The Confidence Coach - body image

0:02 A listener production. This podcast aims to provide general information only and is not intended to be a substitute for psychological therapy. If any of the topics discussed raise issues for you, please seek advice from a trained psychologist, and if you're struggling, you can always call Lifeline on one three one one one four. Hi, and welcome to the Confidence Coach, the podcast for people who struggle with self confidence, question their self worth, or have a persistent, nagging voice in their head that tells them they're not good enough.

0:46 I'm your Hostcast done. I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist, and in each episode, we'll start with a real person sharing their confidence struggle with me in their own words via a voice memo. I'll share with you ideas and tools that you can apply to help boost your self esteem and live a more confident life. Today we're going to hear from Cat. Hi. I'm Kat, and I'm extremely self conscious of my body, shape and weight. I've recently become a Pilarates instructor and feel like a massive fraud When I stand in front of a class to teach, I feel like I'm not good enough to be there, even though I'm just as qualified as any other new instructor. But because I don't look like a typical quote unquote pilarts instructor, and after all my training, I haven't mastered all the exercises perfectly.

1:37 I struggle to put myself out there, and I'm worried that this will ultimately make me give up on my dream of becoming successful. I really want to find a way to overcome this self doubt and become more positive and confident in my new career. First of all, congratulations Cat, well done on training as a pilates instructor. Obviously, despite the fact that you don't feel comfortable in your body, you've gone out and you've done it. I've heard from many women who won't even step into the gym because of their body image issues, and you have not only stepped in, you have stepped up, got the qualification and you are standing in front of the class. The fact is body image issues. Body dissatisfaction is very, very common among women and yes men too.

2:28 A lot of men are also unsatisfied with their body, but for women it is a particularly prominent issue here in Australia. Up to eighty percent, probably more of Australian women report being dissatisfied with their bodies to some degree, And I would just point out that that figure includes women who may objectively appear to fit within society's ideal of what is the ideal weight or body shape. So it doesn't actually matter how thin you become, those body image issues often persist, and as a result, many women objectify their own bodies. There's a disconnect in our relationship with our body where we need it to look a particular way, and we will almost punish and torture our body in order to have it appear a certain way, as opposed to appreciating our body for this miracle that it is that supports us to live our lives, to hug our kids, to achieve the things that we want to do in this lifetime, to serve our mission to climb mountains. But having said that, it's not easy to change a lifetime of conditioning overnight. So when we have lived our whole lives being told that this is what we need to be and this is how we need

4:00 to look in order to be attractive in order to be accepted, then it's going to be hard to unwind that. And so the very first thing that I would like to remind you of and anybody listening with body image issues, is that this is not your fault. In this episode, I'm going to introduce just a couple of ideas that will help you to start to challenge your body dissatisfaction. And the first thing i want to talk about is values. Whenever we are focused on changing something about our appearance or anything about ourselves that is focused on how things look on the outside. So whether it's your body, whether it's the house you live in or the car you drive, or your job title or your salary, those are all examples of extrinsic values. Research is very clear that being driven to a achieve certain goals based on those extrinsic values will not make you happy. Our happiness and our fulfillment comes from pursuing the goals and pursuing the things in life that make us feel good on the inside.

5:17 So when we're talking about things to do with our body, then the intrinsic motivation is how does this make me feel, regardless of how it looks to anybody else, regardless of the external appearance, what feels good on the inside. So, whether you are a Polarites instructor or not, the more that you can focus on how your body feels and doing the things that feel good on the inside, regardless of how they look, than the happier and more satisfied you will be. When Kat says that she lacks confidence as a polarates instructor, she's saying it's because she doesn't fit the profile of a typical Pilaratees instructor. She doesn't think she has the external appearance of what a pilarates instructor is supposed to look like. That we can all ask ourselves, and Kat can ask herself, what is it that makes somebody a good pilaratees instructor? What keeps you going back to a class? Is it anything to do with how they look? Or is it to do with how much fun their class is? How you feel when you leave? Is it how motivating, how supportive, how compassionate they are? Could it even be that they look like a real person just like you do, that they don't

6:47 make you feel worse about yourself because they have got this picture perfect size a pilates instructor body, so confidence because we're not perfect. It's really worth asking ourselves how perfect would I need to be in order to feel like I was good enough, and usually we realize really quickly that the standard that we're holding ourselves to is ridiculous and that nobody else is judging us as harshly as we are judging ourselves. One final point that I would make on this topic is that there has been research that shows that what we consider to be physically attractive is largely based on what we see most frequently.

7:41 So when we are presented with images over and over and over again, whether they are attractive or not, the familiarity is what causes us to decide that that is what is attractive. Therefore, if you are filling your social media feed with images of people who have perfect bodies and beautiful houses, then we can proactively change what we see and shift our own perception about what is attractive. There are many fitness influencers in the body positive space who do not have the perfect, thin, fit body, and the more that we can be exposed to those kinds of images, then the more likely we are to feel comfortable with ourselves and on that. Kat is in the unique position of being able to stand in front of a pilates class and to be part of that change, and to be able to present to women an example of somebody who is reaching for her goals, who is living her dream, doing what she loves and killing it even though she doesn't necessarily fit society's ideal of what is the perfect female figure. So I would encourage anybody listening, if you struggle with self confidence or you feel insecure in any area of your life, to just ask yourself,

9:14 how much are you focusing on extrinsic values, on how things look on the outside, of what you think other people will think about you, and see if you can turn your attention instead to what are your intrinsic values, What makes you feel good on the inside, Where is your inherent self worth? What are the qualities that you bring? Because the more you can connect to that and express those intrinsic values, then that is really where true self confidence comes from. Thank you so much much for listening to the Confidence Coach podcast. If you have a confidence challenge that you'd like my help with, send me a voice memo. You can do that on my Instagram account at cast done underscore XO, or you can just use the voice recorder on your phone and email it to the Confidence Coach at casdone dot com. And I look forward to helping you with another confidence challenge on our next episode. Listener