Feb. 15, 2024

What Buddhism can teach us about happiness

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Cass breaks down some of the key aspects of Buddhist philosophy and practice as they relate to living a happier and more peaceful life. She shares a little about how modern approaches to therapy have incorporated some of these key ideas to help people improve their mental health and wellbeing.You don't have to be a Buddhist to appreciate the relevance of some of these ideas and apply them to your own life.Connect with Cass:www.crappytohappypod.comhello@crappytohappypod.com
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Transcript

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This is Crappy to Happy and I am your host,

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Cas Dunn. I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist. I'm mindfulness

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meditation teacher and of course author of the Crappy to

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Happy books. In this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring,

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intelligent people who are experts in their field and who

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have something of value to share that will help you

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feel less crappy and more happy. Hello and welcome to

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another solo episode of Crappy to Happy. Thank you so

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much for being here. This week, I had an email

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from somebody who I have worked with in the past,

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and she just happened to mention in this email that

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she has heard me refer to the crossover between Buddhism

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and psychology, or that I have sometimes mentioned that the

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Buddhist approach or a Buddhist philosophy kind of informs my

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approach to psychology and mental health and coaching and all

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sorts of things. And she asked me if I would

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be interested to explain that a little bit more, because

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it's something that she's interested in. And it occurred to

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me that actually, I have never really talked about that

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in much detail, So if that is something that is

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of interest to you, But I would just briefly outline

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today what some of the aspects are of Buddhism and

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Buddhist philosophy that I feel are really relevant and practical

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and useful as applied to improving your mental health and

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happiness and your well being and your experience of life generally.

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So I'm not Buddhist, but I obviously have been practicing

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mindfulness and meditation for a very long time, and mindfulness

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is a big part of Buddhist practice. And I guess

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also through that process of learning and practicing mindfulness, meditation

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and also some of my psychology studies, I came to

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look at Buddhism a little bit more deeply and to

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study it and understand the relevance of it to psychology

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a bit more. And it's interesting that some of my

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clients who I have seen over the years, even in

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my clinical practice, when I have introduced them to mindfulness

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and meditation and some of these ideas around acceptance and

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non attachment which are fundamental to Buddhist philosophy and teachings,

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they have actually themselves gone off and gone down a

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path of really exploring Buddhism a lot more deeply. Because

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it resonated so strongly with them, and they found it

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so helpful. So as I say, I'm not Buddhist, but

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I find it aspects of the philosophy really useful and relevant.

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So let's just start from the very beginning. The foundation

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of Buddhist philosophy is founded upon the four Noble truths,

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what they call the four Noble truths, And what those

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four noble truths are is number one. In life there

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is suffering. It's called the truth of duka. Duka is

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the Pari word for suffering. In fact, a more accurate

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translation of duka is satisfactoryness. So not struggle necessarily, but

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just this general feeling of discontent. So this is a

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fundamental truth of the human experience that we are generally discontent,

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that in life there will be suffering. In life, there

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will be struggle. It is the truth of the fact

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that to try to avoid that is futile. We're all

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going to experience suffering and struggle. So I think that

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that's kind of just useful from the get go, just

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having an expectation that in life we are going to

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have some rough times, and so to expect to avoid

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that is unrealistic and Therefore, if we can have a

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more balanced to approach and mindset and attitude about that

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when it does happen, that can in itself can be helpful.

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So the second noble truth is that because of suffering

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is attachment, not like attachment theory in terms of relationships

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between people and others and children and intimate partners, etc.

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But attachment as in attachment to an outcome, attachment as

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in needing or wanting things to be a particular way.

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So first truth in life, there is suffering. Second truth,

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the cause of suffering is our attachment, our expectation that

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things should go our way, that we want things to

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stay the same if we are very happy with how

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things are, or we get very attached to an idea

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that things should somehow be different if we're not happy

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with how things are. So just this idea of attaching

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our happiness or our contentment or our peace of mind

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to things needing to be a particular way. And it

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could be an attachment to a relationship, it could be

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an attachment to material possessions and wanting to have lots

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of nice things. But it's also just an attachment to

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other people's behavior or expectations or the way that we

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want to live our lives, or the way we want

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other people to be, or the way we want our

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selves to be. Getting too fixated on that needing things

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or people to be a particular way or not be

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a particular way is ultimately going to cause us suffering.

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And that is founded on another really fundamental idea in Buddhism,

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which is the idea of impermanence. Impermanence is essentially that

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everything is changing all the time, nothing is ever going

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to stay the same. So people live and they die,

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Circumstances change, jobs come and go, relationships come and go,

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our health comes and goes. So this idea of impermanence

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is pretty fundamental and really intricately tied to the idea

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of attachment. So when we have attachment to things needing

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to be a particular way, or we're only happy when

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things are a particular way, then the truth of impermanence

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is that they're not always going to be a particular way.

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So this is why if we want them to stay

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the way they are, then we get upset about that,

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and that is suffering. The third noble truth is that

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there is a path out of suffering, and the fourth

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Noble truth is that the way out of suffering, the

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path out of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which

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is another kind of foundational teaching in Buddhist philosophy. And

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I'm not going to go into the Noble Eightfold Path

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except to say that it is basically these eight aspects

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of life and living which if done well, will lead

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to us having more peace of mind. And they are

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listed as for example, right livelihood, so making your living

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from doing something that is ethical and good, not ripping

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people off, scamming people. Right thought as in how you

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approach your the way you think about certain things, ethics,

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right concentration, right mindfulness, So mindfulness appears as one of

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eight in the Noble Eightfold Path. We see mindfulness and

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meditation and mindfulness practice as being kind of really foundational

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and really a big crucial aspect of Buddhi's philosophy and practice.

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An actual fact, it is really like it's one of

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eight in terms of the Noble Eightfold Path. So that

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in itself for Noble truths Noble Eightfold Path, as you

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can see immediately, it's pretty relevant. It's pretty relevant to

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just practical ideas about how we can live our life

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and have more peace of mind and a more balanced approach.

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When we start digging into that, like basically pretty much

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all of the Buddha's teachings and all of his whole

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philosophy about how to be free from suffering and achieve

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what they call enlightenment, whatever that is, it's all pretty

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much wrapped up in this eightfold path in terms of

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how we live, how we interact with other people, how

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we think, how our relationship with our emotions being balanced,

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it's all kind of wrapped up in there, and it's

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all based on this foundation of, like I said, non attachment.

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So in psychology we talk about mindfulness and acceptance. So

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to dig a little bit into that, Obviously, mindfulness is

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this way of being with your experience. That it is

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about being fully present to what's happening as it's happening,

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whether that be something happening in your outside world or

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something coming up within you, your own thoughts and feelings, and

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being able to be present to that without needing to

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change it or fix it or avoid it or run

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from it, but also without being completely overwhelmed by it.

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So mindfulness, mindfulness and acceptance is acceptance is allowing things

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to be as they are, which is interesting. People kind

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of get put off by that idea because they think

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that means to throw your hands in the air and

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be defeated by circumstances or not try to actively change

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something that is that is making you unhappy, And that's

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really not what it's about. It's not resignation or defeat necessarily.

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All it is in this context is not trying to

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run or avoid the way things are, not being completely

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overwhelmed by things when they're uncomfortable. If you've just had

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a relationship breakup, if you've just lost somebody, you've just

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lost your job, something terrible's just happened, you've just had

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a terrible diagnosis. It's the willingness to be present to

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the discomfort of that and the reality of that, without

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trying to necessarily run from it or avoid it, or

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bury your feelings or numb yourself out with alcoholic food

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or drugs or something, without going into denial pretending it's

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not happening, but also not being completely overwhelmed and derailed

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by that experience. So acceptance is the willingness to just

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allow things to be as they are and to stop,

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I guess trying to convince yourself that if only things

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were different than you could be happier. Because what that

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leads to, we want to go back and talk about psychology,

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but that leads to is a lot of rumination, a

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lot of obsessive thinking, a lot of wanting to control things,

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controlling people, trying to manipulate outcomes, going into like I said,

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avoidance denial, you know, taking your anger out onto other people,

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being completely defeated by circumstances. So it's this courage to

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just be present and balanced in the face of something

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that might be difficult. So again I think that's kind

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of a useful idea, but it is also about then

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taking action to do things you know, to take in

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control where you can, if there are things that you

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can do, or if there is an impact that you

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can make, or something you can do to change the situation.

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That It is absolutely not saying that you shouldn't do that.

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It's just saying that you take that action and you

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deal it with the right intention, and you don't allow

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your happiness to be contingent or your peace of mind,

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or your wellbeing or you know, your mental health to

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be contingent on things being different. It's like you know

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you've probably heard the saying the thing that messes you

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up most in life is the picture in your head

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of how things are supposed to be. I always say,

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have always said to my clients, the cause of all

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of your suffering is the gap between how things are

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and how you want them to be. It's not how

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things are, it's the gap between how things are and

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how you would prefer them to be. And allowing yourself

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to become really emotionally thrown and dysregulated and all of

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the rest of it because things are not as you

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would prefer them to be. So acceptance is just the

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allowance and the letting go of the need to control,

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letting go of the need to dictate and absolutely wanting

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things to be in a particular way in order for

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you to have peace of mind. Useful right, It's a

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useful idea, and I guess that's also you know. The

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term equanimity is one that's also fairly central to Buddhism

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and Buddhist philosophy, and equanimity is really just refers to

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this ability to maintain your composure, to be emotionally calm

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and balanced, to be kind of steady in the face

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of things that are difficult or painful or uncomfortable. So

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when life is throwing you curveballs, equanimity is this ability

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to kind of be cold your mental composure, to retain

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some sense of balance. And it's not about being robotic

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and like never getting upset about anything. Ever, of course

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you're going to get upset about things in life. In life,

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they're suffering. I think it is about just being able

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to maintain that mindful awareness of being able to be

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present to your feelings, let yourself feel your feelings. Absolutely,

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you need to feel your feelings. Trying to bury them

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or pretend they don't exist is not the way out

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of suffering. But it is about being mindful of how

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much you allow them to dictate your behaviors, your actions,

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and about being mindful of not getting too caught up

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in the story and allowing yourself to become kind of

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obsessive and ruminating on how bad everything is. And again,

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if you go back to the non attachment, then you

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can see that when you start to be less have

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less expectation, or be less fixated and the idea that

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things need to be be a particular way, then you're

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more able to be have this equanimity, this balance. When

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things aren't going the way that you would want them

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to go, you can kind of maintain that sense of

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composure because everything is temporary, this two shell pass. The

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thing is we love that saying this too shell pass

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when things are really shit, like when things aren't going well,

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Oh this two shell pass, like things will get good again.

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We don't so much like this too shell pass when

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things are going really well, and that that's going to

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end as well. So equanimity is like being able to

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maintain that sense of balance and be neutral and be

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composed when things are going well and when they're not

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going well. And that's the tricky thing, right. I had

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a conversation with somebody the other day about how she

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is really scared about raising her rates. So what she

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does is she charges her fee for a service, and

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she's really worried about increasing her rates. This comes up

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a lot with women that I work with. This is

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why this is going to be the focus of my

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next round of the Beyond Confidence program, because I really

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want to get women to start charging what they're worth.

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But anyway, so she said she was concerned about people

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talking about her. She's concerned about negative feedback, judgment, criticism,

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people kind of saying, who does she think she is?

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If she raises her rates. Now, the thing is, we're

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not concerned about people talking about us if we think

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that what they're saying is good stuff. If we think

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they're saying, wow, she's killing it, she's really kicking goals

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like look at her go We're not so worried about

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people talking about us. It's only the idea that they

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might be saying not so nice things about us that

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upsets us. So this idea of equanimity and maintaining our composure,

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it's like it's needing to unhook from the criticism and

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the praise. We need to not let our happiness a

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composure out equal gibrium beer suayed. Whether things are going

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really well or going really badly, it's that impermanence. The

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wiel is going to keep on turning, the will of

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fortune keeps turning. And so we don't hold too tightly

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to how things are. We don't hold too tightly to

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things being really good. We just just allow it. We

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experience it in the moment. Mindfulness is being fully present,

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allowing ourselves to enjoy the good times, savor the good times,

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for sure, but without an expectation that it's going to

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always be good. Now, the tricky thing there is that

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people prone to anxiety or people with prone to worry

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that they don't actually let themselves experience the good times,

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either because they're so busy waiting for the other shoe

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to drop. They've learned kind of not to trust that

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things will always go well, or they think that if

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things are going well that it's too good to be true,

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and so they're not only you know, really suffering when

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things are going badly, but they're not even allowing themselves

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to enjoy things when they're really good because they're kind

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of not trusting that it's going to last, and or

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they get fearful that it's all going to be taken away.

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So the key here is if things aren't going well,

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we can maintain our composure. We can understand this is temporary,

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we cannot be overwhelmed by our feelings. We can allow

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ourselves to be present to what's happening. When things are

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going well, we can also be present to that. We

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can also understand that we need to save this while

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it is good, because things may eventually go in the

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other direction. But we don't anticipate that everything's going to

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go badly to the point that we don't even allow

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ourselves to enjoy the good times. So all of this

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is very relevant, as you can tell to just general

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psychology and well being. You've probably heard there saying, oh,

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maybe you haven't if you don't know much about Buddhism.

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But there's another saying in Buddhism, which is the middle way.

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So the middle way is about this not going to extremes.

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So the story of the Buddher just a little story time.

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The story of the Buddher, if you don't know, is

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that he was a prince. He was born into great

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wealth and his father kept him locked inside palace walls

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because his father never wanted him to witness the suffering

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that exists in the world. He lived inside this palace

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where he had all of his needs mad He lived

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this very opulent lifestyle, but he was dissatisfied. He wanted

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to know what was outside the palace walls, so he

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snuck out one day. I think he got to adulthood

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and he actually got married and he had a baby.

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He's a true person like he lived. He's not some fake,

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made up but mythological creature. So he went out one

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day and he came across for the first time old

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age sickness, illness, death, and he was really disturbed by this,

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but he also felt like he needed to go out

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and experience real life. Like he realized that he was

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not experiencing life being confined to this palace where he

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never had to experience any difficulty or hardship or discomfort

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in his life. So when he went out and left

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the palace, he joined a band of traveling like spiritual people,

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asthetics and really force forsake, forsook. He sacrificed everything, like

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he went without food, he went without sleep, He lived

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a very very meager lifestyle, and he realized that that

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also was not the way. He was sick and frail,

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and he realized that that also was not the way

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to achieve any kind of freedom or liberation or enlightenment. Therefore,

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there had to be a middle way. So it's this

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not being too extreme with the wealth and the privilege

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and the luxury, and also not going down the other

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extreme of deprivation and sacrifice and suffering. It is finding

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a balance in life. So this idea of the middle

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way is really helpful as well when we're thinking about

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how we live our life. It's the idea of moderation.

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It's the idea of compassion for other people, but also

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compassion for yourself. It's the idea of, again like just

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being kind of balanced in terms of how you manage

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your emotions, finding that kind of middle path. I just

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really like the idea of the middle way in terms

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of you not going to extremes one way or the other,

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being able to kind of find this middle ground. It's

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also about finding a middle ground in terms of compromises

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with other people and different opinions, maintaining that kind of equanimity,

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that peace of mind, not having your own composure suede

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by things outside of you, which might include other people

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and their bad behavior or their opinions that you don't

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agree with, you know, being able to maintain some balance

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in the face of that as well. And Buddhist philosophy

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is kind of often represented by the image of a

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lotus flower, and if you know anything about the lotus flower,

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it is a beautiful flower that floats on the pond

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and it grows out of the mud. And one of

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my favorite sayings also is no mud, no lotus. So

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the lotus flower represents the idea that we can actually

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achieve growth and beauty, you know, we can achieve good

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things out of the depths of murkiness and darkness and

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confusion and difficulty. So just that philosophy, just that metaphor

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of we can grow and we can thrive out of difficult, uncomfortable,

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painful experiences. I think that's really a nice representation too,

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of how the Buddhist philosophy also can apply to our

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experience of life, and how we can take lessons from

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that and use that idea to help us as we

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are navigating difficult experiences. I'm sure there is probably loads

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more than that. Like I said, I am not necessarily Buddhist,

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and I'm not an expert in Buddhism, but I think

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that those are probably the core principles, the core ideas

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that really resonate with me personally, and that I think

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that are really useful and practical as we all kind

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of navigate our own life and try to find some

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sense of inner peace and freedom from suffering, you know,

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when we live in these chaotic, confusing worlds and experiences

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where you know, things don't go to plan, upset and

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disappointment and rejection and pain and suffering and struggle, and

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so some of these ideas can be really helpful to

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help us to keep that peace of mind. And you know,

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it's not just ideas too, It takes practice, practicing mindfulness,

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sitting in meditation, really really digging deep to cultivate that

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non attachment is really useful and can be difficult because

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we do get quite attached to liking things the way

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they are and wanting people to be a certain way,

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wanting ourselves to be a certain way. So letting go

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of attachment can be a really tough process, but a

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really useful one. I would also just say too, in

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terms of psychology and psychological approaches and approaches to therapy,

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acceptance and commitment therapy is probably the one that is

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most aligned in terms of a psychological model or an

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approach that therapists will use in terms of treatment of

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people experiencing depression, anxiety, whatever. Then acceptance and commitment therapy

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known as ACT. Like I have said before, never call

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an act that I like that it's act. It is

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based on this obviously, acceptance, which is what I've talked

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about already, and commitment. So if you look at the

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six core principles of ACT. They include mindfulness and acceptance,

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and they include in addition values. Now, values is at

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the core of Buddhist philosophy as well, if you go

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back to the noble eightfold fold path, right thought, right speech,

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right livelihood, Like that's all about living a life that

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is based on the core values of non harm, of kindness,

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of compassion, of living an ethical life. And so in ACT,

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what they do is they say, when you know what

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your values are, then you can take steps to live

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your life in a way that is aligned and committed

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to those values and be willing to tolerate whatever this

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comfort comes up along the way, And how that kind

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of differs from previous approaches to therapy, like, for example,

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even cognitive behavioral therapy CBT was all about if you're

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