May 8, 2023

Why is everyone on the internet so mean?

Why is everyone on the internet so mean?
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Why is everyone on the internet so mean?
Why is everyone on the internet so mean?
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Season 9 Psychology & Neuroscience Positive Psychology

Lately, there's been a noticeable increase in people behaving badly on the internet, so this week Cass asks the very valid question,'Why are people on the internet so mean?'. Cass explores the history of this phenomenon, where it began, how it's evolving, what are the contributing factors, and how we, as individuals and communities, can better cope and change things.
If you found this episode fascinating, check out these episodes in our back catalogue:



Connect with Cass:www.crappytohappypod.comhello@crappytohappypod.com 
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Contact Crappy to Happy:

Email: hello@crappytohappypod.com
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Transcript
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A listener production. Welcome to another solo episode of Crabby

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or Happy. What I want to talk about today is

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something that I have observed lately, and I have no

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doubt you have observed it as well, and that is

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that people are so mean on the internet. Why are

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people so unkind? Have you been mean on the internet?

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Have you been on the receiving end of that? And

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what can we do about it? As an individual? And

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I guess more broadly as a community. And I do

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like the word community because we really are. That's what

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we are. No matter where we live, we're all on

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this earth together. The Internet has brought us all together.

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We're interacting with people that we've never met. Sometimes, we're

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interacting with people in all different ways, in all different

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places that we would not normally have the opportunity to do.

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And for some reason, this tends to bring out the

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worst in people. Times. Throughout history, it's been shown that

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people tend to turn on each other during times of

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uncertainty and upheaval, When there are periods of economic uncertainty,

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economic downturn, for example, then these are the conditions that

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tend to create society just to separate, to turn on

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each other. Become very polarized, vary them in us sort

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of mentality. And so I guess if you think about

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the last few years, there has been a lot of that.

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There's been a lot of uncertainty. We're currently dealing with

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some really tough times financially with inflation, recession, etc. And

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not only are we turning on each other, but we

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now have this kind of cesspool, which is the Internet,

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where we can vent all of that anger and all

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of that toxicity and all of that fear onto other

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people because we can't see them, we don't know them,

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they're anonymous. It just gives this temporary sort of relief

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to offload fire off some sort of nasty comment on

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the Internet without even thinking about it, and without having

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any concern for how that's going to land, the impact

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that's going to have on the other person, and the

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impact is going to have on all of the other

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people who see that, who also witness that, how that's

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going to make them feel, how that's going to impact

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their decisions about how they choose to interact online or not.

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It's a whole ripple effect. It's not just one comment

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that's just going to be out into the ether and

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forget all about it. It has a whole ripple effect,

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and it ultimately leads to us feeling like the world

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is just full of nasty people. The world is not

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an emotionally safe place, and that's not the case. So

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I hope in this conversation we can just all kind

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of understand a little bit about what is causing this

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to happen and what we can do about it. Whether

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you are on the receiving end of that kind of behavior,

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whether you are a person who wants to contribute but

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you're not really sure because you're afraid of those kinds

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of negative comments, or if you are a person who

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might be compelled to engage in that kind of behavior,

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and how you might just take a breath, take a pause,

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consider the impact, and maybe choose to do something differently.

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So the reason I started, first of all thinking about

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this was because I hadn't experience myself. Now this was

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really benign. I don't want to set myself up as

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some sort of internet victim, because I absolutely am not.

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All of my experiences mostly have been positive online, and

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it was the fact that this was so benign that

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it really jumped out at me as being kind of

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unnecessary and unusual. So I have a TikTok account and

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mostly I share content that is around psychology, and I've

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shared some posts that have gone viral. I have talked

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about narcissism and imposter syndrome and attachment theory and just

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all sorts of general things that I'm into. I've also

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shared podcast clips, and one day I just did a

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little video which I thought was kind of fun, which

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was about the things that I have observed that are

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different living in the UK as opposed to Australia. And

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I really did deliberately keep this lighthearted because I know

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what the internet is like. And I talked about things

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like washing machines in kitchens. You know, in Australia we

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have laundries for that, and the fact that nobody knows

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where to walk on the footpaths they're not on the

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left and not on the right. Just really inconsequential things

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like that that I have observed, and for the most part,

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people responded to that in the same sort of lighthearted tone.

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I even made sure in the caption I said, I'm

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not saying anything's better or worse, it's just different as

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a foreigner in this country. I was interacting and engaging

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with the comments, and then there came a point where

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it just seemed to turn. And it took for one

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person to say, well, that sounds like you should probably

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just go back to Australia, or oh, here we go again,

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with another Australian just moaning, why do you have to

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make such a big deal of this. Surely people can

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understand that if you're in another country things are going

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to be different, Like, get over it. This kind of

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tone is what started to come through. And now this

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post meant nothing to me. I was not invested in this.

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I wasn't sharing a strong opinion about something. It was

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nothing that I thought was going to be particularly polarizing.

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And I reflected that if it was something deeply personal

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to me, if it was something that I felt really

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strongly about, or that was of a more personal nature,

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and this is the response that I was getting, like

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how would that have felt? Whereas for me, it was

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just so unnecessary to have these kinds of comments. So

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what I did was I just started replying back to

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people and just saying, well, you know, it isn't a

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big deal and I didn't mean anything by it or whatever.

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Some of them I actually deleted and blocked. I thought,

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you know what, this is my space on the Internet,

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and we will talk about that later, about what you

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can do if you start being on the receiving end

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of these comments. But for the most part, I would

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look at the person's profile and I would just reply

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to them. What I found was that when I looked

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at the people's profile who were leaving the more nasty

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kind of comments, ninety five percent of the time, they

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had no real personal user name, they had the random

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user number blah blah blah, They had no profile photo,

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and they had made no posts. They were very much anonymous.

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They were very much there not to contribute, not to

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add value, not to create content that might be interesting, informative, educational, funny, inspiring, whatever.

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They were just there to consume and to criticize. And

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I mentioned this to a couple of people in my circle,

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and this is how the conversation started that this is

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what we are noticing, that this is coming up more

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and more, that people are just, for whatever reason, feel

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compelled to take the most benign social media post and

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vent in a way that is really unnecessary and rather unkind.

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And like I said, that is low level I've seen,

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and you have seen people with bigger platforms on the

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Internet on the receiving end of much much worse behavior

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than that. From the comfort of their phones and their computers,

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people feel very comfortable to post insulting remarks, to swear

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to be sarcastic, you know, just really demonstrate behaviors that

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I would like to think they would not in their

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real life. So it got me to thinking, what is

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this What is going on here? Is it just that

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these people are unkind, kind of antagonistic in their real life?

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Is this behavior just for their online presence? What causes it,

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why do they do it? And what can we do

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about it? So that brings us to today's episode. When

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I first started asking other people what they had observed

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and when this really started, like when did people start

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getting so mean on the internet. A lot of people

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put it down to the period of COVID and lockdowns

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and the fact that that time was so scary for people.

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It was so uncomfortable for people. We'll put into situations

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we hadn't been in before, and it was very polarizing.

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You know, people had opinions about vaccines and lockdowns and

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politics and all of that kind of stuff, and it

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did tend to set up this very much, this conflict online.

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I actually thought to myself, I recall it being much

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earlier than that. I remember the Trump election in twenty sixteen,

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when breaks it was happening. There were big things happening

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in the world then, and I remember there was very

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much of them and us. Kind of mental starting to

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build then, which I observed, and a lot of this year.

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Other in this camp or you're in that camp. You're

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other with me or you're against me. This very black

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and white kind of thinking and very antagonistic, combative kind

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of communication online. But actually, when I looked at research

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about this and I started googling articles about this, there

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are people writing about this phenomenon way back earlier than that,

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even the twenty twelve election in the US, this kind

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of behavior is being observed, And there's even an article

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from two thousand and four which talks about this phenomenon

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called the online disinhibition effect, which potentially being a contributing

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factor to why people are so mean on the internet.

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Two thousand and four was the year Facebook started. At

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that point, in terms of social media, we had blogs,

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we had online forums. I remember being a member of

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online forums. We had linked In I think started in

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two thousand and two, and so did MySpace, and then

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we had two thousand and four, we had Facebook. Later

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came along Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and on it goes.

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And obviously now social media has exploded, but they were

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talking about this in two thousand and four. This is

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not a new thing, but I do think it has

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got worse. So why do people do it? Let's start

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with that idea of the online disinhibition effect. I mean,

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common wisdom would tell you that you're anonymous, you can't

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see the person you're talking to, there's no accountability, and

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so it's just very easy to fire off a comment

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that is rude or it's mean. And that's all true.

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I get that, but there is still a question of

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why if you wouldn't, if I wouldn't say that to

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a person in real life, why do I feel compelled

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to save that to a person on the internet. Why

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do some people feel like it's okay to say those

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things on the internet? And have you ever you know,

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the question is have you ever been tempted to say something?

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I think, if we're honest, we've all got a bit

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riled up sometimes by what we've seen on social media,

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and we've all probably had that urge, whether we have

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followed through or not, we are all susceptible to being

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drawn into that kind of behavior. And what I have

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found in my research is that there are some factors

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that can contribute to the likelihood that you might engage

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in that kind of behavior, or that somebody might engage

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in that kind of behavior. So, without going too much

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into this disinhibition effect, I think it's probably self explanatory,

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but he really came up with these kind of six

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factors that he said contributed to changing people's behavior online.

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So one he talked about is dissociative and nonimity. Basically,

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I'm anonymous. I dissociate my actions because they can't be

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attributed to to me because nobody can see me. The

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invisibility factor. You can't see what I look like, you

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can't judge my tone. I can say whatever I like.

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The fact that these conversations don't happen in real time,

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that's a really big one. The fact that you are

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not in a normal human conversation there is a back

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and forth, whereas when you're posting online, you're just posting

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your comment and you're just leaving it out there and

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you don't know if anybody's going to read it, if

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anybody's going to respond to it. There's not that same

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real time interaction going on. There's this kind of dissociation

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that occurs because it is on a computer screen. It's

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like it's not the real world, it's not a real person.

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We sort of we find it easier to engage in

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anti social ways with when we're dealing with an abstract

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We don't actually identify text on a page or text

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on a screen as a real person. That's a psychological

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effect that happens, and the minimization of authority. So there's

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nobody here to judge me, there's nobody here to be

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the boss of me. Basically, I could do what I like,

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I couldn't say what I like, and I can't see

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these people, so all in all, basically what that boils

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down to is that I'm invisible, I'm anonymous, and I

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don't have to deal with your feedback. I can just

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do what I like. Another really interesting point is that,

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especially if you see these people who go into these

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lengthy arguments or lengthy monologues on the Internet, that doesn't

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happen in real life, no matter how angry you are

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on no matter how convinced you are of your argument,

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when you are talking to somebody in person, there is

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a back and forth that happens. You don't get to

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stand on a podium or stand on a stage, or

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stand in a room and just deliver a monologue that

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you've crafted, that you've had time to think about and

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edit and go back and do a bit of research

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and shift a sentence around, and then deliver this monologue

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without any feedback from somebody else. This is why people's

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behavior on the internet is so different from how they

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are in real life. No matter how angry you are

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or how convinced you are in real life, if you

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start to talk, somebody is going to interject, Somebody is

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going to share an opposing viewpoint. You're going to see

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somebody else's facial expression, their tone. All of this is

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not present in an online interaction. I think this is

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all self explanatory. Like I think we all see why

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this happens, and we get why it happens. The question

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is what do we do about it and how do

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we minimize its impact? Even if we can't minimize it occurring.

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One thing that I think is really interesting is that

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when we talk about trolls online, and we all have

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heard the expression of online trolls, we tend to think

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of trolls as this small subset of people that have

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particular dark kind of personality traits, people who are prone

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to be a little bit narcissistic, a little bit sadistic,

257
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:02.720
bit psychopathic, maybe sociopathic. These are the people who engage

258
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in online trolling behavior the devoid of empathy, don't care,

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basically their assholes in real life and so their assholes online.

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In actual fact, there has been some research that shows

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that ordinary everyday people, very nice, kind people, can be

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prone to engage in this kind of behavior online in

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certain circumstances. This is the bit that really fascinates me.

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I think we've all seen examples of somebody who looks

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like you'll see their profile photo like on Facebook or something,

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if you're on Facebook, they look like the nicest, most normal,

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kind of grandmotherly type, and they write this vitriol online.

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So two things they have found. One is the mood

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that you were in. Having a low mood. Basically, being

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in a not a pleasant mood is more likely to

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result in you posting something mean online if you come

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across something that antagonizes you, rather than scrolling on by

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or ignoring it or walking away. The other thing I

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think is really interesting is that if there is already

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an unkind comment, if there is already an antagonistic kind

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of combative kind of comment, people are more likely to

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pile on. If there is already one negative comment, people

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are more likely to throw in theirs. So rather than

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00:16:24.799 --> 00:16:29.279
if everything is generally positive or neutral and you don't

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agree with something or something's kind of irritated you, you

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might be more likely to continue scrolling because you don't

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want to be the one person who goes in with

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the negative comment. But if you see that somebody else

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has already left one, it's like this pile on effect happens.

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And I think we've all seen that happen as well,

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And to be honest, that's what I saw happen on

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00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:57.440
my very benign TikTok video about the difference between living

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in London versus living in Australia. As soon as there

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was one, as soon as there was one person who

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said go back to Australia or why are you even here,

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or something, they started to pile in. It took one

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comment and then everybody got on board. So it's just

293
00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:19.039
interesting the psychological factors that can influence you to behave

294
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in a way that you might not behave in real life.

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So one of the impacts, I think, for a start,

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if you're a person who is on the receiving end

297
00:17:35.720 --> 00:17:39.119
of a lot of negative commentary, a lot of negative

298
00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:44.000
interaction on your social media platforms, if you're a person

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who's out there putting yourself out in the world, if

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you're an influencer, if you have a public profile of

301
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any kind, and you have got people who don't know you,

302
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:55.359
who've got nothing to do with you, who feel compelled

303
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to post unkind comments, that can be really hurtful. Let's

304
00:18:01.720 --> 00:18:06.519
just acknowledge that it is really painful to open up

305
00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:10.240
your social media and see people who don't know you

306
00:18:10.319 --> 00:18:13.640
saying unkind things to you. There seems to be this

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idea that if you put yourself out into the public domain,

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if you have a public social media account or any

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kind of profile, or even myself, I'm a psychologist, but

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I have social media, I've got books, I've got a

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podcast that you're asking for it, that there should be

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an expectation that anybody can say whatever they want to you.

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We see this with celebrities. Oh you put yourself out there, well,

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then you've got it coming. I feel like I'm stating

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00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:40.319
the obvious. I feel like I'm having a conversation, and

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I don't mean to sound like this, but I think

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we all need to remember that these are human beings

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on the other side of the screens. The other thing

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is that when you witness those negative comments, if you're

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a person who might want to have a public profile,

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if you have something you want to say, if you

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00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:59.279
want to if you're a psychologist and you want to

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00:18:59.319 --> 00:19:02.240
start a podcast or write a book or put yourself

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00:19:02.279 --> 00:19:06.079
out there, and you see those comments on other people's posts,

325
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that can be really scary. It's like a collective trauma

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that happens when you observe hostility happening to somebody who

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you relate to. So this applies to for example, women

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00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:24.880
or people of a particular race, people of Asian descent,

329
00:19:25.079 --> 00:19:29.519
or people of color. You see other people who look

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like you, who you relate to, being treated a particular way,

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being abused, or being treated with hostility, and you feel

332
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that there is a resonance that occurs. It is a

333
00:19:39.480 --> 00:19:43.960
collective trauma like it hits you as if it was

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00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:47.759
you on the receiving end of that. Because you can

335
00:19:47.799 --> 00:19:50.200
relate to that person, you see yourself in that person.

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Do you think you're going to put yourself in the

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position to potentially be on the director receiving end of that?

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Of course not. So people are held back. So people

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00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:02.440
who've got something value to contribute and to share are

340
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potentially not sharing it because they're so afraid of the

341
00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:12.400
inevitable hostility and the attacks and the denigration, the insults

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that they're opening themselves up to by sharing what they

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feel that they want to share. And if you're the

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person who's making the comment, I'm going to say, I

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don't think that feels good either. I think what happens

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for most people is there, in a shitty mood, they

347
00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:29.240
see somebody else piling on. Something pushes their buttons, somebody

348
00:20:29.240 --> 00:20:33.400
triggers them, and it's just so easy to fire off

349
00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:37.799
a rude or a negative, antagonistic comment and then walk

350
00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:42.319
away and not think about it again until potentially maybe

351
00:20:42.359 --> 00:20:44.720
you open up your phone or your laptop later that

352
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day and you see that somebody has responded, and then oh,

353
00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:52.680
suddenly there is some accountability and suddenly you're having a

354
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conversation or an argument with somebody that you never really

355
00:20:55.119 --> 00:21:00.319
wanted to be having. So there is some blowback occasionally. Also,

356
00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:03.640
it just doesn't feel good. I don't think it necessarily

357
00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:10.000
feels good to be nasty to anybody. And actually, what

358
00:21:10.039 --> 00:21:13.319
they have found there have been instances where people online

359
00:21:13.359 --> 00:21:18.319
have confronted in person the online trolls, the person who

360
00:21:18.359 --> 00:21:22.119
has been antagonizing them or attacking them online. When they

361
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:25.240
have been instances and there are reported instances of those

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00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:31.119
people meeting and that person who's been mean on the

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00:21:31.160 --> 00:21:34.039
internet having to have a face to face with the

364
00:21:34.039 --> 00:21:39.039
person they've been attacking. Suddenly the empathy is there. Suddenly

365
00:21:39.720 --> 00:21:46.680
it was just they honestly, they're genuinely didn't think. Suddenly

366
00:21:46.839 --> 00:21:51.440
they're so apologetic, they feel so much regret for the

367
00:21:51.440 --> 00:21:53.680
way they behaved when they have to be face to

368
00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:56.160
face with that person. So can we not just jump

369
00:21:56.200 --> 00:21:59.759
to that and just remember that this is another person,

370
00:22:00.119 --> 00:22:04.160
the other end that you're talking to. Going back to

371
00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:08.279
my situation, I started responding to people. I went back

372
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:10.559
to those people if they had their name and their profile,

373
00:22:10.599 --> 00:22:13.400
I called them by name. I just responded. I didn't

374
00:22:13.480 --> 00:22:17.920
argue with anybody. I just said I wasn't complaining. I

375
00:22:18.039 --> 00:22:20.680
was just making an observation for the people who were

376
00:22:20.680 --> 00:22:22.640
engaging with me in a really lighthearted way. We had

377
00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:24.920
a bit of a back and forth about different things

378
00:22:24.920 --> 00:22:28.839
in different countries. But what I found was that comments

379
00:22:28.839 --> 00:22:32.400
started disappearing when I started to actually engage with people,

380
00:22:33.079 --> 00:22:34.880
some of the comments that i'd seen. I knew that

381
00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:37.319
the people had made comments because I was getting notifications.

382
00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:39.200
When I went to find the comment to respond, it

383
00:22:39.240 --> 00:22:43.440
had actually disappeared. I think sometimes depending on the level

384
00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:49.000
of attack or insult that you're dealing with, sometimes actually

385
00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:51.359
going back to the person and responding but in a

386
00:22:51.400 --> 00:22:56.640
way that is actually non confrontational, that is not defensive,

387
00:22:56.759 --> 00:23:00.240
that it's not that you're not feeding into this aggressive

388
00:23:00.759 --> 00:23:04.279
that tone of the conversation. Then that can be really

389
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:07.000
helpful to diffuse the situation. It can be really helpful

390
00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:09.960
just to remind that person that you are a real person.

391
00:23:11.319 --> 00:23:13.599
The best example of this that I saw was quite

392
00:23:13.599 --> 00:23:15.720
a few years ago. I don't even remember. I wish

393
00:23:15.720 --> 00:23:17.720
I could remember who it was. It was somebody who

394
00:23:17.799 --> 00:23:21.759
was a celebrity I believe who did a post on

395
00:23:21.799 --> 00:23:28.240
Instagram and somebody made a very unkind comment and insulting comment,

396
00:23:29.640 --> 00:23:34.599
argumentative on that person's post. And I saw this celebrity,

397
00:23:35.000 --> 00:23:37.799
I really wish I could remember who it was. Respond

398
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:42.000
to that person with kindness and actually, like, not in

399
00:23:42.039 --> 00:23:46.440
a condescending way, but just said, basically, I feel like

400
00:23:46.480 --> 00:23:48.559
you must be in a really bad place for you

401
00:23:48.599 --> 00:23:52.000
to have made that comment. Seems like you're really struggling.

402
00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:55.920
Are you really hurting right now? And whatever it was

403
00:23:55.960 --> 00:23:58.279
that they said, it was sort of it was relevant

404
00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:01.519
to the person's comment. It was basically just like, I

405
00:24:01.559 --> 00:24:02.960
see you like it was almost like for you to

406
00:24:03.039 --> 00:24:06.920
have been so mean, something must have happened. What can

407
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:12.160
I do? And it completely diffused the whole thing. And

408
00:24:12.240 --> 00:24:15.799
what it also did was it got a whole lot

409
00:24:15.839 --> 00:24:20.839
of people commenting and responding saying there is a perfect

410
00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:23.440
example of how to deal with bullies on the internet.

411
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:27.720
Classic example, masterclass and how to deal with bullies on

412
00:24:27.759 --> 00:24:32.240
the internet. Respond with kindness and watch them just crumble.

413
00:24:32.680 --> 00:24:35.359
All of the defenses come down. You go back and

414
00:24:35.400 --> 00:24:39.480
you attack, and you're defensive and you're just feeding the

415
00:24:39.519 --> 00:24:42.960
antagonism it's just escalating a situation. We don't do that

416
00:24:43.000 --> 00:24:46.720
in real life, so why do we do it online? Typically,

417
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:50.480
if you're trained in sort of conflict resolution or conflict management,

418
00:24:51.279 --> 00:24:55.480
basic conflict management training is never to respond at their level.

419
00:24:55.519 --> 00:24:59.240
If somebody is highly aroused and angry, antagonistic and aggressive,

420
00:25:00.039 --> 00:25:02.599
you never go back and respond on that same level.

421
00:25:02.799 --> 00:25:05.799
You always come back with a low level response and

422
00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:08.160
with the aim to bring them back down to your level,

423
00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:11.480
as opposed to escalating the whole thing. So I guess

424
00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:13.640
that's one example. If you do happen to be on

425
00:25:13.680 --> 00:25:15.960
the receiving end of a comment like that, you know

426
00:25:16.039 --> 00:25:19.960
you can choose to engage and respond, but in a

427
00:25:19.960 --> 00:25:24.519
way that is not aggressive or antagonistic or defensive, not

428
00:25:24.599 --> 00:25:28.759
go back on the counter attack. You can also choose

429
00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:31.880
to delete and block people. I did that on my

430
00:25:31.960 --> 00:25:35.200
TikTok if somebody was just I started to respond and

431
00:25:35.200 --> 00:25:37.559
then I thought, you know what, this is my part

432
00:25:37.559 --> 00:25:40.599
of the internet, this is MySpace. I'm here to provide

433
00:25:41.400 --> 00:25:47.960
helpful content, useful entertaining and I don't actually have to

434
00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:49.759
have you in my space if I don't want you to.

435
00:25:49.960 --> 00:25:52.680
Just remember that as well. You have control of the

436
00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:55.759
delete and the block and the report buttons on social media,

437
00:25:55.880 --> 00:26:00.039
you can use them, and I think just remembering to

438
00:26:00.039 --> 00:26:04.519
close the screen and walk away occasionally. And that goes

439
00:26:04.839 --> 00:26:07.640
for whether you are on the receiving end or you're

440
00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:10.200
inclined to engage. If you were the one who is

441
00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:15.160
inclined to post something that is nasty, and you know

442
00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:22.240
it's unnecessary, no matter how tempting it is, to close

443
00:26:22.279 --> 00:26:26.200
it down, walk away, deal with your real people in

444
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:30.480
your real life, pat your dog, walk out on the grass,

445
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:33.880
feel the sunshine. It's so easy to become absorbed into

446
00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:38.880
these screens. They pull our attention in the algorithm, feeds

447
00:26:38.960 --> 00:26:42.079
us content that keeps us in an echo chamber where

448
00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:44.279
we're just surrounded by our own opinions, and we just

449
00:26:44.319 --> 00:26:47.319
become more entrenched in our own point of view and

450
00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:51.279
more likely to want to then have an argument with

451
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:53.839
somebody who's got a different point of view. And if

452
00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:55.759
you know that you're not in the best mood, if

453
00:26:55.799 --> 00:26:58.519
you're not in the best frame of mind, then maybe

454
00:26:58.640 --> 00:27:01.000
think about doing something that's going to put you into

455
00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:03.440
a better frame of mind. We're all more likely to

456
00:27:03.480 --> 00:27:06.759
be mean on the internet. The research shows if you're

457
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:09.480
not in the best mood and if you're seeing other

458
00:27:09.480 --> 00:27:13.119
people behave badly on the internet. So if we can

459
00:27:13.279 --> 00:27:16.039
just go back to our real life, remember what's important,

460
00:27:16.799 --> 00:27:19.559
reconnect face to face with people, do things that we

461
00:27:19.599 --> 00:27:23.799
find uplifting and inspiring, and get us away from all

462
00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:26.680
of that, then the more likely we're able to come

463
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:29.359
back to the world of social media in a way

464
00:27:29.599 --> 00:27:32.279
that we are in a frame of mind that we

465
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:36.039
can engage in a constructive kind of a positive way,

466
00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:39.920
because there's so much that is constructive and positive about

467
00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:42.640
social media. There is so much there to be gained

468
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:46.400
and so much to learn, and there is so much entertainment,

469
00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:51.240
and we just need to be better at managing our

470
00:27:51.279 --> 00:27:56.480
interactions and our engagements so that it can stay a healthy, happy,

471
00:27:56.559 --> 00:27:59.960
safe place, because right now it feels like it's not.

472
00:28:00.680 --> 00:28:03.079
Right now, it feels like it's a really unsafe place.

473
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:08.119
It can feel like when you see so much negativity

474
00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:13.440
and just meanness, unnecessary unkindness on the internet, it can

475
00:28:13.519 --> 00:28:15.519
feel like that's the world we live in, that the

476
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:20.720
world is full of unkind people. It feels emotionally unsafe.

477
00:28:21.359 --> 00:28:24.319
It causes us to feel like people are just not

478
00:28:24.480 --> 00:28:27.720
nice and the majority of people really are people are

479
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:32.759
actually good. So the more that we're witnessing or engaging

480
00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:37.799
in this kind of behavior online, the more it narrows

481
00:28:37.880 --> 00:28:42.599
our perspective and narrows our perspective about people and about life.

482
00:28:43.240 --> 00:28:46.960
The more it filters us silos us into these echo

483
00:28:47.079 --> 00:28:50.200
chambers where we're just surrounded by people who share the

484
00:28:50.240 --> 00:28:54.319
same opinion as us, and therefore we're being pitted against

485
00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:57.359
each other constantly, which is not the whole problem, but

486
00:28:57.400 --> 00:29:00.400
it's a big part of the problem. When we witnessiness

487
00:29:00.599 --> 00:29:04.039
an argument online, even if you're not directly involved in it,

488
00:29:04.759 --> 00:29:09.200
what it does is, naturally your mind goes to picking aside.

489
00:29:09.799 --> 00:29:11.960
You decide which side of the argument you're on. And

490
00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:15.400
what that does is it kind of firms up your view.

491
00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:20.039
It firmly entrenches you in your position. It doesn't lend

492
00:29:20.079 --> 00:29:24.240
itself to you considering nuance or shades of gray or

493
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:29.400
the complexities of a certain topic when you're witnessing these

494
00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:31.920
black and white kind of arguments, even if you're not

495
00:29:31.960 --> 00:29:35.279
directly involved in them. So we have to start exposing

496
00:29:35.279 --> 00:29:38.319
ourselves to different people who have different points of view.

497
00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:42.200
We have to make eye contact with people, get off

498
00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:45.680
the internet, and make eye contact. Research is very clear

499
00:29:46.599 --> 00:29:48.799
you are far less likely to say something that is

500
00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:51.720
mean if you are making eye contact with somebody then

501
00:29:51.759 --> 00:29:54.200
if you are not. That's even in real life. If

502
00:29:54.240 --> 00:29:57.079
you are in real life with somebody but you can't

503
00:29:57.119 --> 00:30:00.480
see their eyes, you're more likely to behave badly. If

504
00:30:00.599 --> 00:30:04.319
you are writing a letter as opposed to talking on

505
00:30:04.359 --> 00:30:08.000
the phone, for example, you're more likely to be mean.

506
00:30:09.079 --> 00:30:12.200
And the Internet is basically it's all text based. There's

507
00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:15.720
no facial expression, there's no tone, there's no room to

508
00:30:15.839 --> 00:30:21.400
interpret body language, which is such a massive part of communication.

509
00:30:22.279 --> 00:30:25.960
All we're seeing is text on a screen. We're separated

510
00:30:26.119 --> 00:30:31.240
from our own empathy from that other person. It's abstract,

511
00:30:31.359 --> 00:30:36.039
it's distant. It's potentially just an invitation to not be

512
00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:39.359
our best selves. So let's all try to be our

513
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:43.720
best selves on the Internet. Let's try to contribute positively,

514
00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:48.200
and if nothing else, let's try to avoid to scroll

515
00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:52.440
on and to not get involved in stuff that is

516
00:30:52.720 --> 00:30:58.160
unnecessary and unkind. If you haven't listened to my episode

517
00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:01.000
with Johann Hari called Stolen Focus, he has a whole

518
00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:04.240
lot of information in there about what happens with the

519
00:31:04.279 --> 00:31:06.519
Internet and the algorithm and how it pits us against

520
00:31:06.559 --> 00:31:09.720
each other. My conversation very early on with Mark Manson.

521
00:31:09.759 --> 00:31:12.000
We had a very similar conversation about how the fact

522
00:31:12.000 --> 00:31:14.160
that most people, at the end of the day, our

523
00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:17.039
values are the same, just how we express them sometimes

524
00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:20.440
is different. But when we just look at different people's opinions,

525
00:31:21.279 --> 00:31:24.519
all we see is the differences we don't necessarily connect

526
00:31:24.519 --> 00:31:26.880
with what we have in common and as much more

527
00:31:26.880 --> 00:31:30.960
in common than separates us. So I'm going to put

528
00:31:31.000 --> 00:31:33.759
those links to those previous episodes in the show notes

529
00:31:33.799 --> 00:31:37.000
because I think they're all part of this conversation. For now,

530
00:31:37.079 --> 00:31:39.480
I'm going to keep sharing online and I'm just going

531
00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:43.599
to ignore the trolls or kill them with kindness. I

532
00:31:43.680 --> 00:31:45.680
will catch you on the next episode of Crabby They're

533
00:31:45.680 --> 00:31:52.960
Happy listener