Aug. 13, 2017

Smart, sexy goals - how to make them stick

Smart, sexy goals - how to make them stick
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Smart, sexy goals - how to make them stick
Smart, sexy goals - how to make them stick
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Season 1 Mindset Goals & Habits Positive Psychology

To achieve anything you have to start with a goal and in this episode, Tiff and Cass will show you the difference between a good goal and a GREAT goal. Learn how a bit of stretch can catapult you forward and let Tiff and Cass explain what the research says about which kinds of goals will make you happy and which ones definitely will not.

Connect with Cass:

www.cassdunn.com
www.instagram.com/cassdunn_xo

Contact Crappy to Happy:

Email: hello@crappytohappypod.com
www.crappytohappypod.com
www.instagram.com/crappytohappypod
www.tiktok.com/@crappytohappypod


Are you a coach, therapist, service provider or solopreneur struggling with self-doubt and imposter syndrome? I'd love to talk to you! (for market research purposes only!)

Book a call with me to share your experience.

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Transcript
WEBVTT

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A listener production Welcome to Crappy.

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They're happy with TIF and Cass, thanks for joining us

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in this series.

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We're taking you through how to feel less.

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Crappy and more happy with tools and tips that you

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can integrate into your day, like right now. Last episode

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we were chatting about sugar, how addictive it is, how

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bad it is for your body and brain. This episode,

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we're going to talk about how to set good goals.

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I'm really big on setting goals. As a trainer.

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Without goals, you don't get transformation and Cass, what do

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you think about goals?

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Yeah, well, I'm obviously big on goals too. So I'm

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a coaching psychologist. I've got a master's in coaching psychology

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and have been a live coach executive coach, and it

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all starts with goals. We have to know what we're doing,

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where we're at, where we want to be, and how

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we bridge the gap. So it's all about goal setting. Absolutely,

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plan to fail. What do they say if you fail

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to plan plan to fail? You plan to fail.

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That's it.

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So I have a question for you, Cass, because there

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are so many types of goals that you can set.

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Where do you start? You want to change something in

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your life. How do you do that? Yeah?

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So fundamentally you Yeah, there's a lot of research around

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goals and goal setting. A lot of psychologists have put

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lots of thought into this, which is great. There's good

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goals and bad goals. Anyway, I think it all starts

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with most people have heard of the smart goal. So

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when you're setting a goal, rather than just being really

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vague and you know, I would like to get fitter,

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for example, I like to save some money more money

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this year, you know, things like that which are very

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vague and ambiguous. We want to talk about setting a

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smart goal. So smart stands for specific, measurable, some say attractive,

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some say attainable. I tend to switch out in and

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out of attractive and attainable, realistic or relevant, and time bound.

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So we put a time frame on it, and we

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have to have something that's very clear and specific and measurable.

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Attractive obviously, because it's not inspiring to you won't be

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motivated to work towards it. And you know, realistically, it's

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got to be you know, achievable, So it's that achievable, relevant, realistic.

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Yeah.

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Okay, And so if we're thinking of what how setting

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goals can make us feel really crappy. That's like not

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reaching the goals, feeling unmotivated setting goals that are exactly way.

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So if you're setting completely unattainable goals, equally though, what

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we do know is that you're more motivated to work

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towards goals when they are a little bit challenging. So

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if you we call them stretch goals, smart and stretch.

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So you if, for example, if you if you find

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something that's pretty easy like that you think it's fairly easy, yes,

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you just tend to just not be so motivated or driven.

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You've got to kind of need you need to push

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yourself a little bit.

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I guess I find that I play the piano and

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if I want to learn a new song, if it's

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too easy, I won't practice. But if it's a hard

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classical piece, I will push myself to practice and I

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find that I will get better.

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Inspires a little bit more effort and a little bit

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more energy. Yeah yeah, yeah, definitely.

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So you know, I.

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Think keeping the goal specific it's really important, but keeping

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them attainable too, because so many people come up to.

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Me and say I want a six pack, and I'm like, Okay.

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Well a, you know, it's you can't spot reduce fat,

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so it's not even realistic. And then it's not about

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your training, it's about your nutrition. And so you do

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have to get educated about the goal that you are

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chasing as well. You have to really make sure that

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it is realistic and that instead of saying I want

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a six pack, you might say I want to get

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fitter and reduce my body fat percentage and that will

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reveal the six one day, you.

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Know, yeah, yeah, absolutely, And this applies to goals in

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all different areas of life, and if you look around,

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you know, in coaching, we have this thing called a

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life will where we get people to rate their satisfaction

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on you know, seven or eight different domains and there's

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money and career and relationships and you know, fun and leisure,

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health and fitness, personal development, and so in each of

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those areas, when you can nail down okay, well this

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is kind of the area of life that I'm feeling

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less satisfied with, what would need to be different for

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that to be for you to feel more satisfied, we

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get them to sort of say, on a scale of

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one to ten, where are you at? And then Okay,

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well where would you like to be? And then what

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might need to change in order to improve the satisfaction

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level in that area of life? And so then you

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can start getting really specific. So if it's a relationship

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thing that you're unhappy with, you can say, well, what

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would need to be different? Again, this is a tricky

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one because we can only take responsible for ourselves. We

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can't take restart the amount of times I have somebody

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say I just want my partner to be more romantic

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or you know, okay, well they're not here now, so

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what can you do? You know, so that's probably a

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separate conversation, but you know, so well, look, okay, well

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exactly what would need to be different? You want to

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be fitter, you want to feel healthier, you want to

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improve your diet. Okay, well what would that look like?

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Actually want to eat less sugar? Actually want to you know.

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So then we can get really specific and then set

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a clear, measurable target to work towards, and then we

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can start setting a timeframe. Yes, so we know exactly,

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very clear direction, very clear path.

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And I think that's so important. That's why I created

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diffects so dot com. Because the timeframe is thirty days.

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You have a plan. Every day, I give you workout,

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so I show you, I guide you with what to eat,

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you guide our members through meditations and mindfulness.

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And it is a clear.

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Plan with measurable results that in thirty days you can

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get You can get change.

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You can get change in that amount of time. Plan.

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But it's really important for every single person coming to

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that program or any program, just say, Okay, well, I'm

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signing up for this for four weeks. In four weeks time,

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what would I like to be different? How am I

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going to know that I've achieved a weight loss goal

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or a fitness goal. Yeah, And like you said, it

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can be running a certain distance, doing more push ups

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on your toes.

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And that's what I think is really empowering, especially if

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we're talking for a second about weight loss, because that's

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often a goal for many, where many.

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Very many. And I think keeping the.

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Focus on the fit and not the fat is really

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important and setting fitness goals pbs. And it can be

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something so simple like a judo push up is quite hard,

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and I know that's when my members struggle with it.

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But starting out with a normal push up on your

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toes or an incline or a decline push up and

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then you know, moving onto your toes and then trying

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that dip through the judo push up.

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You can build up to that. I just think the

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fitness goal is where it's at.

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Yeah. Absolutely, And we've talked about this before. You know,

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you can be skinny, you can have a weight loss goal,

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but that has nothing to do with health.

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Yes, anybody can be a diuretic effect from cutting carbs

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or some fad diet and you know how anti diet

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we are.

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We've covered that.

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Yes, so there are good goals and bad goals casts

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and you know, and you can assess that, but you

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know where where do values sort of come into it?

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Like, yeah, well, for gold to be for goal to

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be personally meaningful, and for you to be more motivated

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to work towards the goal, it always say to people

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we have it has to be really aligned with your

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personal values. So what's important? You know, what is authentically important?

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And this is where you have to pull apart. Do

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you want this thing because you think you should because

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somebody else has imposed this idea on you that you

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think this should be important, Like I don't know your

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parents have got ideas about I see I have young

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people clients who go to union and study of courses. They're

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not absolutely not interested in doing, but somebody has told

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them that you're really smart and you could do medicine,

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so you should, and so they're slogging them away at

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this goal which has got no personal meaning to them

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at all. You see that kind of thing all the time.

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So it has to be really aligned with your own

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values and the values inherent in your goals. This is

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probably a little bit of a separate topic. We also

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know from the research. Okay, so first of all, we

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know that having goals and having a sense of purpose

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and direction and a focus is linked to happiness and

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well being. So striving personal striving, self improvement, you know,

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doing you know, achieving.

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It will take you from crappy to happy.

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It's a good way to go from crappy to happy,

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as opposed to sort of flounding around direction let's not

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really sure what you're doing where you're going, So having

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some sense of purpose. But what we also really know

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is that the goals that are more linked to happiness

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are what we call like intrinsic goals. So these are

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goals around connection, around competence, and autonomy, so as opposed

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to just to put that in context, as opposed to

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goals that are like extrinsic, which is around status achievement.

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We call them the fame and fortune goals. Money, money,

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status achievement negatively linked to happiness. So we see a

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lot of people who you know going after these goals.

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I suppose we think talk about the social media stuff too.

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You can be instantly famous, and you can have a

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lot of money, and you can have a lot of fame,

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and you can have a lot of external trappings of

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success and be really miserable. Not that they're all miserable, no,

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but those things do not bring you happiness. Yes, So

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bringing your focus back to having deeper quality connections, having

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personally meaningful achievement, like you know, you would know all

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of this with your you know, your personal training and

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your fitness goals and the things that you've achieved, like

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pushing yourself to achieve a higher standard can be really

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of value, but not for the sake of achievement, for

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achievement's sake or status or status.

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And it's funny because in my life I have always

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just loved working with people, real people, person loved being

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around people, helping people, you know.

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I just loved that.

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And I started out as a taekwondo instructor in my

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parents taekwondo school, body pump instructor classes, gyms, just around

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as many people as possible. And people always say, how

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did you get on TV?

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Did you audition? Blah blah blah.

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I've never gone in and done a TV audition, They've

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just called me. My aim has always been just to

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help people, to train people as many people as possible,

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and then media and that sort of has come to you.

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It has come to me, and I didn't chase it.

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Even on The Biggest Loser. I did two seasons, and

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then I took some time out because I had to

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live into state to film away from my boyfriend at

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the time, and I wanted to get married and concentrate

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my relationship.

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So I just left.

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I went the TV show, and then it was all

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about my relationship and ED and getting married and that phase,

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and then they called me again, please come back. I

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went back on The Biggest Loser, and people couldn't believe

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that I would put my relationship over, you know, being

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on television or fame or whatever it is, because I

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don't think I'm famous, but you know, having that people

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saw that as more important than going and having a

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quiet wedding and not putting my wedding in a magazine

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and just being with it.

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Perfect example of making your choices based on your values.

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Yeah, and that's just something in my life that I've

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always wanted to do.

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Even with TFAXO.

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Now it's just as many people as I can train

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and help and help feel confident and happy. Yeah, that

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does it for me. So I find that so fulfilling.

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It's not about money or fame, and.

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I think that's really important, particularly these days with the

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kind of Insta famous and a lot of young people

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particularly that are really pursuing that everybody wants to be

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an Instagram model, or everybody wants to have a YouTube

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channel and make a MI in barks And at the

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end of the days, it's not proven. The research would prove,

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which would demonstrate that that stuff is not going to

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make you deeply happy or fulfilled.

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And also it can be very misleading.

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Like running a digital media business as well, it's very

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difficult to have a video that has a million hits

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or you know, it's a real lottery. So they do

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think perhaps miss misguidedly. They think it's very easy, and

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it's a problem.

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Because it's actually a lot more hard work.

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Than yes, exactly.

255
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Yeah, so setting really good goals. It can come from

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something you're.

257
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Interested in passion.

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But what if you're struggling to find that thing that

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you're interested in in life?

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How does it work for ucas well?

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I think, you know a lot of people do talk

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about this finding your passion, and that's great if you

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know what you're passionate about. If you've got an interest

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in something, I think you follow it, pursue that because

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you know, there is that saying that if you you

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are doing what you love, you never work.

267
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Exactly.

268
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Yes, we've all had that saying. And you know, for

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some people they think that that's realistical. But I think

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that your passion doesn't have to necessarily be your job either.

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As long as you've got something that inspires you, is

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deeply interesting to you, I think, and I think there

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are some, you know, some ways that you can go

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about finding what that is. I think you know, Elizabeth

275
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Gilberts the author of Eat, Pray, Love Fame, and she's

276
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written The Big Magic Book more recently, and she talks

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about and I think this tends to be true that

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it can be. I feel like a lot of pressure

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when people tell you to just follow your passion if

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you don't know what your passion is, and she suggests,

281
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just follow your curiosity, just follow that, follow your nose,

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like if there's something that you're a little bit interested in,

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just with no pressure and no expectation, just see where

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that leads you. And I think that's really valid to

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just then see how things unfold, to unfold and see

286
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what naturally kind of develops.

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I have on an example of that, my little brother.

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He's nineteen now, but since he was about nine years old,

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he was obsessed with lizards, and my parents bought him

290
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a bearded no bearded dragon, and he had other kinds

291
00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:21.120
of lizards I don't pay attention, but a blue tongue

292
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lizard and he had an enclosure. Then in his teenage years,

293
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he started to breed these lizards and he'd have a

294
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a can't remember a batch or something of like sixty babies,

295
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and then he started to sell sixty and he'd say,

296
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I'm going to be a lizard billionaire because I'm going

297
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to sell these little babies to the pet shops. Right

298
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It was a little business for him, and my parents

299
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just nurtured this curiosity with these lizards.

300
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And then he did really well at school.

301
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And now he is at university studying science and trying

302
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to transfer into veterinarian science, and.

303
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He's still interested in lizards. And it was just from.

304
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Curiosity, which I hope one day become his job. But

305
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you know, nurturing that curiosity and thinking it may take

306
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him somewhere or may not.

307
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My mom's like, oh, what's late and going to do

308
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when he's older.

309
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But he's gonna be a lizard billionaire, a lizard's.

310
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Billionaire, mom, come on, like all those other lizard billionaires

311
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we know. But anyway, it's worked for him, you know,

312
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just a little as an interest.

313
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And look, I think if you pay enough attention, there's

314
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little clues pretty early on. And I suppose we pay attention,

315
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but also don't let them be squashed and stifled. And

316
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I think that can be an issue too, when what

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you feel like you're interested in is unacceptable to people,

318
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or people tell you that that's not a real thing.

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You know, there's all those sorts of issues that come

320
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into play. But I can remember now that I when

321
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I was at school, I wanted to be a journalist.

322
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I couldn't decide between journalism and psychology. Actually, even going

323
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back before that, when I was about twelve or thirteen,

324
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I want to be a radio announcer. Oh look at

325
00:15:52.559 --> 00:15:54.919
you now, I sitting at the studio with their phones on.

326
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Go oh look at me now. Yeah, I want to

327
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be a ready anouncer. And then as I went through school,

328
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I was very English and I decided I wanted to

329
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be a journalist or a psychologist. I actually wanted to

330
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be a journalist. So I enrolled in journalism, and back then,

331
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I don't know if it's still the same now you

332
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had to choose like an extra subject and extra option,

333
00:16:12.039 --> 00:16:15.159
and I chose psychology. And so after one semester, I

334
00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:19.840
hated journalism and I loved psychology, so I switched. But

335
00:16:19.879 --> 00:16:22.399
I did a three year psychology degree, didn't do very well.

336
00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:25.399
I wasn't very committed, and so I got out of there,

337
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went to work, and because I hadn't registered as a psychologist,

338
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I ended up just flitting into again quite directionless, just

339
00:16:32.399 --> 00:16:35.240
sort of followed, you know, the jobs I did, admin

340
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jobs and sales jobs. Ended up with working with international students.

341
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But at some point I said, this is just I

342
00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:44.519
need to This is not satisfying to me. It's a

343
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great job and it's great money, and I was traveling

344
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overseas and I was managing this international student program. This

345
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is not fulfilling to me. And so I actually went

346
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back to UNI and did my coaching Amazing Masters because

347
00:16:56.039 --> 00:16:58.480
at the time I felt like the psychologist thing was

348
00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:03.720
probably too far gone. I'd left it too long anyway psychology,

349
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:07.480
thank goodness, became a coach, went back into clinical psychology,

350
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back to being a psychologist, and then again followed my

351
00:17:11.720 --> 00:17:13.599
dream of moving to the country and thought, how do

352
00:17:13.640 --> 00:17:15.839
I how do I make an income without having to

353
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be in front of people all the time. Yeah, I'd

354
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love to just sit through at my beautiful country property

355
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which I live where we live now and just write

356
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things and write books. And I got an email one

357
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day from somebody saying would you write articles for us?

358
00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:31.759
And now I have this job writing, so not a journalist,

359
00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:32.359
but I have a.

360
00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:34.680
Job around paying your English skills.

361
00:17:34.279 --> 00:17:38.039
To write articles for tif XO and also be asology,

362
00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:41.480
be a psychologist on t XO. And I'm writing a book.

363
00:17:41.519 --> 00:17:44.799
It's amazing and you're wearing the cans as a radio.

364
00:17:45.240 --> 00:17:48.359
So it was all there like it was all there,

365
00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:51.880
and it didn't come immediately and directly. It all came

366
00:17:51.960 --> 00:17:55.480
sort of indirectly, but it was. It's never gone away

367
00:17:55.559 --> 00:17:57.559
like it's I've always had the same interests.

368
00:17:57.640 --> 00:18:00.359
So you just have to really listen and be aware, attention,

369
00:18:00.599 --> 00:18:04.039
pay attention and not be squashed. Like my father was

370
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a fighter on the international fighting circuit. He has more

371
00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:10.359
medals than any Caucasian man in our sport.

372
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:10.720
Wow.

373
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Just traveled the world fighting internationally. And he loved taekwondo

374
00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:17.559
since a young kid. But taekwondo what everyone you what

375
00:18:17.640 --> 00:18:21.599
karate was, But thirty three years ago, no one understood

376
00:18:21.640 --> 00:18:22.359
what taekwondo was.

377
00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:23.640
And he said, I have a dream.

378
00:18:23.960 --> 00:18:26.960
I'm going to have the biggest taekwondo full time facility

379
00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:30.680
in Australia. And at him he does, and he made

380
00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:33.079
it an Olympic sport and he did all that, but

381
00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:35.440
it was just from a passion of this sport that

382
00:18:35.480 --> 00:18:37.759
no one knew about and everyone said, you can't do that,

383
00:18:37.799 --> 00:18:38.319
that's no job.

384
00:18:38.359 --> 00:18:39.720
He was an electrician. Wow.

385
00:18:39.759 --> 00:18:44.559
And you know his parents and his wife's parents saying, dude,

386
00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:47.759
stick with being an electrician. Don't go opening up a

387
00:18:47.799 --> 00:18:51.599
taekwondo that's a great story, but start in a church

388
00:18:51.640 --> 00:18:54.160
hall and then he bought a facility and you know

389
00:18:54.319 --> 00:18:57.720
it's just now, how many are the there's five.

390
00:18:57.559 --> 00:18:59.200
Full time in Melbourne.

391
00:18:59.240 --> 00:19:02.960
I mean it's big, but it just came from curiosity,

392
00:19:03.720 --> 00:19:06.400
fun and determination. That's a pretty big goal. And you

393
00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:09.279
know it does take work, these goals. It's going to

394
00:19:09.319 --> 00:19:11.200
take a bit of work and you can't give up

395
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:13.640
that first day. So we're going to take a quick

396
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:15.799
break and when we come back, we're going to talk

397
00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:18.680
about some strategies to achieve these goals. You're listening to

398
00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:25.400
Crappy to Happy with Tiff and Cass. Welcome back to

399
00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:29.960
Crappy Tore Happy with Tiff and Cass. We're talking about goals, Cass.

400
00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:32.880
Do you have any tips on how to implement a

401
00:19:32.920 --> 00:19:36.359
strategy to achieve a big goal or a small goal?

402
00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:39.480
Yeah, And it's funny that you use that word strategy

403
00:19:39.480 --> 00:19:41.759
tip because another thing I think is really important to

404
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:44.680
mention is the differentiation between a goal and a strategy.

405
00:19:44.920 --> 00:19:48.880
So you know, before we talked about smart, specific, measurable, attractive,

406
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:52.319
realistic time bound, but what will happen is when you

407
00:19:52.359 --> 00:19:55.000
ask somebody to set a goal or name their goal,

408
00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:57.920
they might say, my goal is that I'm going to

409
00:19:57.960 --> 00:20:00.400
go to the gym three times a week. Well, going

410
00:20:00.400 --> 00:20:02.039
to the gym three times a week is not actually

411
00:20:02.079 --> 00:20:05.079
a goal. It's a strategy that will help you achieve

412
00:20:05.079 --> 00:20:07.400
a goal. You know, although I say my goal is

413
00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:11.119
I'm going to meditate five mornings a week, Meditating five

414
00:20:11.160 --> 00:20:14.480
mornings a week is a strategy to achieve what we

415
00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:16.079
have to know? Well, what is the thing that we're

416
00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:19.119
actually aiming to achieve. What's the difference that we're trying

417
00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:22.079
to make that this action, like this strategy or this

418
00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:25.200
action is actually going to it's going to facilitate our

419
00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:27.519
progress towards that. Does it makes sense?

420
00:20:27.599 --> 00:20:27.799
Yeah?

421
00:20:27.799 --> 00:20:28.519
Absolutely so.

422
00:20:28.599 --> 00:20:30.720
I will often hear people if you ask somebody to

423
00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:34.839
set a goal, and all I'm hearing is strategy, strategy, strategy.

424
00:20:34.920 --> 00:20:38.119
So it's about actually setting what the outcome is, not

425
00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:39.359
what the process is going to be.

426
00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:41.039
Many of us are guilty of going to the gym

427
00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:42.599
and just standing there and going, I'm at.

428
00:20:42.440 --> 00:20:45.720
The gym, Now what do I do here? Like it's

429
00:20:45.720 --> 00:20:49.880
horrible gym and take a selfie. Yeah, that's it, upload done.

430
00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:55.720
Okay, So differentiating goals and strategies, as I think.

431
00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:56.759
Is important, super helpful.

432
00:20:57.000 --> 00:20:59.480
In the examples you just told us, then, the meditation

433
00:20:59.559 --> 00:21:02.319
and going to the gym, they're the strategies. So what

434
00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:04.039
would be the goal version of those?

435
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:05.960
Well, for different people it would be different things. So,

436
00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:09.160
for example, going to the gym presumably is about fitness,

437
00:21:09.559 --> 00:21:12.480
and so the goal might be that they want to

438
00:21:12.519 --> 00:21:14.920
be able to run a five k by a certain

439
00:21:15.039 --> 00:21:17.839
date or in a certain time. You know, okay, you

440
00:21:17.839 --> 00:21:20.720
know that would be a fitness goal. A meditation, it

441
00:21:20.839 --> 00:21:24.440
might be, well, what is mindfulness facilitated facilitates us being

442
00:21:24.759 --> 00:21:27.200
more calm? But then it would be well, how if

443
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:29.839
I'm feeling more calm, if my meditation practice is working,

444
00:21:29.880 --> 00:21:32.799
what will I notice is different? I might be you know,

445
00:21:32.920 --> 00:21:36.799
less reactive to you know, when my mother in law calls.

446
00:21:37.119 --> 00:21:40.440
I might feel, you know, less tense and stressed. So

447
00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:43.519
that we've got to be able to measure an outcome.

448
00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:45.119
Yeah, that makes sense.

449
00:21:45.240 --> 00:21:47.480
Yeah, so we've got to know exactly what it is

450
00:21:47.519 --> 00:21:51.519
that's going to be different and be able to quantify that. Yeah,

451
00:21:51.559 --> 00:21:54.160
and then bring that back to how what might I

452
00:21:54.200 --> 00:21:57.359
put in place to facilitate me achieving that. So a

453
00:21:57.400 --> 00:22:00.000
meditation for the sake of meditation. I had a client

454
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:02.440
at once, he was master meditator. She used to meditate

455
00:22:02.440 --> 00:22:03.920
every morning, and she told me I've got a meditation

456
00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:06.079
practice and I sit there for thirty minutes every morning.

457
00:22:06.359 --> 00:22:08.680
But she was still struggling with all of this anxiety

458
00:22:08.759 --> 00:22:11.559
and a lot of work stress. And at some point,

459
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:14.839
but even I was thinking, oh, well, she's doing meditation,

460
00:22:14.920 --> 00:22:17.440
she's got all that happening. And then I said to her, so,

461
00:22:17.480 --> 00:22:20.400
how did this How does this meditation practice translate into

462
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:24.200
your daily life? Like how much of this mindfulness do

463
00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:27.640
you do you implement as you go about your day?

464
00:22:27.839 --> 00:22:29.279
And she said, well, I don't really, It's just like

465
00:22:29.319 --> 00:22:31.000
I do my thirty minutes and I'm done, Like.

466
00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:34.119
I just I've ticked the box do list.

467
00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:37.720
Yeah, it actually doesn't translate in any way to how

468
00:22:37.759 --> 00:22:40.720
I manage my thoughts and my feelings and my reactions.

469
00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:42.759
So that's a really good example of you can tick

470
00:22:42.759 --> 00:22:45.559
a box, but it's not actually taking you any closer

471
00:22:45.599 --> 00:22:46.279
to an outcome.

472
00:22:46.920 --> 00:22:49.519
That's a meaning's the same in the gym, people would

473
00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:54.680
be training without goals or really getting any effective training done.

474
00:22:54.880 --> 00:22:57.559
Yeah, because and then it becomes just a bit rote,

475
00:22:57.640 --> 00:22:59.400
doesn't it, And it's a bit robotic and it's actually

476
00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:03.000
not taking you towards anything, and then you just get

477
00:23:03.000 --> 00:23:08.319
that boredom and stagnation setting in. So we're more energized

478
00:23:08.319 --> 00:23:10.960
and inspired when we know what we're trying to do

479
00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:14.240
to change and it's personally meaningful and attractive. That's what

480
00:23:14.279 --> 00:23:15.680
the A is and the spart it's going to be

481
00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:16.640
attractive to us.

482
00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:20.200
And when you have that goal casts and you've set

483
00:23:20.200 --> 00:23:22.640
your goal, Okay, I'm going to run at three kin

484
00:23:22.759 --> 00:23:23.599
under twelve minutes.

485
00:23:23.640 --> 00:23:24.799
It's a very good time.

486
00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:29.119
And that's your goal, then how do I achieve that

487
00:23:29.599 --> 00:23:30.440
in twelve months?

488
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:32.759
Three months a day? How do I break it down?

489
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:33.119
Yeah?

490
00:23:33.119 --> 00:23:35.720
So once we've got a goal and a timeframe, that's

491
00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:39.119
our starting point, and we've made it realistic, a realistic

492
00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:41.039
goal for a realistic time frame based on where we're

493
00:23:41.079 --> 00:23:43.640
at right now. But stretching still going to be challenging,

494
00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:46.839
and then we bring it back to what will that

495
00:23:46.880 --> 00:23:49.720
look like in you know, so where will they need

496
00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:50.960
to be in a month and where will they need

497
00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:53.599
to be in two months to know that I'm on track? Yes,

498
00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:56.160
And so these become the little milestones. I call them

499
00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:59.559
mile signes, and I love that you call them in pebbles, like,

500
00:23:59.559 --> 00:24:01.880
because a milestone might be a little bit too much.

501
00:24:01.960 --> 00:24:06.200
I work in inch pebbles, listener. I do because milestones

502
00:24:06.279 --> 00:24:07.359
is just overwhelming for me.

503
00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:10.720
It's a little inch pebble. So you can really track

504
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:13.279
your progress as you go, and it gives you something

505
00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:16.119
very tangible and close enough you know it might be

506
00:24:16.119 --> 00:24:18.319
then every week, how will I know that I'm moving

507
00:24:18.359 --> 00:24:22.119
towards this? And so I also really love the idea.

508
00:24:22.200 --> 00:24:26.200
So once you've sort of mapped out my progress and

509
00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:29.160
this is just a plan, like again, we don't get

510
00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:31.400
too rigid about this is exactly where you have to be.

511
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:33.519
We've got to have a direction to know where you're

512
00:24:33.519 --> 00:24:36.519
headed and what progress is meaningful progress is going to

513
00:24:36.559 --> 00:24:40.640
look like. And then we like to build in rewards

514
00:24:40.759 --> 00:24:45.839
or acknowledgments of that progress yness. Yeah, because sometimes even

515
00:24:45.880 --> 00:24:48.680
a three month goal can feel like a really long

516
00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:52.200
way away when you're just slogging away every day and

517
00:24:53.000 --> 00:24:54.519
you know, like you sort of know where you're going,

518
00:24:54.559 --> 00:24:55.880
but it can be easy to go off track if

519
00:24:55.880 --> 00:24:59.079
you're not getting those rewards. So I always tell people

520
00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:02.000
So when we achieve that little milestone or that inch pebble,

521
00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:05.319
how will you treat yourself? And it might just be

522
00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:09.200
for some people it's like getting some new runners or

523
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:11.839
some new dress or but they don't have to be expensive.

524
00:25:11.880 --> 00:25:13.880
You can have a massage or have a bubble bath

525
00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:17.000
or you know, have a nice glass of bubbles. You

526
00:25:17.079 --> 00:25:19.319
know some friends over have some friends over it, but

527
00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:22.799
just it has to be in. It's the psychological kind

528
00:25:22.839 --> 00:25:26.960
of acknowledgment to yourself that this is my reward for

529
00:25:27.000 --> 00:25:30.519
achieving this. So we acknowledge to ourselves that I've worked hard,

530
00:25:30.559 --> 00:25:32.799
I've got this bar and now I'm ready to keep

531
00:25:32.839 --> 00:25:34.599
going towards where i want to go.

532
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:37.960
Yeah, and it doesn't it doesn't have to be expensive.

533
00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:40.880
You can be really creative with your rewards. Recently, my

534
00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:43.799
husband and I celebrated a goal and I took him

535
00:25:43.799 --> 00:25:47.519
to a cat cafe because Ed loves cats, but I'm

536
00:25:47.559 --> 00:25:50.400
allergic so we can't have one. And I took him

537
00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:52.960
there and he was just patting the little pussy cats

538
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:57.279
for like an hour and playing with the cats with

539
00:25:57.400 --> 00:25:59.759
a cup of tea at this cat cafe in Melbourne,

540
00:25:59.799 --> 00:26:01.440
and that was the reward.

541
00:26:01.599 --> 00:26:02.599
Is happy plays.

542
00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:05.240
Yeah, and I mean how simple is that? Just padding

543
00:26:05.240 --> 00:26:05.759
an animal?

544
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:09.559
You know, But get creative with that and that's part

545
00:26:09.559 --> 00:26:10.119
of the fun.

546
00:26:10.279 --> 00:26:10.519
Yep.

547
00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:13.200
You know how I don't want to spend money? How

548
00:26:13.240 --> 00:26:16.599
creative can I get with this reward? And also moving

549
00:26:16.680 --> 00:26:18.359
it away from food rewards and all that.

550
00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:21.640
Yeah, we do, Yeah, we want to, especially with the

551
00:26:21.640 --> 00:26:23.960
fitness goals and all that sort of stuff. We definitely

552
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:25.359
want to move away from food rewards.

553
00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:28.920
Okay, how something I see all the time on tifexo

554
00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:33.079
a goal weight. The member will achieve their goal weight,

555
00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:35.960
lose five kilos that was their goal.

556
00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:37.200
Then what.

557
00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:42.559
Good question? Because here's something we haven't mentioned yet is

558
00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:46.200
that the happiness and the well being associated with goals

559
00:26:46.519 --> 00:26:50.359
and goal achievement and goal striving is actually in the striving,

560
00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:51.680
not in the achievement.

561
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:54.519
So the pursuit of happiness, pursuit.

562
00:26:54.279 --> 00:26:57.799
Of the goal, and the being focused on achieving something

563
00:26:57.960 --> 00:27:01.559
is where we get all of our positive energy and

564
00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:04.359
positive mood. And actually, what happens a lot of the

565
00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:06.440
time is when you achieve a goal, you actually have

566
00:27:06.519 --> 00:27:07.599
a dip, like.

567
00:27:07.559 --> 00:27:08.720
You know, it feels like a bummer.

568
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:11.480
Yeah, it feels get a bit flat and depressed. I

569
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:13.960
remember when I finished UNI. Like I've finished UNI a

570
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:15.319
few times now, but I remember the first time I

571
00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:15.920
finished Union.

572
00:27:15.960 --> 00:27:16.920
It was such a big Oh.

573
00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:18.400
I've just got to get over this line. It's going

574
00:27:18.480 --> 00:27:20.720
to be like my dream come true when I finished

575
00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:23.519
this UNI degree. And then I just went into this

576
00:27:23.799 --> 00:27:26.240
funk for weeks. And you see it all the time.

577
00:27:26.279 --> 00:27:30.000
It's like I don't I don't have anything. But happens

578
00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:32.160
with all those big goals, You go into this funk.

579
00:27:32.200 --> 00:27:35.200
So the important thing is to have the next one

580
00:27:35.240 --> 00:27:38.880
lined up. Always have the next one lined up, because

581
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:41.960
it's and I think also to recognize that that's really natural,

582
00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:45.559
that dip when you've achieved your goal, and to recognize

583
00:27:45.599 --> 00:27:48.039
and understand that the happiness and the well being is

584
00:27:48.079 --> 00:27:52.480
actually in the journey, so to speak. Yeah, and so

585
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:53.680
then what's going to be next?

586
00:27:54.240 --> 00:27:55.039
And so you.

587
00:27:54.960 --> 00:27:57.079
Achieve your goal, you give yourself a cuddle, you do

588
00:27:57.119 --> 00:27:59.880
a little celebration, and then the next goal is set

589
00:28:00.039 --> 00:28:01.440
and you acknowledge it.

590
00:28:01.480 --> 00:28:03.640
Definitely take some time, Like we don't want to be

591
00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:08.839
just goal goals, no celebration and the acknowledgment. You want

592
00:28:08.839 --> 00:28:13.240
to really sit with it and enjoy that feeling. But

593
00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:18.000
then you definitely want to be knowing what might be next. Yeah,

594
00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:19.000
and that might be coming up.

595
00:28:19.119 --> 00:28:22.720
That's what makes us grow as people, doesn't That's that

596
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:24.319
that growth is very important.

597
00:28:24.599 --> 00:28:25.519
So it makes sense.

598
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:28.880
So Tiven your example, for example of a weight loss goal.

599
00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:30.839
So you've lost your five kilos and you've achieved your

600
00:28:30.839 --> 00:28:33.079
goal weight. You know, you might not have another goal

601
00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:36.519
to line up in terms of weight loss, but your

602
00:28:36.599 --> 00:28:39.440
goal might be to maintain that in a really healthy way.

603
00:28:39.839 --> 00:28:44.920
To shift your focus onto a fitness goal or a

604
00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:48.200
physical challenge. You know, I have people who have have

605
00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:50.960
worked really hard and they have lost weight, and then

606
00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:54.400
they're working on you know, running courses and from a

607
00:28:54.440 --> 00:28:56.559
five k to a ten k to a half marathon

608
00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:01.079
or to you know, doing a ox you know, one

609
00:29:01.119 --> 00:29:03.799
hundred kilometers high core something like that. It's like a

610
00:29:03.839 --> 00:29:05.440
personal challenge.

611
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:07.200
So they don't have to be the same kind of

612
00:29:07.240 --> 00:29:09.599
goals at the time. You can switch and choose and

613
00:29:09.640 --> 00:29:11.759
grow as a person, And goals.

614
00:29:11.480 --> 00:29:15.799
Will change as you move through life, so your focus changes.

615
00:29:15.839 --> 00:29:18.400
Like when you're young and single and at UNI, your

616
00:29:18.440 --> 00:29:20.039
goals are going to be very different from when you're

617
00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:24.240
employed and married and planning to have kids, or planning

618
00:29:24.279 --> 00:29:25.880
to buy a house. So as you move through different

619
00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:28.559
phases of life, the focus and the direction of the

620
00:29:28.599 --> 00:29:31.000
goals and the things that you're working to just naturally

621
00:29:31.039 --> 00:29:33.960
evolves and shifts. And that's the key about making sure

622
00:29:33.960 --> 00:29:38.720
that it's personally meaningful, relevant, attached to your values because

623
00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:41.559
this changes all the time. So if you're in your

624
00:29:41.559 --> 00:29:44.200
twenties and you're running doing triathlons, that might not be

625
00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:45.960
so relevant when you're in your forties and you've got

626
00:29:45.960 --> 00:29:49.359
three kids at home, yes, yes, yes, speaking of my

627
00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:51.720
husband when I talk about that one, he's got one

628
00:29:51.759 --> 00:29:55.000
kid at home. But you know, they change. So holding

629
00:29:55.039 --> 00:29:58.400
on to old goals is just letting go of goals perhaps.

630
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:01.400
So knowing when to dissing gauge from a goal is

631
00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:02.480
also really important.

632
00:30:02.519 --> 00:30:03.000
What do you mean?

633
00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:06.839
So, for example, sometimes a goal just becomes not so

634
00:30:07.000 --> 00:30:10.599
relevant to you anymore. But I see people who are

635
00:30:10.759 --> 00:30:13.559
so I don't know, stuck in that I need to

636
00:30:13.559 --> 00:30:16.440
achieve this thing, or feeling like it would be quitting

637
00:30:16.599 --> 00:30:21.279
or failing to change direction or to drop that goal.

638
00:30:21.880 --> 00:30:24.400
And if you're slogging away at a goal that's no

639
00:30:24.440 --> 00:30:31.240
longer meaningful or relevant, like that's just a recipe for misery.

640
00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:31.279
And feel it crappy.

641
00:30:31.680 --> 00:30:33.839
Yeah. I had a client who was enrolled in a

642
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:38.200
UNI course and then her whole life circumstances changed and

643
00:30:38.279 --> 00:30:41.720
that was just not relevant to her anymore. But she

644
00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:43.759
was halfway through this course and well, how do I what?

645
00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:46.400
I can't just quit this course? And I actually had

646
00:30:46.440 --> 00:30:49.000
to talk her through the fact that actually you can.

647
00:30:49.079 --> 00:30:52.160
I mean, I'm a coach, but I'm telling you it's okay.

648
00:30:52.480 --> 00:30:55.200
If that's not relevant anymore, you can shift it to

649
00:30:55.240 --> 00:30:57.680
something that is actually more meaningful to what your new

650
00:30:57.720 --> 00:30:59.559
life looks. Me life.

651
00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:02.960
It just is so good because I do you know

652
00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:05.880
what I did at university? What I did a degree

653
00:31:05.880 --> 00:31:10.160
in modern languages in French. Didn't love it, hated every

654
00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:12.640
second of it, and I felt like it would be

655
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:17.200
quitting if I quit that three year degree, graduated, forgot

656
00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:19.359
all the French because I wasn't passionate about it. Can't

657
00:31:19.400 --> 00:31:23.880
speak a word. And you know, that was my UNI experience,

658
00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:26.200
and you nex step. I was as spent a lot

659
00:31:26.200 --> 00:31:31.480
of money exactly, and I was incredibly interested in fitness.

660
00:31:31.480 --> 00:31:34.839
Why didn't I do sports exercise science or something like

661
00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:36.440
That's what I was passionate about.

662
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:38.599
These are the should goals. They should I should finish this,

663
00:31:38.680 --> 00:31:40.480
I should do this, And.

664
00:31:40.359 --> 00:31:42.359
That's sortely irrelevant to my life.

665
00:31:42.759 --> 00:31:45.759
Obligation goals, you know, those ones that we feel are imposed,

666
00:31:45.759 --> 00:31:47.880
and I thought, we just have this sort of obligation

667
00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:51.400
to finish it because I started it. Yeah, sometimes it's

668
00:31:51.400 --> 00:31:54.079
really important to know when to unhook and when to disengage.

669
00:31:54.119 --> 00:31:56.160
That's really good advice, thank you.

670
00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:59.319
Cas So, if we're going to sum up how to

671
00:31:59.400 --> 00:32:02.319
set a good goal, what are the takeaways?

672
00:32:02.440 --> 00:32:05.559
So we're starting off with the smart stretch goals, something

673
00:32:05.559 --> 00:32:09.240
a bit challenging, tied to your values, knowing that it's

674
00:32:09.720 --> 00:32:12.279
you know, that's personally meaningful, that it's not somebody else's.

675
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:15.480
It's not a good goal, so it's a personally relevant goal.

676
00:32:16.279 --> 00:32:20.119
And I think really focusing on those intrinsic those goals

677
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:24.920
that are around your personal competence, connection relationships, staying away

678
00:32:24.920 --> 00:32:28.119
from fame and fortune. As appealing as it might seem,

679
00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:31.440
they do not make you happy in the long run.

680
00:32:31.880 --> 00:32:34.079
And also I think that thing about you know, making

681
00:32:34.079 --> 00:32:36.839
sure that you understand and appreciate that the happiness is

682
00:32:36.839 --> 00:32:39.960
in the striving, and to make sure that after you've

683
00:32:39.960 --> 00:32:45.240
celebrated your achievement that you plan to quickly, you know,

684
00:32:45.279 --> 00:32:48.119
set yourself in your challenge, stay motivated, stay inspired.

685
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:51.799
Thank you, Caz. That is so helpful and I hope

686
00:32:51.839 --> 00:32:52.640
it helped you too.

687
00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:57.119
Next episode we're going to be talking about snack attack, how.

688
00:32:56.960 --> 00:33:00.559
To overcome emotional eating. This is a big one. Thank

689
00:33:00.599 --> 00:33:01.359
you for joining us.

690
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:03.960
You're listening to Crappy to Happy with Tiff and Cass

691
00:33:04.240 --> 00:33:05.160
Speak to you Next Time.

692
00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:14.359
Produced by Daves Lensky, Audio production by Nick Later.

693
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:22.839
Listener