Why I'm giving up drinking (again)

0:04 This is Crappita Happy and I am your host, Cas Dunn. I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist. I'm mindfulness meditation teacher and of course, author of the Crappita Happy books. In this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent people who are experts in their field and who have something of value to share that will help you feel less crappy and more happy. Hello, Hello, Welcome to another solo episode of Crappita Happy. Thrilled to be back this week.

0:45 I want to talk about something. I'm actually a little bit hesitant to talk about this, but I'm diving in and I'm doing it. I want to tell you why I've decided to give up drinking again. Now, let's just say give up drinking for now. Let's not be too definite and permanent about this, but for now, I've made the decision to cut alcohol out of my life. Now, when I say again, if you have been around me for a while, not that I've ever really talked about this very much publicly, but if you follow me on social media, or especially if you were sort of in my inner circle, my paid programs, things like that, then in twenty twenty I decided to stop drinking, and I didn't drink for two years. I round up to two years.

1:32 I mean, truthfully, it wasn't two years. It was I don't know, twenty something months, twenty two months maybe. But what that did was it gave me the experience. It made me feel amazing. It gave me the experience of life without alcohol. And I have been a drink of my whole adult life. So my friends and my family all drink alcohol. My husband drinks alcohol. You know, I'm Australian. We drink, we catch up, we drink, we go out for wines. I you know, we socialize with alcohol typically. So it's just always been a part of my life. And if you are similar to me and you love a glass of wine, and don't get me wrong, I love a glass of wine, it can be really challenging to break that habit. And even though we know, you know, it's like everything, we know what we're supposed to do, and we know that it's not that great for us, and we know that, you know, we'd be so much better.

2:24 We have these detoxes that we do with dry July and we feel better briefly, but it's a really ingrained habit. It's such a huge central part of our social life. It can become really hard to imagine what life would be without it. It can actually feel a little bit scary and daunting to think about socializing or doing fun things, or having Christmases or birthdays or anything really without it. In fact, it can be challenging just to think about getting to the end of the workday or getting to a Friday night and not having drinks to wind down, because it's just so central to everything. So having said that, I know many many people have made a similar decision. We're all kind of waking up to the idea that this is, you know, it's not that great for us, and that we'd probably be better off without it, Which is not to say that it's not still really challenging to break that habit. So in twenty twenty, I stopped drinking.

3:17 I had done periods of time without drinking before, as many of us have two years prior. There seems to be a bit of a two year cycle with me, because in twenty eighteen it was the first time in ages that I, well, the first time since being pregnant, really that I had been gone beyond just a thirty day kind of break, like a dry July kind of a break, and I pushed it out to around about four months, and that felt great. I didn't really have a goal beyond that. So when somebody just casually offered me a glass of champagne when we caught up, well, I kind of thought about it for a minute and thought, oh the hell, Like, you know, why not, I've done my I've had a pretty good, solid break, And so I picked up the champagne and I drank it, and you know, then gually, over time, then it just became as much a part of my life as it had always been. When you've had I had a break from alcohol for a period, usually when you start to drink again, you do drink a lot more mindfully, a lot more moderately.

4:14 Like I'd never had that same sort of craving to drink as I, you know, as I had previously after I'd had that extended kind of break. But most people will tell you, over time it does kind of just creep back in. It just does kind of creep back to exactly where it was before. So what that gave me, though, was this experience of what it was like without alcohol, and I had felt really great for that four months, and I'd had had a couple of significant events. I think I'd had a birthday. I think I'd even done kind of Christmas New Year during that period. It was sort of like a November through to April ish March April, which means in my birthday is February. So I'd had all of Christmas, New Year, my birthday, you know, other things in between, without alcohol. And so that was a revelation to me. So that was quite significant. Anyway, as I said, started drinking again. And then it was a full two years later, probably a little more than two years when I thought, no, you know what, I'm going to do it again, because I did feel amazing. It was during COVID. It was when everybody was drinking way too much, like Dan Murphy's stocks were going through the roof.

5:21 I was writing a book and that was really stressful because I had a really tight deadline and so I was really conscious of alcohol consumption at that time, and so again I decided to take a break. And that time I had one goal and that was to go further than what I had the previous time. So I got past my four months and then I continued and I got to six months and twelve months and eighteen months, and then kind of close to the two year mark was when I started having an occasional drink again. Now, the furvost of this podcast is to list and outline everything that I learned during that period about what is amazing about not drinking. And the reason that I am doing this podcast is number one to remind me because it's really bloody challenging. If I'm to be honest with you, when you have a regular wine have it, it is a hard one to break. So I am reminding me of what I loved about not drinking, and I am doing that publicly in this way just in case that is helpful to you. So if you are also maybe thinking about cutting back or quitting for a period, if you also have those same thoughts about how would I do Christmas or how would I do a social event or you know, I've got a birthday coming up or a wedding coming up, or something like how could I do that? Or if you have already stopped and you're starting to feel that pull back to one wouldn't hurt, then maybe it will help you. It might be a reminder to you of why you made this decision and why you should stick it out. Now. If you're not

6:53 a drinker, if you've never been a drinker, if you're happy to have one glass of wine once a month, then you might want to just skip this up. This is possible not for you, but for all of the wine girls out there, I know there are plenty of you, then this one is for us. So another reason I decided to do this is because inevitably, when I tell people that I didn't drink for two years, like if I'm catching up with people I've meeting people here in the UK and I tell people that I didn't drink for two years, because you know, people say, oh, I shouldn't take a break and probably drink too much. D da da da da. Number one, they're amazed and they all want to know how did I do that and what was it like? And you know, how hard was it really? And the second thing that people ask is why did I start drinking again? So let's just get that out of the way first. The reason I started to drink again having had such a good run, I mean really good run, was because I felt like it.

7:47 That is the simple truth of it. I just felt like it. I had never said I was giving up drinking permanently. I couldn't do that to myself. My brain doesn't tolerate those kinds of limits very well. It was just for as long as it continued to feel really good, I was, you know, which is not to say that I didn't have to push through some cravings at times. Obviously I did. But I had never said that I would give up drinking permanently. And around that time I just started to feel like a drink. I thought, oh glass, I want it would be nice, and where is in the past I'd probably gone, No, you know, keep going, get it, you know, see the next milestone, See out the next milestone. It had got to the point where I knew we were moving to the UK. I definitely did not want to move to the UK with this kind of rule in place that I wasn't going to drink.

8:37 Not that you should see it that way, I understand you shouldn't see it that way. You should just really see it as, you know, something that is a benefit and a bonus, not a restriction or a limit, which is really very much how I did see it in the beginning. But I just didn't want to put myself in situations like going to Paris and not having a glass of champagne, or coming to London and not going to the pub and having a drink. I just knew that that would feel kind of shitty for me. I don't know, you know, maybe a better person would have just gone no. Of course, I don't need to do all of those things anyway. I just didn't want to come over here with those limits in place. That's a whole other story about letting go of rules. Actually I could do a whole other podcast on that. I made a decision around that time, no rules about anything to do with food or drinks or anything. I've been vegan, I've been vegetarian, I've tried to eat like carb, I've eaten low sugar, I've eaten I've been alcohol free. And I just found myself getting to a point where every single time I would walk into a venue or look at a menu, I was scanning it for what could I eat, instead of scanning a menu for what looks really delicious and what would I really enjoy? Was all about it was always what's my rules? So fuck that.

9:49 Fuck rules about food and about drinks, and so I just decided to come here with no rules. Now I eat and drink anything that I like. So to completely contradict that, I am now back at a point where I am choosing to take a break from alcohol again because I have had two almost again almost two years of enjoying everything that London and Europe has to offer, eating whatever I want, drinking all the wine, having a great time socializing. But I now also am at the point where I'm that, yeah, well kind of done that now, and I remember how good it felt to not drink, and I'd like to just have some of that again.

10:30 And the really great thing is having not drunk for two years is that I have lived experience of how good that can feel and all of the benefits of that. So going into this again without the rules, but just with the knowing that if I see this through this tough part, that I will feel amazing. Then that's the choice that I'm making at this time. And again I'm not saying it's forever. So why were the good things about not drinking? We all know how crappy it can feel when you decide to give up drinking and you think life's going to be boring. Everything color is going to be black and white. It feels like nothing will be fun, You feel like you're a boring person, like life just feels quite flat. And I'm here to tell you that that is not the case. You give yourself a chance to get through that initial tough bit, or you just have to push through those It's just habit, really, it's just breaking those habits. Those habits are so entrenched, the reaching for the glass of wine, and when you break that and you get through that initial tough bit, it doesn't take very long for it just didn't not occur to you anymore. It got to a point. I remember about three months in the last time, somebody saying to me, oh, wow, you still not drinking, Well, how's that going? And I remember saying, honestly, doesn't even cross my mind anymore. Now, what I did, what was really helpful to me, was I hadd alcohol de alcoholized non

12:05 alcoholic wine. Now that used to be pretty shit. These days, there's really good options out there. So now some people don't want to do that. Some people don't like that. Some people just are like God, I'd rather just drink something different than try to drink a kind of a fake wine. These actually the good ones actually come from vineyards. They're the actual wine from the wine grape, but then they just have another process which removes the alcohol from it. So it's as close as it can get, really, And that was a life saver for me when I had that urge to pour a glass of wine. I could pour a glass of wine and I got really used to the flavor of it, to the point that I actually really enjoyed the flavor of it of it to the point where when somebody accidentally poured me a real glass of wine, I thought it tasted awful. So there you go. That says something. And that just helped me get through those initial kind of tough patches, you know, like the routine of pouring a glass of wine. I could sit socially and I could have something in my hand, and it just helped me get through that tough initial bit until I broke the habit, and then until I wasn't craving the actual alcohol anymore because it had gone. Look, that had gone from my system. So the things that I noticed that I really enjoyed are number one, sleep, Oh my god, I love sleep. Sleep is so good for you. You don't actually realize how much alcohol is affecting the quality of your sleep until you cut it out.

13:28 This is for anybody who is a reasonably regular sort of drinker, even a couple of glasses of wine, you know, every night or most nights of the week. If you're a regular kind of have a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day kind of a person. Then you cut it out and after about four or five days, by the time it's kind of got out of your system, you will put your head on that pillow and you will wake up and you will go, oh my god, I haven't slept that well in I don't know how long. You will feel amazing. There is nothing like sober sleep to just make you so rested and so restored. You wake up so fresh, so clear headed, and that is addictive. Let me tell you so. Sleep is number one. Absolutely love the quality of my sleep. Now, assuming there's not other things going on menopause, sayattica, which is what I've got going on at the moment. You know, there's other things that impact my sleep. But anyway, having said that, cut out alcohol change the game when it comes to sleep. As I said, also, just waking up fresh, clear headed going into the day fresh and clear headed.

14:42 I also don't think that we necessarily realize how much kind of low level stress or anxiety just bubbles away under the surface in our life and affects our mood because it's not significant. You know, like if you're not really a full blown, kind of really alcoholic drinker, you don't really realize the impact that it's having because we build up such a tolerance to it, right, So it does affect all of your system, and it does affect all of your organs and your blood and your brain chemistry. But what kind of just becomes like the fish doesn't see the water that it's swimming in. It just becomes unnu normal. And it's only when you cut it out and you start to really pay attention that you realize that your mood just feels lighter. Things just feel easier.

15:25 You don't feel so stressed or anxious about things. It's partly because you have clarity, like you remember a lot of stuff and you kind of feel on top of things. And if you don't feel on top of things, well, then you know it's not because you drank too much on the weekend or you're a bit you know, everything's a little bit blurry because you had a bit of a hangover on Monday or whatever it was. You know, it's just because you forgot something. So that's another game changer. The amount of times that somebody has said something and I think, hang on, what I don't remember that conversation, And when you haven't been drinking, you just go are you sure we had the conversation when I was drinking.

16:07 If somebody had said something like it was a conversation that I should remember and I didn't remember, I'd be thinking, oh my god, but was I Did I drink too much? Did I forget what they said? Like that's embarrassing. No, No, I would still forget things, but I would like not recall conversations. But I would know completely confident that alcohol has got nothing to do with it. So there is just this kind of calm confidence that comes, well, that's a lot of sea words. It's calm confidence that comes when you don't drink. So whether you forget a conversation, whether you forgot a meeting you were supposed to have, whether you feel a bit out of thoughts, you feel a bit emotional, you know all the time that that's just you, Like, that's nothing. Alcohol's got nothing to do with it. You don't have this question mark in your mind about or was I drinking too much? Have I drunk too much? Like is that what's going on here?

17:06 So that's really really that's kind of cool, Like it's just kind of takes a weight off, it takes something out of your kind of psyche. And the flip side of that is that when you're having a great time, and I had time so that I was just laughing, belly laughing, having so much fun, being so ridiculous, dancing in my kitchen singing to I don't know, eighties hits or whatever, and Annabelle, my daughter, saying to me, if you had some wine? No, no wine, just having a great time because life is fun and I'm fun and I'm having fun and I do not need alcohol to have fun. That is also amazing knowing that you can have loads of fun, that life is still heaps of fun and it does not require any alcohol. So any thoughts that you have about all of these good times that you have that are alcohol fueled, trust me, there's plenty of good times to still be had. Best of all, you'll remember them all the next day. There'll be no nasty hangover. You want to wake up with a dry mouth.

18:12 You won't forget what you said, you won't worry about checking your phone about who you messaged or what you said, or what you posted on Facebook, none of that. None of that. Just good fun and just a very natural high. So that's that is really one of my favorites, I gotta say so. Another one for me was I came up drinking around the time my daughter started with a part time job, and also towards the end was when she started going to parties and things like that and wanting to stay out late. So she was at that sort of fourteen fifteen, sixteen year old age, and one of the best things about not drinking was being more than happy to jump in the car and go and pick her up at any time of the day or night she was had it late shift. I never had to think, oh God, better you know, not have a one, or a better stop there, or any of that kind of stuff. Just just was never an issue. Just never had to even give it a second thought. If she was going to a party and she needed to be picked up at midnight, no drama. Would just sit up and wait and I would just go and pick her up.

19:11 Like there was never ever an issue of who's going to drive, or you better not drink tonight, or you're going to pick her up tonight or any of that sort of negotiation not an issue. Similarly, we were living out in the country, you know, and like so sort of everywhere was a drive. And when you live in the country again, like go for lunch, go for dinner, go see friends, have a few drinks. Never had to think about how we're going to get home or somebody going to be able to give us a lift. You just drive. It's it just makes life so much easier. You don't have to worry about how you're going to get anywhere, picking up the phone, getting text messages, looking at emails. Not that I can done checking your work emails in the evening, but if you do, then you just have a clear mind, a clear head. You can read a message, you're going to add through it, you can put it aside instead of that. I know that when I was drinking, like especially for like a Friday night or something, and if it had a couple of glasses of wine and I saw a message come in, I'd be thinking, oh God, I don't know if I should answer that, like I've had a couple of wines.

20:14 Am I am I in the right kind of mind frame to answer that. I mean, and I probably was fine, to be honest, it's just paranoia. I was completely fine. But it doesn't occur to you when you're not drinking. You don't have to worry. You just clearheaded anytime of the day or night, you know what. Being able to drive was a really big one for me. Like I really never wanted to be in a situation where if I got a call from Annabelle, like even if she was sleeping over to friend's place, if I ever got a call, I never wanted to be to have to say, oh my god, but I can't drive, like I've had a few drinks or no. Just knowing that I could just get up, I could just jump in the car at any time, it's a really good feeling. It is a really really good feeling getting on with things like physical benefits, because obviously there are many a lot of people think that if they give up drinking, they're going to lose masses of weight. They think, oh, I'm consuming all of these empty calories. If I stop drinking, then I'll just I will lose all this weight. I hate to break it to you, but that's probably not going to happen. Most people who I have talked to, and I can tell you from my own experience, you might lose a couple of kilos initially, like depending on how much weight you have to lose over the first like three four months or so, I maybe slowly dropped a kilo or two. You know, it was no overnight drop, that's for sure, partly because I was eating more chocolate and sugary sweet things to make up for the kind

21:46 of fill the gap where wine used to be. That tape is off. But I stopped gaining weight. So when I was drinking, and when I was stressed and I was working from home and writing a book and always having a cup glasses of wine and then eating crappy food, my weight and perimenopause, my weight was just going up and up and up and up and up and not. You know, look, every time I go, oh, be bad. If I got to that weight, then I'd get there. Oh now I'm Here'd be bad. If I got to that well, then I'd get there. So my benjamink kept moving like I just kept exceeding all of my limits, my weight just kept going up. When I stopped drinking, I dropped a couple of kilos, and then it's sort of just hovered around that weight. It stopped moving. So you may not lose loads of weight, but you will certainly stop gaining weight. And the other thing is if you are attempting to lose weight, if you are trying to change your what you eat to eat more healthy, eat more nutritious food. If you want to go kito, if you want to go Mediterranean diet or the five two or whatever it is that you want to do, you have a much better chance of sticking with that and being able to do it when you're not negotiating with alcohol, when you're not thinking, oh would a wine hurt?

23:02 How much can I? How many glasses of wine can I fit into this plan before it starts to take me out of my keyto or how many carbs are in this glass of wine? There's none of that. It's just it's just not a factor that you have to consider anymore. You don't have to think about it. So it makes it much more likely that you're going to stick to whatever other health goals you have, even if that is doing my exercise. If you want to go to yoga, Oh God, let me talk about yoga in the evening, going to a yin yoga class, or a lovely sound bath, or like something really restorative and lovely in the evening. If I was drinking, I wouldn't be doing that. By the time it got to seven o'clock yoga class, I would have had a glass of wine at least one, maybe two. Didn't really feel right to go to yoga after I'd had a couple of glasses of wine. It wouldn't have the urge, wouldn't be motivated to do it. But when you're not drinking, that becomes very appealing. So you can go and fill your ear evenings with things but are actually really good for you, really restorative, because you're not having a glass of wine instead.

24:09 I mean, you know, we could talk about all of the good things your detox and your liver and all of that sort of stuff, reducing your risk of a whole lot of cancers like blah blah. I think we all know all of that stuff. Your skin will be clearer, your face will be less puffy, your eyes will be brighter, like you just see it on the outside. Everything is more vibrant, fresh. It's just you look better. You'll glow. You know. It's nice. It's nice to know that the no hangovers. Obviously again goes without saying, but it's just knowing that you will never ever deal with a hangover for as long as you are not drinking. Now, here's the thing about going out to events. Number One, If this is something that is of concern to you, have something alcohol free, go to the event, and as soon as you have pushed through that initial kind of feeling of discomfort, you will be completely fine and you will have a great time. If you're with fun people and you're a fun person, you don't need alcohol to have fun.

25:12 And the sooner that you give yourself that experience and actually go out and have a really good time, the better. Because you have that lived experience. It's like you start building a muscle memory. Oh, it actually is fun. I can have a good time without alcohol. Then I can drive home whenever I want. Then I can wake up the next morning and go for a run or go for a walk because I feel amazing. Oh, I also remember everything from the night before. I give yourself that lived experience. The other thing is you may not choose to stay at those events because you might actually realize that everybody's talking shit, that the conversations that you think are so deep and meaningful when you've had a few dreams are actually just a load of cod swallop. Like people people just descend into just like not making much sense.

25:57 Things that they think are funny when they're drunk, they're not that funny. You know, you think they're funny. When you're drunk, they're not that funny. But there'll be times when it is funny, like even when you're sober, if it's really funny, like it's funny anyway, but when you're sober, you can be much more discerning about whether it actually is fun and it is funny or if it's just a load of crap. And then you can just get yourself out of there. So that's a sort of a two pronged thing, like don't worry that things aren't going to be fun, that parties an't going to be fun or anything like that, because they will be, but sometimes they won't be and that's okay too. Like then you can just get yourself out of there. You can go have a cup of tea, go to bed, you'll feel so bloody, wholesome and virtuous. Honestly, there is nothing feels better than putting your head on the pillow alcohol free and going, oh, I feel good. Now. I'm going to have the best sleep ever, and I'm going to wake up tomorrow early and be fresh and productive and get on with my day. It is a good, good feeling, trust me. So as for me right now, I have been toying with the idea of cutting out alcohol again for a while. When I first started drinking again, it was the occasional wine. Like I came over here to the UK and I was having an occasional wine, and then, like I said, it just sort of gradually creeps back in.

27:18 I rarely really drink to excess these days. I just went back to Australia, probably those a couple of days there where I drank too much, which you know, I remember how shitty this feels. I'd certainly have been talking about thinking about giving up again for a period, I don't know for how long, but I knew I wasn't going to do that. Before I had been home to Australia and visiting family and friends again. Didn't want to have rules in place. But since I've been back to the UK, I stopped last week, so it is I'm on like the day nine. I'm basically in my second week now and feeling pretty good. Got through the weekend, so that's always the challenging part is getting through a weekend.

28:01 Caught up with a friend who I would normally be drinking with and we just went and had a coffee and some lunch, which is very pleasant and wholesome. Stayed away from the pub because my husband was away, because we normally do go to the pub on the weekends quite a lot. So Day nine for me now, and you know, I know that as I get closer to the weekend, I'm going to start to go, oh Glass, I want to be nice, and so that was part of the reason that I wanted to record this. I wanted to remind myself, like I said, and also remind you or tell you if you needed to hear this, that it's good. There is so much to be gained. You don't have to worry that life is going to be gray and boring and you're going to be boring.

28:43 That is not the case. If you would like, I can do another episode on some strategies and some tools that I find really helpful, especially in those early days. It really is just about pushing through the ear the early days. And you know, like I said, like I'm not into you know, I'm not counting days. I couldn't even tell you the exact number of days or months that I stayed alcohol free. Okay, so I know that I'm going to be hit with cravings and I's going to be really tempting to have a glass of wine. I'm going to Ireland next weekend. It's going to be super tempting. So I don't want to say I'm never drinking again. I did want to just put it out there what the benefits are to help me to stay committed for a little bit longer. You know, I'd like to think i'd get through it. Maybe a month, three months would be better. And I know that will be really embarrassing to have to come back here and say, m, well that didn't last. I was at the pub having a seven one bloc on the weekend. So hopefully this will help me to stay a little bit accountable. And if you want to message me on Instagram, cast on underscore XO and help me stay motivated, then by all means a little bit of public accountability doesn't hurt anybody, but hopefully I won't need it because I have just done a really good job. I think of reminding myself of everything that I loved about not drinking, and I'm looking forward to experiencing all those benefits again. In fact,

30:14 I already am because I'm sleeping like a baby. I'm feeling motivated, productive, clear headed, happy, on top of things, inspired, creative, like it's all there. It is all there when you cut out alcohol. It's amazing. Actually, the difference that it makes you might not think it, because you might not think that you're drinking that much. I wasn't necessarily drinking that much, does really make a difference. And it's all good. So good luck with that. Let me know how you go, and I'll be back next week with a really great interview with Monique from the Neurodivergent Woman podcast. She's amazing. So keep an eye for that press as subscribe button wherever you listen so that you never miss an episode, and please also give us a rating and review. Really obs us in the chants and to get into the ears of more listeners. I love, I love that you're here.

31:04 And I appreciate your support and I will catch you next week. Another great episode of Crapy to are happy