Understanding Learned Helplessness & How to Overcome It

0:04 This is Crappy to Happy and I am your host, Cas Done. I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist. I'm mindfulness meditation teacher and of course author of the Crappy to Happy books. In this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent people who are experts in their field and who have something of value to share that will help you feel less crappy and more happy. Hello and welcome to another solo episode of Crappy to Happy. This week, I want to talk about an idea called learned helplessness. Now, no doubt, this is a term that you've probably heard before, but many people don't really understand where it came from, don't really understand what it truly means, and most importantly, how it might apply to you or somebody in your life, and what can you do to overcome it if you find that you might be succumbing to this idea of learned helplessness or feeling like you are powerless in a situation where in fact you are not. The reason this is so important is because having a sense of agency, having a sense of autonomy, or a sense that you are in control of your own destiny, is so fundamental to good mental health. When we feel out of control, like nothing that we can do is making a change, that is a path to despair and hopelessness, that can get you into a really, really bad place. And the

1:36 problem is that often, well sometimes I shouldn't say often, but sometimes it's not actually the case that you have no options or you have no agency or no power in a situation. Sometimes your past conditioning can lead you to defaulting, I guess, to this feeling that you are powerless, when that's in fact not true. It's really important to be on the lookout for this, and so that if you do find yourself feeling a little bit out of control in a situation, feeling hopeless and you know like there's nothing that you can do to change your situation, to look for ways that you can turn that around and look for ways that you can take back some sense of power and agency. So let's talk about learned helplessness.

2:20 This is an idea that came about all the way back in the sixties where Martin Seligman, who is obviously a very well known psychologist, the father of positive psychology at the time, he was doing experiments on dogs and what they did was they placed they had three different sets of dogs, three different groups, and one group of dogs was placed into a shuttle box where they were subject to electric shocks. Now I'm assured that these weren't really really painful electric shocks, just irritating, annoying, subtle electric shocks to their feet inside this shuttle box. But there was a small barrier that the dogs could jump over and get into the other side of this box. Like there were two shuttle boxes connected one. They were getting the shocks on their feet and they could jump over the barrier to escape when those shocks started to get uncomfortable on their feet. The second group of dogs were also in a box where they were also exposed to settle electric shocks on their feet. These dogs were not able to leave no matter what they did. No matter how they tried to escape or move position or change things, there was no escaping the electric shocks. The third group of dogs, they weren't exposed to anything. That was the control group, that was a normal dog behavior. So what happened was very quickly the dogs that had a way out found a way out, and that's what they did.

3:42 The dogs that had no way out, they eventually realized that nothing that they could do was going to make a change, and so they just basically just curled up in the corner and kind of whimpered, which is so sad, but this is what they did back in the sixties. The interesting thing about this, though, is that later they took all of these dogs, they put them into another situation again, they exposed them to the electric shocks on their feet. All of the dogs were able to escape. They all had a way out. They could easily jump over the barrier or find a way to leave this situation. What they found was the dogs in the first experiment who had been able to escape, when they put them into the second situation, they did escape. The second group of dogs, the ones who had learned that nothing that they would do could make a change, when they were in the situation where they actually could jump over the barrier, they could escape, they didn't. They did the same thing as they had done before, and they just curled up in the corner and they just whimpered. And so they had been trained to think that nothing that they were going to do, nothing that they could do, was going to make a change, and so therefore they didn't bother trying.

4:48 So that was where This concept of learned helplessness came about the idea that in a completely new situation where there was obviously something that they could do, they did have power, they did agency, they didn't know how to access that. They had learned that they had no power, and they didn't even bother to try so. Then, obviously they took this idea and they started to apply it to human groups. They had another experiment where they put people into a room where they were exposed to like, really really loud, irritating noises. One group learned that if they pressed a button or something like that, then they could turn the noises off. Another group, no matter what they did, these unrelenting, painful noises they were exposed to, nothing they could do would change the situation. Again, they went into another situation where they were able to make a change to their environment to change their circumstances, and the people who had been in the situation where they nothing they did made a difference didn't bother to try, Hence learned helplessness. Now, there's been loads of research now into this idea and the way it relates to things like anxiety to depression. When people are in a negative mind state where they have been exposed situations, perhaps in their childhood, perhaps growing up in a family, feeling like they have no power, no agency in a situation, and then basically taking this kind of attitude, this kind of psychological mindset of being powerless, having no control in a situation,

6:18 very quickly defaulting to that kind of victim mentality. And I don't use the word victim in a derogatory way. I just mean that sense that there is nothing that I can do and therefore not taking steps to make changes in their life or in their environment, even when those options are available to them. So you can see how this can have a massive impact on your mental health. If you've kind of grown up, you've internalized this idea, it's somewhere along the line that you have no power that you nothing that you were going to do is going to make a difference. They've shown with you know, school children in academic situations where if nothing that they do makes a difference, then they give up trying. In work situations, when people feel like there is nothing that they can do, no matter what they do, who they talk to, what steps they take, if there's no change, there's no improvement, then people become very despondent people stop bothering to try. There's been I mean, this is a little controversial, but you know, there is a school of thought that all of those cry it out methods that were you know, have been used to train babies to sleep. Well, yeah, maybe they do work to train babies to sleep, but there's many people who believe that actually, all you're teaching them is learned helplessness. You're just training those babies that it doesn't matter what they do, it doesn't matter how much they cry, nobody is coming to attend to their needs, and therefore don't bother. And arguably that is not the kind of psychology that you want to you want your kids to grow up with. You don't want them believing that.

7:48 You want them to feel that if they need something, if they want something, if they speak up, if they use their voice, if they raise their voice, you know that somebody is going to come, somebody is going to attend to them. So I want to throw a cat amongst the pigeons with that one. But you know, this is worth thinking about. It's worth thinking about the things and the experiences that we find ourselves in the situations we find ourselves in that influence our psychology down the track, maybe many years later, when you don't even realize that that is something that you've adopted, an idea that you've adopted that is influencing the way you make decisions and the way how you feel about situations and circumstances you find yourself in in relationships, like I said, in the workplace, all sorts of circumstances. So learned helplessness is something that's really important to be aware of, not just in yourself, but also in the people around you. Remember that everybody has a story. Everybody has come from their own unique personal circumstances, upbringing, family dynamics, many many, many people have experienced trauma in their lives. We know that now statistically.

8:54 So when you see behaviors in other people that you find frustrating, perhaps having some compassion for this, having some understanding of how this kind of mindset can come about in people. But then also now for the good bit, that's the crappy bit, getting to the happy What can you do about it? What can you do about that if you notice that in yourself or if you notice it in other people. So, one really interesting idea that came out in response to this concept of learned helplessness is the idea of learned optimism. So what some psychologists notice is that part of this learned helpless kind of mindset was the idea that when bad things happen, when things aren't going well, there is a way that we attribute to those negative events and the way to understand these three kind of attributional styles. Try to keep this simple.

9:45 It's a three p's of permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization. So what that means is when something bad happens, if I find myself in a difficult situation, if I have a setback, or if I have a failure or something that I do is not working as I want it to. One, it's permanent. Things will always be bad. That's that hopelessness, right, That's that helplessness. I don't have any control over this. It feels like it's all going to be it's always going to be like this. But two is pervasiveness, it feels like my whole life is a mess. And the third is personalization. It's all my fault. So people who have a more optimistic style, people who are more inclined to still feel like they have some sense of agency, some control that they can turn things around for the better.

10:30 When it comes to those three p's permanence will know they recognize that this is a temporary setback, that this is not going to be terrible forever, that this is just a bump in the road. When it comes to pervasiveness, they are able to contain that setback to just this is just a small area of my life and still retain some sense of perspective that there are other things in their life that are going well. There are still other things, you know, things that are good and to be grateful for, and that this is just this just just a glipse not to say that it's not still different, got and painful, and you know, people are not still having a tough time, but there's that perspective that it's not all bad. And the third is personalization. It's this ability to realize that there could have been some outside influencers or factors that contributed to my difficult situation. It is not all my fault. And so with anxiety and with depression, what they found was if people had this tendency to default to this learned helplessness kind of mindset, things are all bad and nothing I do makes a difference, it's going to be bad forever. It's as hopeless, I'm in despair, which can be a really really dangerous kind of downward spiral to get into in your thinking, and remember the way you think influences your mooded influences your behaviors.

11:45 It become very quickly can become a downward spiral into a very dark place. Whereas if they taught people that when something's going wrong, or if things are difficult, or it feels like you have no sense of agency, then remember remind yourself it's not permanent, it's temporary. It's only this part of my life, it's not my whole life, and this is not all my fault. There are other things going on here that are outside of my control. Yes, I'm not entirely to blame for this situation. It's not about not taking responsibility for things that you are responsible for, but it's just not going into that whole I'm a hopeless case basically like this is, and layering on the self blame when things don't go well. So learned optimism is a really really useful idea and really helpful for anybody, Like anytime you're in a situation where it feels like nothing's going to plan, and you find yourself going into that kind of which is easy to do, going into that negative mindset of it's hopeless, it's all hopeless, it's always going to be hopeless, it's all terrible. You know how it can feel when it's just you're overwhelmed by something.

12:55 Things are going badly in your work life and your relationship, financially, whatever. It's very easy to become consumed by that, for that to cast this dark cloud over everything. But if you can use those three p's and remember it's not permanent, it's not every part of my life, it's just one small part. There are other things still good in my life and it's not all my fault, and that can be really helpful for you to keep some sense of perspective and give you enough of that bit of positivity and optimism to start to make steps to make positive changes. So other things that you can do. I try to find where you do have some agency or some power with my coaching clients. You know, this often comes up when people feel like they're stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, you know, feeling really on edge, uneasy often and there's this uncertainty which most of us have difficulty dealing with. It's feeling like I'm at the whim, like my destinies in somebody else's hands, like whether it's about a business, your job, your career, your relationship, you know whatever. When you feel like your fate is in somebody else's hands, it's a really awful place to be. It's a recipe for stress. Equally, if you find yourself going to stressing about a whole lot of things that feel like they're out of your control, then you know, we can talk about that another day.

14:17 But that whole circle of influencing and keeping your attention on the things that you can control. But the important thing about that circle of influence is when you really look at it, when you look at what are the things that are in the circle of control? What are the things in the circle of concern, which is the things that might be worrying you but you have no control over. What many people find is actually some of those things they could have some influence over. So are the things that you're telling yourself out of your control, but an actual fact, you could do something to influence that situation. Let me give you an example, just I'll give you a recent example of something that one of my clients was experiencing. Was I'm trying to arrange a meeting with this person and they keep fobbing me off.

14:58 You know, I want to be able to get in front of this person and be able to have a conversation with them about what's going on in my work and whatever, and I can't get myself in front of them, and I'm feeling like I'm being that there's a gatekeeping situation or somebody else's kind of getting in between, and that leaves me feeling kind of powerless because I don't know what information that person is getting. Where can you take back some control the person doesn't have time for a meeting, Rather than assuming that they just don't want to talk to you, could you just draft them an email saying, Hey, just checking in. Here's a few dot points, this is what I've been working on, this is where I'm matter. If you've got any questions, if is there anything else that you would like me to be doing, blah blah blah, you know, by all means, let me know available for a meeting. Just taking back some sense of agency, looking for opportunities to exercise some choice in a situation where you feel like you're at the whim.

15:48 Anytime that you feel that you are helpless in a situation, it's really going to cause you to be stressed and upset and overwhelmed. So look for the three p's. Get some perspective. Look for where you do have some agency. Look for where you do have a choice in something, some autonomy. Where can you exercise some influence. Who can you speak to ask a question of what can you control? Where can you take even small steps to take some control back to make some changes. As soon as you feel like you are back in the driver's seat and you have some power in a situation, then you're going to feel a million times better than when you're just floundering and stressing and feeling like there is nothing that you can do. Again, as always, anything that you can do to manage your mindset your mood, getting sleep, exercise, making sure that you maintain all of those healthy behaviors so that you can stay you know, keep an open mind, broad perspective, and positivity builds breeds positivity. Remember the broaden and build theory. If I have not shared that with you, I will come back to it. But I'm pretty sure I've done an episode on that before about the power of positivity, and I don't want to hear toxic positivity.

16:59 You guys, the power of positivity. Experiencing positive thoughts and feelings broadens your outlook. It broadens your activities, which builds resources in your life which help you to cope better when things go badly. It is really worth putting your attention, not in a glossy, shiny Pollyanna glossing over the bad things and pretending everything's fine when it's not. Not talking about that, I am talking about really doing the things that you can do to focus on what is going well in your life, making sure that you try to keep that balanced perspective when the negativity bias is starting to take over. That's my long winded way of saying, look after yourself. Look after your mental health physically, mentally, spiritually, Connect with friends, be with supportive people, maintain your social support networks. Try to keep that growth mindset. Anything that you can do to shift your perspective into out of a fixed mindset where nothing I can do makes a change.

17:53 This is all I'm capable of to What can I do? How can I grow? Remember the power of the sea yet instead of nothing's working, I can't do this. Remember, nothing's working yet. I don't have that skill yet. I'm not able to do that yet. Yet. It totally shifts, totally changes the game if you just add that little word yet whenever you're feeling like there is something that is not available to you, not available yet, so that maintains that growth mindset. And obviously one of my favorite ideas mindfulness and self compassion. Well that's probably two of my favorite ideas, but they go hand in hand. Just being present, being aware of what's happening as it's happening.

18:36 Just being able to recognize in yourself the thoughts and feelings that might be taking you down a negative path, when you might be slipping into that learned helplessness, or those feelings of despondence and despair, feeling like you are out of control, just being able to catch yourself from that moment, take a breath, give yourself some love, give yourself some compassion, some kindness. Maybe this is a default for you because of early experiences, you know, old old stuff that in situations where you haven't had control, where you haven't had agency, and remembering that maybe what's happening in the moment, maybe how you're feeling now. It's got nothing to do with now, and it's got everything to do with old, historical things in your life. And that's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. So giving yourself some love, taking a breath, shifting your mindset, and then remembering the three p's. It's not all bad. It's not bad forever, and it's not all your fault, and there is something you can do, and just start taking those baby, baby baby steps, the tiniest little micro commitments, microactions you can take that start walking you towards something that you have control over, taking back a sense of power and a sense of being in charge of your own destiny. I hope that is helpful. If you've got any questions about that, If you've got specific examples or things in your own life and you're wondering how this applies, absolutely email me hello at cast don dot com, or you can email podcasts at cast don dot com. They all come to me. Hit me up in the DMS

20:06 cast done underscore XO on Instagram. I hope by now you're also following the new profile on Instagram, which is Crappy to Happy pod and any other ideas, any other things that you want me to talk about in these solo episodes. I'm here, so I'm here to answer all your questions and to be a resource. So, by all means, use me. I will catch you next week. Got another episode of Crappy to Happy and Monday for three mindful minutes.