What do you do for fun?

0:04 This is Crappya Happy and I am your host, Cas Doune. I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist and mindfulness meditation teacher and of course author of the Crappia Happy books. In this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent people who are experts in their field and who have something of value to share that will help you feel less crappy and more happy. Hello and welcome to another solo episode of Crappy to Happy. Can I start by saying thank you to everybody who's gone and followed my brand new Instagram page which I created for the podcast.

0:49 Many years of deliberation, I kept putting it off, and I finally decided to set up its own Instagram account. It is called Crappy to Happy Pod and I just hit one hundred followers. Thank you so much so if you're a fan of the podcast, you'll see all of the latest episodes over there. Now, since we last spoke, I went to pub choir here in London and I need to tell you it was the most fun. All of us who were there said it was the best fun we have had in a long time. My husband said, it's the best fun he's ever had. He's a fan, and if you have been to Pubquir you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. And if you haven't, then can I please suggest that you put it right up at the top of your list if Pubchoir comes to town where you live, get along to that. It really was super fun as much comedy as singing, and you absolutely do not need to know how to sing. If you didn't hear my conversation with Astrod about that, then go back and check it out from a couple of weeks ago.

1:49 But it did lead me to want to talk to you today about this idea of doing things just because they're fun. Play is something that we don't focus enough on, and I really want to encourage you, and I'm going to give you a lot of compelling reasons today why you need to add some more fun into your life. So we know how important to play is for children. It forms the foundation for their social skills, social emotional intelligence, their brain development. They learn through exploring the world how things work. They develop language skills, they develop the ability to take turns, how to manage social relationships. I mean, play based learning is so critical for children's development. They learn as much in the playground as they do in the classroom as much or more. And we really, I think we know that, and even if you don't know that, through science and literature, instinctively we kind of know that how important that is for children. What happens, though, is as we get older, play starts to become less important.

3:09 It starts to become a thing that is trivial. As we get busier, even as children, as we go into high school and there's this focus on results and academics and what are you going to do with your life, and you settle down and be serious, and of course that just gets worse and worse the older you get. You got a university, you get a job, and life becomes so full of responsibilities, and we really do treat fun and play and hobbies as something that is immature, trivial, unimportant. If you have a hobby, it's something that you squeeze in potentially after all of the important stuff is done, especially if you are a woman, if you are a mother, then a time for you to do things that are just fun for you seen as selfish, if not by other people, it might feel like it's to you. It always feels like there's something to be done for other people before you could indulge in something that is purely fun for you. And I really want to talk to this because I speak to a lot of women obviously, and you might have heard me say this in my conversation with Astrid that we had a conversation amongst my community one day about what do we do for fun?

4:21 Like where do we find what we are creative outlets? What do we do just for the sheer joy of it because it's interesting and pleasurable and just fun and relaxing and engaging for us. It doesn't have an outcome that we're not trying to lose weight or develop a skill, or study something or do personal development or go to yoga because we need to get more calm, like all of these things have some sort of objective, then we don't often do them just purely for the pure joy of it because we just like to do it as something fun for ourselves. And in that conversation, a lot of the women reflected that even when they did find something that they enjoyed doing that was playful and fun and just for the pure joy of it, it often then would turn into something kind of competitive, like they needed to learn how to be the best knitter or crocheer or something like. It ended up kind of taking on this striving kind of mindset instead of just being able to do it purely for the fun of it.

5:27 So I want to remind you today of the importance of play, even as an adult, why it's good for you. If you need a compelling reason, if you need some science to convince you that it is worthwhile and important for you to take time for play, I will convince you of that, and then maybe we can just have a little think about what some things might be. I mean, you may have some things popping into your mind already, but if you're stuck and struggling, then I'll try to give you some suggestions that might help you out. Because it's also true that the older we get, and the more burdened by responsibility and other people's requirements and our children's play and what's fun for them and what we need to do for them. You know, in that juggle of life, it's very easy to become very disconnected from ourselves and what actually feels fun. I also talk to a lot of people who couldn't tell me what it is that they find fun to do, what they would do if they were to take up a hobby. They're so completely disconnected, they've completely forgotten what it is that they may be used to enjoy doing when they are less burdened by life and all of its responsibilities. So we can have a think about what some of those might be, and hopefully you will go away inspired to take up or reignite something that you used to love to do and that you can make time for again, knowing how important it is for your physical, mental, emotional, psychological well being and the well being of all of

6:58 the people around you who will also benefit from you being more relaxed, happy, energized, calm, less stressed, just more vital and vibrant in your life because you have taken the time. So play is something that we do purely for its own sake. It's voluntary, it's pleasurable. Like I said, it's not something that we necessarily do because we're trying to achieve a particular outcome. It is its own reward. We do it because we enjoy doing it, Which is not to say that you can't find competitive activities fun and enjoyable. Talk to this a bit more later, but it really is about the mindset that you bring to it.

7:41 So the same activity for two different people, for one might be really joyful and pleasurable and fun and just done for the love of it, and for somebody else it might feel completely different. So it's a mindset, and it's important for you to be honest with yourself about what you can do that feels fun and pleasurable for you that doesn't become stressful or competitive or frustrating because you've got a different kind of less playful attitude towards that activity. So let's just talk about why this is important. You know, like I said before, there's been lots of studies done into the benefits of play for children, and we haven't focused so much on the importance of play for adults. But more and more I'm seeing research come out and lots of analysis of kinds of play and what kind of play might appeal to different people, different kinds of play personalities. What's fun for one person is not fun for another person. So I want to just touch on all of that today to help you to kind of think about what might be worthwhile for you to pursue. So I read one study and a sample of two one hundred and fifty five adults completed subjective measures of playfulness along with self ratings for various facets of well being, and what they found was that adult playfulness very positively associated with life satisfaction, an inclination to enjoyable activities, and an active way of life. Also some small positive association with physical fitness. Now that's obviously going

9:13 to depend on what you do for fun. If you do something that's physical, then you might notice that there are physical benefits to that as well. So if you play sport, for example, it can also not just improve your physical fitness, but it can reduce your stress hormones trigger the release of endorphins that obviously makes you feel good. So if your hobby is running or playing team sport, or something physical like that, zoomber class or going along to a hip hop class, and really like when I say zoomer class, the first thing that comes to my mind is, oh, you go there to exercise to lose weight and get fit. We want to try to remove all of that thinking and think about what we do just for fun, for the sound of the music and the laughter and the feeling of freedom and vitality. Like this is what we're talking about when we talk about play along to a dance class, because you're trying to lose weight, what you can do for fun, which means in exactly the same way, you could dance around your lounge room. You could just dance around your kitchen, put some music on. You don't actually need to go out and do something structured and timed. You can just find that moment in your own day. And this is the important thing too when I say number one, it is an attitude, It is a mindset more so than the actual activity. And number two, it is about finding these moments every single day to build play into your life and into your lifestyle. Not a structured Saturday afternoon class that you do, although that could be fine, but we want to try to bring more of this playfulness, this playful attitude, this fun into our every day. Really make

10:44 it a part of our lifestyle. Right, So, moving on, when we engage in fun activities, pleasurable, playful activities, we might be laughing, and laughter also simulates the release of endorphins. It makes us feel good. If we're doing this with a group of other people, it enhances our relationships, It boosts our capacity to bond we have the release of oxytocin, which is that hormone, you know, the bonding kind of hormone. If we are at work and we feel engaged and playful and curious, then and you might think work is not a place for play, but you know, it's like bringing this playful mindset, this playful attitude into our even our work related activities. It boosts creativity, It helps us to find more creative solutions to problems. It reduces stress, it increases productivity. And again I almost feel reluctant saying that, because I don't want anybody to think, Okay, I've got to go and like find things to do for hobbies because it's going to make me more productive at work.

11:41 Like that is the that is the opposite of what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say, do it for the sake of it, for the joy of it. But knowing that doing that it is not a trivial activity, it is not a time waste. You will find that it has a flow on effect and that it does improve various other aspects of your life and your well being. That's the only reason I'm talking about the benefits, not so that you go and do it so that you're a cheap a benefit, but so that you know it's not a waste of time. You might find it boosts your brain, your cognitive skills. If your particular things that you do for fun and for hobbies are things like crossroad puzzles and Sodoku and kind of mind bending puzzles that challenge you intellectually, then that can really keep you mentally sharp as well. When you are regularly taking time out to do things that are fun, you know, a flow on effect of that is that you tend to be more relaxed and happy. That you are feel more calm, less stressed and anxious. Not that it's a miracle cure, but you know, the more that you can build in these opportunities for fun and for play, the more that you can balance out some of life's worries and stresses and anxieties that we all have to live with, then the more calm you are, you might find that you sleep more soundly. Especially if you do something that's physical too and it actually wears you out, you might find that you sleep better. And then that better sleep, that enhanced quality of sleep has enormous flow on benefits to every other aspect of your health and well being as well.

13:08 Like I said, if you're doing hobbies and activities as a group, if you're going along, if you're playing board games, if you're getting together with other people to do something that you find fun. If you're going off and playing pickleball, that seems to be all the bloody rage at the moment. Everybody I know it's playing pickleball. You know, anything that you're doing that is with a group of people, even if you're playing Monopoly. Here in London, I notice there's all of these. I don't know if you guys have got these in Australia, but here there are all of these like board game cafes where you can go and you can either just play whatever game that you like. Or they'll have this one just around the corner from where I live, and I've never been in, I have to admit, but they'll have a sign up on the door that today this is what we're playing. And so everybody just goes in there and you just sit down and just go by yourself, or you go with a friend, but all these people show up and everybody just plays board games together. How fun is that for you? It might be something creative, singing, writing, drawing, writing short stories, or even just journaling. I know a good friend of mine, Ellen Jackson, also a psychologist and host of the Potential Psychology podcast. She's gone back to writing a substack newsletter.

14:18 She's like really gone off social media. She was telling me the other day that she just felt this need to kind of go back to basics and where it all started for her was writing. She published a book a long time ago too, maybe actually, and so she's just gone back to that kind of getting back at her care what feels good for her. And this is what I'm encouraging you to do, like getting back to the basics, like at your core, what feels good for you? Do you eliminate all of the fluff, like all of this stuff that we feel like we should do, all of this feeling of obligation. What just feels good for you, that is just for you. It can help sometimes to think about what did you like to do for fun when you're a kid, If you are a person who is kind of struggling with what you you might do for a hobby or what you might do for play, Like if you really loved play, though, then maybe you would like to do pottery, you know, maybe playing with clay something like that. If you're a person who loved to dance, then maybe dance you that, like I said, dance around your loungry. Or you can go and you know, find a class, join a hip hop class or a salsa class. I had another friend who used to go to like tango dancing every Tuesday night. She just loved it.

15:26 There was a great community and they literally just went there for fun. It was non competitive, purely for fun. Obviously. I went along to pub choir. That was a one off event, but I know loads of people who who have joined choirs in that adult life, and again they just go because it is joyful. Oh I've got another friend she has recently taken up. Oh god, I don't know how. You know how everybody's doing that cold like those cold immersions in the in the morning, pet well doesn't have to be in the morning. But you know, whim is really popularized this idea of ice baths. Right, people get into ice bars're supposed to have like really really really profound benefits for your wellbeing. I haven't quite tried that yet. I think about it a few times, but closes to stuff. God is just turning my shower from hot to cold just before I get out, having a blast of cold, and I have to admit it's not even really that cold. But anyway, she goes for a swim in the river first thing in the morning, like five or six in the morning, and she's got this whole group of crazy people who do it with her, and so it's become this real community bonding experience. Now, maybe she started doing that because she thought there was some health benefit in it, but it has really become something that she loves to do. It is just fun for her. She's not, as far as I know, checking her stats and checking her blood pressure and her heart rate.

16:45 She's doing it because she just loves it. She enjoys it, and she's created this whole community around that activity. I've had friends take up cycling in their forties. My own parents took up horse breeding, of all things. Now they turned it into a business. Okay, So this is the thing. Sometimes you might do something for fun, for play, because you enjoy it, and maybe something does develop of it. Maybe you do turn it into a career, maybe you do turn it into a business. I mean, my parents never gave up their jobs while they were breeding horses. It really was a side thing, just a very time consuming side thing. But the point is when you start off, you don't have in your head that the only reason this is going to be worthwhile is if you can turn it into our business, if you can leave your job and make a career of this. You don't decide that you're not going to there's no point writing short stories because you're obviously not going to get published. Like that's we don't do this because of some perceived outcome and tell ourselves at the only reason it's worthwhile is if there is some kind of benefit at the other end of it, beyond just doing the thing because it's fun.

17:51 That's my point. There's came up in conversation again just the other day because again inside my own private community, we were talking about but somehow we got onto talking about Eve Rodsky and this concept of fair play. So Eve Rodsky she's been in my podcast twice. We did a part one and a part two. She wrote the book fair Play. She developed the fair Play Cards that was all about the equal division of labor in your household. She came up with this ingenious method of sorting every single task that is required for the running of the household. Every single task is divided and when each person has agreed on their particular tasks, and that person owns the responsibility of that task from conception to execution to completion, so the other person does not tell them how to do the job, do all of the groundwork so that they can just do their job. I think as women, we all have been in this situation where we have a partner who will say, I'm more than happy to help.

18:47 Just tell me what you want me to do, or yeah, I can look after the kids on one of the days of the school holidays. You just tell me which day you need, like leaving you to do all of the mental planning, prep ringing around play dates, vacation care organizing, so that they can just step in and do that one thing that you told them to do and get like a pad on the back for it. Kelly. So Eve's whole point was that conception, execution, completion, and the other person completely stops micromanaging and allows that person to do the job, you know, to whatever standard they agree on. The minimum standard. So the next book that Ev wrote, I have a point with this. The next book that ev wrote was called Unicorn Space, and so she says, once you have freed up your time, your mental energy, like offloaded all of that mental load that you were carrying.

19:39 Now that you have an even division of labor in your household, then what are you going to do with that spare time? And she talks about this Unicorn space as being the place where you can have a creative self expressive activity. And it doesn't matter what it is, it is creative self expression. So when she talks about Unicorn Space, she's not just about hobbies, if I'm honest. She In fact, she says hobbies are something quite different. She does say that it's really important for everybody to have a vehicle for creative self expression. And it may be hip hop classes, it may be writing short stories, it may be quiere, knitting, singing, dancing, pottery making, creating, could be anything. But she says that these there are some key elements to this. It should be led by curiosity.

20:27 So following your curiosity. That's another big concept that Elizabeth Gilbert writes about in her book Big Magic. She says, just follow the curiosity, don't worry about where it might lead It doesn't have to be the end game. Just follow the bread crumbs of your curiosity. If you feel happy, engaged, if you feel pulled into a flow state, then that is your clue that you are on the right track. That's a quote by Kennon Sheldon, who is a psychology professor. She also says that having a partner involved, even just for accountability, is really important for your unicorn space. Tell somebody about what you're doing, share your work with others. And he also talks about completion. And she actually said to me in my podcast because I said, oh, what if I start something but then I just don't finish it? And she said, completion doesn't mean finishing, It just means you've seeing it through to your own completion. So if you're done with it, that's okay. You can be done with it, like you don't actually have to finish writing the book. You just have to see it through to its natural conclusion for you. So that's interesting. So Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky, you might be interested to pick that up if that's an idea that is of interest to you, to get you thinking about how you might find your own unicorn space. Of course, first you've got to get the division of labor right. So that's why that was a two part I wanted to talk to you now about some different personalities in different types of play, just to get you thinking as well. So doctor Stuart Brown is a researcher and he's founder of the National Institute of Play in I'm pretty sure this is in

21:59 the US, and he identified eight play personalities that can help you find out what kinds of play might work best for you. Now, this is not based on any research. This is just based on his work and his interviewing of hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people and finding that people typically fall into particular categories when it comes to what type of play personality they have. I'll run this through these pretty quickly and you might be able to identify yourself. One is the collector, so building collections. It could be anything from stamps to vintage cars. The competitor, so these are the ones who like to go and play games and they like to have rules. It could be anything from going out and playing club sport to even just a neighborhood friendly you know, soccer something. The creator or the artist they get their joy in making things, could be anything from doodling, would work, decorating, fixing, sewing, knitting, mccrame so creating okay. The director These are the people who like to plan and direct activities. So they're the ones who love to host a themed party or they want to plan the whole itinery of your holiday. They want to organize all of the social events and the fun times. So they got that kind of organizing, controlling kind of personality, so they bring that to their play activities.

23:18 The explorer is interested in discovering discovering something new, whether a physical place or mentally, so it could be exploring ideas, reading, learning new concepts, to traveling to different places. These are the people who might you know, travel to watch, you know, all the different waterfalls throughout the world, or caves, cave diving, that kind of thing. The joker is the person who likes to be silly and foolish, make people laugh. They're the ones who just love to tell stories. They're the jokes, just the storytellers, the ones who bring humor to all of their activities. The kinness set likes to use their body as play, whether it's dance or yoga or you know, as kids when used to play, elastics in the school ground, or anything that is physical. They love that kind of stuff. Acrobatics, circus, silks.

24:11 The storyteller they love to listen to or create stories. It could be going to the theater, watching plays, writing stories, writing in journals, writing poetry, anything that involves kind of that narrative kind of process. That's the storyteller. So maybe you resonate with one or more of those, just to give you some ideas as a starting point. Again, nothing scientific to it, just what he noticed tended to typically come out in people's personalities and also on the topic of research. Before I wrap this up, there is one researcher who has done a lot of work in understanding different kinds of play. He's come up with a structural model of playfulness that consists of four facets. So these are four kind of types of play. One is other directed, so this is in joying playing with others, making social relations out of your play activities, making social relations more interesting, loosening up tensions, enjoying good hearted teasing. Other directed, so play that involves connecting with other people. Then he has lighthearted play, which is basically seeing life as a bit of a game, not worrying too much about the future consequences, liking to improvise, having time in your daily routine for play.

25:27 Intellectual play is playing with ideas or thoughts, thinking about problems, problem solving, coming up with solutions to different problems, and preferring complexity over simplicity. And his fourth category is whimsical, and that means finding amusement in grotesque and strange situations, having the reputation of liking odd things or activities, finding it easy to find something amusing in everyday situations and interactions. So look, that's just a bit of the science, you know. Like I said, people are really exploring this whole idea of adult play and how it presents and the benefits of it. Like I said, remember, the key is doing it for the fun of it, not having any ulterior motive, not doing it to achieve an end goal or an outcome.

26:13 Not going to the yoga class or the dance class because it's because you need to lose weight, not going to the creative writing class because you want to become a best selling author. Like doing it purely for the joy of it. It is an attitude. It is not the activity necessarily, it's the mindset that you bring and as much as possible can you either try to make moments in your everyday life to have more fun and bring that playful attitude, relax, enjoy what you're doing, make it fun, and make time. Make time and you may even have to. Like it might sound a little bit paradoxical, I think that's the word to schedule time for spontaneity, but maybe you know, block out time in your diary to do something that is fun, and even if you don't know what that's going to be, just block the time out, create some white space in your calendar, and then decide on the day what would feel fun for you, What would feel like something nice that you could do just for yourself. What might you do for fun? You might just stroll through a bookstore. You might go for a swim. Oh, you might go and feed some ducks somewhere, read a book. Just think about what feels good for you.

27:30 I hope that has inspired you to make some time for fun in your life, to prioritize play. It really is so good for you, so important, you deserve it. It is not selfish, like I said. New Instagram account at Crappy to Happy Pod. Please come and give me a follow. Check out what I'm doing cast don dot com. I do have space for coaching clients at the moment. I often get asked if I'm taking new clients and yes, currently I am. Hit me up hello at castone dot com. If you're in, you're sitting working with me to achieve your goals in life and I cannot wait to catch you next week. On another episode of Crappy to Happy