Transcript
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This is Crappita Happy and I am your host, cass Done.
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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist.
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I'm mindfulness meditation teacher and of course author of the
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Crappita Happy books. In this show, I bring you conversations
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with interesting, inspiring, intelligent people who are experts in their
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field and who have something of value to share that
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will help you feel less crappy and more happy. Jodie
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Rodgers is a qualified sexologist, counselor and special education teacher
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with thirty years of experience in the industry. She established
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her private counseling practice Birds and Bees to provide relationship
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and sexuality counseling that is accessible for everyone. She is
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passionate that all people should have the right to access
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services that are inclusive of different.
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Communication and learning styles.
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You may know Jody as she was featured as the
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relationship counselor on the award winning TV show Love on
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the Spectrum, which is now available on Netflix. She has
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also just published her first book, which is called Unique
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If You Are in Australia or New Zealand and will
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be published with the title how to Find a four
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Leaf Clover If you are in the USA or the UK,
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Jody Rogers, such a pleasure to have you on the
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crap in a Happy podcast.
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Welcome.
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Oh, thank you so much for having me on, Jody.
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I would say that being featured on a top rating
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Netflix series and now writing a book are certainly career
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highlights for anybody.
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But first and foremost, you are a counselor.
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And a sexologist, specifically working with people with disabilities. That's
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your day job. So can you please share I would
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love to hear our guess a bit about your journey
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and what led you to doing this work.
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My career started in teaching, so I was a special
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education teacher and at that point, so in the nineteen eighties,
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late nineteen eighties, when I was working in a high
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school that was a segregated high school, and there was
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a really big focus on you know, employment after people
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finished school, or you know, daily living skills, and I
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just was really conscious that there was not a lot
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of talk about adult relationships and intimacy and sexuality, particularly
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for disability. So it was just something that was I
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was sort of always aware of. But then I started
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noticing just simple things cast like you know, I remember
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a student lost a parent while I was teaching, and
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there's no access to grief counseling for them. They were
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a person with an intellectual disability, and so there wasn't
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access to that. You know. I think when we talk
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about access for people with disabilities, we we forget that
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access isn't just about ramps. It's accessed information. And for me,
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having access to sexuality education and relationship counseling became fundamentally important.
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So I never planned it. I didn't wake up, you know,
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in my twenties going oh, yes, so I'm going to
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be a sexologist and relationship counselor. It wasn't like that.
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It just was, you know, life just led me along
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this path and I just sort of put my money
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with my mouth. It's basically got the qualifications to do
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that and set myself up in private practice, thinking maybe
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I'd give myself six months to see if it was
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a needed thing, and I just haven't looked back.
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Yeah.
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Wow, I love that that It's just a case of
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just following that curiosity and it eventually leading to where
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you are now.
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I think that's a great story.
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So Journey in the series Love on the Spectrum that
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focused specifically on people on the autism spectrum. But the
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work you do, I assume is broader than that. Or
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do you specifically work with people with autism?
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No, no, No, I work with any single person that
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may communicate differently, or learn differently, or have a difference
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in the way that they process their senses. So I
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work with with cognitive disability, with acquired brain injury, people
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with acquired physical disabilities, autistic people, any person that needs
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to have counseling and therapy modified to match their individual
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communication and learning needs.
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Yeah, and Jody specifically talking about relationships, you highlight some
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of this, you know obviously on the on the TV
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show Love on the Spectrum, which is obviously captivated people.
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But what are the some of the challenges that they face.
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What is the you know, the key work that you're
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doing with people in terms of relationships and sexuality.
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If we're talking specifically about autistic people, there's a lot
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of difficulty just in developing relationships for autistic people. And
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that's a huge generalization because we have to remember that
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autism presents very, very differently across the whole spectrum. But
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you know, some of the things we see as people
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might have a lot of social anxiety and have difficulties
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initiating relationships with other people, or they may have difficulty
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understanding the reciprocity of relationships back and forth that we
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all have to do. In relationships, people can have very specifically,
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you know, specific expectations of other people, and as we know,
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expectations are really complex in relationships and just communication. Like
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when you think about it, intimate romantic relationships, and we
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talk intimacy, we're really talking about not just physical intimacy,
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but emotional intimacy. The capacity to be highly vulnerable another
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person takes a lot of trust, and for many autistic
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people that's quite difficult to develop a level of trust
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with another person where they feel they can really be
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their authentic self.
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And it's so necessary, you know.
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That's the thing that's been highlighted, I think is that
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we relationships and belonging and connection is a fundamental human need.
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And that's the work you're doing, isn't it. It's like
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it is a human right, you know, it should be
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accessible to everybody, regardless of differences. I think that's what's
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really been highlighted in the TV series. It's just done
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so I feel I'd love to hear your thoughts, but
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it has done such a good job of portraying the
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humanity you know of these people are no different from
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the rest of us.
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They want the same things that we want.
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I think that is one of the most remarkable things
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that came out of the series Cass because when at
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first aired, so many people were saying, but I experienced that.
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You know, I am anxious and I go on day
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or oh, I desperately want a boyfriend or a girlfriend
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or a partner. I think that people looked at autism
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as being something so removed from themselves, and I think
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the relatability of the show actually saying, hang on, every
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single person wants this. And it may not be that
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every single person wants a life partner, but every single
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person needs to have connection with other people. We all
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need it and we do it in very very different ways.
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But I think that that's where a lot of the
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success from the show came from, because people are just
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sitting in their lounge room all of a sudden went
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oh right, I'll get it, you know. I just it
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allowed people open people's eyes up to autism. But I
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think it opened people's eyes up to just we're all
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pretty similar. We're all seeking that same thing exactly.
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And I think the thing that really struck me to was,
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I know you said about how it can be really
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difficult to be vulnerable and have that trust. But I
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just loved some of the sheer honesty, like the no
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filter yes with some of the people on the show,
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with on the autism spectrum, like just it's kind of
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refreshing to have that level of truth being expressed because
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the rest of us are all just you know, bloody
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trying to pretend or something put on a show, and
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they're just like, no, this is this is how it is,
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and this is how I feel.
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I thought. I just loved it. I feel like there
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should be more.
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It's one of the it's one of the best things, well,
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one of the great things. I mean, I've learned many,
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many things from a lifetime hanging out with autistic people.
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But the autistic people just say it as it is,
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and neurotypical people we do a lot of dancing around
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each other. There's social ants around each other, and autistic
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people are very good at just saying it exactly as
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it is because they don't really get the social nuance
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of why we do that.
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You know.
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Sometimes I've had clients come to it. They're perplexed, you say.
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They'll say, but if you don't like somebody, why don't
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you just say you don't like somebody? Or why do
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people go to each other? Why would people just say
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it was nice to meet you, Sorry, no thanks. You know,
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they just don't get the way that we do this
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crazy social dance around each other.
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Yeah, I think. And there's a big difference.
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Yeah, And there's a big difference in saying being honest
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the way that you could see autistic people being honest
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with what they're saying and being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is
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when you truly open yourself up emotionally to somebody else.
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There's a big difference in those two things. But the
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honesty is phenomenal and it's but also sometimes can be
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honest in a way that can make things difficult. So
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you know, if you went on a first date and
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the first thing you said to somebody was, oh, you've
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got a massive pimple on your chin, or you know,
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your breast smells having you brush your teeth, you know,
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there's also honesty that can be we know sometimes not
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to say the things inside of our hairs. Yes, yes,
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So that could cause some difficulties loyal for people.
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So how do you go about teaching that to somebody?
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Jody like in your work, like, how do you teach
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somebody who's just like, well.
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What wouldn't you just say that?
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How to draw that line and make that distinction between
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what's okay to say out loud and what's not.
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The way I explained sometimes to people is that I
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feel often in my work on a translator. So just
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like if somebody was a hearing person, but they were
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fluent in sign language, and then they are able to
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translate from a deaf person to a hearing person, they're
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the middle person. I feel that's a little bit like
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my job, and a lot of my work is actually
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translating why neurotypical people do the things they do, or
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what a neurotypical person will expect in terms of our
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body language and our gestures and our communication, what our
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expectations are, And a lot of my work is translating
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that for an autistic person. So then they can actually go, oh,
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I get it. They might go why that's weird, but
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it's sort of a back and forth translation. Yeah. Really,
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I often feel like that's my job is sort of
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supporting an autistic person to understand a neurotypical person's way
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of moving through the world, and then on the other hand,
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supporting neurotypical people to understand the autistic people are just
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doing it a little bit differently.
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Obviously, this whole landscape has changed significantly in the time
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that you've been working in this field, Jody, I mean definitely,
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even now, it feels like, I know it's not the case,
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but it feels like almost every other person, particularly adult
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an adult women being diagnosed and that with some sort
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of neurodiversity, and that being almost like revelationary, like people
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suddenly their whole life kind of makes sense. I guess,
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what are some of the shifts and the changes that
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you've seen over the course of twenty is it twenty
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years thirty?
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Yeah, you know, and it's not even botop. Well, we've
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got to remember that, you know this, we're pretty dumb
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when it comes to our neurology. We're really really beginning
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to understand how our minds were. And so when I
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first started in this field, any person that got a
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diagnosis with autism had to also have an intellectual disability. Wow.
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So to really back then in the eighties and nineties.
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It was you know, if you had a physical disability
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or you had an intellectual disability, but we really weren't
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looking at people's social you know, the way they interacted socially,
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or how people's regulated their emotions or we didn't really
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look at that. And so what's happened during the course
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of my lifetime in this area is that we've actually
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started going, oh, hang on, people do interact in different ways,
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or they process things differently, or they have a specific
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need for saneness, or so it's shifted in that way.
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I think we've got to we've began to understand much
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more about how the human mind actually works, which is brilliant.
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I personally think that at some point, probably not in
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my lifetime, but at some point we may not actually
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use the language that we use now of autism or
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or you know, this person's got obsessive compulsive disorder, or
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this person has you know this or this. I think
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that we'll in some point in our future, they'll probably
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just scan our brains and they'll say, oh, cass, yes,
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you prefer to do things in this way. You're a
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little bit rigid in your thinking in this or you know,
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your emotional regulation is in this way or you know,