June 12, 2024

Why I'm giving up drinking (again)

Why I'm giving up drinking (again)
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Why I'm giving up drinking (again)

In this solo ep, Cass shares her decision to take an extended break from alcohol after quitting drinking for (almost) two years in 2020 and then taking it up again in 2022.She highlights all the best things she experienced during two years of being alcohol-free, as a way to remind herself of the benefits to be gained from staying sober, and as motivation to anyone else who might be toying with the idea of giving up their evening glass of wine, but is worried about how they'd cope without it.
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Transcript
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This is Crappita Happy and I am your host, Cas Dunn.

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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist. I'm mindfulness meditation teacher

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and of course, author of the Crappita Happy books. In

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this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent

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people who are experts in their field and who have

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something of value to share that will help you feel

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less crappy and more happy. Hello, Hello, Welcome to another

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solo episode of Crappita Happy. Thrilled to be back this week.

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I want to talk about something. I'm actually a little

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bit hesitant to talk about this, but I'm diving in

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and I'm doing it. I want to tell you why

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I've decided to give up drinking again. Now, let's just

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say give up drinking for now. Let's not be too

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definite and permanent about this, but for now, I've made

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the decision to cut alcohol out of my life. Now,

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when I say again, if you have been around me

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for a while, not that I've ever really talked about

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this very much publicly, but if you follow me on

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social media, or especially if you were sort of in

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my inner circle, my paid programs, things like that, then

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in twenty twenty I decided to stop drinking, and I

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didn't drink for two years. I round up to two years.

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I mean, truthfully, it wasn't two years. It was I

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don't know, twenty something months, twenty two months maybe. But

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what that did was it gave me the experience. It

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made me feel amazing. It gave me the experience of

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life without alcohol. And I have been a drink of

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my whole adult life. So my friends and my family

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all drink alcohol. My husband drinks alcohol. You know, I'm Australian.

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We drink, we catch up, we drink, we go out

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for wines. I you know, we socialize with alcohol typically.

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So it's just always been a part of my life.

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And if you are similar to me and you love

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a glass of wine, and don't get me wrong, I

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love a glass of wine, it can be really challenging

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to break that habit. And even though we know, you know,

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it's like everything, we know what we're supposed to do,

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and we know that it's not that great for us,

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and we know that, you know, we'd be so much better.

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We have these detoxes that we do with dry July

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and we feel better briefly, but it's a really ingrained habit.

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It's such a huge central part of our social life.

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It can become really hard to imagine what life would

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be without it. It can actually feel a little bit

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scary and daunting to think about socializing or doing fun things,

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or having Christmases or birthdays or anything really without it.

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In fact, it can be challenging just to think about

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getting to the end of the workday or getting to

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a Friday night and not having drinks to wind down,

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because it's just so central to everything. So having said that,

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I know many many people have made a similar decision.

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We're all kind of waking up to the idea that

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this is, you know, it's not that great for us,

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and that we'd probably be better off without it, Which

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is not to say that it's not still really challenging

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to break that habit. So in twenty twenty, I stopped drinking.

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I had done periods of time without drinking before, as

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many of us have two years prior. There seems to

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be a bit of a two year cycle with me,

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because in twenty eighteen it was the first time in

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ages that I, well, the first time since being pregnant,

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really that I had been gone beyond just a thirty

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day kind of break, like a dry July kind of

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a break, and I pushed it out to around about

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four months, and that felt great. I didn't really have

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a goal beyond that. So when somebody just casually offered

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me a glass of champagne when we caught up, well,

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I kind of thought about it for a minute and thought,

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oh the hell, Like, you know, why not, I've done

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my I've had a pretty good, solid break, And so

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I picked up the champagne and I drank it, and

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you know, then gually, over time, then it just became

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as much a part of my life as it had

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always been. When you've had I had a break from

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alcohol for a period, usually when you start to drink again,

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you do drink a lot more mindfully, a lot more moderately.

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Like I'd never had that same sort of craving to

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drink as I, you know, as I had previously after

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I'd had that extended kind of break. But most people

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will tell you, over time it does kind of just

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creep back in. It just does kind of creep back

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to exactly where it was before. So what that gave me, though,

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was this experience of what it was like without alcohol,

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and I had felt really great for that four months,

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and I'd had had a couple of significant events. I

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think I'd had a birthday. I think I'd even done

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kind of Christmas New Year during that period. It was

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sort of like a November through to April ish March April,

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which means in my birthday is February. So I'd had

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all of Christmas, New Year, my birthday, you know, other

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things in between, without alcohol. And so that was a

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revelation to me. So that was quite significant. Anyway, as

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I said, started drinking again. And then it was a

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full two years later, probably a little more than two

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years when I thought, no, you know what, I'm going

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to do it again, because I did feel amazing. It

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was during COVID. It was when everybody was drinking way

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too much, like Dan Murphy's stocks were going through the roof.

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I was writing a book and that was really stressful

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because I had a really tight deadline and so I

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was really conscious of alcohol consumption at that time, and

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so again I decided to take a break. And that

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time I had one goal and that was to go

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further than what I had the previous time. So I

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got past my four months and then I continued and

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I got to six months and twelve months and eighteen months,

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and then kind of close to the two year mark

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was when I started having an occasional drink again. Now,

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the furvost of this podcast is to list and outline

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everything that I learned during that period about what is

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amazing about not drinking. And the reason that I am

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doing this podcast is number one to remind me because

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it's really bloody challenging. If I'm to be honest with you,

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when you have a regular wine have it, it is

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a hard one to break. So I am reminding me

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of what I loved about not drinking, and I am

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doing that publicly in this way just in case that

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is helpful to you. So if you are also maybe

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thinking about cutting back or quitting for a period, if

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you also have those same thoughts about how would I

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do Christmas or how would I do a social event

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or you know, I've got a birthday coming up or

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a wedding coming up, or something like how could I

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do that? Or if you have already stopped and you're

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starting to feel that pull back to one wouldn't hurt,

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then maybe it will help you. It might be a

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reminder to you of why you made this decision and

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why you should stick it out. Now. If you're not

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a drinker, if you've never been a drinker, if you're

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happy to have one glass of wine once a month,

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then you might want to just skip this up. This

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is possible not for you, but for all of the

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wine girls out there, I know there are plenty of you,

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then this one is for us. So another reason I

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decided to do this is because inevitably, when I tell

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people that I didn't drink for two years, like if

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I'm catching up with people I've meeting people here in

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the UK and I tell people that I didn't drink

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for two years, because you know, people say, oh, I

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shouldn't take a break and probably drink too much. D

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da da da da. Number one, they're amazed and they

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all want to know how did I do that and

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what was it like? And you know, how hard was

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it really? And the second thing that people ask is

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why did I start drinking again? So let's just get

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that out of the way first. The reason I started

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to drink again having had such a good run, I

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mean really good run, was because I felt like it.

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That is the simple truth of it. I just felt

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like it. I had never said I was giving up

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drinking permanently. I couldn't do that to myself. My brain

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doesn't tolerate those kinds of limits very well. It was

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just for as long as it continued to feel really good,

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I was, you know, which is not to say that

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I didn't have to push through some cravings at times.

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Obviously I did. But I had never said that I

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would give up drinking permanently. And around that time I

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just started to feel like a drink. I thought, oh glass,

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I want it would be nice, and where is in

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the past I'd probably gone, No, you know, keep going,

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get it, you know, see the next milestone, See out

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the next milestone. It had got to the point where

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I knew we were moving to the UK. I definitely

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did not want to move to the UK with this

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kind of rule in place that I wasn't going to drink.

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Not that you should see it that way, I understand

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you shouldn't see it that way. You should just really

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see it as, you know, something that is a benefit

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and a bonus, not a restriction or a limit, which

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is really very much how I did see it in

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the beginning. But I just didn't want to put myself

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in situations like going to Paris and not having a

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glass of champagne, or coming to London and not going

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to the pub and having a drink. I just knew

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that that would feel kind of shitty for me. I

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don't know, you know, maybe a better person would have

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just gone no. Of course, I don't need to do

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all of those things anyway. I just didn't want to

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come over here with those limits in place. That's a

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whole other story about letting go of rules. Actually I

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could do a whole other podcast on that. I made

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a decision around that time, no rules about anything to

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do with food or drinks or anything. I've been vegan,

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I've been vegetarian, I've tried to eat like carb, I've

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eaten low sugar, I've eaten I've been alcohol free. And

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I just found myself getting to a point where every

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single time I would walk into a venue or look

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at a menu, I was scanning it for what could

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I eat, instead of scanning a menu for what looks

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really delicious and what would I really enjoy? Was all

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about it was always what's my rules? So fuck that.

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Fuck rules about food and about drinks, and so I

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just decided to come here with no rules. Now I

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eat and drink anything that I like. So to completely

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contradict that, I am now back at a point where

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I am choosing to take a break from alcohol again

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because I have had two almost again almost two years

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of enjoying everything that London and Europe has to offer,

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eating whatever I want, drinking all the wine, having a

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great time socializing. But I now also am at the

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point where I'm that, yeah, well kind of done that now,

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and I remember how good it felt to not drink,

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and I'd like to just have some of that again.

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And the really great thing is having not drunk for

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two years is that I have lived experience of how

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good that can feel and all of the benefits of that.

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So going into this again without the rules, but just

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with the knowing that if I see this through this

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tough part, that I will feel amazing. Then that's the

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choice that I'm making at this time. And again I'm

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not saying it's forever. So why were the good things

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about not drinking? We all know how crappy it can

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feel when you decide to give up drinking and you

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think life's going to be boring. Everything color is going

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to be black and white. It feels like nothing will

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be fun, You feel like you're a boring person, like

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life just feels quite flat. And I'm here to tell

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you that that is not the case. You give yourself

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a chance to get through that initial tough bit, or

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you just have to push through those It's just habit, really,

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it's just breaking those habits. Those habits are so entrenched,

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the reaching for the glass of wine, and when you

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break that and you get through that initial tough bit,

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it doesn't take very long for it just didn't not

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occur to you anymore. It got to a point. I

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remember about three months in the last time, somebody saying

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to me, oh, wow, you still not drinking, Well, how's

228
00:11:49.600 --> 00:11:53.519
that going? And I remember saying, honestly, doesn't even cross

229
00:11:53.559 --> 00:11:57.840
my mind anymore. Now, what I did, what was really

230
00:11:57.879 --> 00:12:05.120
helpful to me, was I hadd alcohol de alcoholized non

231
00:12:05.159 --> 00:12:10.559
alcoholic wine. Now that used to be pretty shit. These days,

232
00:12:10.600 --> 00:12:14.000
there's really good options out there. So now some people

233
00:12:14.000 --> 00:12:15.600
don't want to do that. Some people don't like that.

234
00:12:15.639 --> 00:12:17.600
Some people just are like God, I'd rather just drink

235
00:12:18.039 --> 00:12:21.519
something different than try to drink a kind of a

236
00:12:21.559 --> 00:12:24.960
fake wine. These actually the good ones actually come from vineyards.

237
00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:27.039
They're the actual wine from the wine grape, but then

238
00:12:27.080 --> 00:12:30.399
they just have another process which removes the alcohol from it.

239
00:12:30.480 --> 00:12:33.240
So it's as close as it can get, really, And

240
00:12:33.240 --> 00:12:34.799
that was a life saver for me when I had

241
00:12:34.799 --> 00:12:36.519
that urge to pour a glass of wine. I could

242
00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:39.279
pour a glass of wine and I got really used

243
00:12:39.320 --> 00:12:41.120
to the flavor of it, to the point that I

244
00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:43.360
actually really enjoyed the flavor of it of it to

245
00:12:43.399 --> 00:12:46.200
the point where when somebody accidentally poured me a real

246
00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:48.759
glass of wine, I thought it tasted awful. So there

247
00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:52.000
you go. That says something. And that just helped me

248
00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:55.039
get through those initial kind of tough patches, you know,

249
00:12:55.120 --> 00:12:57.639
like the routine of pouring a glass of wine. I

250
00:12:57.679 --> 00:12:59.879
could sit socially and I could have something in my hand,

251
00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:02.840
and it just helped me get through that tough initial

252
00:13:02.840 --> 00:13:05.639
bit until I broke the habit, and then until I

253
00:13:05.720 --> 00:13:09.559
wasn't craving the actual alcohol anymore because it had gone. Look,

254
00:13:09.960 --> 00:13:13.159
that had gone from my system. So the things that

255
00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:16.879
I noticed that I really enjoyed are number one, sleep,

256
00:13:17.399 --> 00:13:20.960
Oh my god, I love sleep. Sleep is so good

257
00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:25.080
for you. You don't actually realize how much alcohol is

258
00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:28.519
affecting the quality of your sleep until you cut it out.

259
00:13:28.759 --> 00:13:31.440
This is for anybody who is a reasonably regular sort

260
00:13:31.440 --> 00:13:33.879
of drinker, even a couple of glasses of wine, you know,

261
00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:35.960
every night or most nights of the week. If you're

262
00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:38.080
a regular kind of have a couple of glasses of

263
00:13:38.080 --> 00:13:39.639
wine at the end of the day kind of a person.

264
00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:42.639
Then you cut it out and after about four or

265
00:13:42.639 --> 00:13:44.360
five days, by the time it's kind of got out

266
00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:47.120
of your system, you will put your head on that

267
00:13:47.159 --> 00:13:50.279
pillow and you will wake up and you will go,

268
00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:54.240
oh my god, I haven't slept that well in I

269
00:13:54.279 --> 00:13:59.279
don't know how long. You will feel amazing. There is

270
00:13:59.519 --> 00:14:03.919
nothing like sober sleep to just make you so rested

271
00:14:04.000 --> 00:14:08.600
and so restored. You wake up so fresh, so clear headed,

272
00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:14.200
and that is addictive. Let me tell you so. Sleep

273
00:14:14.279 --> 00:14:25.000
is number one. Absolutely love the quality of my sleep. Now,

274
00:14:25.159 --> 00:14:29.159
assuming there's not other things going on menopause, sayattica, which

275
00:14:29.200 --> 00:14:30.960
is what I've got going on at the moment. You know,

276
00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:33.279
there's other things that impact my sleep. But anyway, having

277
00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:35.440
said that, cut out alcohol change the game when it

278
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:39.600
comes to sleep. As I said, also, just waking up fresh,

279
00:14:39.759 --> 00:14:42.720
clear headed going into the day fresh and clear headed.

280
00:14:42.759 --> 00:14:46.360
I also don't think that we necessarily realize how much

281
00:14:46.600 --> 00:14:51.000
kind of low level stress or anxiety just bubbles away

282
00:14:51.080 --> 00:14:54.600
under the surface in our life and affects our mood

283
00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:56.799
because it's not significant. You know, like if you're not

284
00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:01.840
really a full blown, kind of really alcoholic drinker, you

285
00:15:01.960 --> 00:15:04.759
don't really realize the impact that it's having because we

286
00:15:04.759 --> 00:15:07.159
build up such a tolerance to it, right, So it

287
00:15:07.159 --> 00:15:09.080
does affect all of your system, and it does affect

288
00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:11.919
all of your organs and your blood and your brain chemistry.

289
00:15:11.960 --> 00:15:13.919
But what kind of just becomes like the fish doesn't

290
00:15:13.960 --> 00:15:16.960
see the water that it's swimming in. It just becomes

291
00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:18.879
unnu normal. And it's only when you cut it out

292
00:15:19.000 --> 00:15:21.120
and you start to really pay attention that you realize

293
00:15:21.120 --> 00:15:24.639
that your mood just feels lighter. Things just feel easier.

294
00:15:25.080 --> 00:15:28.320
You don't feel so stressed or anxious about things. It's

295
00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:31.679
partly because you have clarity, like you remember a lot

296
00:15:31.679 --> 00:15:35.840
of stuff and you kind of feel on top of things.

297
00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:38.720
And if you don't feel on top of things, well,

298
00:15:38.720 --> 00:15:41.919
then you know it's not because you drank too much

299
00:15:41.960 --> 00:15:44.960
on the weekend or you're a bit you know, everything's

300
00:15:44.960 --> 00:15:47.080
a little bit blurry because you had a bit of

301
00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:49.639
a hangover on Monday or whatever it was. You know,

302
00:15:49.759 --> 00:15:53.559
it's just because you forgot something. So that's another game changer.

303
00:15:54.039 --> 00:15:56.480
The amount of times that somebody has said something and

304
00:15:56.519 --> 00:15:59.519
I think, hang on, what I don't remember that conversation,

305
00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:03.120
And when you haven't been drinking, you just go are

306
00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:06.519
you sure we had the conversation when I was drinking.

307
00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:10.399
If somebody had said something like it was a conversation

308
00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:14.120
that I should remember and I didn't remember, I'd be thinking,

309
00:16:14.159 --> 00:16:18.320
oh my god, but was I Did I drink too much?

310
00:16:18.399 --> 00:16:22.960
Did I forget what they said? Like that's embarrassing. No, No,

311
00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:25.840
I would still forget things, but I would like not

312
00:16:25.879 --> 00:16:31.200
recall conversations. But I would know completely confident that alcohol

313
00:16:31.279 --> 00:16:34.559
has got nothing to do with it. So there is

314
00:16:34.759 --> 00:16:39.679
just this kind of calm confidence that comes, well, that's

315
00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:42.240
a lot of sea words. It's calm confidence that comes

316
00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:45.320
when you don't drink. So whether you forget a conversation,

317
00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:48.519
whether you forgot a meeting you were supposed to have,

318
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:51.519
whether you feel a bit out of thoughts, you feel

319
00:16:51.559 --> 00:16:55.159
a bit emotional, you know all the time that that's

320
00:16:55.320 --> 00:16:58.519
just you, Like, that's nothing. Alcohol's got nothing to do

321
00:16:58.639 --> 00:17:00.720
with it. You don't have this question mark in your

322
00:17:00.759 --> 00:17:03.759
mind about or was I drinking too much? Have I

323
00:17:03.799 --> 00:17:05.680
drunk too much? Like is that what's going on here?

324
00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:09.880
So that's really really that's kind of cool, Like it's

325
00:17:09.960 --> 00:17:12.599
just kind of takes a weight off, it takes something

326
00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:16.000
out of your kind of psyche. And the flip side

327
00:17:16.039 --> 00:17:19.400
of that is that when you're having a great time,

328
00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:23.559
and I had time so that I was just laughing,

329
00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:27.759
belly laughing, having so much fun, being so ridiculous, dancing

330
00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:31.200
in my kitchen singing to I don't know, eighties hits

331
00:17:31.279 --> 00:17:34.759
or whatever, and Annabelle, my daughter, saying to me, if

332
00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:39.200
you had some wine? No, no wine, just having a

333
00:17:39.240 --> 00:17:42.880
great time because life is fun and I'm fun and

334
00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:45.880
I'm having fun and I do not need alcohol to

335
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:50.920
have fun. That is also amazing knowing that you can

336
00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:54.799
have loads of fun, that life is still heaps of

337
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:59.079
fun and it does not require any alcohol. So any

338
00:17:59.119 --> 00:18:01.000
thoughts that you have about all of these good times

339
00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:04.680
that you have that are alcohol fueled, trust me, there's

340
00:18:04.720 --> 00:18:07.559
plenty of good times to still be had. Best of all,

341
00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:09.640
you'll remember them all the next day. There'll be no

342
00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:12.000
nasty hangover. You want to wake up with a dry mouth.

343
00:18:12.200 --> 00:18:14.799
You won't forget what you said, you won't worry about

344
00:18:14.880 --> 00:18:16.920
checking your phone about who you messaged or what you said,

345
00:18:17.000 --> 00:18:20.079
or what you posted on Facebook, none of that. None

346
00:18:20.079 --> 00:18:25.880
of that. Just good fun and just a very natural high.

347
00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:29.559
So that's that is really one of my favorites, I

348
00:18:29.640 --> 00:18:33.319
gotta say so. Another one for me was I came

349
00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:35.240
up drinking around the time my daughter started with a

350
00:18:35.240 --> 00:18:38.680
part time job, and also towards the end was when

351
00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:41.200
she started going to parties and things like that and

352
00:18:41.240 --> 00:18:44.079
wanting to stay out late. So she was at that

353
00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:47.960
sort of fourteen fifteen, sixteen year old age, and one

354
00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:50.319
of the best things about not drinking was being more

355
00:18:50.359 --> 00:18:51.960
than happy to jump in the car and go and

356
00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:53.480
pick her up at any time of the day or

357
00:18:53.559 --> 00:18:55.480
night she was had it late shift. I never had

358
00:18:55.480 --> 00:18:58.319
to think, oh God, better you know, not have a one,

359
00:18:58.359 --> 00:19:00.240
or a better stop there, or any of that kind

360
00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:03.079
of stuff. Just just was never an issue. Just never

361
00:19:03.119 --> 00:19:05.480
had to even give it a second thought. If she

362
00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:06.799
was going to a party and she needed to be

363
00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:09.720
picked up at midnight, no drama. Would just sit up

364
00:19:09.720 --> 00:19:11.279
and wait and I would just go and pick her up.

365
00:19:11.359 --> 00:19:14.240
Like there was never ever an issue of who's going

366
00:19:14.279 --> 00:19:16.039
to drive, or you better not drink tonight, or you're

367
00:19:16.039 --> 00:19:18.000
going to pick her up tonight or any of that

368
00:19:18.079 --> 00:19:22.400
sort of negotiation not an issue. Similarly, we were living

369
00:19:22.400 --> 00:19:24.319
out in the country, you know, and like so sort

370
00:19:24.359 --> 00:19:26.759
of everywhere was a drive. And when you live in

371
00:19:26.759 --> 00:19:30.799
the country again, like go for lunch, go for dinner,

372
00:19:30.839 --> 00:19:33.240
go see friends, have a few drinks. Never had to

373
00:19:33.240 --> 00:19:35.000
think about how we're going to get home or somebody

374
00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:36.640
going to be able to give us a lift. You

375
00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:40.920
just drive. It's it just makes life so much easier.

376
00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:43.079
You don't have to worry about how you're going to

377
00:19:43.160 --> 00:19:47.640
get anywhere, picking up the phone, getting text messages, looking

378
00:19:47.720 --> 00:19:50.400
at emails. Not that I can done checking your work

379
00:19:50.480 --> 00:19:56.279
emails in the evening, but if you do, then you

380
00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:58.599
just have a clear mind, a clear head. You can

381
00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:00.400
read a message, you're going to add through it, you

382
00:20:00.400 --> 00:20:03.400
can put it aside instead of that. I know that

383
00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:06.279
when I was drinking, like especially for like a Friday

384
00:20:06.359 --> 00:20:09.039
night or something, and if it had a couple of

385
00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:10.680
glasses of wine and I saw a message come in,

386
00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:12.480
I'd be thinking, oh God, I don't know if I

387
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:14.319
should answer that, like I've had a couple of wines.

388
00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:16.680
Am I am I in the right kind of mind

389
00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:20.359
frame to answer that. I mean, and I probably was fine,

390
00:20:20.359 --> 00:20:23.319
to be honest, it's just paranoia. I was completely fine.

391
00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:26.480
But it doesn't occur to you when you're not drinking.

392
00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:29.359
You don't have to worry. You just clearheaded anytime of

393
00:20:29.400 --> 00:20:32.759
the day or night, you know what. Being able to

394
00:20:32.839 --> 00:20:36.039
drive was a really big one for me. Like I

395
00:20:36.119 --> 00:20:39.079
really never wanted to be in a situation where if

396
00:20:39.079 --> 00:20:42.319
I got a call from Annabelle, like even if she

397
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:45.599
was sleeping over to friend's place, if I ever got

398
00:20:45.640 --> 00:20:48.839
a call, I never wanted to be to have to say,

399
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:50.640
oh my god, but I can't drive, like I've had

400
00:20:50.680 --> 00:20:54.519
a few drinks or no. Just knowing that I could

401
00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:55.839
just get up, I could just jump in the car

402
00:20:55.880 --> 00:20:58.880
at any time, it's a really good feeling. It is

403
00:20:58.920 --> 00:21:01.799
a really really good feeling getting on with things like

404
00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:06.400
physical benefits, because obviously there are many a lot of

405
00:21:06.440 --> 00:21:08.839
people think that if they give up drinking, they're going

406
00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:11.680
to lose masses of weight. They think, oh, I'm consuming

407
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:13.799
all of these empty calories. If I stop drinking, then

408
00:21:13.839 --> 00:21:16.680
I'll just I will lose all this weight. I hate

409
00:21:16.680 --> 00:21:18.319
to break it to you, but that's probably not going

410
00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:21.720
to happen. Most people who I have talked to, and

411
00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:24.839
I can tell you from my own experience, you might

412
00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:27.480
lose a couple of kilos initially, like depending on how

413
00:21:27.519 --> 00:21:30.960
much weight you have to lose over the first like

414
00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:35.359
three four months or so, I maybe slowly dropped a

415
00:21:35.400 --> 00:21:38.720
kilo or two. You know, it was no overnight drop,

416
00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:42.759
that's for sure, partly because I was eating more chocolate

417
00:21:42.759 --> 00:21:46.119
and sugary sweet things to make up for the kind

418
00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:50.000
of fill the gap where wine used to be. That

419
00:21:50.039 --> 00:21:55.240
tape is off. But I stopped gaining weight. So when

420
00:21:55.279 --> 00:21:57.279
I was drinking, and when I was stressed and I

421
00:21:57.319 --> 00:21:59.599
was working from home and writing a book and always

422
00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:01.880
having a cup glasses of wine and then eating crappy food,

423
00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:05.160
my weight and perimenopause, my weight was just going up

424
00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:06.599
and up and up and up and up and not.

425
00:22:06.920 --> 00:22:09.240
You know, look, every time I go, oh, be bad.

426
00:22:09.240 --> 00:22:11.039
If I got to that weight, then I'd get there.

427
00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:12.720
Oh now I'm Here'd be bad. If I got to

428
00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:15.400
that well, then I'd get there. So my benjamink kept

429
00:22:15.480 --> 00:22:19.359
moving like I just kept exceeding all of my limits,

430
00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:23.759
my weight just kept going up. When I stopped drinking,

431
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:27.279
I dropped a couple of kilos, and then it's sort

432
00:22:27.319 --> 00:22:31.759
of just hovered around that weight. It stopped moving. So

433
00:22:32.359 --> 00:22:34.880
you may not lose loads of weight, but you will

434
00:22:34.920 --> 00:22:38.160
certainly stop gaining weight. And the other thing is if

435
00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:40.400
you are attempting to lose weight, if you are trying

436
00:22:40.440 --> 00:22:44.519
to change your what you eat to eat more healthy,

437
00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:47.000
eat more nutritious food. If you want to go kito,

438
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:49.799
if you want to go Mediterranean diet or the five

439
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:53.039
two or whatever it is that you want to do,

440
00:22:53.079 --> 00:22:55.480
you have a much better chance of sticking with that

441
00:22:55.640 --> 00:22:58.640
and being able to do it when you're not negotiating

442
00:22:58.759 --> 00:23:01.960
with alcohol, when you're not thinking, oh would a wine hurt?

443
00:23:02.400 --> 00:23:04.559
How much can I? How many glasses of wine can

444
00:23:04.599 --> 00:23:07.119
I fit into this plan before it starts to take

445
00:23:07.160 --> 00:23:10.319
me out of my keyto or how many carbs are

446
00:23:10.359 --> 00:23:13.000
in this glass of wine? There's none of that. It's

447
00:23:13.079 --> 00:23:15.160
just it's just not a factor that you have to

448
00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:19.079
consider anymore. You don't have to think about it. So

449
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:21.680
it makes it much more likely that you're going to

450
00:23:21.720 --> 00:23:25.839
stick to whatever other health goals you have, even if

451
00:23:25.880 --> 00:23:27.960
that is doing my exercise. If you want to go

452
00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:30.839
to yoga, Oh God, let me talk about yoga in

453
00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:33.599
the evening, going to a yin yoga class, or a

454
00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:39.079
lovely sound bath, or like something really restorative and lovely

455
00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:42.319
in the evening. If I was drinking, I wouldn't be

456
00:23:42.359 --> 00:23:44.559
doing that. By the time it got to seven o'clock

457
00:23:44.599 --> 00:23:46.400
yoga class, I would have had a glass of wine

458
00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:49.519
at least one, maybe two. Didn't really feel right to

459
00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:51.279
go to yoga after I'd had a couple of glasses

460
00:23:51.319 --> 00:23:53.960
of wine. It wouldn't have the urge, wouldn't be motivated

461
00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:57.279
to do it. But when you're not drinking, that becomes

462
00:23:57.480 --> 00:24:00.000
very appealing. So you can go and fill your ear

463
00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:02.960
evenings with things but are actually really good for you,

464
00:24:03.519 --> 00:24:08.759
really restorative, because you're not having a glass of wine instead.

465
00:24:09.160 --> 00:24:11.160
I mean, you know, we could talk about all of

466
00:24:11.000 --> 00:24:13.279
the good things your detox and your liver and all

467
00:24:13.319 --> 00:24:15.000
of that sort of stuff, reducing your risk of a

468
00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:17.039
whole lot of cancers like blah blah. I think we

469
00:24:17.079 --> 00:24:20.960
all know all of that stuff. Your skin will be clearer,

470
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:25.119
your face will be less puffy, your eyes will be brighter,

471
00:24:25.799 --> 00:24:28.440
like you just see it on the outside. Everything is

472
00:24:28.519 --> 00:24:35.400
more vibrant, fresh. It's just you look better. You'll glow.

473
00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:39.759
You know. It's nice. It's nice to know that the

474
00:24:39.839 --> 00:24:44.640
no hangovers. Obviously again goes without saying, but it's just

475
00:24:45.400 --> 00:24:48.119
knowing that you will never ever deal with a hangover

476
00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:50.599
for as long as you are not drinking. Now, here's

477
00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:54.160
the thing about going out to events. Number One, If

478
00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:57.079
this is something that is of concern to you, have

479
00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:01.759
something alcohol free, go to the event, and as soon

480
00:25:01.799 --> 00:25:04.319
as you have pushed through that initial kind of feeling

481
00:25:04.359 --> 00:25:07.359
of discomfort, you will be completely fine and you will

482
00:25:07.400 --> 00:25:09.839
have a great time. If you're with fun people and

483
00:25:09.880 --> 00:25:12.400
you're a fun person, you don't need alcohol to have fun.

484
00:25:12.440 --> 00:25:15.119
And the sooner that you give yourself that experience and

485
00:25:15.279 --> 00:25:17.640
actually go out and have a really good time, the better.

486
00:25:17.799 --> 00:25:20.160
Because you have that lived experience. It's like you start

487
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:23.119
building a muscle memory. Oh, it actually is fun. I

488
00:25:23.160 --> 00:25:25.359
can have a good time without alcohol. Then I can

489
00:25:25.400 --> 00:25:27.319
drive home whenever I want. Then I can wake up

490
00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:28.680
the next morning and go for a run or go

491
00:25:28.720 --> 00:25:30.920
for a walk because I feel amazing. Oh, I also

492
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:33.440
remember everything from the night before. I give yourself that

493
00:25:33.480 --> 00:25:37.440
lived experience. The other thing is you may not choose

494
00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:40.480
to stay at those events because you might actually realize

495
00:25:40.519 --> 00:25:43.759
that everybody's talking shit, that the conversations that you think

496
00:25:43.799 --> 00:25:45.759
are so deep and meaningful when you've had a few

497
00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:49.119
dreams are actually just a load of cod swallop. Like

498
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:57.160
people people just descend into just like not making much sense.

499
00:25:57.640 --> 00:25:59.839
Things that they think are funny when they're drunk, they're

500
00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:02.400
not that funny. You know, you think they're funny. When

501
00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:05.839
you're drunk, they're not that funny. But there'll be times

502
00:26:05.880 --> 00:26:08.119
when it is funny, like even when you're sober, if

503
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:12.559
it's really funny, like it's funny anyway, but when you're sober,

504
00:26:12.599 --> 00:26:14.880
you can be much more discerning about whether it actually

505
00:26:14.920 --> 00:26:17.000
is fun and it is funny or if it's just

506
00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:18.839
a load of crap. And then you can just get

507
00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:22.079
yourself out of there. So that's a sort of a

508
00:26:22.119 --> 00:26:24.759
two pronged thing, like don't worry that things aren't going

509
00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:26.279
to be fun, that parties an't going to be fun

510
00:26:26.359 --> 00:26:29.599
or anything like that, because they will be, but sometimes

511
00:26:29.599 --> 00:26:32.559
they won't be and that's okay too. Like then you

512
00:26:32.599 --> 00:26:34.759
can just get yourself out of there. You can go

513
00:26:35.039 --> 00:26:36.599
have a cup of tea, go to bed, you'll feel

514
00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:40.359
so bloody, wholesome and virtuous. Honestly, there is nothing feels

515
00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:44.480
better than putting your head on the pillow alcohol free

516
00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:47.480
and going, oh, I feel good. Now. I'm going to

517
00:26:47.559 --> 00:26:50.559
have the best sleep ever, and I'm going to wake

518
00:26:50.599 --> 00:26:54.039
up tomorrow early and be fresh and productive and get

519
00:26:54.079 --> 00:26:57.359
on with my day. It is a good, good feeling,

520
00:26:57.880 --> 00:27:03.960
trust me. So as for me right now, I have

521
00:27:04.039 --> 00:27:06.519
been toying with the idea of cutting out alcohol again

522
00:27:06.599 --> 00:27:09.319
for a while. When I first started drinking again, it

523
00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:11.480
was the occasional wine. Like I came over here to

524
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:14.680
the UK and I was having an occasional wine, and then,

525
00:27:15.640 --> 00:27:18.039
like I said, it just sort of gradually creeps back in.

526
00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:24.039
I rarely really drink to excess these days. I just

527
00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:26.119
went back to Australia, probably those a couple of days

528
00:27:26.160 --> 00:27:29.000
there where I drank too much, which you know, I

529
00:27:29.000 --> 00:27:32.559
remember how shitty this feels. I'd certainly have been talking

530
00:27:32.599 --> 00:27:35.960
about thinking about giving up again for a period, I

531
00:27:35.960 --> 00:27:38.079
don't know for how long, but I knew I wasn't

532
00:27:38.079 --> 00:27:39.720
going to do that. Before I had been home to

533
00:27:39.759 --> 00:27:42.440
Australia and visiting family and friends again. Didn't want to

534
00:27:42.440 --> 00:27:45.119
have rules in place. But since I've been back to

535
00:27:45.160 --> 00:27:49.359
the UK, I stopped last week, so it is I'm

536
00:27:49.400 --> 00:27:52.359
on like the day nine. I'm basically in my second

537
00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:58.279
week now and feeling pretty good. Got through the weekend,

538
00:27:58.359 --> 00:28:01.359
so that's always the challenging part is getting through a weekend.

539
00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:03.160
Caught up with a friend who I would normally be

540
00:28:03.240 --> 00:28:05.160
drinking with and we just went and had a coffee

541
00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:08.119
and some lunch, which is very pleasant and wholesome. Stayed

542
00:28:08.119 --> 00:28:11.519
away from the pub because my husband was away, because

543
00:28:11.559 --> 00:28:13.279
we normally do go to the pub on the weekends

544
00:28:13.319 --> 00:28:18.000
quite a lot. So Day nine for me now, and

545
00:28:19.480 --> 00:28:21.039
you know, I know that as I get closer to

546
00:28:21.079 --> 00:28:23.880
the weekend, I'm going to start to go, oh Glass,

547
00:28:23.920 --> 00:28:26.480
I want to be nice, and so that was part

548
00:28:26.519 --> 00:28:27.920
of the reason that I wanted to record this. I

549
00:28:27.960 --> 00:28:30.400
wanted to remind myself, like I said, and also remind

550
00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:34.359
you or tell you if you needed to hear this,

551
00:28:35.160 --> 00:28:38.440
that it's good. There is so much to be gained.

552
00:28:38.839 --> 00:28:40.839
You don't have to worry that life is going to

553
00:28:40.839 --> 00:28:42.839
be gray and boring and you're going to be boring.

554
00:28:43.160 --> 00:28:45.400
That is not the case. If you would like, I

555
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:48.319
can do another episode on some strategies and some tools

556
00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:51.759
that I find really helpful, especially in those early days.

557
00:28:51.759 --> 00:28:54.480
It really is just about pushing through the ear the

558
00:28:54.559 --> 00:28:58.039
early days. And you know, like I said, like I'm

559
00:28:58.079 --> 00:29:02.000
not into you know, I'm not counting days. I couldn't

560
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:04.480
even tell you the exact number of days or months

561
00:29:04.519 --> 00:29:09.640
that I stayed alcohol free. Okay, so I know that

562
00:29:09.680 --> 00:29:11.480
I'm going to be hit with cravings and I's going

563
00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:13.079
to be really tempting to have a glass of wine.

564
00:29:13.079 --> 00:29:15.799
I'm going to Ireland next weekend. It's going to be

565
00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:20.599
super tempting. So I don't want to say I'm never

566
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:24.160
drinking again. I did want to just put it out

567
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:27.880
there what the benefits are to help me to stay

568
00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:30.599
committed for a little bit longer. You know, I'd like

569
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:32.599
to think i'd get through it. Maybe a month, three

570
00:29:32.599 --> 00:29:36.519
months would be better. And I know that will be

571
00:29:36.599 --> 00:29:39.200
really embarrassing to have to come back here and say, m,

572
00:29:39.640 --> 00:29:43.799
well that didn't last. I was at the pub having

573
00:29:43.799 --> 00:29:46.799
a seven one bloc on the weekend. So hopefully this

574
00:29:46.799 --> 00:29:48.720
will help me to stay a little bit accountable. And

575
00:29:48.759 --> 00:29:51.559
if you want to message me on Instagram, cast on

576
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:55.400
underscore XO and help me stay motivated, then by all

577
00:29:55.480 --> 00:30:00.079
means a little bit of public accountability doesn't hurt anybody,

578
00:29:59.720 --> 00:30:03.160
but hopefully I won't need it because I have just

579
00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:05.960
done a really good job. I think of reminding myself

580
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.200
of everything that I loved about not drinking, and I'm

581
00:30:09.240 --> 00:30:13.960
looking forward to experiencing all those benefits again. In fact,

582
00:30:14.000 --> 00:30:17.519
I already am because I'm sleeping like a baby. I'm

583
00:30:17.519 --> 00:30:23.880
feeling motivated, productive, clear headed, happy, on top of things, inspired, creative,

584
00:30:24.519 --> 00:30:27.000
like it's all there. It is all there when you

585
00:30:27.119 --> 00:30:31.119
cut out alcohol. It's amazing. Actually, the difference that it

586
00:30:31.160 --> 00:30:33.160
makes you might not think it, because you might not

587
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:36.599
think that you're drinking that much. I wasn't necessarily drinking

588
00:30:36.599 --> 00:30:41.039
that much, does really make a difference. And it's all good.

589
00:30:41.480 --> 00:30:43.880
So good luck with that. Let me know how you go,

590
00:30:44.279 --> 00:30:46.599
and I'll be back next week with a really great

591
00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:51.839
interview with Monique from the Neurodivergent Woman podcast. She's amazing.

592
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:53.960
So keep an eye for that press as subscribe button

593
00:30:54.119 --> 00:30:56.359
wherever you listen so that you never miss an episode,

594
00:30:56.759 --> 00:30:59.880
and please also give us a rating and review. Really

595
00:31:00.039 --> 00:31:01.359
obs us in the chants and to get into the

596
00:31:01.359 --> 00:31:04.039
ears of more listeners. I love, I love that you're here.

597
00:31:04.119 --> 00:31:07.400
And I appreciate your support and I will catch you

598
00:31:07.440 --> 00:31:11.440
next week. Another great episode of Crapy to are happy