Dec. 19, 2024
Wrapping up 2024 + My ADHD Diagnosis
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In this final solo episode of 2024, Cass reflects on the importance of recognising personal achievements over the past year, emphasising the need to focus on gains rather than gaps. She shares plans for a new subscriber version of the podcast launching in 2025, aimed at fostering community and providing more exclusive content. Cass also shares her recent ADHD diagnosis, discussing the personal challenges associated with it, why you might question whether you have it or not, and concludes with a hopeful outlook for the upcoming year, encouraging listeners to embrace change and growth.Connect with Cass:www.crappytohappypod.comhello@crappytohappypod.com www.instagram.com/crappytohappypodwww.tiktok.com/crappytohappypod
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Transcript
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This is Crappita Happy and I am your host, Cas Done.
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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist. I'm mindfulness meditation teacher
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and of course author of the Crappita Happy books. In
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this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent
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people who are experts in their field and who have
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something of value to share that will help you feel
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less crappy and more happy. Hello and welcome to the
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very last solo episode of Crappy to Happy for twenty
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twenty five. We made it, you made it. Hopefully you're
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feeling festive. Hopefully you've got some nice plans to relax,
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spend time with people that you like, doing the things
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that you like, and not doing any of the things
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that you don't like. At this time of the year,
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I always kind of feel compelled to share ideas to
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help you manage, and I've done episodes on setting boundaries,
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and I've done episodes on emotional eating and how you
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can manage that. I just feel like this time I
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do want to share with you to remember to focus
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on the gain, not the gap. This is a phrase
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that I heard recently, and I believe there's a whole
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book written on the topic, so I should probably go
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and read it before I start talking about it. But
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in principle, all it is is that we are so
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quick to judge ourselves and judge our how we're going
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in life and how we're going with anything, based on
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how far we still have to go. We are always pushing, striving,
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working towards the next goal, the next stage of life,
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the next milestone. And that's how human nature. I mean,
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you know, we are. We are driven to evolve, we
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are wired for growth. It's inherent, it's in our nature.
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But we really need to take a pause a casionally
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and stop and look back and look at how far
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we have come. Otherwise we are just constantly on this treadmill.
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We'll take five minute break over Christmas, over the holiday period,
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and then we'll be straight back into it. Go, go, go, pushing,
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pushing for the next whatever the next thing is in life.
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At work, life is busy, there's always something to do,
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and there is always something that we're working towards. We
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can get into this trap of always looking for the
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next achievement and barely taking the time to even celebrate
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the successes when we do achieve them. What that does
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is you know, it just keeps us feeling constantly dissatisfied,
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feeling like there is constantly something more and bigger and better.
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And that's fine. Keep pushing, keep striving, but remember to
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stop and look back and reflect on how far you
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have come and what you have achieved this year. I
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would really encourage you over this break to stop and
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look back and think about what was the three most
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important things or the three things that make you feel
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most proud and most satisfied that you achieved in this
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last twelve months. And you might really have to struggle
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to remember what happened this last twelve months. It might
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feel like a bit of a blur. I mean, who
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knows what I was doing in March. God, But you know,
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we have to force ourselves to do this occasionally and
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really really acknowledge and celebrate those those things that we've achieved.
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You know, there was a time in life where you
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wished for what you have now and what you have
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achieved now. There was a time in your life and
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your past life when your current life was the dream.
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And you know, for generally speaking, I understand you might
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have had a crappy year and all disclaimers aside, you know,
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what I'm saying to live where you live, have the
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people in your life, the house that you live in,
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the work that you're doing. You know, once you dreamed
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of that, and now here you are. You know, And
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then on a more micro level, you know, what were
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the goals you set for yourself and even if you
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didn't achieve them all one hundred percent, what did you learn?
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What did you gain from working towards them? It's the
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act of working towards them. But that's where the growth happens.
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That's where the magic is. It's in the satisfaction of
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the journey. To be a little bit of a cliche,
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not necessarily in achieving the goal. And if you did
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achieve the goal, then celebrate, acknowledge and you know, really
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own that success and take the time to savor it
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instead of immediately moving on to the next thing. And
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I would encourage you to do that a little bit more.
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You know, that might be something that you want to
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put into your routine in twenty twenty five, is to
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spend a little more time reflecting on what you have
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done and achieved, whether that's a weekly thing, daily, monthly,
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just maybe incorporating some sort of habit or routine where
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you routinely check in and acknowledge the gains instead of
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always focusing on the gap between where you are and
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where you want to be. I have said many, many, many,
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many many times, the source of all of our suffering
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is the gap between where we are and where we
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want to be, or how things are and how we
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want them to be, how we wish things were different.
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We cause ourselves a whole lot of angst, a whole
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lot of despair and distress when we fixate on what's
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not working, or where we think we should be, or
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where we would prefer to be, or what achievements we
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would like to gain and what successes we would like
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to have, or how we would like to fix or
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change or improve ourselves. If we could just stop for
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a minute and focus on the gain and instead of
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constantly focusing on the gap. Okay, so enough about that.
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The other thing I said in the hopefully I said
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it at the beginning of this episode. If the technology
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is all working, I would have said at the beginning
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of this episode that I am working on a brand
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new subscriber version of Crappy or Happy. For twenty twenty
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five I have been thinking about this and talking about
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this for at least a year and a half. You
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probably don't love getting lots of programmatic ads interrupting your podcast,
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and I don't love having them in there, but todate
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that's been the only way I've been able to fund
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this show. I would prefer to move towards a podcast
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where you can support me, and I will support you
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by offering more content, bonus content, Q and as whatever
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it is that you want, we can come up with
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this together. I do have some plans for bonus content
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and exclusive subscriber content for twenty twenty five, and that
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way you're getting more of what you love. I'm getting
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the support that I need to continue to produce and
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run this show, and we get to create a community together.
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And as far as advertising goes, I will be looking
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for sponsors, but what I'm looking for is really aligned
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partners that can sponsor a series of the show, you know,
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a like a full season of the show, instead of
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just dropping in ads here and there, different ads every week.
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So if you are a brand, or if you know
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of a brand that would be a good fit with
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the Crappy to Happy philosophy and ethos mental health, wellbeing,
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mindfulness psychology. Then I would love to hear from you
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and work out how we can work together. Now, the
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only other thing that is on my mind today that
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I would like to share before wrapping up for the
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end of the year is that I was recently diagnosed
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with ADHD. Now, this is a very very early situation,
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like I probably don't even haven't really processed it enough
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to be able to be talking about it in any
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great detail, But I did want to share it for
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a couple of reasons. One is that I just think
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it's helpful to share. I think it's helpful for other
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people to know. I know every time I see somebody
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share on social media that they've had an ADHD diagnosis. Yes,
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there is a part of me that goes, oh my god.
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Another one like, gosh, every other person seems like is
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getting a diagnosis of ADHD, like it really does. I
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have to admit, feels like everybody's just jumping on the
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bandwagon a bit. But it's also kind of heartening when
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you see people who are successful and doing things in
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life and who you maybe would never have suspected struggled
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with some of the symptoms of ADHD. At the same time,
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I've been kind of hesitant to talk about it. I
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saw somebody the other day posting that she had been
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diagnosed with ADHD, and she started she prefaced this thing
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by saying, this is really vulnerable. I feel really vulnerable
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sharing this. And my response was, this is before I
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was diagnosed. And my response was, in my own mind,
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why is that vulnerable? Like that's nothing to be feel
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ashamed about. Gosh, so many people are being diagnosed, like
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it's so widely accepted now that women have been underdiagnosed,
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we're just catching up when it comes to ADHD in women,
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and particularly perimenopausal and menopausal women. Women. I have the
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age of forty. This is not a flaw, Like, this
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is not something that you should feel like is embarrassing
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or there should be any stigma around it. Fast forward
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to you know, a few weeks later and me getting
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a diagnosis and I can relate. The truth is I
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feel like if I say which I'm saying, I have ADHD,
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then somehow people will see me as less competent, yeah,
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less capable, somehow that they will doubt my capability to
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do the things that I'm capable of doing and I
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have been doing effectively for my whole life. And that's
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the flip side that people will go, oh, come on,
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People will say, well, it hasn't really held you back
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in life like it's supposed to cause you problems. You
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only get a diagnosis if it causes you problems. And
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the only way that I can share the problems that
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it has created for me is to probably share things
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that I'm not comfortable with sharing. But if I don't
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share it, then people say, well, how is this a
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problem for you? Like, you've got two master's degrees'. I
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mean I have got two master's degrees, I've written three books,
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an audible original, I've achieved things. All I can say
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is that in hindsight, I probably could have achieved those
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things with a lot less stress and overwhelm and blind panic,
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had I been able to organize myself and do those
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things in a much more planned and logical and sequential
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manner without leaving everything to the last minute, with being
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able to create a plan, follow a plan, instead of
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everything being ad hoc all over the place, and this
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procrastination and then perfectionism that kicks in. So yeah, it
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feels like I'm either saying either people will think I'm
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not competent or they will think, well, you're competent, so
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you're having a lend, you know, and it doesn't feel
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like there's any in between. So there's that. Therefore, very
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happy that other women and high profile women in Australia
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and around the world have been coming out and saying
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that they also have ADHD, because it certainly makes it
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much easier when somebody has gone before. And therefore I
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hope that by doing that that men, by sharing that
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it makes it easier for you as well. So the
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question has also come up, why now and will They
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actually asked me that that was a question in the
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diagnostic interview, was why now? And I would say, and
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I think this is probably the experience of a lot
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of women that what we know now is that ADHD
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symptoms are impacted by hormones. This means that often girls
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will not show symptoms until puberty and it's just written
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off as puberty, whereas you know, technically speaking, symptoms have
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to be present at the age of seven for a
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diagnosis to be made. A lot of women have less
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problems during pregnancy because of the increased estrogen, and women
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start to really struggle during perimenopause and menopause. When estrogen
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levels drop, all of these coping mechanisms and all of
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these systems that you've got in place, and all of
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the ways that you've managed life up until that point,
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suddenly it becomes unmanageable because of the impact of hormones. Thankfully,
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now there's also a whole lot more acceptance of HRT,
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and so women are able to go and get estrogen
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patches and whatever other hormones are going to help them out.
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But regardless, some of these symptoms of ADHD are still
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very present, and they're much more present and much more
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noticeable at this time in my life certainly, and I
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know that that's the experience of a lot of other
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women as well. I'm in a position where I have
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many clients who have ADHD, are going through a diagnosis,
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or have had a diagnosis for quite a long time.
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And what I began to notice since I started doing
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some more a lot more one on one coaching, is
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that I could spot it a mile away. I would
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have a client come to me, or somebody a prospective
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client come to me tell me what they were struggling with,
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and I could tell immediately, you need to go and
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get an ADHD diagnosis. I could see it a mile away,
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and those women took me up on that, and they
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did go and get an ADHD diagnosis, and then they
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didn't need to come and see me because they had
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it sorted. All of these issues that they were struggling with,
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and the overwhelm and the stress and the anxiety and
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the difficulty managing their priorities and getting things done and
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juggling work and life, and all of the stuff that
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they thought they needed coaching for they realized was ADHD,
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