Transcript
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This is Crappita Happy and I am your host, Cas Done.
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I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist. I'm mindfulness meditation teacher
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and of course author of the Crappita Happy books. In
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this show, I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent
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people who are experts in their field and who have
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something of value to share that will help you feel
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less crappy and more happy. Hello and welcome to the
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very last solo episode of Crappy to Happy for twenty
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twenty five. We made it, you made it. Hopefully you're
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feeling festive. Hopefully you've got some nice plans to relax,
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spend time with people that you like, doing the things
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that you like, and not doing any of the things
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that you don't like. At this time of the year,
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I always kind of feel compelled to share ideas to
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help you manage, and I've done episodes on setting boundaries,
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and I've done episodes on emotional eating and how you
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can manage that. I just feel like this time I
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do want to share with you to remember to focus
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on the gain, not the gap. This is a phrase
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that I heard recently, and I believe there's a whole
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book written on the topic, so I should probably go
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and read it before I start talking about it. But
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in principle, all it is is that we are so
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quick to judge ourselves and judge our how we're going
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in life and how we're going with anything, based on
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how far we still have to go. We are always pushing, striving,
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working towards the next goal, the next stage of life,
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the next milestone. And that's how human nature. I mean,
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you know, we are. We are driven to evolve, we
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are wired for growth. It's inherent, it's in our nature.
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But we really need to take a pause a casionally
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and stop and look back and look at how far
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we have come. Otherwise we are just constantly on this treadmill.
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We'll take five minute break over Christmas, over the holiday period,
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and then we'll be straight back into it. Go, go, go, pushing,
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pushing for the next whatever the next thing is in life.
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At work, life is busy, there's always something to do,
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and there is always something that we're working towards. We
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can get into this trap of always looking for the
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next achievement and barely taking the time to even celebrate
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the successes when we do achieve them. What that does
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is you know, it just keeps us feeling constantly dissatisfied,
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feeling like there is constantly something more and bigger and better.
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And that's fine. Keep pushing, keep striving, but remember to
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stop and look back and reflect on how far you
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have come and what you have achieved this year. I
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would really encourage you over this break to stop and
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look back and think about what was the three most
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important things or the three things that make you feel
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most proud and most satisfied that you achieved in this
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last twelve months. And you might really have to struggle
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to remember what happened this last twelve months. It might
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feel like a bit of a blur. I mean, who
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knows what I was doing in March. God, But you know,
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we have to force ourselves to do this occasionally and
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really really acknowledge and celebrate those those things that we've achieved.
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You know, there was a time in life where you
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wished for what you have now and what you have
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achieved now. There was a time in your life and
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your past life when your current life was the dream.
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And you know, for generally speaking, I understand you might
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have had a crappy year and all disclaimers aside, you know,
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what I'm saying to live where you live, have the
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people in your life, the house that you live in,
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the work that you're doing. You know, once you dreamed
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of that, and now here you are. You know, And
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then on a more micro level, you know, what were
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the goals you set for yourself and even if you
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didn't achieve them all one hundred percent, what did you learn?
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What did you gain from working towards them? It's the
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act of working towards them. But that's where the growth happens.
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That's where the magic is. It's in the satisfaction of
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the journey. To be a little bit of a cliche,
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not necessarily in achieving the goal. And if you did
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achieve the goal, then celebrate, acknowledge and you know, really
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own that success and take the time to savor it
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instead of immediately moving on to the next thing. And
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I would encourage you to do that a little bit more.
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You know, that might be something that you want to
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put into your routine in twenty twenty five, is to
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spend a little more time reflecting on what you have
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done and achieved, whether that's a weekly thing, daily, monthly,
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just maybe incorporating some sort of habit or routine where
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you routinely check in and acknowledge the gains instead of
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always focusing on the gap between where you are and
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where you want to be. I have said many, many, many,
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many many times, the source of all of our suffering
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is the gap between where we are and where we
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want to be, or how things are and how we
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want them to be, how we wish things were different.
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We cause ourselves a whole lot of angst, a whole
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lot of despair and distress when we fixate on what's
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not working, or where we think we should be, or
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where we would prefer to be, or what achievements we
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would like to gain and what successes we would like
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to have, or how we would like to fix or
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change or improve ourselves. If we could just stop for
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a minute and focus on the gain and instead of
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constantly focusing on the gap. Okay, so enough about that.
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The other thing I said in the hopefully I said
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it at the beginning of this episode. If the technology
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is all working, I would have said at the beginning
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of this episode that I am working on a brand
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new subscriber version of Crappy or Happy. For twenty twenty
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five I have been thinking about this and talking about
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this for at least a year and a half. You
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probably don't love getting lots of programmatic ads interrupting your podcast,
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and I don't love having them in there, but todate
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that's been the only way I've been able to fund
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this show. I would prefer to move towards a podcast
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where you can support me, and I will support you
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by offering more content, bonus content, Q and as whatever
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it is that you want, we can come up with
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this together. I do have some plans for bonus content
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and exclusive subscriber content for twenty twenty five, and that
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way you're getting more of what you love. I'm getting
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the support that I need to continue to produce and
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run this show, and we get to create a community together.
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And as far as advertising goes, I will be looking
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for sponsors, but what I'm looking for is really aligned
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partners that can sponsor a series of the show, you know,
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a like a full season of the show, instead of
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just dropping in ads here and there, different ads every week.
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So if you are a brand, or if you know
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of a brand that would be a good fit with
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the Crappy to Happy philosophy and ethos mental health, wellbeing,
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mindfulness psychology. Then I would love to hear from you
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and work out how we can work together. Now, the
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only other thing that is on my mind today that
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I would like to share before wrapping up for the
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end of the year is that I was recently diagnosed
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with ADHD. Now, this is a very very early situation,
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like I probably don't even haven't really processed it enough
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to be able to be talking about it in any
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great detail, But I did want to share it for
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a couple of reasons. One is that I just think
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it's helpful to share. I think it's helpful for other
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people to know. I know every time I see somebody
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share on social media that they've had an ADHD diagnosis. Yes,
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there is a part of me that goes, oh my god.
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Another one like, gosh, every other person seems like is
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getting a diagnosis of ADHD, like it really does. I
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have to admit, feels like everybody's just jumping on the
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bandwagon a bit. But it's also kind of heartening when
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you see people who are successful and doing things in
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life and who you maybe would never have suspected struggled
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with some of the symptoms of ADHD. At the same time,
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I've been kind of hesitant to talk about it. I
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saw somebody the other day posting that she had been
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diagnosed with ADHD, and she started she prefaced this thing
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by saying, this is really vulnerable. I feel really vulnerable
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sharing this. And my response was, this is before I
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was diagnosed. And my response was, in my own mind,
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why is that vulnerable? Like that's nothing to be feel
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ashamed about. Gosh, so many people are being diagnosed, like
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it's so widely accepted now that women have been underdiagnosed,
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we're just catching up when it comes to ADHD in women,
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and particularly perimenopausal and menopausal women. Women. I have the
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age of forty. This is not a flaw, Like, this
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is not something that you should feel like is embarrassing
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or there should be any stigma around it. Fast forward
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to you know, a few weeks later and me getting
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a diagnosis and I can relate. The truth is I
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feel like if I say which I'm saying, I have ADHD,
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then somehow people will see me as less competent, yeah,
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less capable, somehow that they will doubt my capability to
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do the things that I'm capable of doing and I
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have been doing effectively for my whole life. And that's
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the flip side that people will go, oh, come on,
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People will say, well, it hasn't really held you back
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in life like it's supposed to cause you problems. You
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only get a diagnosis if it causes you problems. And
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the only way that I can share the problems that
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it has created for me is to probably share things
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that I'm not comfortable with sharing. But if I don't
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share it, then people say, well, how is this a
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problem for you? Like, you've got two master's degrees'. I
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mean I have got two master's degrees, I've written three books,
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an audible original, I've achieved things. All I can say
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is that in hindsight, I probably could have achieved those
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things with a lot less stress and overwhelm and blind panic,
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had I been able to organize myself and do those
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things in a much more planned and logical and sequential
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manner without leaving everything to the last minute, with being
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able to create a plan, follow a plan, instead of
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everything being ad hoc all over the place, and this
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procrastination and then perfectionism that kicks in. So yeah, it
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feels like I'm either saying either people will think I'm
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not competent or they will think, well, you're competent, so
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you're having a lend, you know, and it doesn't feel
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like there's any in between. So there's that. Therefore, very
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happy that other women and high profile women in Australia
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and around the world have been coming out and saying
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that they also have ADHD, because it certainly makes it
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much easier when somebody has gone before. And therefore I
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hope that by doing that that men, by sharing that
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it makes it easier for you as well. So the
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question has also come up, why now and will They
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actually asked me that that was a question in the
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diagnostic interview, was why now? And I would say, and
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I think this is probably the experience of a lot
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of women that what we know now is that ADHD
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symptoms are impacted by hormones. This means that often girls
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will not show symptoms until puberty and it's just written
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off as puberty, whereas you know, technically speaking, symptoms have
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to be present at the age of seven for a
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diagnosis to be made. A lot of women have less
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problems during pregnancy because of the increased estrogen, and women
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start to really struggle during perimenopause and menopause. When estrogen
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levels drop, all of these coping mechanisms and all of
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these systems that you've got in place, and all of
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the ways that you've managed life up until that point,
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suddenly it becomes unmanageable because of the impact of hormones. Thankfully,
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now there's also a whole lot more acceptance of HRT,
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and so women are able to go and get estrogen
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patches and whatever other hormones are going to help them out.
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But regardless, some of these symptoms of ADHD are still
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very present, and they're much more present and much more
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noticeable at this time in my life certainly, and I
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know that that's the experience of a lot of other
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women as well. I'm in a position where I have
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many clients who have ADHD, are going through a diagnosis,
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or have had a diagnosis for quite a long time.
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And what I began to notice since I started doing
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some more a lot more one on one coaching, is
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that I could spot it a mile away. I would
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have a client come to me, or somebody a prospective
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client come to me tell me what they were struggling with,
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and I could tell immediately, you need to go and
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get an ADHD diagnosis. I could see it a mile away,
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and those women took me up on that, and they
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did go and get an ADHD diagnosis, and then they
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didn't need to come and see me because they had
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it sorted. All of these issues that they were struggling with,
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and the overwhelm and the stress and the anxiety and
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the difficulty managing their priorities and getting things done and
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juggling work and life, and all of the stuff that
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they thought they needed coaching for they realized was ADHD,
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and then they were able to get effective treatment for that,