Takeaways

  • Fear of making the wrong decision often leads to analysis paralysis and indecision.
  • Taking action, even if it's not the perfect decision, can provide clarity and feedback.
  • Getting comfortable with uncertainty and accepting that there is no guarantee of making the right decision is key.
  • Cultivating a sense of safety and trust within oneself is crucial for confident decision-making.
  • Listening to the body and practicing feeling into what feels right or wrong can help in decision-making.


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Transcript
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This is Crappita Happy and I am your host Castunn.

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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist and mindfulness meditation teacher

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and of course author of the Crappia Happy books. In

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this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent

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people who are experts in their field and who have

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something of value to share that will help you feel

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less crappy and more happy. Hello and welcome to another

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solo episode of Crappya Happy. It is so good to

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be back. I have just got back from a month

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in Australia. I'm still very jet lagged, very tired, and

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I need to apologize because it had not been my

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intention to take a break from podcasting. In fact, I

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took all of my equipment and I had every intention

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of continuing to produce episodes while I was there, but

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it just it was not going to happen. That was

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just too much to do, So my apologies. I'm so

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happy to be back, though. I do want to let

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you know that I have been working on editing an

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interview that I did with Johann Hari, and now that

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I'm back home in the UK, I will absolutely get

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that out as soon as possible. Johann's latest book is

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called The Magic Pill, and it's all about the new

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weight loss medications. He's done so much research into the

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pros and the concept. That is something that is of

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interest to you, and I know it's a really topical

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thing at the moment, and lots of opinions in you know,

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for and against, So I would really encourage you to

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tune into that when I will get that out for

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you next week. We did it at his house, so

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the audio wasn't as good, which means it's taken a

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little bit more effort to edit it, but I am

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working on it as we speak. I would love to

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just tell you all about my month that I just

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had in Australia. What I can tell you is that

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I was a little curious about how I would feel

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going back. It's the time we've been back in two years.

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My daughter and I went. My husband couldn't come with

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us because he was here working in London, so we

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went over there. We had her eighteenth birthday, and my god,

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I'm the parent of an eighteen year old now, and

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I really wondered if being home would make me more

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homesick or make me really miss the life and the

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lifestyle that we had on the coast, especially when we've

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just come out of quite a long, dreary winter here

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in London. Interestingly, both she and I got to the

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point where we were really ready to come back to London.

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We feel probably even more confident than before that this

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is where we want to be. I'm not saying this

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is where we want to be forever, but it's definitely

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where we want to be for now. So that's kind

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of nice. It's nice and reassuring that isn't a question

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mark over whether we might be happier if we returned

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to Australia right now having been here for two years.

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And I guess that was the inspiration for today's episode,

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this idea about how we make decisions and how we

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get ourselves out of the being stuck, because I know

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that many of the people that I talk to clients

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have mine coaching clients. By the way, I am back

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doing one on one work these days, so if you're interested,

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hit me up. But also when I've been running my

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Beyond Confident program, my group program, I sometimes run a

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free workshop about how to cultivate self confidence, and on

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the page inviting people to come to that workshop, I

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run through a whole list of questions. You know, do

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you second guess yourself? Do you constantly feel like you're

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never good enough? No, a matter of qualification makes you

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feel qualified enough? You know, all of those self doubts

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that come into our mind, and this idea of all this,

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this question about do you constantly second guess yourself, go

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around and around and never trust that you're making the

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right decision, or do you check and recheck your work

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all of those kinds of things. Like many many people

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answering yes to that question, I know, it's a really

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common issue, and so it can cause us to be,

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you know, really stuck and paralyzed in indecision if we

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don't have a way of breaking out of that self

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doubt and indecisiveness and feeling like no matter what we do,

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we're potentially going to make the wrong decision and being

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stuck in that analysis paralysis, I guess. So I wanted

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to share today some ideas about if you are experiencing that,

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or if you know that you tend to experience that

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kind of thing, that self doubt and second guessing, you

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would not be alone. Then I'll give you some tips

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about how you might be able to work through that

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and come out the other side of it. So I

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guess first and foremost when we need to make a

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decision about something that this could be to do with

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a relationship, a job, or where you want to live,

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or if you should move, or if you should change career,

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whatever it is. When we are in a situation where

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we need to choose between a couple of different options,

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it naturally gives rise to some concern. I mean, it's

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a fear, really, It's a fear of what if I

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do this thing and I make the wrong decision. But

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then what if I don't do it and that's the

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wrong decision? What if I live to regret that? And

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this feeling that we need that we are closing the

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door on an option, which is the very definition of deciding.

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You know, when we make a decision, we are literally

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deciding to take one path and close the door on

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the other. And that can feel really scary. That can

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feel like we are walking into a situation where we

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may make a mistake. And many of us don't like

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the idea that we might make a mistake and that

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we might live to regret something. So what typically happens

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is we get up in our head and we run

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through all of the pros and cons. We think about

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all of the costs and the benefits, and when there

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is potentially costs and benefit on both sides, then that

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can just lead us going around and around in circles.

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I know you've been in this situation. I know I've

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been in this situation where you're just going round and

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round in circles, feeling even less clear about what the

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correct thing is to do. So what this boils down to,

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I guess is that we're looking for certainty. Often before

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we make a decision about something, we are really wanting

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to get some kind of iron cloud guarantee that what

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we do is going to be the right thing. And

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life is inherently uncertain. There often isn't an iron cloud guarantee.

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We can't possibly know that we're going to make one

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hundred percent the correct decision about something. And so if

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that's what we're looking for, then that's the reason that

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we stay stuck. That's the reason we just stay spinning

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our wheels and not making any progress because there isn't certainty,

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and as humans, we're not great at tolerating uncertainty. And

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I think the more that we can learn to get

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comfortable with uncertainty and with ambiguity, then the more peaceful,

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you know, the more contented, the more likely we are

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to be satisfied with life because we're not constantly looking

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outside of ourselves, trying to predict and plan and control

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our external circumstances to create that feeling of certainty, which

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ultimately is giving us a feeling of safety. We're looking

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for a sense of certainty in order to feel safe inside,

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to be free of that fear, that fearful feeling, that

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scared feeling, the anxious feeling of doing the wrong thing

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or making a mistake, of ending up worse off than

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what we are now and living to regret something. So

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I think that's a really interesting thing to explore, you

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know that, just that idea that you know, where else

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in your life are you looking for certainty in order

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to create a feeling of safety? Where else in your

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life are you looking at controlling your external world, your

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external circumstances, putting things into place to give you some

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sense of being in control of your environment in order

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to create an internal feeling of safety. Because the more

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we do that, the more tenuous that sense of safety

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is because things can change in an instant. And I

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think this is really the core of it, you know,

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like this is this is a key thing to grasp

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is that the more that we are looking for anything

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outside of ourselves to give us a feeling of peace, happiness, confidence,

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self worth, you know, the list goes on and on

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and on. The more we are looking outside of ourselves

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for things to be a particular way so that internally

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we feel a particular way, then the more tenuous our

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grasp is on that feeling of whatever it is that

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we're looking to create. So ultimately, what we're looking for

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and this is what I try to teach in my

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programs and then with my coaching is is how you

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create that sense of safety on the inside. How do

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you trust yourself that you are enough that you will

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be able to do the right thing, that even if

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you do the wrong thing, that that will be okay,

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So that you're kind of insourcing that feeling of safety, peace, connection, happiness,

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et cetera, instead of requiring things and people and circumstances

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outside of you to be a particular way. So we

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are in our heads, we're going backwards and forwards, backwards

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and forwards. You know, what should I shouldn't, I will

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I won't I And apart from this idea that perhaps

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there is no right answer and getting comfortable with that.

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But I think the other thing to consider is that

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clarity often comes from engagement, it doesn't come from thought.

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A saying that I really like is that doing is

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data doing, taking action, taking a step towards something, anything

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will give you feedback about whether that might be something

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that is a good thing for you to do now.

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It may be that in your particular situation that there

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is either your other all in or you're all out,

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but oftentimes there is a way to kind of test

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the waters in one direction or the other. I was

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just looking on social media earlier and I saw somebody

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has packed up and taken her family to Bali, thinking

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that they might want to live and travel, you know,

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for a period of time. But she didn't say we're

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going forever. She said we're going for a month. I

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think similarly, even with this move that we've made here

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to the UK, you know, we said we were coming

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here for two years. Now we're almost out the two

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year mark and we're thinking now that we might stay

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for longer. But whatever decision that you take whatever action

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you take, kind of reassuring yourself for reminding yourself that

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it doesn't have to be forever, that it doesn't the

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next step doesn't have to be the final step, but

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that taking any kind of action is going to get

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you out of that analytical over analyzing thinking about what

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it might be like or what might be the right

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thing or the wrong thing, and it's going to give

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you that real direct feedback through your own direct experience

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to know whether that might be something that is worthwhile doing.

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So taking any action is better than taking no action.

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It's better than waiting to feel like you've got absolutely

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the right answer before you do anything. So just taking

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any step, any step at all, and getting comfortable with

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the idea that it might not be the right thing,

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that that's okay, that you can always redirect and try

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something different, and I would encourage you. In fact, I've

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got a client that I'm working with at the moment,

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and we've been talking about doing this in a really

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small way, just the most I'll give you an example,

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like it's not the actual it's not the actual situation,

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but let's say I don't know if I want to

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join you know, yoga or pilates. I don't know if

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I want to go to the gym or if I

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want to join a running club. So just taking an action,

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just joining for a month. Now that might seem really

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trivial to you, but there, trust me, there are people

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who will really get in their heads about that kind

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of thing, what you might consider to be a really

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small thing, just overthinking every decision. So take something, take anything,

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and just make a decision, and just take a stamp

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and get comfortable with the idea that you know you

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can change your mind, that you can do something different after.

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I have another friend who actually years ago is was

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lived in Perth, No it was from Perth, was living

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in Melbourne, decided to up and go back to Perth,

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which she did with her whole family. Moved to Perth,

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was there a year and said this was a mistake,

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don't want to be here, up and moved back to Melbourne.

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I mean, I get it. These are really expensive decisions

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to make, but you know, you don't know unless you try.

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And in the end it was a great experience and

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ultimately I think now they've actually gone back to Perth

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for good, so it was the right thing. It was

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just the wrong time. So taking action. Basically, clarity comes

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from action. Clarity does not come from thought. You will

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not get clarity in your own head. Doing is data.

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Do the thing and get some direct feedback. So try

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that and get comfortable with it. Not necessarily having to

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be the right thing or the end thing, but just

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do something. I think that's it's a really tricky one.

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I think so many of us, you know, women probably

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in particular. Maybe I'm stereotyping there, but I think women

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particularly have this whole like good girl thing and got

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to do the right thing and got to not make

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a mistake. And we have this like get a gold

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star and be perfect, and that's the way we've been

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raised and conditioned. And we feel like if we do

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a thing, you know, we've got to follow it all

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the way through. We don't have this concept in our

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heads that we can change our minds. And that's okay.

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You know that there's no shame in that. It's all

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just giving us feedback to help to know what the

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right thing, what the end goal might be. Just taking

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any step, you know, you can change your mind. It

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doesn't matter. Nobody's judging you as harshly as you are

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judging yourself. Nobody's watching you, nobody's watching every move that

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you make. They're all too busy if worrying about what

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decision they're going to make in their life. So, first

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of all, are we afraid? What are we afraid of?

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Getting comfortable with uncertainty that there is no rock solar

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guarantee that you're going to do the right thing, that

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you're going to have the right answer. So getting comfortable

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with that and just taking an action and seeing how

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that feels. But the other thing is getting out of

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your head and into your body. So when I talk

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about insourcing a feeling of safety like that is when

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I say that, I'm really talking about kind of regulating

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your nervous system. When you think about the anxiety that

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comes up, the idea that I might make a mistake

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or make the wrong decision, you feel how that feels

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in your body, that visceral kind of response, like what

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if it's all wrong? What if it all goes wrong?

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What if I make a mistake? That visceral feeling in

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your body, its core is fear, and it is a

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feeling of being unsafe. It's your nervous system being activated.

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It's your fight flight kind of response or in this

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case often freeze response being activated. It's being stuck like

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a deer in the headlights because you're afraid to make

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a move. It's not rational, it's none of it's meant

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to be rational. That is meant to be kind of

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primitive and primal. But is your body reacting and telling

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you that this is unsafe? And remember, story follows state,

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So the state of your nervous system is what's feeding

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the story in your head. If the state of your

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nervous system is kind of activated and the threat response

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has been triggered by this idea that I might do

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something wrong, then your brain its job is to make meaning.

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Its job is to layer a story over that sensation

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in your body. And so that's where your brain comes

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in and starts coming up with all of the rationalations

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and all of the justifications for why you feel this way,

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and you know, creating stories about this, you know, right thing,

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wrong thing, and why you shouldn't do that, and you

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should do this and what about that? And you know,

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that's your brain just trying to make sense of what's

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happening in your body. So the more that we can

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get out of that brain because that's just keeping you stuck.

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That's not getting you anywhere. It's also not helping. What

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you actually need to do is to cultivate a feeling

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of safety in your body, in your nervous system. So

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we can do that through things like just taking some breaths,

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and we can do that through things like EFT tapping

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or you know, breath work. We talked. I had Sam

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Skelly on the podcast recently. In fact, she's got some

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great special offers with her program. Remind me to tell

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you about that at the end of this episode and

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I'll put it in the show notes for you. Just

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note to self. So anything that is physiological that creates

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that sense of calm in your nervous system. So this

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is body based work. This we don't get this from

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thinking ourselves. It can help. It can help if you

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can kind of reframe some of those fears thoughts and

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ask yourself questions like you know, what's the worst thing

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that could happen? Or will this really matter in five

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years time? Like some of those questions that help to

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give you a sense of perspective, to help you perhaps

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realize that maybe you are overthinking this or you know,

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making it bigger than what it needs to be. That

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can be helpful, for sure, but sometimes that can actually

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just keep you more stuck in the story like oh

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my God, like no, I really will make a mistake.

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And in that case then it's better to just get

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out of your head and actually just breathe into your

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body and feel into your body, feel where you feel,

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Feel where you feel, Notice where you feel that anxiety

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or that fear. Breathe into it, make space for it.

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This is mindfulness and this is self compassion, and this

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is what is somatic body based work. Basically, like, this

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is where do I feel this in my body? Can

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I breathe into it? Can I allow it to be there?

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Can I meet it with kindness? Can I meet it

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with acceptance? Can I recognize that this feeling it's just

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trying to keep me safe, It's doing what it is

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meant to do, which is to stop me from being

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judged or rejected or for hurt or in any sort

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of danger. And so if I can meet that feeling

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with the feeling of acknowledgment, acceptance, validation, just kind of

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allow it to be there. Oftentimes, when we meet that

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feeling viscerally, like in our body, breathe into it so often,

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then it will oftentimes kind of just move on by

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itself and leave you be. It's not that it won't

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come up again, but usually what brings it up again

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is this whole getting up into the story in your

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head again. The feeling in your body will pass when

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you meet it with acceptance and acknowledgment, just allow it

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to be there. It's the paradox, really, it's this paradox

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where the more that you kind of accept what is,

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then the more it doesn't need to keep on shouting

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for your attention, which is what it's doing. Because we

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don't like that feeling. Because we don't like that feeling

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of fear and anxiety and uncertainty. What we do is

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we do all of this strategizing to avoid that feeling.

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And we think that thinking ourselves into the right decision

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is the way that we avoid the feeling of uncertainty.

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If I can just think some more, rationalize some more,

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strategize some more, do another spreadsheet, you ask somebody else's opinion,

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or we do a lot of that. We do a

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lot of pulling other people for their opinions. All of

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this reassurance seeking that we do, we think that if

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we do more of that, then that is what's going

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to make that feeling of uncertainty go away. But even

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if it does for a really short time, you know

363
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from experience that it doesn't last for very long. You know,

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usually it's only a matter of time before up comes again.

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So instead of looking to all of those strategies to

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avoid that feeling of discomfort and uncertainty, what about we

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just go directly to that feeling and just kind of

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have some be present with it and validate it for

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what it's trying to do, but also kind of offer yourself.

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You're actually offering yourself reassurance and acceptance that it's okay.

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You know that you're going to be fine, you're going

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to be safe, but you're offering it. Kind of sounds weird,

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but you know, kind of at the nervous system level,

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you're kind of calming regulating your nervous system going direct

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to the source of that feeling of fear instead of

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like trying to think your way out of it. We

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do a lot of trying to think our way out

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of feelings or think our way into things, whereas you know,

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oftentimes if we feel into it, then that's where the

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answers are. Interestingly, you know, our bodies often do hold

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the answers to big questions in life. We kind of

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know somewhere deep within us what the truth is. But

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we are cerebral creatures, we're intellectual creatures. We like to

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think our way into decisions because it's the way we've

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been raised, I guess, And so starting to practice, howld

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00:20:00.279 --> 00:20:06.160
you to start practicing feeling into decisions? Again, just use

387
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little examples. Now, some people will say I don't feel

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I've got a client at the moment who says I

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don't feel anything. I don't feel anything about body, and

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that is not uncommon. We're often so up in our

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heads and so conditioned and practiced at being up in

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our heads that we're not great at feeling anything in

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our body. Sometimes it's to avoid vulnerability. We've kind of

394
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cut ourselves off from our emotional world a little bit.

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So we've got to practice that. It's a skill to practice.

396
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So maybe even right now, if you bring to mind

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something that is a definite yes for you, something that

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is a full, wholehearted yes, like something that you would

399
00:20:44.359 --> 00:20:47.640
absolutely move towards in life, or just you know, in

400
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:49.559
your day to day, and just notice how that feels

401
00:20:49.599 --> 00:20:52.200
in your body, Like, just notice what does a yes

402
00:20:52.440 --> 00:20:56.160
feel like for you? It's often like a sense of anticipation, excitement,

403
00:20:56.200 --> 00:21:00.359
It's sort of almost involuntary moving forward, you know, leaning towards.

404
00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:04.240
We feel that in a different way than if I

405
00:21:04.279 --> 00:21:06.200
asked you to bring to mind something that you know,

406
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bring to mind something that is a no for you,

407
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that you know is a clear no, something that you

408
00:21:12.039 --> 00:21:15.119
don't want in your life, that you would not be

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00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:19.359
interested in. Feel how that feels in your body. Just

410
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start getting comfortable kind of practicing knowing what a yes

411
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:27.240
feels like and knowing what a no feels like. This

412
00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:29.640
might sound really weird if you've never done anything like

413
00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:34.079
this before, but it's really useful, can really help you.

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And I want to acknowledge too as I say this,

415
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so that if it kind of feels weird, or if

416
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it feels un natural off or kind of like an

417
00:21:43.000 --> 00:21:48.000
unfamiliar thing, then that is very often because we have

418
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also been conditioned to cut ourselves off from what we feel.

419
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Let me give you an example, like if you have

420
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had a history of chronic dieting, for example, then you've

421
00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:04.720
trained yourself to cut off feelings of hunger. If you

422
00:22:05.240 --> 00:22:08.920
have been conditioned that productivity is key, you know, you've

423
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always got to be busy, always got to be doing something.

424
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Then you've cut off your ability to respond or your

425
00:22:15.960 --> 00:22:19.119
willingness to respond to feeling tired. If you haven't given

426
00:22:19.160 --> 00:22:21.400
yourself rest when your body needs it, if you haven't

427
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:25.279
given yourself food when your body is wanting it. If

428
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you've made decisions or done things because it's what's been

429
00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:30.279
expected of you, even though it's not really what you

430
00:22:30.400 --> 00:22:34.480
wanted to do, which is you know, really common. You

431
00:22:34.519 --> 00:22:36.319
know many of us have done that. You know we

432
00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:37.799
don't do what we really want to do. We do

433
00:22:37.839 --> 00:22:39.759
what we think is expected of us or what other

434
00:22:39.799 --> 00:22:42.359
people want from us. Then you've got a whole long

435
00:22:42.599 --> 00:22:47.000
history of experience of cutting yourself off from what feels

436
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:51.039
good for you or what feels true for you. So

437
00:22:51.240 --> 00:22:55.079
part of your process to getting yourself to a point

438
00:22:55.079 --> 00:22:57.680
of being able to trust your own decisions and trust

439
00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:01.000
that you'll be okay whatever you decide is actually learning

440
00:23:01.079 --> 00:23:04.440
to get back in touch with those internal cues of

441
00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:08.039
what is true for you, what feels like a yes,

442
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:11.480
what feels like a no. Start practicing that what are

443
00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:13.799
you going to have for lunch today, think of a

444
00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:18.359
couple of different options, and then just feel, slow down,

445
00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:23.759
don't think, feel what you're drawn to, you know, and

446
00:23:24.039 --> 00:23:26.920
then go with that and start practicing that, Start practicing

447
00:23:27.079 --> 00:23:30.279
feeling what feels good for me, and then going with

448
00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:34.480
that and start to build this sense of trust in

449
00:23:34.519 --> 00:23:39.519
yourself and in your inner knowing back yourself. And if you,

450
00:23:39.759 --> 00:23:43.480
for whatever reason, you can't do the thing that feels

451
00:23:43.519 --> 00:23:45.519
really good for you, then at least just acknowledge that.

452
00:23:45.640 --> 00:23:48.400
Acknowledge that that's a choice that you're making for whatever reason,

453
00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:51.680
as opposed to coming up with a story or a

454
00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:54.680
justification about why that's not the right thing. Does that

455
00:23:54.720 --> 00:23:57.279
make sense? You know, like acknowledge that what is true

456
00:23:57.279 --> 00:24:00.160
for you, but also acknowledge that in this moment you're

457
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:02.680
making a different decision because of X y Z. Because

458
00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:05.559
what that does is it puts you, keeps you in

459
00:24:05.559 --> 00:24:08.440
the driver's seat, It keeps you feeling empowered as opposed

460
00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:10.960
to feeling disempowered. Like this is true for me, but

461
00:24:11.000 --> 00:24:13.319
for blah blah blah, these reasons I can't do that,

462
00:24:13.799 --> 00:24:16.079
I'm not allowed to do that. I would you know

463
00:24:16.119 --> 00:24:18.720
this whole like I can't kind of keeps you in

464
00:24:18.839 --> 00:24:22.599
victim mode. I just feel like it's a lot more

465
00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:25.880
helpful to remind yourself that everything is a choice, and

466
00:24:25.880 --> 00:24:27.200
there could be a good reason why you're making a

467
00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:29.920
particular choice. But just acknowledge that it is a choice,

468
00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:34.079
not that it's that you can't do something obviously disclaimer,

469
00:24:34.160 --> 00:24:37.799
you know, unless you're physically unsafe, etc. But if it's

470
00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:40.359
something just like, well, I feel like I really want

471
00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:42.359
to quit this job, but I can't because I've got

472
00:24:42.359 --> 00:24:46.440
bills to pay, then Okay, I acknowledge that the truth

473
00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:49.240
for me is that this does not make me happy.

474
00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:52.400
The choice I am making in this moment is to

475
00:24:52.559 --> 00:24:55.599
stay here despite the fact that it is not making

476
00:24:55.680 --> 00:24:59.240
me happy, because something else is more important, and that

477
00:24:59.880 --> 00:25:02.079
is is making sure that there's a roof over my

478
00:25:02.119 --> 00:25:05.480
head right now. But that's my choice. It's just more

479
00:25:05.640 --> 00:25:09.039
empowering than being in that kind of God, I can't

480
00:25:09.039 --> 00:25:12.960
have got no choices in this situation. You do have choices,

481
00:25:13.039 --> 00:25:14.920
and you're making the choice that is right for you,

482
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:17.799
even if it's not the choice that you would necessarily want. Okay,

483
00:25:17.839 --> 00:25:20.599
I'm going to leave that at that, And then I think, finally,

484
00:25:20.839 --> 00:25:22.799
I don't want this to run too far over time.

485
00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:25.640
But I think also what we're trying to get to

486
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:30.400
as well with this work is getting to the point

487
00:25:30.440 --> 00:25:35.079
of knowing that whatever you do or decide, you will

488
00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:39.680
be fine, That there can't be a wrong decision, that

489
00:25:39.720 --> 00:25:44.240
you will be okay regardless. And that is that feeling

490
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:50.000
of trust and okayness that you can generate intrinsically. That

491
00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:53.039
means you can stop all of this spiraling. You know,

492
00:25:53.079 --> 00:25:56.720
can stop all of this second guessing and strategizing and

493
00:25:56.759 --> 00:26:01.839
spreadsheeting trying to come to a decision knowing that you'll

494
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:05.400
be okay regardless. Therefore, you it doesn't matter, it doesn't

495
00:26:05.400 --> 00:26:09.319
matter what decision that you make, because you have the resources,

496
00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:14.319
you have the capabilities, you have the self worth, whatever

497
00:26:14.359 --> 00:26:16.559
it is that you need, you have it all within you.

498
00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:21.920
And whatever situation you find yourself in, you are resourceful

499
00:26:21.960 --> 00:26:26.920
and capable and you will find a way. You will

500
00:26:26.960 --> 00:26:28.440
find a way to make it work. If it's not

501
00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:30.960
the right thing, you'll do you'll do something different. But

502
00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:34.440
it's learning that it's not about that, it's not about

503
00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:36.920
needing to make the right decision. It's about knowing that

504
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:39.359
whatever decision you make you will be okay because you

505
00:26:39.400 --> 00:26:42.039
are resourced enough to be able to work with wherever

506
00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:45.759
you find yourself that there will always be a way forward.

507
00:26:45.960 --> 00:26:49.440
I hope that that makes sense. It's basically, confidence is

508
00:26:49.480 --> 00:26:51.799
not knowing that you're always going to get it right.

509
00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:54.839
Confidence is knowing that you're going to be okay whether

510
00:26:54.880 --> 00:26:58.319
you get it right or not. That is true confidence,

511
00:26:58.759 --> 00:27:02.759
that core sense of self, worth, of self, of value,

512
00:27:02.799 --> 00:27:06.039
and trust in yourself that you are okay regardless. It

513
00:27:06.039 --> 00:27:08.559
doesn't matter what happens in your outside world. It doesn't

514
00:27:08.599 --> 00:27:10.599
matter what decision you make. It doesn't matter what other

515
00:27:10.599 --> 00:27:14.359
people's opinions of you are. It doesn't matter how many

516
00:27:14.400 --> 00:27:19.119
times you change your mind or backtrack or redo something

517
00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:21.079
or whatever it is, how many times you move across

518
00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:23.839
the country. That you're going to be okay regardless, So

519
00:27:23.920 --> 00:27:26.240
you don't it doesn't actually matter. It doesn't actually matter

520
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:28.400
what decision you make. You don't need it to be perfect.

521
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:30.519
You don't have to have all the answers. You just

522
00:27:30.759 --> 00:27:33.960
take a step and know that you will be fine.

523
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:37.039
But I hope that using some of those strategies that

524
00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:40.039
I just shared with you will help you to get

525
00:27:40.200 --> 00:27:43.240
to that point where you know from your experience, not

526
00:27:43.319 --> 00:27:45.519
just from me telling you, but you will know from

527
00:27:45.559 --> 00:27:49.200
your own experience that you have all of the resources

528
00:27:49.240 --> 00:27:51.200
within you, that you have everything that you need, and

529
00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:55.240
that you have the truth your body knows and you

530
00:27:55.319 --> 00:27:59.039
have the wisdom. I know that sounds very like esoteric,

531
00:27:59.240 --> 00:28:01.720
but you you have all of that wisdom within you,

532
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:04.680
and it's just about you know, retracing, you know, getting

533
00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:06.400
back to that core part of you that has all

534
00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:09.680
of the answers within. I hope that is helpful. As

535
00:28:09.720 --> 00:28:13.359
I said, I am available for one on one coaching.

536
00:28:13.400 --> 00:28:15.400
I'm in the process at the moment of transitioning my

537
00:28:15.480 --> 00:28:17.319
website to a new site and there will be spased

538
00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:19.839
on the new site to book coaching calls or book

539
00:28:19.880 --> 00:28:22.799
calls with me to discuss coaching. So if that's something

540
00:28:22.799 --> 00:28:25.359
you're interested in in the meantime, just to email mecassat

541
00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:30.160
castone dot com. Now Samantha Sclly Pause Breathwork. She's the

542
00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:33.200
seoon founder of Pause Breathwork, which is an app. It's

543
00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:36.440
got amazing got over one hundred and fifty guided breathwork

544
00:28:36.680 --> 00:28:40.480
practices meditations on it. It's really great resource and she

545
00:28:40.519 --> 00:28:45.759
also runs a breathwork facilitator training. So she has a

546
00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:49.160
program what she calls the twenty one Day Embodiment Journey,

547
00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:53.119
which is a deeper dive into breath work, and she's

548
00:28:53.279 --> 00:28:59.160
offering sixty percent off if you use my link, which

549
00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:02.359
I will put in the show notes full disclosure. They're

550
00:29:02.359 --> 00:29:06.079
also offering me a referral commission because I had Sam

551
00:29:06.079 --> 00:29:09.839
on the podcast. But that program for you is normally

552
00:29:09.880 --> 00:29:12.720
four hundred ninety seven dollars, but you can access it

553
00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:14.519
for one hundred and ninety seven dollars. That's going to

554
00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:18.559
be US dollars. So look, I've just put that out there.

555
00:29:19.079 --> 00:29:20.440
She hadn't offered that at the time that I had

556
00:29:20.440 --> 00:29:22.279
her on the show, otherwise we would have mentioned it then,

557
00:29:22.839 --> 00:29:25.079
but they have followed me up with an email and

558
00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:27.880
asked that I share that offer with you. That's for

559
00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:30.880
anybody who was really interested in diving into that breath

560
00:29:30.880 --> 00:29:33.640
work a little more. But first and foremost, go back

561
00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:35.839
and listen to my conversation with Sam. She was a

562
00:29:35.880 --> 00:29:38.440
heap of fun and she is doing some really great

563
00:29:38.480 --> 00:29:40.839
work in that area of breathwork, which is a really

564
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:43.920
growing area. And you know, like I said, that can

565
00:29:43.960 --> 00:29:45.960
be something that can be really helpful to help you

566
00:29:46.039 --> 00:29:49.319
to calm down to stress and anxiety that's being activated

567
00:29:49.319 --> 00:29:51.359
in you, and to help you to come back into

568
00:29:51.400 --> 00:29:55.480
that embodied decision making, which is really feeling what feels

569
00:29:55.559 --> 00:29:58.319
true and right for you and developing that core sense

570
00:29:58.359 --> 00:30:01.799
of safety and self trust, knowing that whatever you do

571
00:30:02.359 --> 00:30:06.519
you will be fine. I hope that is helpful. I

572
00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:08.640
can't wait to share with you my conversation with Johann

573
00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:11.319
Hari next week, so please do tune into that. If

574
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:14.119
this is helpful, share it with a friend. I've taken

575
00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:16.079
a little break, and that's always a disaster. It means

576
00:30:16.079 --> 00:30:18.519
that listeners really drop off, and so I really have

577
00:30:18.599 --> 00:30:21.440
work to do to get you all back. So thank

578
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:24.200
you so much for being here, and please do share

579
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:26.839
with anybody who you think that might benefit from listening

580
00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:30.039
to this episode. I appreciate you so much and I

581
00:30:30.039 --> 00:30:32.359
can't wait to come back next week with another episode

582
00:30:32.440 --> 00:30:33.480
of Prappy to Happiness.