May 15, 2022

Owning your power with Kemi Nekvapil

Owning your power with Kemi Nekvapil
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Owning your power with Kemi Nekvapil
Owning your power with Kemi Nekvapil
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Season 7 Mindset Women's Health And Wellbeing Self-Confidence

Coach Kemi Nekvapil wants women to feel powerful. In this chat with Cass she talks about feeling powerless growing as a black child in white foster families, how she connects with her own power now as an adult, plus she unpacks her POWER acronym: Presence, Ownership, Wisdom, Equality, Responsibility. If you’ve ever struggled to feel powerful in your life you are going to get so much out of this chat. Connect with Kemi:https://www.keminekvapil.com/
Connect with Cass:www.crappytohappypod.comhello@crappytohappypod.com 
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Join the free 7-day Happiness Challenge:www.cassdunn.com/happiness

Connect with Cass:

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www.instagram.com/cassdunn_xo

Contact Crappy to Happy:

Email: hello@crappytohappypod.com
www.crappytohappypod.com
www.instagram.com/crappytohappypod
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Transcript
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A listener production.

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This is Crappita Happy and I am your host Castunn.

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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist and mindfulness meditation teacher

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and of course, author of the Crappita Happy books. In

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this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent

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people who are experts in their field and who have

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something of value to share that will help you feel

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less crappy and more happy. When was the last time

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you felt truly powerful? In fact, how do you even

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define powerful? If you sometimes struggle to access your own

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personal power? You are going to love my conversation with

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today's guest coach, Kemmy Neckvipil. As a black child raised

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by five sets of white foster parents, can we learned

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from a young age what it is like to feel powerless?

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That experience led to a lifelong passion for helping women

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connect with and embrace their personal sense of power. She

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has now written a book on the topic called Power,

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A Woman's Guide to Living and Leading Without Apology, where

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she talks through the key qualities of power as she

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sees them. Presence, ownership, wisdom, equality, and responsibility.

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If you have ever.

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Felt small or less than in your life, you are

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going to love this chat. Here is my conversation with Kemmy, Kemmy,

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thank you so much for joining me on the Crappit

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a Happy podcast today.

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I'm very happy to be here, CAAs I.

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Was saying to you a fair that I first experienced

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you when you toured around with Marie Folio a few

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years ago. So you've been on my radar and you've

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written a book now called Power, which is very intriguing

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to me. Before we get to that, can you start

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by telling me a little bit of the Chemi Neckopel story.

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Oh, there's so much of the story, as I think

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we all are when we get to midlife. I'm forty

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seven now, so there's a lot of the story. I

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was born in England. I was a child that from

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the beginning, I mean, I took me a long time

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to actually earn or take ownership for myself that I

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am a creator. And so I'm someone that has created

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from a very young age. I'm still someone now that

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I knit and I bake, and I plant gardens and

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all those sorts of beautiful things. And so I grew

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up in the countryside and I loved school. I loved

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the structure of school and I went from school into

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bakery college, from bakery into chefing, from chefing into acting,

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from acting into yoga teaching, then into acting again and

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then back to chefing. And here I am in Australia.

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I met my Australian husband in Thailand many years ago

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and I was working there as a chef and he

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was on holiday. And my son has just turned eighteen

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and my youngest has just turned sixteen. They identified as

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non binary. So I'm very much one of those parents

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who is on that beautiful journey with a group of

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children and a generation that is really taking ownership of

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who they are without some of the systems and paradigms

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that some of us have been led to believe are

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the only ways to navigate the world.

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What an interesting personal history that you have. I love

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it when you hear people's stories of their personal history

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and there's this thread that weaves right through and you

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introduce that perfectly by saying I'm a creator and then

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everything that you said was something creative. But for the

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last ten years you've been coaching, how did that come about?

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Well, it's interesting. I think what I now know about

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myself was that when I look at all of the

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professions that I've had, especially the yoga teaching, and also

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when I came to Australia, I started a business. It

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was around food and around raw food, and you know,

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I would share within those live workshops that I would do,

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I would say it was mainly women occasion, there'd be

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a few guys, but it was mainly women. And I

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would say, this is not about address science, this isn't

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about dieting. I'm an anti diet advocate. This is about

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fueling your body with food that gives you the energy

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to do what you want to do in your life.

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And yet I'd find that quite a few women would

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come up to me at the end of those workshops

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and say, but how many calories does a cucumber have

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compared to celery? And at the beginning I found it funny,

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like it was humorous, like ha ha ha. I don't

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know that was it. But then I realize, oh, no,

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there's something in this. This is part of women believing

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that we are broken and that we need to keep

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fixing ourselves and one of the best ways to fix

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ourselves is to be the perfect dress size. Whatever that was.

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I said that in inverted commas, and that kind of

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me being finding it kind of funny turned actually to

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anger because it made me realize that so many women

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are putting off living their lives until they have lost

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the five kilos. So that was when I knew, I

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don't I want to move at this space with food

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because it's so complex for so many women. What I

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want to do is to create a space to look at,

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regardless of your dress size, how do you want to live?

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What do you want to create? Who you want to be?

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What does a life that honors and nourishes you look like?

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And that was when I stepped into coaching. I started

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running retreats in Bali and in Australia and then from

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there decided, okay, I want to be a credentialed coach.

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So I'm an International Coach Federation credentialed coach and it's

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very important to me to have that credential because it

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means that I have an ethical, you know, governing body

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behind me and my work. Kemy.

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So let's talk about then power. Because you've moved into

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the coaching space, you're supporting. Is it predominantly women that

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you work with?

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Then yes, occasionally a few good men will come my way,

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and you know, and if there's an alignment there and

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I'm the right coach for them, one percent, yep. But generally, yeah,

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I would say ninety nine percent of the people that

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I work with are women because I am one, and

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because I live in the same world as those of

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us identify it as women, and there are certain similarities

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that we have to navigate every single day. And being

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a woman of color as well, that's another complexity into that. So, yes,

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predominantly I work with women. And it's funny, Cass that

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you asked me, because you'd be surprised how many people

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say to me, but why don't you work with men?

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And I often wonder, I wonder how many men get

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asked when they work predominantly with men, why don't you

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work with women? It's an interesting question that women are

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always ask when we choose where we're going to focus

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that it's always questioned.

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Yes, it is power. What is your definition of power?

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You've written a whole book on the topic. Yes, Kenny,

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and I completely agree. This is this is an area

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that really could Yes, men and women all. You know,

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it's relevant to everybody, but I think women especially have

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a trouble owning their power. So let's just start with

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your definition of power.

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Well, there's my definition in terms of my lived experience.

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So as a child, I grew up always as the

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only black girl at school. I was fostered to white

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parents growing up, and so my sense of powerlessness not

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came from my gender, but also from my race. And

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I was told within some of the foster families that

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I lived in, either you know, overtly or subtly, that

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I was less than that I had no power, I

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had no identity, and that I should focus on being good.

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And I believe that. Why would I not believe that?

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In fact, I wore that as a badge of honor.

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I know I'm going to be good. Maybe my goodness

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will trump my blackness. And then if I can somehow

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kind of have this smoke and mirror of goodness, I'll

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be allowed in places, I will be seen as a

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human within my own right. So I have that lived experience,

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and then I have the experience of being a coach

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and working with women at different levels in their careers,

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whether they're CEOs of companies, whether they're successful entrepreneurs, whether

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they're stay at home mums, whether a combination of all three,

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because as we know, we can hold a lot. Not

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saying that we always should, but we can. I realize

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that so many of us apologize in different ways for

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being in the world, or using our voices or takeing

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up space, which kind of goes back to the whole

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diet culture thing, like the smaller a woman is, the

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better she is. Like, for goodness sake, do not take

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up space. And so what I wanted to do is

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look at this idea of power as someone who lived

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feeling powerless all the time, and then seeing it mirrored

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in my clients, regardless of their age, their background, socio

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economic background, ethnicity. I was like, there's a thread. There's

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a thread here, and it's the same sort of thread

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that I picked up for my second book, The Gift

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of Asking, that women struggle to ask for what we

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need and want because we have been told that we

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should always be available to other people, and therefore we

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feel that our asking is a burden and so with power.

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And it's interesting how you ask what my definition is,

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because being English, I went straight to the Oxford Dictionary definition.

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I was like, gods it is. I was like, what

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is the actual definition of this word. So the Oxford

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Dictionary definition of power is the capacity or ability to

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do something in a particular way. That's all it is,

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which means then that we all have power.

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So there's a lot in that story, Kemy, and it

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sounds like a lot of your journey has been reclaiming

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your own power. So can you talk me through that?

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And I preface this by saying, I think that you're

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right that this is an issue that a lot of women,

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obviously especially black women, marginalized groups, will all struggle with.

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But in order to teach or to talk about power,

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clearly there's a huge internal process that you have gone

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through to step up and claim your own Can you

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talk me through that?

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Yes? And I'm still claiming it every single day. You know,

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one thing I talk about in the book is that

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this isn't a quick fix. This is a book that

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names what it is to feel powerless in terms of

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our language, in terms of how we identify, in terms

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of our stories, in terms of our trauma, in terms

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of our ambition. That there are so many different ways.

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And so I would say that for all of us

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were stepping in and out of our power all the time.

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What I have done with the word power is created

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an acronym, and it also outlines my experience of building

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recognizing that I do have power, and then being able

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to build that power up. So the first one is present,

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So breaking the word power into an acronym presence, ownership, wisdom, equality,

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and responsibility. So presence very much being about we have

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to be present to what is working and is not

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working in our lives, and that allows us to be

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present to other people what is and what is not

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working in their lives from a place of humanity. Ownership

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is about owning our stories. You know that there are

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certain parts of our stories that either we shame ourselves

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into silence or we are shamed into silence. So I

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didn't used to share that often that I was fostered

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because I just felt that that kind of ensue, this

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kind of pity or poor you or something like that,

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and so I would keep that out of my story.

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But what I now know is that one of the

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reasons that I coach the way that I coach, why

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I'm good at my job as a coach is because

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I can stand outside of a situation and look into

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it objectively. And the reason I can do that is

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because I was placed in these families that I did

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not know, and I had to stand outside of them

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and work out what is going on here, what is

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being said and what is not being said, and how

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do I fit in this? And then there's wisdom that

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I believe that we all have an innate wisdom, and

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yet it's trained out of us from a very young age.

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And what we tend to do is that we outsource

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our lives to other people. And one thing I always

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talking about being a coach is that I don't give

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advice because I think it disempowers other people. If somebody

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asks me for advice, I will give them advice if

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I know them by a friend or my husband or

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my child, But my teenagers are never going to ask me.

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But otherwise that we have an innate wisdom, and yet

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we don't always trust that. And then there is equality

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that I'm sure a lot of the listeners are very

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aware of the global inequalities and are contributing to those

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in the ways that we can. But I think sometimes

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we miss the internal inequality that we sometimes feel for ourselves.

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That there are certain women that feel that they can't

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be in certain spaces because they're not equal I remember

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doing a retreat a few years ago and there was

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a woman that was in a larger body. That was

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how she defined herself. And she said that every time

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she was in a room with women, she would always

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walk into a room and check who was bigger than

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was there anyone bigger than her? And if she was

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the biggest woman in the room and she didn't speak,

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she would not speak because she did not want to

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be seen. And so for her, part of her journey

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is looking at how can I be equal in the

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body that I have? And then finally is responsibility. You know,

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I learned from a young age that no one is

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coming to save me and that I had to relign myself.

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There's a shadow side to that as well, for those

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of us that are survivors, that we have to learn

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how to ask for help and how to realize it.

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Actually we don't have to do life alone. But that

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when we take responsibility for our life, our successes as

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well as our PC failures, that is when we get

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to live and lead without apology. So that's the acronym

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of power, and that is definitely what I step into

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all of the time, and that is what I've outlined

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in the book.

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So Kenmi, let's go back. I love an acronym. I

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think that's beautiful. Let's start with presence. I think that

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is so important what I have found. I don't know

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if you find this too, just that realization of showing

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up and being fully present to what is not working

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or to how our patterns of behavior and these things,

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especially the dieting or whether it's perfectionism or being you know,

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the very best parent that you can be and doing

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juggling all of the jobs and recognizing that these are

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potentially strategies that we use to avoid being judged or

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criticized as opposed to those being you know.

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Like really good positive qualities.

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Do you find that in the work that you do,

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like just helping women to recognize and get present to

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what is actually going on here?

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Yeah, what is actually going on? And that is actually

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one of the quotes that's resonated with so many readers

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in the book is the world doesn't need more busy women.

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It needs present and powerful women. And I think one

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of the most socially acceptable ways for women, especially to

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numb ourselves is to be busy. You know, if I'm

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constantly on the go and I'm constantly moving on. My

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to do list is really really long, and I'm constantly overwhelmed.

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I do not have the space to be present to

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how I feel about myself, to how I feel about

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my parenting, or maybe how I feel about my partner

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or my work. So it takes courage to be present

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to one's life. And I remember when I was at

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home with two young children, and I remember thinking, what

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sort of a mum do I want to be like?

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I knew I didn't need to be the best mum.

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I didn't want to be a perfect mum. I had

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no interest in that whatsoever. I felt exhausting just thinking

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about that. But I thought, I want to be a

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present mum. So how I made that tangible was there

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when I'm with my children, And it's the same now

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they're eighteen and sixteen. When I am with them, i

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am with them one hundred percent. There is nothing else

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pulling my attention. But when I'm not with them, I'm

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not with them. So I have created a business that

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I love where I get to travel a lot. When

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I'm away I'm at work, and I say to my

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husband if they need me, text me and just say, oh,

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they could do a bit of a call or a

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bit of a check in, But otherwise I was away

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being present in the other place, not checking in on them,

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not checking in on my husband to check he was

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doing a job that I thought he should be doing

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better or in a different way. And I would say

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to my children, you know, they might say mom, mum,

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and I say, I just need to finish what I'm

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doing for ten minutes and then I'll be one hundred

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percent present to you. And I think we can only

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work out how we want to be present to other

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people if we take the time and we have to

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work out how to be present for ourselves, possibly before

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we could even do that.

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Yeah, I'd so agree. What are some of the other

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ways that you see women giving away their power?

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We are very smart, you know, so we give away

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our power in so many ways. We give it away

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in terms of not using our voice. I talk in

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the book the power of Words. So there's every print,

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there's the power of principles, the acronym, and then there

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are chapters and it's always the power of So in

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the Power of Words, I talk about how we give

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away our power in our language. So you know, there

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are certain things that we know as women because we

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know because it's coming, it's our lived experience, or it's

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because we are an expert in our field and we

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have experience there. And yet we will say constantly I think,

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I think, I know, I do it too. There you

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go and one of my ones, Even though I know

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this and this is my work, I default to does

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that make sense? So I can share something about my

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lived experience that I know makes sense because I lived it,

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and then I end, and I end what I've said

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with does that make sense? So I talk about what

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are the diminished the words that we use to diminish ourselves,

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to diminish our expertise, to diminish our wisdom. And we

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also do it to each other consciously and unconsciously. So

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that is a place, I feel that is a very

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small place for us to start looking at. Where do

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I give away power in my language? Because all of

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this work is a practice, you know, for me as

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a coach, I never want my clients to feel overwhelmed.

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We're always looking at you know, what is the action

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that you can take right now that is reasonable in

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the life that you're currently living in the responsibilities that

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you currently have, And they set actions from that place

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as opposed to you know, busy, busy, busy, got to go, go, go,

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got to have an action, got to have an action,

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got to have a goal, got to have a goal.

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Because that's not powerful, that's overwhelmed. That's very different.

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Yeah, it is very different. I think that definition that

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distinction is so helpful, isn't it?

358
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Like?

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Is this powerful?

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Does this?

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Does this make me feel powerful? How does this make

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me feel? I'm curious to know you mentioned yoga teacher training.

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I didn't you became a yoga teacher. Sorry, I did

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yoga teacher training last year as a more of a

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personal development thing. Really, how important is that practice, the

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yoga and the meditation for you in kind of staying

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in that power?

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Definitely for me. When I first started yoga twenty five

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years ago, I remember I was actually I was in

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London and you're about to go to London, and I

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was in a yoga studio that was sibaan and a yoga,

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which isn't a form of yoga that's necessarily made it

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kind of you know, on the big stages, as it were,

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because it's a very grounded, kind of old school, you know,

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it has meditation and breathing. It's not just the assinas.

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And I just remember after doing a nineteen minute practice

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just how I felt with myself in my body. And

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after doing that for a year or so, I thought,

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I want to share this feeding with other people, which

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is why I then went to India and trained as

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a teacher. So for me, the physical aspect of yoga

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is about being in my like being present to myself

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in my body. And then for me, meditation isn't at

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orange robes reaching enlightenment. I'm not sure i'd want to

385
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hang out with an enlightened person. To be honest, I'm

386
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not sure they'd have the humor that I want. I

387
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don't know. I just it must be quite serious. But anyway,

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for me, meditation and I meditate daily is about being

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present to what is going on for me in that moment.

390
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How do I feel this morning? Like? Are there people

391
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I need to avoid? Do I need to change my

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schedule around because I'm at a part of my cycle

393
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or because of a conversation I had yesterday that drained me?

394
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Do I need to be in nature today? Do I

395
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need to? It just allows me to tap into what

396
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is really going on for me, and then I can

397
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take actions aligned with my meditation practice that day.

398
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God, I love everything about that and that in itself,

399
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isn't it connecting with yourself and asking yourself what do

400
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I need today, and then being willing to do that,

401
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to take action on that, even if it disappoints other people.

402
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Letting go of all of that pressure of what other

403
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people think that you should be doing.

404
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That's power. That's life changing. That is when we have

405
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been socialized to believe that our only currency as women

406
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is either to look good or be available to other

407
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people all the time. It is a revolutionary act to

408
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ask oneself what is it that I need first, so

409
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that I can then give If I choose to give,

410
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that I can give and I can serve, and I

411
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can contribute in a way that is sustainable that brings

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me joy and not resentment. Because that is one thing

413
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that I know for myself, I never ever ever want

414
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to be standing on a stage as a professional speaker

415
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or coaching working with a client ever feeling resentful. And

416
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the only way that I don't do that is to

417
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make sure that my cup is full, that I have

418
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as much going into me, probably even more going into me,

419
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so that then when I give, it is for a

420
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place of absolute privilege and joy and gratitude.

421
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Absolutely, and that to me all connects beautifully with your

422
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:12.039
third principle, which is wisdom, and that ability to connect

423
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with your inner wisdom instead of all of this overthinking, stressing,

424
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second guessing that women do constantly. Would you say that

425
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the yoga in the meditation is a really fundamental part

426
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of the wisdom practice.

427
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Yes, I think it is that one hundred percent. I

428
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also think because in some ways I grew up to

429
00:21:31.079 --> 00:21:34.160
believe that I couldn't really count on anyone else, And

430
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you know I didn't as a child. I don't think

431
00:21:36.279 --> 00:21:40.160
you think, well, maybe unconsciously, maybe I thought everything around

432
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:42.519
me is so chaotic. Iured land with different foster families

433
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at different times. I had no idea when it was happening, Like,

434
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I just didn't have this kind of grounded sense of security.

435
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And I think I just knew I need to make

436
00:21:52.359 --> 00:21:55.759
sure I can trust myself. I can trust myself, so

437
00:21:55.799 --> 00:21:57.920
I'm going to listen to myself. I can't trust everything

438
00:21:57.920 --> 00:21:59.680
going on outside of me, but I can trust me.

439
00:22:00.599 --> 00:22:01.920
So I think there is a part of that that

440
00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:03.759
some of us will have that innately because we have

441
00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:05.960
that kind of survivor in us. Then there are certain

442
00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:09.480
practices obviously that bring that, But I also feel that

443
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as women we have been so powerful in our intuition

444
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and our wisdom that we were burnt at the stake.

445
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You know that it has been. We are so scared

446
00:22:20.720 --> 00:22:24.319
to trust because there is that kind of passing down

447
00:22:25.079 --> 00:22:29.400
of knowledge and women still are not necessarily well. Actually

448
00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:32.319
in some countries we know, awful things happen to women

449
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still if they step into any kind of intuitive space

450
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or do the thing that they feel is the right

451
00:22:36.960 --> 00:22:39.000
thing to do for them. But for those of us

452
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that are in the Western world, how it happens is

453
00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:43.359
in terms of trolling and misogyny and sexes and that

454
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kind of stain in your place. Do not use your voice.

455
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We do not want to hear from you. So it

456
00:22:47.640 --> 00:22:49.599
takes power for women to use our voice. And for

457
00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:52.160
those of us in Australia, you know, we had the

458
00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:56.119
incredible leader, young woman Grace Tame, and her moment of power,

459
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her innate wisdom was to not smile while standing next

460
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to a person that has been granted the most powerful

461
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title in this country. And yet I think the power

462
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that had the most impact was her tapping into what

463
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power felt like for her, which is I'm going to

464
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speak my truth and I'm going to speak it by

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not smiling. Incredibly powerful. And look and look at the

466
00:23:19.400 --> 00:23:22.039
vitreol that came back to her for that, I know,

467
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because she wasn't a good girl. She wasn't a good girl,

468
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she didn't do what was expected of her.

469
00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:30.480
Wasn't it a perfect example? And I think so many

470
00:23:30.519 --> 00:23:37.160
people didn't even see the irony in attacking her for

471
00:23:37.960 --> 00:23:41.799
not being pleasant and smiling as a survivor of child

472
00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:42.400
sex abuse.

473
00:23:42.440 --> 00:23:45.240
Yeah, yeah, And her words talk about ownership, you know,

474
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:47.960
looking at you know, my definition of ownership within the

475
00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:51.920
book is taking ownership of our stories, those we have lived,

476
00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:54.680
those we have been told, those we have experienced, and

477
00:23:54.759 --> 00:23:57.200
those we have believed. And you have to be present

478
00:23:57.279 --> 00:24:00.240
to start to pick apart those stories, what is true,

479
00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:02.480
what have I made up? What have I been told?

480
00:24:02.519 --> 00:24:05.160
And what she shared very much in her press club

481
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:08.720
speech was I was told by a man that if

482
00:24:08.759 --> 00:24:11.200
I use my voice, he would lose his career. And

483
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:13.759
that is exactly what has just happened within this parliamentary

484
00:24:13.799 --> 00:24:17.319
sphere right now. And so as women as well, we

485
00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:20.599
have internalized patriarchy. I talk about that in the book.

486
00:24:20.680 --> 00:24:22.640
I am a Black woman and I have had to

487
00:24:22.720 --> 00:24:27.319
unpick my internalized racism. And part of our power comes

488
00:24:27.319 --> 00:24:30.319
from owning that, Owning that we judge other people by

489
00:24:30.359 --> 00:24:34.319
the way that they look, owning our prejudices, owning our biases,

490
00:24:34.359 --> 00:24:36.759
because the only way that we're going to shift that

491
00:24:37.160 --> 00:24:39.160
and create the world that most of us want to

492
00:24:39.160 --> 00:24:41.319
live in is to own that we have those things

493
00:24:41.319 --> 00:24:44.759
in the first place. As opposed to no, but I'm kind,

494
00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:47.880
But I'm a kind person. I don't see other people's difference.

495
00:24:47.880 --> 00:24:49.319
And I remember used to people used to say to me,

496
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:52.400
I don't see your color. And at the time when

497
00:24:52.440 --> 00:24:55.680
I first heard that, I didn't know why that grated

498
00:24:55.759 --> 00:24:58.519
with me. I sort of thought, I know that's coming

499
00:24:58.559 --> 00:25:02.640
from a good, pure intention, but there's something about that

500
00:25:02.640 --> 00:25:05.720
that doesn't sit right. I now know if you don't

501
00:25:05.720 --> 00:25:08.200
see my color, you don't see me, because as a

502
00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:10.400
black woman, I have to navigate the world in a

503
00:25:10.519 --> 00:25:13.039
very different way that you may have to as an

504
00:25:13.079 --> 00:25:15.920
Anglo woman. And then I also know that as an

505
00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:19.160
able bodied woman, I navigate the world in a very

506
00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:21.799
different way as someone living with a disability. And someone

507
00:25:21.839 --> 00:25:23.559
that's funny because I say in the book, I talk

508
00:25:23.559 --> 00:25:25.599
about privilege, and I say I have privileges. I have

509
00:25:25.640 --> 00:25:29.440
socioeconomic privilege, I have an education privilege. There are certain

510
00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:32.839
privileges that I have, and yet they are trumped by

511
00:25:33.279 --> 00:25:36.400
my gender and my race within where I live. If

512
00:25:36.440 --> 00:25:39.359
I lived in Nigeria, my heritage country, my race would

513
00:25:39.359 --> 00:25:41.000
not be the issue. But that's not where I live.

514
00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:44.519
And so once again being present to our privileges and

515
00:25:44.680 --> 00:25:48.200
using them in a really powerful way. When I get

516
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:50.440
to stand on stages, I know that every person of

517
00:25:50.440 --> 00:25:53.079
color or every marginalized person that sees me speak there,

518
00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:55.920
if they want to speak, suddenly they're like, oh, oh,

519
00:25:55.960 --> 00:25:58.799
if she's doing it, maybe I get to do it.

520
00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:01.720
That's the power of the mirror. And I talk about

521
00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:04.200
the power of the mirror that we either are that

522
00:26:04.279 --> 00:26:06.680
mirror for other people or we get to create being

523
00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:09.079
that mirror for others.

524
00:26:11.519 --> 00:26:14.839
I hope that you're enjoying this conversation and realizing the

525
00:26:14.839 --> 00:26:17.759
benefits of positivity in your own life. If you are

526
00:26:17.880 --> 00:26:20.599
enjoying the show, please be sure to like and subscribe

527
00:26:20.599 --> 00:26:22.960
so that you get notified when you epps drop and

528
00:26:23.039 --> 00:26:25.480
head on over to Apple podcasts or wherever you listen

529
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:35.240
and leave us a rating and review. You said right

530
00:26:35.240 --> 00:26:37.480
at the beginning, can me when I said, you know,

531
00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:40.920
how did you come to reclaim your power? And you said, well, look,

532
00:26:40.920 --> 00:26:43.519
it's an ongoing process. I think that's a really important

533
00:26:43.559 --> 00:26:46.799
point to make too. This is not a one and

534
00:26:46.920 --> 00:26:51.680
done where there's a finish line, and it's a constant process.

535
00:26:51.759 --> 00:26:54.720
Isn't it of checking in with ourselves? How does that

536
00:26:54.880 --> 00:26:57.599
kind of look for you and your life or even

537
00:26:57.640 --> 00:26:58.920
with the clients that you work with.

538
00:26:59.160 --> 00:27:00.799
Well, and I would say, and you know, let's circle

539
00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:02.519
back to yoga. You know, I remember one of my

540
00:27:02.599 --> 00:27:04.640
teachers saying to me many years ago, it's not called

541
00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:10.200
yoga done, it's yoga practice, you know. And the school

542
00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:12.839
is yoga that I trained in. We were always told,

543
00:27:12.920 --> 00:27:15.440
you know, there were sort of eighteen postures within the

544
00:27:15.480 --> 00:27:18.000
actual sequence that we would do that, but we were

545
00:27:18.039 --> 00:27:20.519
told there are eighty four thousand variations of each of

546
00:27:20.559 --> 00:27:23.680
those postures. And so the moment when you would think,

547
00:27:23.720 --> 00:27:25.960
oh i'm done, i'm good, I'm good, I've got the posture,

548
00:27:25.960 --> 00:27:27.640
you know, so the egos like I've got it, I've

549
00:27:27.640 --> 00:27:30.240
got it, I've got it. The teacher would come and

550
00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:33.039
adjust you half a millimeter and suddenly you were on

551
00:27:33.079 --> 00:27:36.279
the floor. And I love that about yoga, that it's

552
00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:39.920
not done, that you are constantly practicing. For me, power

553
00:27:39.960 --> 00:27:43.200
is the same. So the book came out, and you know,

554
00:27:43.240 --> 00:27:46.319
that was a wonderful and great and the feedback's been incredible.

555
00:27:47.480 --> 00:27:50.119
But I remember about maybe three or four weeks after,

556
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:52.559
I found myself in a situation with a group of people,

557
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:54.400
so parents that I've grown up with because we met

558
00:27:54.400 --> 00:27:57.799
in the school playground kind of scenario, and there was

559
00:27:57.839 --> 00:28:00.319
a conversation that ensued that ended up in this sphere

560
00:28:00.359 --> 00:28:03.559
of race. It was very uncomfortable. I was the only

561
00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:06.480
person of color there. I've known these people for ten

562
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:09.559
years and a few things were said by and I'm

563
00:28:09.599 --> 00:28:13.480
married to a middle class, cisgendered, heterosexual, white male. So

564
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:16.920
this isn't about, you know, white men as the evil hashtag,

565
00:28:17.000 --> 00:28:19.720
not all men, but this was how this guy identified.

566
00:28:20.759 --> 00:28:25.359
He said a couple of offensive things to me, and I

567
00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:28.119
held my power in that moment. I felt very blessed.

568
00:28:28.160 --> 00:28:31.599
I had two friends, another white, middle class hetero cisman

569
00:28:31.839 --> 00:28:34.480
there who is a very good friend of mine and

570
00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:36.759
was kind of able to speak on my behalf. I

571
00:28:37.279 --> 00:28:39.400
didn't have to kind of defend myself the whole time,

572
00:28:39.519 --> 00:28:42.279
or just my point of view and another woman as well,

573
00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:45.440
and that was fine. And he said, oh, I didn't

574
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:46.680
mean to offend you butt, And I said, look, the

575
00:28:46.680 --> 00:28:49.759
great thing is actually, although this is an uncomfortable conversation,

576
00:28:50.680 --> 00:28:52.640
we've never had a conversation about race in the ten

577
00:28:52.680 --> 00:28:55.759
years that we've known each other. Like for me, that's progress,

578
00:28:55.920 --> 00:28:59.079
you know, like this is comfortable, it's sticky, it is

579
00:28:59.200 --> 00:29:01.640
uncomfortable for all of us, and yet at least we're

580
00:29:01.640 --> 00:29:04.440
willing to go here. And it kind of ended okay.

581
00:29:05.079 --> 00:29:08.200
But then as I walked out of that house, I

582
00:29:08.359 --> 00:29:11.400
burst into tears and cried for the next five hours,

583
00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:15.160
like I was so thrown And I think, and that

584
00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:18.160
for me is that idea of we will have our

585
00:29:18.200 --> 00:29:21.279
power taken away again and again and again, and we

586
00:29:21.319 --> 00:29:25.000
will give it away again and again and again, and

587
00:29:25.079 --> 00:29:27.880
yet we can have the tools. And I hope this

588
00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:30.359
is this is what power is the book that I've written.

589
00:29:30.880 --> 00:29:32.759
We now have a set of tools in which we

590
00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:36.079
can rebuild our power again and again. And if we

591
00:29:36.119 --> 00:29:39.799
can't do it for ourselves, we have created a community

592
00:29:39.799 --> 00:29:42.519
of people around us that are happy to help us

593
00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:44.000
build our power back up again.

594
00:29:44.799 --> 00:29:49.240
I feel like self compassion is so important in those

595
00:29:49.240 --> 00:29:52.359
moments as well. I feel like when you have those

596
00:29:52.359 --> 00:29:54.240
moments when you are thrown, Let's say, if you had

597
00:29:54.240 --> 00:29:57.480
a different response in that meeting and you didn't, you know,

598
00:29:57.519 --> 00:30:01.400
you smiled and slung away and then thought, oh god,

599
00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:02.920
I wish I had said that, or I wish I'd

600
00:30:02.920 --> 00:30:06.480
done something different. Just that capacity to also be really

601
00:30:06.599 --> 00:30:07.759
kind to ourselves.

602
00:30:08.200 --> 00:30:11.640
Yeah. One, and to me, to be honest, power in

603
00:30:11.680 --> 00:30:13.920
that moment was having the conversation, because I wouldn't have

604
00:30:13.960 --> 00:30:16.839
had that conversation before. I wouldn't have wanted to make

605
00:30:16.839 --> 00:30:18.960
the white people around me uncomfortable or feel like the

606
00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:20.960
angry black Not that I got angry in this conversation

607
00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:23.400
at all, but you know, I would have so been

608
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:26.519
weighed down by society's pressures on me that I would

609
00:30:26.519 --> 00:30:29.119
not have spoken. I would have just swallowed it down again,

610
00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:31.759
swallowed it down again. But the fact that I was like, no,

611
00:30:31.920 --> 00:30:35.799
let's okay, this is really uncomfortable, let's go there, let's

612
00:30:35.799 --> 00:30:37.799
do this, and the other the other sort of thing,

613
00:30:37.880 --> 00:30:40.039
that sort of juxtaposition of that, which some of the

614
00:30:40.039 --> 00:30:43.119
listeners may also resonate with, is that I also have teenagers.

615
00:30:43.160 --> 00:30:47.240
I feel like I'm losing power all the time. Put

616
00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:49.640
you in your place. Oh my gosh, just the eye roll.

617
00:30:49.880 --> 00:30:53.359
I'm like, oh my gosh, like I'm floundering here. So

618
00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:55.519
then for me, it's a case of just being present,

619
00:30:55.799 --> 00:30:58.200
you know, just like, Okay, what I need to be

620
00:30:58.200 --> 00:31:00.400
present to right now is that these young people are

621
00:31:00.440 --> 00:31:03.119
trying to identify who they are they are going to

622
00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:06.400
and I want them to question and throw everything that

623
00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:09.440
me and my husband their father has given them that

624
00:31:09.599 --> 00:31:13.559
is developmentally appropriate. So then what do I need right now?

625
00:31:13.599 --> 00:31:16.000
I might have just been wounded by that comment or

626
00:31:16.039 --> 00:31:18.559
by that, you know, by that. My children have never

627
00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:20.240
kind of shattered to me I hate you or slam

628
00:31:20.319 --> 00:31:22.400
the door on me, and and that's good. I think

629
00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:24.799
that's nice. But you know, I'll get that I'm talking

630
00:31:24.839 --> 00:31:27.000
to them and the door will slowly close, you know,

631
00:31:27.480 --> 00:31:30.039
like as what I'm doing, and I feel that kind

632
00:31:30.079 --> 00:31:32.640
of slight and I'm just like, Okay, what do I

633
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:34.599
need right now? And I'm a big garden. That's another

634
00:31:34.599 --> 00:31:36.240
thing I talk about in the book about being present.

635
00:31:36.599 --> 00:31:39.359
I go out to the garden. You know, it's like, Okay,

636
00:31:39.799 --> 00:31:42.759
they don't need me, that is fine. My power actually

637
00:31:42.759 --> 00:31:44.839
comes as a mother. I'm not a mom that needs

638
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:47.559
to be needed all the time. I'm an introvert. I

639
00:31:47.559 --> 00:31:50.799
would find that quite oppressive that my value came from

640
00:31:50.799 --> 00:31:53.559
my children needing me all the time. But at least

641
00:31:53.559 --> 00:31:56.480
I can go out and right now at spring in Melbourne,

642
00:31:56.480 --> 00:31:58.759
so I'm planting a lot of spring bulbs and that

643
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:01.279
allows me to ground my self and to be present

644
00:32:01.319 --> 00:32:03.880
and know they are exactly where they need to be.

645
00:32:04.160 --> 00:32:06.640
I may have been wounded by that comment, but actually

646
00:32:07.079 --> 00:32:09.240
this is what teenagers look like. This is what I

647
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:12.039
was like, and it feels great that they are able

648
00:32:12.079 --> 00:32:16.119
to explore who they are in their home. That is perfect.

649
00:32:16.279 --> 00:32:18.839
I was just going to say, listening to you talk HEMI,

650
00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:26.839
there's just so much self awareness and capacity for emotional regulation,

651
00:32:27.319 --> 00:32:29.519
which I wish more people had. And obviously that is

652
00:32:30.279 --> 00:32:32.160
what you are trying to support people to have, and

653
00:32:32.279 --> 00:32:34.720
it's the work that I do as well, because how

654
00:32:34.759 --> 00:32:37.319
often do people not even realize that their reaction is

655
00:32:37.359 --> 00:32:39.680
coming from a place where they've been triggered by something

656
00:32:39.720 --> 00:32:42.759
that's back in their past that they haven't yet healed.

657
00:32:42.759 --> 00:32:44.759
And it's part of that owning their story, isn't it

658
00:32:44.839 --> 00:32:49.599
and taking the responsibility. It's all in your power, accurate acrony.

659
00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:54.000
It is. I know it's and it is. And that's

660
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:59.480
the thing. It's there's so much power in owning where

661
00:32:59.519 --> 00:33:02.559
our wounded are. Yeah, there's just so much power in that.

662
00:33:02.599 --> 00:33:04.759
You know. I have a husband. He's a barrister. He's

663
00:33:04.759 --> 00:33:07.960
a human rights and environmental law barrister, and he loves

664
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:09.880
his work and I love that he loves his work,

665
00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:12.519
and he's doing the hard things. You know, he's doing

666
00:33:12.599 --> 00:33:16.079
the hard things. And sometimes because he's in law, he's

667
00:33:16.119 --> 00:33:18.000
in court. You know, in the early days, he would

668
00:33:18.079 --> 00:33:19.920
kind of Oh, I'm not coming home now, or I'm

669
00:33:19.960 --> 00:33:21.440
going to be later, I'm going to be and that

670
00:33:21.720 --> 00:33:26.039
completely triggered my childhood thing around security and safety and

671
00:33:26.119 --> 00:33:28.039
what is going on? And I thought you were coming

672
00:33:28.079 --> 00:33:30.440
home and now you're not. So he would come home

673
00:33:31.000 --> 00:33:33.160
and he'd be like, Hi, I'm home, and I was

674
00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:36.839
just like a wall. I was straight into protection. You

675
00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:39.160
cannot get me, you have let me down. And I

676
00:33:39.200 --> 00:33:42.039
would not get and he'd be like, what is going on?

677
00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:44.680
And it took me a few years to work out.

678
00:33:44.759 --> 00:33:47.359
Oh I'm reacting to something that happened all those years ago,

679
00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:50.319
and I feel very blessed. I've actually married someone that

680
00:33:50.400 --> 00:33:52.519
can meet my childhood trauma, you know, doesn't kind of

681
00:33:52.559 --> 00:33:55.960
exacerbate it, and for me to just know and he knows,

682
00:33:56.000 --> 00:33:57.640
and even my kids know, this is where this is

683
00:33:57.640 --> 00:33:59.640
where I come from, this is what I have, this

684
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:02.079
is where I get wounded, and where my children can

685
00:34:02.119 --> 00:34:03.599
also say, oh, this is what is going on for me,

686
00:34:03.720 --> 00:34:05.640
or my husband can say, you know, this is what

687
00:34:05.759 --> 00:34:08.360
is going on for me. So our power comes from

688
00:34:08.400 --> 00:34:11.480
not ignoring our stories, not ignoring our triggers and our wounds,

689
00:34:11.880 --> 00:34:14.760
but having the courage to face them and then possibly

690
00:34:14.840 --> 00:34:17.360
use them in some way to heal either ourselves or

691
00:34:17.400 --> 00:34:19.599
to create a space of healing for others, because then

692
00:34:19.639 --> 00:34:21.679
it becomes a gift. Not that any of us want

693
00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:23.440
to give our wounds to anyone else or have that

694
00:34:23.519 --> 00:34:27.000
happen to anyone else, but it can be transformed into

695
00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:28.000
something that is useful.

696
00:34:28.519 --> 00:34:32.719
Yeah. Absolutely, we live in this world where all of

697
00:34:32.760 --> 00:34:39.880
the expressions of power are that very patriarchal, misogynistic. You know,

698
00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:44.800
look at the men running the world. What's happening right

699
00:34:44.840 --> 00:34:46.760
now at the time of recording this, they're about to

700
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:50.559
overturn that roversus Wade law in the US. How do

701
00:34:50.639 --> 00:34:54.199
we continue to It's like, go do we push back

702
00:34:54.239 --> 00:34:55.880
against that? You know, like this is what the world

703
00:34:55.960 --> 00:35:00.400
says power is, this is what we're up against. How

704
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:03.800
do we continue to tap into this internal power and

705
00:35:03.920 --> 00:35:07.400
use that for good in the context of what is

706
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:08.840
going on around us?

707
00:35:09.239 --> 00:35:12.880
Well, we have to keep tapping into that internal power

708
00:35:12.920 --> 00:35:15.519
because of what is going on around us. You know,

709
00:35:15.559 --> 00:35:18.440
when you think about the demonstration of one particular man

710
00:35:18.719 --> 00:35:23.159
bear chested on his horse, that form of power that is,

711
00:35:23.239 --> 00:35:25.199
first of all, look at me, Look how powerful I am.

712
00:35:25.480 --> 00:35:29.440
You would only have to demonstrate power if you actually

713
00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:32.159
had an internal question about your power. Otherwise while you've

714
00:35:32.079 --> 00:35:34.280
been chested on a horse. That's how I choose to

715
00:35:34.280 --> 00:35:37.760
look at it. A good point. Yeah, And this form

716
00:35:37.800 --> 00:35:40.320
of power that is scarcity. You know, Brene has a

717
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:43.360
dare to lead facilitator and training with doctor Brene Brown.

718
00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:46.559
She talks about power over So that is that form

719
00:35:46.639 --> 00:35:49.400
of power that we're seeing now, that I will dominate you,

720
00:35:49.719 --> 00:35:52.320
that I will shame you, that I will take from you,

721
00:35:52.480 --> 00:35:55.679
and that form of power is scarce, and I will

722
00:35:55.719 --> 00:35:58.239
do anything that I can to hold on to it

723
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:00.960
because I'm so scared of losing it. What we get

724
00:36:01.000 --> 00:36:02.840
to create as women is a form of power that

725
00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:05.440
is abundant that if I have it, I can create

726
00:36:05.480 --> 00:36:07.480
a space for you to have it. I can build

727
00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:09.239
it for myself and I can build it for you.

728
00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:11.679
And it is in those very little moments that we've

729
00:36:11.679 --> 00:36:15.719
spoken about already to look at our internalized patriarchy. So

730
00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:18.199
when we see a woman owning her voice, or when

731
00:36:18.199 --> 00:36:20.239
we see a woman dressing a certain way or not

732
00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:22.800
dressing a certain way, or see a woman saying a

733
00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:24.559
certain thing, and we have that internal thing if she

734
00:36:24.559 --> 00:36:27.960
shouldn't do that, she shouldn't say that, that's inappropriate, that's

735
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:31.519
our internalized patriarchy. When we can start to unpick and

736
00:36:31.559 --> 00:36:35.039
we all have it, when we can start to be

737
00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:38.039
honest about that and start to have conversations with each

738
00:36:38.039 --> 00:36:41.400
other about that, that is when we get to stand

739
00:36:41.400 --> 00:36:43.599
in our power as a collective. And look, I'll be honest.

740
00:36:44.000 --> 00:36:47.480
I'm an optimist. I believe in hope. I think one

741
00:36:47.480 --> 00:36:49.760
of the reasons, as you say, roe versus weighed, if

742
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:52.320
that passes half of the American States are going to

743
00:36:52.360 --> 00:36:57.320
make abortion illegal. I believe there is this groundswell in

744
00:36:57.360 --> 00:37:01.440
this old form of power because they actually know that

745
00:37:01.519 --> 00:37:05.119
the world is changing and it's scary one hundred percent.

746
00:37:05.239 --> 00:37:09.920
And yet we definitely definitely have the ability to create

747
00:37:09.960 --> 00:37:13.559
a form of power that most people know that they

748
00:37:13.559 --> 00:37:17.559
can own that favors more of us and creates a

749
00:37:17.599 --> 00:37:20.480
new world for us to stand in without apology.

750
00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:24.199
I really hope that. I feel like the whole paradigm

751
00:37:24.239 --> 00:37:24.960
needs to shift.

752
00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:25.599
I think you're right.

753
00:37:25.679 --> 00:37:29.679
I think hopefully it is shifting. I don't know if

754
00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:32.840
it's going to happen in my lifetime, but I just

755
00:37:33.000 --> 00:37:35.119
sometimes imagine I live in hope of what the world

756
00:37:35.159 --> 00:37:37.280
could be if we could shift to that.

757
00:37:37.840 --> 00:37:39.920
Yeah, And I think the thing is that I think

758
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:44.519
the scariest thing is people's apathy and complacency, because one

759
00:37:44.519 --> 00:37:45.960
thing we have to look at is how far we

760
00:37:46.079 --> 00:37:50.920
have come. How far we have come, but it's not enough,

761
00:37:51.199 --> 00:37:53.360
you know, So we have to keep going, but not

762
00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:55.199
in a place as women like we can't do all

763
00:37:55.199 --> 00:37:58.320
the things. I have certain organizations that I support because

764
00:37:58.360 --> 00:37:59.679
I know that's where I can be present to and

765
00:37:59.719 --> 00:38:02.000
I can give freely and with joy, and because I

766
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:04.559
believe in those organizations, I can't give to everything. I

767
00:38:04.559 --> 00:38:06.320
can't be a voice for everything, and I don't think

768
00:38:06.320 --> 00:38:09.159
anyone should expect anyone to do that. And anyone that

769
00:38:09.199 --> 00:38:11.119
I have found that kind of has their activism in

770
00:38:11.159 --> 00:38:13.880
that way generally kind of has to step out of

771
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:16.320
the space because they're burnt out. Their mental health starts

772
00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:18.880
taking a toll. So we have to do what we

773
00:38:18.920 --> 00:38:22.039
can do when we're present to what about this matters

774
00:38:22.079 --> 00:38:24.079
to me? And what are the actions that I can

775
00:38:24.119 --> 00:38:26.119
take to really live my value? I talk about the

776
00:38:26.119 --> 00:38:29.079
power values in the book. How can I live my

777
00:38:29.280 --> 00:38:31.440
values in the world in a way that supports not

778
00:38:31.559 --> 00:38:34.320
only my power, but power for the people around me

779
00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:36.599
that maybe don't feel that they have any because the

780
00:38:36.639 --> 00:38:39.039
reality is that not everyone does. So those of us

781
00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:40.960
that live in countries where we're safe, where we have

782
00:38:41.039 --> 00:38:44.119
our food, where we have our basic needs met, we

783
00:38:44.199 --> 00:38:46.760
have an opportunity, not a duty. Some people say duty.

784
00:38:47.639 --> 00:38:49.159
I don't think it's a duty. I think you can

785
00:38:49.199 --> 00:38:51.360
do whatever you want with your resources, to be honest,

786
00:38:51.679 --> 00:38:55.679
but we have the opportunity. We have the opportunity to

787
00:38:55.760 --> 00:38:58.840
create space for more people to stand in their power

788
00:38:58.840 --> 00:38:59.719
and use their voice.

789
00:39:00.800 --> 00:39:05.360
Yes, kemmy, thank you so much for the work that

790
00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:08.239
you do, for sharing your story to benefit other people

791
00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:11.920
that I should have acknowledged. You said earlier that you

792
00:39:11.920 --> 00:39:14.199
have difficulties sometimes you used to not talk about your

793
00:39:14.880 --> 00:39:17.599
being fostered, and it takes courage to share your personal

794
00:39:17.639 --> 00:39:21.880
story for the benefit of other people. So I appreciate

795
00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:23.480
that you have done that all of the work that

796
00:39:23.519 --> 00:39:26.840
you do, and thank you so much for your time Todaykas.

797
00:39:26.119 --> 00:39:28.280
It's been an absolute delight to speak with you today.

798
00:39:28.320 --> 00:39:29.159
Thank you for having me.

799
00:39:29.400 --> 00:39:31.800
And where can people connect with you to work with you?

800
00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:33.639
We'll put details in the show notes, but could you

801
00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:34.960
tell people how they can get in touch.

802
00:39:35.360 --> 00:39:37.760
Well, they can get in touch with me through my website,

803
00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:40.519
so I am me dot comcminextfield dot com. They can

804
00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:43.079
get in touch with me on Instagram, and I'm also

805
00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:45.079
on LinkedIn. Please say sort of where you heard me

806
00:39:45.119 --> 00:39:46.960
on LinkedIn. Otherwise I am someone. If I don't know

807
00:39:46.960 --> 00:39:49.199
where the person's coming from, I'm just just delete. Sorry,

808
00:39:49.239 --> 00:39:52.000
don't take it personally your same, Yeah, exactly. It was

809
00:39:52.079 --> 00:39:55.679
like I don't know who you are. And also people

810
00:39:55.960 --> 00:39:58.360
might want to check in my podcast as well to

811
00:39:58.360 --> 00:40:00.280
Shift series. So that's another way for people to sort

812
00:40:00.320 --> 00:40:02.400
of have that self coaching because I believe in self coaching.

813
00:40:02.440 --> 00:40:04.239
I'm sure you do that a lot where you're asking

814
00:40:04.320 --> 00:40:06.639
questions to your clients so they can work out for themselves.

815
00:40:06.639 --> 00:40:09.840
So I think self coaching is as powerful, or it's

816
00:40:09.880 --> 00:40:12.000
a powerful tool septart to having a coach, but it

817
00:40:12.039 --> 00:40:14.320
is a tool, and there's you know, there are some

818
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:17.039
resources around my podcast as well.

819
00:40:17.360 --> 00:40:21.320
Amazing, amazing, Thankskemy, and obviously book available right now in

820
00:40:21.320 --> 00:40:22.159
all good bookstores.

821
00:40:22.320 --> 00:40:24.400
Wonderful or as I had another author say the other day,

822
00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:32.679
also in all bad bookstores. Probably perfect.

823
00:40:34.239 --> 00:40:36.960
You can find Chemi's book Power at all bookstores now.

824
00:40:37.039 --> 00:40:38.719
There is a link to order it online in the

825
00:40:38.719 --> 00:40:40.800
show notes, as well as a link to Chemis's website

826
00:40:40.840 --> 00:40:42.840
where you can find out more about how to work

827
00:40:42.880 --> 00:40:46.440
with her. In other very exciting news, my brand new podcast,

828
00:40:46.519 --> 00:40:49.960
The Confidence Coach with cast Done is out now on listener.

829
00:40:50.199 --> 00:40:51.559
I would love for you to check it out and

830
00:40:51.599 --> 00:40:54.239
share your feedback. You can listen on Apple or Spotify.

831
00:40:54.599 --> 00:40:57.559
You can also submit your own confidence question via the

832
00:40:57.599 --> 00:41:00.440
form on my website cast done dot com, or shoot

833
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:03.000
me a voice message by DM and we may use

834
00:41:03.039 --> 00:41:06.119
your submission in an upcoming episode of The Confidence Coach.

835
00:41:06.519 --> 00:41:08.800
Thank you so much for listening, and as always, I

836
00:41:08.800 --> 00:41:10.719
look forward to catching you on the next episode of

837
00:41:10.719 --> 00:41:19.960
Crappy to Happy listener,