Aug. 13, 2017

Overcoming self-sabotage

Overcoming self-sabotage
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Overcoming self-sabotage
Overcoming self-sabotage
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Season 1 Goals & Habits

Why do we constantly get in our own way when it comes to achieving goals? Tiff and Cass discuss the big issue of why people reach goals and then fall off the wagon. Cass shares the psychology of self-sabotage as it applies to sport and every other area of life.

Learn how to mine your personal history to identify the self-defeating beliefs and unconscious motivations that might be undermining your efforts and how to deal with triggers and maintain your momentum.

In this episode, youll learn how to be kinder to yourself and maintain your mojo when it comes to weight loss, career and even finances.

Connect with Cass:

www.cassdunn.com
www.instagram.com/cassdunn_xo

Contact Crappy to Happy:

Email: hello@crappytohappypod.com
www.crappytohappypod.com
www.instagram.com/crappytohappypod
www.tiktok.com/@crappytohappypod

Are you a coach, therapist, service provider or solopreneur struggling with self-doubt and imposter syndrome? I'd love to talk to you! (for market research purposes only!)

Book a call with me to share your experience.

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Transcript
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A listener production.

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Hi, Welcome to Crappy to Happy with Tiff and Cass.

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Thanks for joining us in this series. We've been talking

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about how to be happy fit, how to sleep happy,

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how to set happier goals, how to have happier relationships,

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happier careers. But underlining all of this is something really

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important that comes up all the time, and it's self sabotage.

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So today we're going to take you through what is

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self sabotage and give you some tips to deal with it.

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Cass, how would you define self sabotage?

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Self sabotage manifest in different ways, but it is essentially

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anything that you do that undermines your performance, anything that

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you intentionally do that actually gets in.

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The way of you performing to your optimum level.

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It's almost like building in an excuse if you fail.

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Okay, so I told you that I did a degree

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in French, right, yes, And every French class I'd turn

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up and say I hadn't sorry, I haven't read it,

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I haven't done it because I was so terrified of

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speaking French that I just say I forgot the book,

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I haven't done it.

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Is that the sort of thing like sabotaging.

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Yeah, so the term came out of sports psychology and

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talking about elite athletes, for example, who self handicap. So,

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in other words, by not giving a one hundred percent performance,

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they could always tell themselves that had they given a

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hundred percent performance, that they would have done better. So

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it was a protection of their ego. Really, if they

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happen to fail.

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That makes so much sense to me because as a trainer,

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what happens people come to me for training. They're scared,

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they're scared they won't be able to do it. So

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they say, I've got a sort ankle, so I can't

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really go hard today, and I'll assess the ankle it's

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absolutely fine, and and they just set up from the outset.

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I can't do that. I can't do that, I'm injured.

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It's not me if I fail.

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Yeah, So it manifests in all sorts of different ways.

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It's going out and partying the night before your big

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exam or your big job interview. It's staying up too late,

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you know, instead of preparing for a meeting or coming

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into a meeting you know, or a class saying I

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haven't prepared. So what we know is that it's actually

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people tend to do it more when there is a

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risk of a public judgment, so they don't tend to

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do it so much privately. So in thinking about is

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it to protect their own self image or to protect

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their public reputation, it seems to be more about protecting

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how your reputation in front of other people and worrying

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about what other people think of you. So essentially what

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you're doing is that you are maximizing the opportunity to

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externalize failure. If I fail, it's not my fault. But

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if I do really well, and I awesome because I

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did really well even in the.

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Face of this preparation.

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Yeah, yeah, so yeah, so it. You know, we hear

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it all the time. You and I hear it all

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the time. So when it comes to people going on,

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you know, diets or trying to change their health and

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fitness or change their lifestyle, and every single week we say,

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has anybody got questions?

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Anybody issues?

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And the number one question every single time is what

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do I do about self sabotage?

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And why casts does it happen?

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When people reach their goal weight or they've been doing

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really well for a while, why do they self sabotage,

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because it doesn't really make sense, does it. Like I

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had a friend who was saving for a house deposit,

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and then she had to present all of her finances

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to her accountant, and the day before went shopping, just

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blew a whole lot of money. And I think it

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was the fear of a mortgage, fear of not getting

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a home home loan. Like, it was just really odd.

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Why do that after such hard work?

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Yeah, well there's a big fear component there. So I

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guess there's a few different reasons why this happens. So

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we talked about the self handed as in protecting my reputation.

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I think there are other things that go on psychologically.

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For example, if you're aiming for a big goal, or

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if there's something that you perceive that you want to achieve,

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and that's in your conscious minds. So if we look

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at the mind being the conscious mind being kind of

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the tip of the iceberg, then underneath the water line

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is all of the unconscious. A lot of our behavior

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is actually driven and our choices are driven by our

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unconscious beliefs and our unconscious mind, and that stuff gets

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laid down really early on in life. I even pre

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verbally we're getting messages about ourselves, other people, the world,

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our self worth, our abilities, our confidence, you know, as children,

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as little children, and those things become kind of ingrained

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in our psychology. They're sort of core beliefs that we

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carry around with us and we really they're the filter

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through which we view the world and interact with the world,

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and they do they determine a lot of our choices

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and a lot of our behavi So, for example, if

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you're in your conscious mind, you say, I want to

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achieve this thing, whatever it might be the buy a

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house or loose some weight or get fitter, but there's

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some unconscious belief that that's not something that you're necessarily

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capable of or worthy of, or you know that's somehow

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unavailable to you. Then that can get in the way

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because your behavior and your decisions will be.

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Driven by something else.

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It's like I can't I don't really think I can

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do it.

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That's a bit of it. Yeah.

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And the other thing is that if you have some

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kind of a core belief there that there could be

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a negative consequence to achieving your goal. So in your

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friend's case, there might have been some fear of what

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will happen if I get this mortgage, then I have

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to service this mortgage.

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For the last thirty years.

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So that could be if it's a goal to have

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a successful you know, blog or business or achieve some success,

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there could be beliefs about what people will think about.

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Me or crudentials and all of that.

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What might yeah, or I won't.

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Like I'm thinking of an example now of being promoted

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from a line worker to a manager, and then I

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won't be able to go and have drinks with my

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friends anymore because I'll.

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Be more responsibility.

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Yeah, Like we can't be friends because we all get

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together and bitch about the boss. Yeah, I can't be

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the boss, yeah, because then what will happen?

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So there's that sort of what.

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About relationships cast because there's a lot of self sabotage

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in relationships, even when you're you find the perfect man

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or you've got a really good relationship, and then people

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do things to you.

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Know, sabotage. I've seen my girlfriends do that.

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I'm like, why would you send that text.

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Or act that way? When you've got a good guy.

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There's a whole other there's a whole other mind yeah,

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around relationships, because that comes to our attachment, early attachments,

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and our attachment beliefs and those fundamental beliefs and patterns

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that are set down about how relationships work.

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Yeah, I mean we can talk more.

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Yeah, but it makes sense. Like my girlfriend said, oh.

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Well, in the end, I just didn't feel good enough

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for him, sabotaged like those sorts of value self value

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and worse.

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Yeah.

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Absolutely, And also what we all what we see is

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people being drawn to the wrong, like really unhealthy relationships

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and playing out behavior patterns of relationship patterns that they

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know don't make them happy. And that can sometimes come from,

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for example, in your early years. We're getting in a

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little bit into like attachment psychology here, but in your

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early years, your primary caregivers generally are your parents or

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whoever it is it's caring for you really teaches you

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about relationships and teaches you about your role in a

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relationship and whether your needs will be meant, whether people

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will be available to you, whether you know all of

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that kind of really healthy or not stuff, whether you

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people are reliable and dependable, and whatever is. Whatever you

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learn from that, again, you kind of take through life.

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And so when you become an adult, your primary attachment,

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your attachment needs don't change. We all need to be

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kind of seen, heard, felt, valued, understood. But as an adult,

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your primary attachment figure tends to more so be your partner,

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not your parent. But these attachment relationships play out, so

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what you've learned about relationships, you will play out oh

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fascinating in your adult relationships because and even if that

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dynamic is really uncomfortable, even if it's really quite a

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painful dynamic, it's familiar. So you tend to you will

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always revert to what is familiar because it's like, well,

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I know what to do with that, I know how

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this works, I know what my place is here. And

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so people on the outside will say.

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Well, what are you doing you?

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It?

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Is it better?

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But that will never resonate with somebody if they fundamentally

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don't believe that there is something better for them or

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they don't have any other way of relating to people.

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This is a cycle that people get into, whether it's relationships, career, money. Yeah,

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it's a cycle that can just make you feel so.

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Because then you go into self criticism about why I

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keep doing this to myself. I know I want to

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achieve this, but I just keep tripping myself up, what's

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going on?

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Everything we've been talking about self criticism, stress, cass. What

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are some other examples of self sabotage?

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I guess you know, in terms of that, the fear

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of the negative consequences that can play out in different ways.

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So for example, when it comes to losing weight and

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achieving a particular especially for women achieving a particular body

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shape that they might aspire to, that can be the

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fear of the negative, negative not negative.

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The fear of.

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Attention, unwanted attention. And you know, we know that for

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some women, putting on weight, layering weight is actually in

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response to having received unwanted attention. Women who've been assaulted

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or whatever will often unconsciously like put on weight to

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layer up so that they don't get that attention.

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And it can work in the opposite way.

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So you know that it feels unsafe to be put

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yourself on display in a way that's going to attract attention.

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Things about career success and fame, if you want to

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write a book or get yourself on you know, onto TV, gustart,

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being recognized in your field. The fear of you know,

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judgment and criticism or you know, being put into the

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limelight and having to perform and just impacting your privacies.

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You know, that's a big one these as a celebrity culture,

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there's no limits, so people will keep themselves small, like

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play deliberately play small and avoid going that next level

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up because of these perceived you know, potential negative consequences.

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But if you're not aware of.

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It, it's like it's this frustrating thing where why don't

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I just why do I keep getting them away? Procrastination

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is a classic self sabotage behavior, like just putting it

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off and putting it off and putting it off and

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then getting frustrated. Why do I keep procrastinating on this

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because you haven't actually uncovered why and recognizing what these

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fears are that are dry, I can recognize self defeating behaviors.

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As you're talking, I'm thinking, you know what, It took

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me fifteen years to set up my own business because

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I was terrified of people saying, you're a good enough trainer,

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you don't know what you're doing, I don't like your style,

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maybe not liking me personally, and yeah, I did a

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bit of TV and all of that, but I was

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hiding in my family business. You know, in Melbourne and

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just that was my comfort zone. It was a way

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of sabotaging that. And I had offers and ways to

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set up my own business. I kept saying no one, no,

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no no for years and years and years, to the

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point where I would physically take contracts into state or whatever,

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so I couldn't set up my own business. And there

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was you know, barriers of bildographically barriers. And then finally

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found that confidence or I don't know what it was

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to start tiffxo dot com, but it was a long

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process of getting over that fear.

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Yeah, that's a really great example tip. So can you tell,

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I mean, what actually changed for you, Like, what was

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it that was the tipping point that led you to

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actually setting up your own business.

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Well, I had just finished working on The Biggest Loser

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and I had really helped people to feel better about

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themselves and I love that. I was being contacted by

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people all over Australia and even internationally to train them,

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and all of a sudden, I was seeing a lot

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of unqualified people in the media and on Instagram who

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weren't trainers but they were health gurus and it started

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to really annoy me and I thought, you know what

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I'm qualified, I know what I'm doing, and I got

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this confidence to put myself out there, create a training

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system and to rely on a lifetime of experience, grassroots,

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and I just kept focused on service and helping people.

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I didn't focus on you know, what will people say,

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will it be negative? I just thought I'll start with

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helping one person, two people, you know, a good training system,

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and it grew from that, but it was getting over that.

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You know, that's a great example, and that's a great tip,

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like getting out of your own way and out of

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your own ego into focusing on service. I think that's

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a really good that's a really useful strategy to use.

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And I think what we're talking about here is that,

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you know, we talked about with the athletes, you know,

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the fear of failure, that I put myself out there

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and I fail, I can't tolerate that. But we're also

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talking here about fear of success. And so you know,

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these are all really very normal human experiences and for

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each individual, in each situation, we just have to work

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out what is it like, what is that thing going on?

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And in psychology talk about making the implicit explicit, because

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all of this stuff's going on. All of our decisions

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are being made, and we just need to recognize what

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they are and articulate them. And sometimes just doing that

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is enough to take the fear out of it.

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Yeah, you know.

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Otherwise it's just sort of kicking around in the back

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there and we're just getting in our own way all

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the time. But as soon as we say, well, this

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is what I'm actually afraid of, what would be the

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worst thing about that?

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The fear of success is such a big one. And

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I saw because my dad was an Olympic coach. I

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went to Sydney. I would watch the Olympics in taekwondo

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and you'd have fighters and you get one fighter they

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wear blue, one fighter wears red, and they do a

284
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big yell a ya when they begin the taekwondo fight.

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And he'd always say to me, you can tell who's

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going to win the fight from that real powerful scream,

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who's the most committed Because that fear of success sometimes

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would come into it where a fighter couldn't deal with

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winning or giving one hundred percent like you have been

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talking about, and they would like throw the fight or

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something would happen, or they would blame the referee. Or

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you know, their coach, and it was fascinating to see

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that play out, and I just it's always in my

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mind that you really have to sort of like stone

295
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up and own it.

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Yeah, from the very beginning.

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Be committed.

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And I think it's also important to point out you're

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talking about elite athletes and there we probably come across

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this more with you know, everyday people trying to change

301
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their health and fitness goals. I think it's important to

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point out that not everything is necessarily technically self sabotage.

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Sometimes they're interest.

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Sometimes there is just a case of losing motivation for

305
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your goal, just falling off the wagon because you're trying

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to make changes involves discipline and commitment, and that can

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be a process. And I think we often hear, oh, gosh,

308
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I keep self sabotaging, when really it's just a case of.

309
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Yeah, discipline is a process.

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I've kind of just lost my mojo today and I

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really just felt like eating that thing.

312
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And you're never going to have those perf We've talked

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about perfectionism. Yeah, one perfect day after another, it doesn't exist.

314
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It's sort of you're going to have a little step

315
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back and then you'll go forward to good days.

316
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It's just the way life is.

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It absolutely is.

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And we talk about the change process, you know, I

319
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talk about this a lot, the cycle of change, which

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involves all of these various stages that people go through,

321
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and once they're in that, I don't think we need

322
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to go through all the stages, but once they're in

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that action stage of actively working to change a habit

324
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or change of behavior, then inevitably there will be a slipper.

325
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People go have these and then hopefully they get straight

326
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back into the action again, and it doesn't have to

327
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be a full blown relapse and a complete undoing of

328
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everything that they've done.

329
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But this is perfectly normal.

330
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Right, So how many stages of change are they just quickly?

331
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Okay?

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So we start with pre contemplation means means when you're

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not even aware that you need to make a change,

334
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so you're not even on the circle. When you get

335
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onto the circle, that's when you get into contemplation like.

336
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Ah, should I do this or should I not? I'm

337
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not sure, I'm undecided it.

338
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Should affect in my life. Maybe I should.

339
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And then we move into preparation. Once once I've decided

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that yes, I do need to make a change, we

341
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move into preparation, gathering resources, looking for how I'm going

342
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to do this, what's going to be the plan for me?

343
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What will I how will I make this happen? And

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then once we've gathered all of our resources and we're

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ready to go, then we move into action. But during

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that action process, it's not linear, like you don't just

347
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then make a change and away you go and you're

348
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in maintenance for the rest of your life. People trip

349
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around this circle many, many, many times before they make

350
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a permanent change, and that's you know, yes there is

351
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a slip up, but it doesn't have to be a

352
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complete you.

353
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Know, diseasreves back to where you were.

354
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I think that's important to recognize and that it's perfectly

355
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natural to lose motivation. The ambivalence comes back in all

356
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the time when you're in the action stage. And that

357
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doesn't mean that you you know, you should stop, or

358
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that you know there's some kind of you know, underlying

359
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psychological thing that you've got to get to the bottom of.

360
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It just means that you're a normal human being that's

361
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struggling to sustain a change in your lifestyle.

362
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And sometimes we have lazy days.

363
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That's Okay, so exactly.

364
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Yeah, I think that's really important to point out that

365
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change isn't linear.

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Yeah.

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Absolutely, you're listening to Crappy to Happy with Tiff and Cass.

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We're going to take a quick break and then come

369
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back with some tips to deal with that self sabotage.

370
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Welcome back to Crappy to Happy with Tif and Cass.

371
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I have a question for your Cass, ye is self

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sabotage more prevalent in women than men? I.

373
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To be honest, am not exactly sure what the research

374
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says about that or you know, because self sabotage does

375
00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:12.519
manifest in different ways. I would say I think that

376
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women do tend to play a smaller game. Women do

377
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tend to actively kind of work to keep themselves.

378
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Under the radar career wise.

379
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I don't know about the health and fitness kind of stuff,

380
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but I do think, you know, we live in a

381
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pretty male dominated world, and I think women have got

382
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a lot of beliefs and get a lot of messages

383
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about their place which they tend to adopt, and you

384
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know that get ingrained in their behavior patterns, and so yeah,

385
00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:49.000
I do tend to think that they do some of

386
00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:51.240
that self defeating stuff for sure, a lot more of

387
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that self doth Yeah.

388
00:18:52.359 --> 00:18:56.720
Okay, well I really wanted to ask you, how do

389
00:18:56.720 --> 00:19:01.720
you gain the self confidence then to combat self sabotage?

390
00:19:02.880 --> 00:19:07.839
I think that you it comes from practice, I guess.

391
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:09.440
I think from you and I, you know, just thinking

392
00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:12.079
about you and you and I've had conversations about our

393
00:19:12.119 --> 00:19:17.119
own career trajectories and just pushing yourself out of that

394
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:20.799
comfort zone bit by bit can help. The more feedback

395
00:19:20.839 --> 00:19:22.519
you get that you're doing a good job or that

396
00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:23.440
you actually are.

397
00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:25.559
Capable, Yeah, that helps.

398
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:28.720
Yeah, every single person that says I lost weight on

399
00:19:28.759 --> 00:19:31.799
your program or I feel better or yeah helped me cast.

400
00:19:31.640 --> 00:19:34.119
It gives you that It reinforces that idea that oh,

401
00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:36.000
you actually do have something that you can that you

402
00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:39.559
offer that you Yeah. I think again, like when we

403
00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:42.079
talk about that fear of negative consequences, it helps to

404
00:19:42.119 --> 00:19:44.880
really identify and articulate what those are because if you

405
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:47.799
don't do that, if you don't drill into what is

406
00:19:47.880 --> 00:19:50.240
really going on here, that is getting in the way.

407
00:19:50.359 --> 00:19:53.839
What's the competing I call them competing commitments. One part

408
00:19:53.839 --> 00:19:55.680
of me is committed to achieving this goal, but there's

409
00:19:55.680 --> 00:19:57.480
this other part of me that's really committed to keeping

410
00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:00.480
me safe where I am. That makes sense, yes, yes,

411
00:20:00.680 --> 00:20:03.119
So if we can work out what the competing demands

412
00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:06.680
are or the competing like it's a conflicting values thing. Yes,

413
00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:08.680
I'm the one hand, I really valuate when to achieve

414
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:11.759
this goal, and the other hand, I really value my privacy,

415
00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:15.480
I really value being emotionally safe. I really value you know.

416
00:20:15.559 --> 00:20:18.720
So they run counter to each other. So if we

417
00:20:18.759 --> 00:20:22.880
can work out what that conflict is, what that tension is,

418
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:27.319
then we can try to find a way to reconcile

419
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them or to make them work.

420
00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:31.119
Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

421
00:20:31.200 --> 00:20:35.440
Like I have friends who have been at UNI for years,

422
00:20:35.839 --> 00:20:38.720
doing one degree after the other, moving on to their masters,

423
00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:42.119
never finishing it, and then getting down to just being

424
00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:47.000
one subject away from graduating. Well, and I think it's

425
00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:50.079
a fear of well, then what happens. What happens, I'm

426
00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:51.640
going to have to go for a job, I'm going

427
00:20:51.640 --> 00:20:54.119
to have to put myself out there. I've got all

428
00:20:54.160 --> 00:20:56.759
these degrees and yet I haven't got the confidence to

429
00:20:56.799 --> 00:20:57.720
go to an interview.

430
00:20:58.119 --> 00:20:59.559
So I think it's and.

431
00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:01.359
If you can I identify that, and then you can

432
00:21:01.400 --> 00:21:04.079
say to yourself, Okay, So what do I really want

433
00:21:04.119 --> 00:21:07.240
and what would be the worst thing about not getting

434
00:21:07.240 --> 00:21:09.359
a job? What would be the worst thing about putting

435
00:21:09.359 --> 00:21:12.039
myself out for this thing and actually failing at it

436
00:21:12.200 --> 00:21:13.680
or not.

437
00:21:13.039 --> 00:21:14.119
Not after all that work?

438
00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:16.559
What would be the worst thing about getting my book

439
00:21:16.599 --> 00:21:20.480
published and you know, having to do media interviews? Can

440
00:21:20.519 --> 00:21:22.400
I live with that? Or is there a way that

441
00:21:22.440 --> 00:21:26.640
I can minimize the negative consequences that I am perceiving? Well,

442
00:21:26.680 --> 00:21:31.079
then you can actually tell your conscious mind and hopefully

443
00:21:31.119 --> 00:21:34.039
adopt that unconsciously as well that actually I've got a

444
00:21:34.079 --> 00:21:38.559
strategy for mitigating that or you know, overcoming that.

445
00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:41.079
So what we're talking about is being observant of our

446
00:21:41.559 --> 00:21:44.799
feelings and our thoughts. Again the mindfulness coming into that

447
00:21:44.839 --> 00:21:45.559
as well.

448
00:21:45.319 --> 00:21:49.079
Bringing the unconscious into the conscious, honest, and then with

449
00:21:49.160 --> 00:21:51.160
that you can work with that. Once it's in your

450
00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:53.400
conscious awareness, you've got something that you can actually work with.

451
00:21:53.480 --> 00:21:54.200
Yeah, that's helpful.

452
00:21:54.279 --> 00:21:57.039
Similarly, that self sabotaging stuff we're talking about with old

453
00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:59.519
family beliefs or what you think you're capable of or

454
00:22:00.039 --> 00:22:02.039
not really that good at sport if you come from

455
00:22:02.039 --> 00:22:04.839
a family that's you know, never been to UNI or

456
00:22:05.079 --> 00:22:07.039
nobody's ever had a lot of money.

457
00:22:07.480 --> 00:22:10.920
You know, there's that thing about tribal shame. Have you

458
00:22:10.960 --> 00:22:11.400
heard of that?

459
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:14.680
Elizabeth Gilbert Again, I referred to her once before, but

460
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:16.920
Elizabeth Gilbert talks about I don't know if she came

461
00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:18.960
up with it, but she has a blog post about

462
00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:21.000
it on tribal shame and the things that we do

463
00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:25.400
to avoid stepping out of our tribe because they will

464
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:26.480
work to keep us back in.

465
00:22:27.480 --> 00:22:28.440
That's so interesting.

466
00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:31.880
Yeah, I'm thinking of examples of like the one kid

467
00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:35.160
who's never been to UNI, or the one kid who

468
00:22:35.160 --> 00:22:36.640
goes to UNI when the family's never been to.

469
00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:38.799
You, and they say things like I never went to UNI,

470
00:22:38.839 --> 00:22:41.119
I don't need a degree. I've done that, I don't

471
00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:42.039
have a degree. Yeah.

472
00:22:42.119 --> 00:22:44.559
Yeah, So some families might be very proud of that achievement,

473
00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:46.880
but there will be others that actively work against it

474
00:22:46.920 --> 00:22:49.759
to keep you. And that need to belong to a

475
00:22:49.759 --> 00:22:52.839
tribe in a community is so powerful that sometimes we

476
00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:56.480
will hinder ourselves and limit ourselves to stay connected to

477
00:22:56.519 --> 00:22:56.960
the tribe.

478
00:22:56.960 --> 00:22:59.519
And what's coming up for me is like financial stuff,

479
00:22:59.559 --> 00:23:03.319
money blocks and things like that, because if you grow

480
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:07.240
up around you know, perhaps money is hard to earn

481
00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:10.440
and it's about blood, sweat and tears. And if you

482
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:13.759
earn money easily, then it's looked at as being rich

483
00:23:13.880 --> 00:23:15.599
is looked at as negative money.

484
00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:17.079
It's not a big one, like it's a.

485
00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:20.480
Bad thing to have wealth or sort of changes arrogant

486
00:23:20.599 --> 00:23:21.440
or something like that.

487
00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:23.960
You know, money beliefs are a big one.

488
00:23:24.039 --> 00:23:27.680
Yeah, So when we can identify what that is, and

489
00:23:27.759 --> 00:23:32.480
sometimes that you know, journaling, writing down, you know, childhood experiences,

490
00:23:32.519 --> 00:23:35.480
messages you've picked up. Depending on what your particular block

491
00:23:35.559 --> 00:23:38.039
is or what your particular sabotage is, you can, you know,

492
00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:40.160
spend some time exploring what were the messages you got

493
00:23:40.200 --> 00:23:44.000
when you were younger, you know, what you saw around

494
00:23:44.079 --> 00:23:46.480
you in your environment, and how you might have picked

495
00:23:46.519 --> 00:23:48.640
those things up and how they might become, you know,

496
00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:52.039
playing out in your behavior now. Again, it just takes

497
00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:55.400
a little bit bit of exploration to identify what some

498
00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:57.480
of those things are and then you can work with that.

499
00:23:58.279 --> 00:23:59.119
That's really helpful.

500
00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:03.759
So dealing with triggers and being mindful can help with

501
00:24:03.799 --> 00:24:08.519
self sabotage. Going back to the money and the money blocking,

502
00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:09.799
I find that really interesting.

503
00:24:09.839 --> 00:24:11.079
Can you tell us a bit more about that?

504
00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:12.839
Yeah, I find that really interesting. Too.

505
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:15.960
I suppose that from a self sabotage perspective, that's about

506
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:19.680
this having an idea of you know, I guess self

507
00:24:19.720 --> 00:24:21.920
worth equals net worth if you have grown up in

508
00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:23.920
a family that hasn't had a lot of money, and

509
00:24:23.960 --> 00:24:26.359
you might have particular ideas about what it means to

510
00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:29.599
be wealthy or have money. You know, money's rootable evil,

511
00:24:30.359 --> 00:24:33.720
you know, rich people, you know, callous and cold, and

512
00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:36.799
you know, like there's a whole lot of stuff attached

513
00:24:36.839 --> 00:24:41.440
to money and beliefs about money that people carry, and

514
00:24:41.960 --> 00:24:44.359
that can again, that can subconsciously get in your way

515
00:24:44.359 --> 00:24:46.880
and it can limit people. So what I notice, I

516
00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:48.759
mean I'm probably a bit guilty of this even myself,

517
00:24:49.039 --> 00:24:52.720
is that money comes, money goes, even if you hold onto.

518
00:24:52.519 --> 00:24:53.920
Money yeh, slips to your fingers.

519
00:24:54.039 --> 00:24:59.160
Yeah, and all this, you know, almost limiting what you're

520
00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:02.400
capable of earning, you know, all sorts of ways the

521
00:25:02.440 --> 00:25:04.960
money thing plays out. I find it really fascinating too,

522
00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:07.000
because money is money is energy, you know, and you

523
00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:09.680
can do a lot of really good things making money.

524
00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:12.400
It's not a bad thing, but for a lot of us,

525
00:25:12.440 --> 00:25:16.079
it's really sticky and icky, and it certainly comes up

526
00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:18.960
with this self sabotage thing, I think in a big way.

527
00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:23.240
Yeah, absolutely, so it really sounds like this self sabotage

528
00:25:23.799 --> 00:25:25.680
filters into all areas.

529
00:25:25.359 --> 00:25:28.079
Of our lives, our families, our relationships.

530
00:25:27.480 --> 00:25:31.400
Of our careers, everything financewers, and it can really make.

531
00:25:31.279 --> 00:25:31.960
Us feel crappy.

532
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:33.279
Absolutely, yeah, it is.

533
00:25:33.319 --> 00:25:35.160
It's a really big topic, and I think it's worth

534
00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:37.799
acknowledging that it can really have the It really has

535
00:25:37.839 --> 00:25:40.599
the potential to get in the way of whatever goals

536
00:25:40.599 --> 00:25:43.319
you're trying to achieve. So really being aware of it

537
00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:46.319
and trying to uncover what some of those either the

538
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:51.680
unconscious beliefs or the perceived negative consequences, you know, really

539
00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:53.799
drilling into what those might be and working out what's

540
00:25:53.880 --> 00:25:56.559
driving that self defeating behavior has got to be the

541
00:25:56.559 --> 00:25:59.519
first step. So, you know, being mindful, but also being

542
00:25:59.599 --> 00:26:03.319
again a little bit of self kindness and self compassion,

543
00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:07.160
recognizing that everybody does this to some degree, and you know,

544
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:09.559
it doesn't mean that you'll never be a success or

545
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:12.880
that your options are limited in life. You know, it's

546
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:15.680
just like step by step working through it, and you know,

547
00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:20.240
moving out of your comfort zone, tolerating that discomfort with mindfulness,

548
00:26:20.519 --> 00:26:22.519
and you know, pushing yourself a little bit further to

549
00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:23.359
achieve what you want to.

550
00:26:23.400 --> 00:26:24.480
What do you want to achieve in life?

551
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:25.279
Everything isn't it?

552
00:26:25.559 --> 00:26:28.319
Thank you, Cass, And that brings us to the end

553
00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:31.519
of series one. Crappy to have you with Tiff and Cass.

554
00:26:31.599 --> 00:26:34.440
Thank you so much for listening. But it doesn't have

555
00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:36.880
to end there. You can go to tif xo dot

556
00:26:36.920 --> 00:26:41.039
com and see Cass and I we combine meditations, mindfulness

557
00:26:41.079 --> 00:26:42.960
with meal plans and workouts.

558
00:26:43.400 --> 00:26:45.839
And also, Cass, you've got your own website.

559
00:26:45.400 --> 00:26:47.720
And it is Cassandra Dunne dot com dot a you.

560
00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:50.039
That's where you can find Cass. Cass, I've learned so

561
00:26:50.119 --> 00:26:50.599
much from you.

562
00:26:50.680 --> 00:26:51.160
Thank you.

563
00:26:51.359 --> 00:26:52.039
Oh You're welcome.

564
00:26:52.039 --> 00:26:53.319
And I've learned so much from you.

565
00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:55.920
Too, and we hope that you've learnt a lot from us. Listener,

566
00:26:56.119 --> 00:26:57.680
we can't wait to catch you next time.

567
00:27:03.319 --> 00:27:06.839
Produced by Daves Velenski, Audio production by Nick Later.

568
00:27:14.880 --> 00:27:15.319
Listener